"Open" Relationships

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by dcwrestlefan, Jul 16, 2007.

  1. dcwrestlefan

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    Just wondering what others thought about them. No right or wrong answer here. Especially curious to hear from straight peeps; think they are far less frequent than with gays. Though I have seen some gays debate this in a nasty way in the past.
     
  2. LouisVauban

    LouisVauban New Member

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    Then, why ask?
     
  3. D_Aston Asstonne

    D_Aston Asstonne Account Disabled

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    i gotta say,i had a very bad experience with a lady that had an OPEN MARRIAGE! it appeared her huby was fine with the idea as long as HE was the only one getting action.i later discovered his other problem was his 4incher.hmmm.that would explain her extreme tightness!:wink:
     
  4. dcwrestlefan

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    your reply makes no sense. it was just a question.
     
  5. Chuck64

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    I have a personal horror story of my "partner's" fuck buddy becoming a full-blown romantic relationship. Looking back, I was a doormat and should have expected it, but whatever...
     
  6. dolfette

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    i wouldn't want to sleep with someone else but i'm not the posessive type.
    i might agree to a partner doing something...though i'd prefer it if i could watch *perv*
     
  7. Instinctual Lover

    Instinctual Lover New Member

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    My husband and I have an open marriage. We are celebrating our 10th anniversary in November.
    He knows he cannot completely satisfy me and does not want my sexuality repressed. He is happy in the knowledge that I am sexually satisfied. We have enjoyed partners together and seperately.
    The only way it works, in my opinion, is if you have open, honest communication, which is basically a cornerstone of marriage anyway.
     
  8. rob_just_rob

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    I have not been able to make them work. Thus, I'm a little dubious about the long term viability of the arrangement for most people.
     
  9. SpoiledPrincess

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    I also see problems with the long term success of an open relationship, for some people it works (the minority) for most couples one of them has been pressured into it, they were basically given the choice of going along with it willingly or their partner was hellbent on doing it so would anyway. Of the couples I've known who embarked on a open relationship none of them were still together three years later.
     
  10. allmale

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    I wholeheartly agree with this, its the long term that I've seen problems.
    Having recently come out of a long term open relationship, 7 years, I can tell you that its not for everyone. Maturity counts for everything, an open relationship will not work for anyone who is insecure on any level. Also, I don't think its for a new couple....I know that I would never venture into this without being exclusive for a least 3 or 4 years, and I would bring the subject up 6 months or so into a new relationship that I would like or not like to venture into this area. Every relationship is different. Everyones body is different. And every couples sex life is different, with some needs being met and some needs not being met.
    Lastly, I would like to mention that the whole safe/unsafe sex has to be addressed. There has to be an agreement what is tolerated and what is not....ie. can you see someone else privately or only as a couple....are condoms a must with some or all....its dealing with what you are comfortable with.
    Really though its not for everyone.
     
  11. sdg475

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    I don't like them, I don't see the reason for them, and I don't think they work.
     
  12. whatireallywant

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    I've been in an open relationship, more or less, for the past 14 years. He and I no longer have sex though (major ED problems that Viagra, etc. don't seem to work for). We have other problems that are not related to sex or my having other partners (I don't really know if he had any others or not. I think he did have one or two.) Mostly financial ones, as he hasn't had a job in years, and I go back and forth on having a job and not having one.

    I could see myself being in another open relationship, too. It would depend on the situation and how we both felt about it.
     
  13. Principessa

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    AMEN, I agree 110%!
     
  14. dcwrestlefan

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    A little background on why I asked.

    A gay couple I have been friends with recently revealed they have an open relationship. They have been together for almost 20 years and their bond
    seems quite strong. Was a bit shocked when they told me.

    Also, years ago, a guy I was becoming close to indicated he thought they were cool. He was fun, masculine, hot and interesting. My reaction at the time likely killed our relationship. He asked me to go with him to the "Crew Club" to have multi person sex. (you DC gay folks know about this place)

    Am more open to the idea now I guess. Do whatever works best for you. I don't judge. Still not sure I would want to "go there", but wanted to see what others thought.

    I only know one straight couple that does this. Er, the husband is probably what you would call "bi curious", but the wife is cool with it.
     
  15. Bryan_Lyte2

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    Ditto
    :cool:
     
  16. Principessa

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    While many straight couples swing, what you describe is definetely more common in gay relationships. I think the difference is that a gay couple can often have an open relationship as you describe without petty jealousies coming into play.

    With a hetero couple it is more apt to ruin the core relationship. Maybe gay couples have a more authentic/true love to start and are impervious to the little things that break up straight couples... :confused: I honestly have no idea.

     
  17. IntoxicatingToxin

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    I don't believe in open relationships either. For one, if I were in love with a person, I would have no desire to be sexual with someone else... and I would have no desire for my love to be with anyone else either. Just can't do it! My ex is now in an open relationship... I wonder how long it'll last (or if it's already over!) He was SO insecure when he and I were dating... I couldn't hardly TALK to another guy without getting the 3rd degree... so we'll see!
     
  18. Standard Deviant

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    My wife and I tried having an open relationship for the first few years and it worked fine when we stuck to the basic rule of sharing the experiences with each other, either directly or voyueristically (verbally or in person), and made sure we approved of the satellite partners in advance. When she failed to do this, it ruined it for me and we had to stop.
     
  19. Instinctual Lover

    Instinctual Lover New Member

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    My husband and I started off by not having monogamy in our vows. I am bisexual and knew that I would not be able to go the rest of my life without being with another woman.
    We then entered the bdsm scene and played with a few men.
    Now he has ED, and is basically sexually non existent.
    So he encourages me to explore and satisfy my urges that he can't satisfy.
    As for safety : Someone mentioned condoms and that is a must, has never been and never will be any exceptions to that rule.
    It is possible to have an open relationship, a loving, honest, open relationship. There are no secrets, he knows everything. After all, he is my partner and I want to be with him for the rest of my life.
     
  20. djpeh

    djpeh New Member

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    My partner and I have an open relationship, mainly because he's on anti-depressants that have killed his (formerly quite suffucient!) libido, and we both agree that, until he can find an anti-depressant that doesn't have this side effect for him, it's better for him to be on the anti-depressant than not. And everyone who talks about the necessity of being absolutely honest about a situation like this is absolutely right: not that I go into graphic detail, but it's important to me that he not be freaked out, and the only way to do that is to be upfront when I'm with someone else, and discuss the ramifications of that (if any--what's been interesting to me is that he tends to be more jealous of the friends I have strong emotional bonds to than the guys I fuck around with . . .).

    What I have found, however, is that I'm not NEARLY as interested in screwing around as I thought I'd be. My partner and I are really in sync sexwise, and it's difficult to find someone else with whom I have that same mental excitement.

    *sigh*
     
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