Open relationships

[soren10]

Can they really work ? If yes for how long ? Or are they a recipe for disaster down the line

 

[trackjock13]

Can they really work ? If yes for how long ? Or are they a recipe for disaster down the line

I have a best friend who gets off on watching me get sucked off by other guys, sometimes I fuck cute boys 18 y/o, and he loves to watch that. Been buddies for years, so that totally works. I would call our partnership more than just a friendship, and would rate it as a relationship. totally honest w/ea other, sometimes if he is not with me, he is happy just hearing about it. COMPLETELY WORKS.

 

[KennF]

Can they really work ? If yes for how long ? Or are they a recipe for disaster down the line

They can work. There are some significant differences between types of open of relationships.

The most important aspects of a successful open relationship are honesty, trust, and communication. First, and foremost, both people in the relationship have to accept that sex and intimacy are not the same thing.

Both people have to set the limits on the relationship as to what is okay and what is not. For example, will it be okay if your partner is:
kissing or being kissed; engaging in oral sex; having penetrative vaginal sex; engaging in rimming; having anal intercourse; etc...
safe sex practices;
who chooses the sex partners, must they be mutually acceptable or not;
is the sex partner engaging in a three-way or separate from the couple;
where can sex happen, where can sex not happen;
when can a hookup be arranged, when can it not be arranged;
how much detail is given or not given;

And most of all, you both have to be honest with yourself and be willing to accept when the other person vetoes something. For the open relationship to work, each person must have the right to unilaterally veto any sex partner or rule, and the other has to acknowledge and abide by that. That veto could be just a momentary blip or some need that your gf/bf has realized they've developed.

Otherwise, instead of an open marriage, you have a cheating scenario where people feel betrayed.

 

[trackjock13]

They can work. There are some significant differences between types of open of relationships.

The most important aspects of a successful open relationship are honesty, trust, and communication. First, and foremost, both people in the relationship have to accept that sex and intimacy are not the same thing.

Both people have to set the limits on the relationship as to what is okay and what is not. For example, will it be okay if your partner is:
kissing or being kissed; engaging in oral sex; having penetrative vaginal sex; engaging in rimming; having anal intercourse; etc...
safe sex practices;
who chooses the sex partners, must they be mutually acceptable or not;
is the sex partner engaging in a three-way or separate from the couple;
where can sex happen, where can sex not happen;
when can a hookup be arranged, when can it not be arranged;
how much detail is given or not given;

And most of all, you both have to be honest with yourself and be willing to accept when the other person vetoes something. For the open relationship to work, each person must have the right to unilaterally veto any sex partner or rule, and the other has to acknowledge and abide by that. That veto could be just a momentary blip or some need that your gf/bf has realized they've developed.

Otherwise, instead of an open marriage, you have a cheating scenario where people feel betrayed.

FLAWLESSLY EXPRESSED...kudos!!!

 

[xXSlateXx]

It can work. It all comes down to open and honest communication about the situation. Hiding things, just like in a normal relationship, can destroy it easily. If you develop feelings for a particular partner, express it to your significant other and come up with a way to deal with it together. As long as you and your loved one are careful, respectful of the other's feelings, and open/honest about what's going on, it can definitely work.

So...exactly what KennF said.

 

[hypolimnas]

Of course they can work. If I love someone then I want them to feel free. The worst relationship I was in was supposed to be monogamous - his choice. Then I found he was fucking his old boyfriend and the one before that. What upset me was not the sex but the lying. In my other relationships it has never been a big deal. More on the level of your partner going out for dinner. Sometimes you feel like going too, sometimes you want to stay home. Sometimes you are interested in the restaurant, the menu or the meal but most of the time you are getting on with your own life. Mutual respect, and kindness are the key, it's not that hard. Maybe a secure sense of yourself, and a genuine and mutually generous relationship are a big part of it too.

 

[shard38]

It seems to be hard for people. I had two FWB's who were both in a relationship (one married, one living with his girlfriend). They both thought they were polyamorous and would proclaim so on every occassion. Skip a couple of months and the guy becomes really jealous and the girl decides we should stop hooking up, because it's so hard on the guy. So, here they are, both cheating on their partners, who couldn't know because they "wouldn't understand the dynamics of being polyamorous" and then there's me, officially single and being sidelined out of jealousy. Lesson learned by me: people often want to be free-spirited and broad minded but the green monster of jealousy often rears it's head.

 

[buzzrider7]

Yes, they can work if we choose to make them work. This comes only through first feeling completely secure in your relationship attachment and then through open communication to the extent that you both agree upon. It is also necessary to continue checking in about it and make sure that both sides are still comfortable as you move forward.

Can they really work ? If yes for how long ? Or are they a recipe for disaster down the line

 

[BBB2.5]

We just celebrated our 20 yr Anniversary...we now have a sexless marriage. I'm 52 and he is 58. My sex drive is high and my husbands is completely gone. He does have some health issues that get in the way. My love for him has not decreased at all, actually even stronger now than ever before. He and I have been through so much together. All I want is sex on the side, Not sure what to do at this point.

 

[trackjock13]

We just celebrated our 20 yr Anniversary...we now have a sexless marriage. I'm 52 and he is 58. My sex drive is high and my husbands is completely gone. He does have some health issues that get in the way. My love for him has not decreased at all, actually even stronger now than ever before. He and I have been through so much together. All I want is sex on the side, Not sure what to do at this point.

Talk to him. If you practice safe sex and you both are secure in your love for each other, I predict he will understand. If not, better to be honest than cheat and damage trust. Sex and love are not always the same thing. Just my knee jerk reaction...

 

[BBB2.5]

Talk to him. If you practice safe sex and you both are secure in your love for each other, I predict he will understand. If not, better to be honest than cheat and damage trust. Sex and love are not always the same thing. Just my knee jerk reaction...

Thackjock.... thanks for your advice. We have had parties and he was ok with me having fun without him. He is not a good communicator. I think he would say he was okay with it, just to make me happy. Not sure if that is how he really feels. I would never cheat on him. If I was that type of guy I would have done it years ago. I only want to venture out occasionally to satisfy my kinky side.
If just how to figure out how to approach him. In the past my best way to communicate with him if there was an issue was through and email. Sometimes he would reply back sometimes not... Awww it's hell getting older.

 

[Brodie888]

It's not so much whether open relationships work. Rather, some people are capable of open relationships others are not.

Some people can detach having sex with someone from their feelings associated to relationships, others cannot.

I get annoyed when people try to make an inability to have an open relationship to being a character flaw. It is not.

How long do they last? In my opinion they last as long as any other relationship. This is because all relationships are built on communication, trust and compatibility. If you don't have all three then your relationship will suffer.

 

[trackjock13]

It's not so much whether open relationships work. Rather, some people are capable of open relationships others are not.

Some people can detach having sex with someone from their feelings associated to relationships, others cannot.

I get annoyed when people try to make an inability to have an open relationship to being a character flaw. It is not.

How long do they last? In my opinion they last as long as any other relationship. This is because all relationships are built on communication, trust and compatibility. If you don't have all three then your relationship will suffer.

EXCELLENT

 

[freeballininnyc]

I don't buy any of it. And I don't see the point. To each his own I suppose but I always call bullshit.

 

[KennF]

I don't buy any of it. And I don't see the point. To each his own I suppose but I always call bullshit.

What are you calling bullshit on?

For you, it probably is best if you don't try an open relationship.

 

[Infernal]

Thackjock.... thanks for your advice. We have had parties and he was ok with me having fun without him. He is not a good communicator. I think he would say he was okay with it, just to make me happy. Not sure if that is how he really feels. I would never cheat on him. If I was that type of guy I would have done it years ago. I only want to venture out occasionally to satisfy my kinky side.
If just how to figure out how to approach him. In the past my best way to communicate with him if there was an issue was through and email. Sometimes he would reply back sometimes not... Awww it's hell getting older.

You have to talk about it face to face. Email doesn't give you the opportunity to catch non-verbal cues. An open relationship requires 100% open and honest communication. It also requires you to be 100% honest with yourself. Email just doesn't cut it. My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years, married for almost 4. We have an open relationship. I no longer tip toe around what I think he might feel. I did that and it led to misunderstandings, a lack of communication, and a lot of arguments. We set expectations between us and if there is any doubt, we talk about it. It has avoided a lot of things that could have become bigger problems.

 

[MisterB]

My first two relationships were Open. There was only one problem; I was the last person to know! So, I opened the door and left them to continue their open relationships while I pursued finding my Mr. Monogamy. That's what works for me.

However, I agree with Infernal above; open relationships can work IF both parties involved know they are in an open relationship. Communication in ANY relationship is key!

 

[XXXWolverineXXX]

Me and my girl been in open relationship for over 10 years. We just use the other women as a sex toy and let them know right if the bat that’s all they are to us. We like to play with beautiful women but we love each other.

 

[BBB2.5]

You have to talk about it face to face. Email doesn't give you the opportunity to catch non-verbal cues. An open relationship requires 100% open and honest communication. It also requires you to be 100% honest with yourself. Email just doesn't cut it. My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years, married for almost 4. We have an open relationship. I no longer tip toe around what I think he might feel. I did that and it led to misunderstandings, a lack of communication, and a lot of arguments. We set expectations between us and if there is any doubt, we talk about it. It has avoided a lot of things that could have become bigger problems.

Thank You for the advice. We have talked and things are moving slowly in the right direction. I realize now that I do not want an Open Relationship. We have been through a lot of stuff during our 20 years together. Most relationship would not survive from all that we have endured. All I want is him....

 

[soren10]

Me and my girl been in open relationship for over 10 years. We just use the other women as a sex toy and let them know right if the bat that’s all they are to us. We like to play with beautiful women but we love each other.

Doesn't this dehumanize them in a way.? To be treated like toys.