Me and my bf of 5 years have an open relationship. I didn’t actually want it at first but it seems most gay guys are open now of days. I think we do it well. We’ve always been of the understand that we love each other so what’s a bit of cock really. I hate seeing a relationship breakdown because somebody fancied some cock. Love is love cock is cock. Like who cares. If anything it really turns me on when he gets off with another guy which he has like 60 times+. We are gay. We like cock. Great haha. If anything I’m like you’ve not met someone else in ages. Go get some.
Open Relationships
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My husband and I have an open relationship. We've been married 5 years, together for 11. It takes work to make it work. It requires a lot of open and honest conversations, not only with each other, but with ourselves. When we weren't honest with each other, it lead to some nasty arguments until we were both on the same page. We let each other know that it happened, but don't share details of what we did. I know that no matter who he's having sex with, he always sleeps by my side. He knows the same thing.
Hey AG,
I personally admire the deliberate approach you two are embarking on. I have been in a range of open relationships with various degrees of success. The first one was when I started fooling around with men while I was with my girlfriend, and later, wife. After I came out to her, she wanted to have an 'understanding' so that we could stay together but I didn't feel that was fair to either of us and we ended up divorcing. All of the rest either evolved into an open relationship or started out as one and I have to say that having an open relationship allowed each of us to grow and enjoy life as individuals and brought some good dynamics to our relationship to each other. While two of my long term relationships failed, it was not a direct result of the relationships being open but rather because other issues.
I personally believe men are far less predisposed to monogamous relationships than women, and an open relationship in male couples makes a lot of sense for many. However, as many have already noted in this thread, jealousy and loss of trust are real potential threats to the primary relationship in open relationships.
Most of the suggestions I share have already been mentioned. Each of you need to come into the discussion with genuine openness of what you want to achieve in an open relationship, and you will need to negotiate what boundaries you want to initially erect that you can likely adhere to. These might include where liaisons might occur and in what situations. For example, you night want to restrict activities to when one or both of you are traveling solo, and mandate that no sleepovers occur, or that no sex take place in your home or bed. Some couples restrict sex to one-off experiences with no repeats and others set up se only within a specific group of acquaintances. Communication boundaries are important. How much you want to share with each other about your sexual exploits away from each other. Many guys say that that encounters with others can add spice to your primary sex life, while others might not want to hear any details. If you are HIV- I strongly encourage each of you to begin a PrEP HIV preventive, which will also mandate that you each get tested for STDs at least every three months. It's important to note that these are initial boundaries, and that you will want to discuss what issues, positive and negative, come out of your first times as an open couple within the first weeks or possibly months. These discussions have to be frank, honest and genuinely reflect how the initial boundaries worked AND how having sex outside of your primary relationship have impacted each of you.
From that point on, boundaries can be reviewed and possibly adjusted or re-negotiated based on how each of you end up reacting to the change. For example, in my case what started out as a negotiated restriction to open the relationship only by bringing in a third or fourth guy to sex sessions really didn't work out as I expected (it seemed that guys were often strongly attracted to just one of us and either me or my partner felt left out. That evolved into the addition of solo experiences and an adaptation of our threesomes to insure that each of us deliberately insure that both of us are getting enough attention from each if the third tries to monopolize one of us.
I hope this helps! Marc
Sometimes, the ongoing discussion and check in leads to your boyfriend kicking you out. This just happened to me. Fortunately, I did not live with him.
As a polyamorous person I mostly want to just try and air on the side of open and true communication
First thing I would do is suggest figuring our where you currently land on this chart:
http://www.obsidianfields.com/lj/nonmonogamy3-large.png
Then after that remember that people you make connections with are people and love and evolve and boundaries and agreements are always changing.
I would suggest reading books like MoreThanTwo.com and listening to a podcast called Multiamory: Multiamory
Also getting to know other ethical non-monogamous people both online and offline will help a lot!
Build a support system
First thing I would do is suggest figuring our where you currently land on this chart:
http://www.obsidianfields.com/lj/nonmonogamy3-large.png
Then after that remember that people you make connections with are people and love and evolve and boundaries and agreements are always changing.
I would suggest reading books like MoreThanTwo.com and listening to a podcast called Multiamory: Multiamory
Also getting to know other ethical non-monogamous people both online and offline will help a lot!
Build a support system
Thanks for all the resources and your advice!As a polyamorous person I mostly want to just try and air on the side of open and true communication
First thing I would do is suggest figuring our where you currently land on this chart:
http://www.obsidianfields.com/lj/nonmonogamy3-large.png
Then after that remember that people you make connections with are people and love and evolve and boundaries and agreements are always changing.
I would suggest reading books like MoreThanTwo.com and listening to a podcast called Multiamory: Multiamory
Also getting to know other ethical non-monogamous people both online and offline will help a lot!
Build a support system
I think the best description of a healthy open relationship I've ever heard was "honey, I love you... but I really want to try fucking HIM!" I've done monogamy, and I could do it again with the right person. From the first few months, I knew that the man I've been with for the past five-and-a-half years was going to be different, though. We have different sex drives especially at different times, we like different people, but we love each other very much and have an emotional connection that runs far deeper than the physical. We have a good sex life with each other and we started off inviting a few select people into the bedroom with us, which was usually quite fun. Then he was going through a particularly stressful patch which made his libido essentially zero and he told me that he didn't want me to have to go without. I was initially dubious, but we have hard-and-fast rules and other guidelines that work for us. If either of us feel like something isn't working, we bring it up to the other straight away and are HONEST about it. We also have talked about closing things (at least temporarily) at some point if either of us feels particularly vulnerable. So that's how it works for us, but every relationship is different.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 10 years, he’s very disinterested in sex and it’s been slowly decreasing since we first got together. We almost split up over the lack of sex but we luckily had a massive argument and said things that we had never said before because we thought the other would react badly but we didn’t and it turned out to be the best thing we have done for our relationship.
my boyfriend has the option to meet guys solo but chooses not to and I have the same which I take advantage of due to his low sex drive. We are also into cuckhold so he loves to watch me with other guys and that’s what turns him on.
my boyfriend has the option to meet guys solo but chooses not to and I have the same which I take advantage of due to his low sex drive. We are also into cuckhold so he loves to watch me with other guys and that’s what turns him on.
My wife and I are really into each other and the sex is fantastic. However Wendi enjoy swingers clubs once in a while and this weekend I came out to her. She not only was very supporting, but also encouraged me to go at it. She does not want to participate at this time. So now we are in a truly open relationship that only gets better!
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Absolute perfect advice. Whether it hurts or not, get it out in the open and communicate.
I would say be very careful with open relationships. My hubby and I have been married for 25 years. 5 years ago we started swinging. Now my hubby is extremely small endowed and when we met I was a virgin, so for 20 years he was all I new. I never had an orgasm with him and always thought that it must be me. Turns out, hubby is just not good in the bedroom.
Once we started swinging I discovered that I really loved large cocks. From the way they look to the way they make me feel. The first large cock I had, I must have had at least 20 orgasms that night. Sex had completely changed for me and I started to really love it. I would go so far as to say that I have become somewhat of a size queen.
I always have a boyfriend on the side now and sex with hubby is rare. Most of the time I just give him a handjob. Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my hubby, but if I am being really honest, I am not sure I would have married him 25 years ago if I had known then what I know now. I just love sex too much now.
So be careful with open relationships, because you never know what you might discover that might put your relationship at risk.
Once we started swinging I discovered that I really loved large cocks. From the way they look to the way they make me feel. The first large cock I had, I must have had at least 20 orgasms that night. Sex had completely changed for me and I started to really love it. I would go so far as to say that I have become somewhat of a size queen.
I always have a boyfriend on the side now and sex with hubby is rare. Most of the time I just give him a handjob. Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my hubby, but if I am being really honest, I am not sure I would have married him 25 years ago if I had known then what I know now. I just love sex too much now.
So be careful with open relationships, because you never know what you might discover that might put your relationship at risk.
My opinion is that having an open relationship may actually be saving your marriage. If you really and truly love your husband but he's just not that good in the bedroom, he's clearly fulfilling a lot of your needs, just maybe not the sexual ones. It's a very heteronormative and romanticized concept that you find THE ONE who satisfies everything in your life. I suppose that exists out there, but think of it this way: People who are single or married have friends of different types, and they have them because they get something out of those relationships that they need in their life. I'm a professional musician and my partner is in IT. We have a lot of similar interests but sometimes I NEED to get together with a music friend and geek out over opera! This is socially acceptable to pretty much everybody because it's done in "polite" society and your clothes stay on. But I also have a friend-with-benefits who's a composer and when we geek out about music, we're usually naked and doing other things at the same time, which is actually a very deep and satisfying thing, and my partner is 100% on board with it. Sometimes it's not just raising a child that takes a village, though I don't think that either of us is THAT promiscuous!
My opinion is that having an open relationship may actually be saving your marriage. If you really and truly love your husband but he's just not that good in the bedroom, he's clearly fulfilling a lot of your needs, just maybe not the sexual ones. It's a very heteronormative and romanticized concept that you find THE ONE who satisfies everything in your life. I suppose that exists out there, but think of it this way: People who are single or married have friends of different types, and they have them because they get something out of those relationships that they need in their life. I'm a professional musician and my partner is in IT. We have a lot of similar interests but sometimes I NEED to get together with a music friend and geek out over opera! This is socially acceptable to pretty much everybody because it's done in "polite" society and your clothes stay on. But I also have a friend-with-benefits who's a composer and when we geek out about music, we're usually naked and doing other things at the same time, which is actually a very deep and satisfying thing, and my partner is 100% on board with it. Sometimes it's not just raising a child that takes a village, though I don't think that either of us is THAT promiscuous!
I think your point makes sense in a world of open relationships. However, the vast majority of couples live in a monogamous relationship. It is here where you need to make a choice most of the time, what aspects of your partner are essential and which ones are deal breakers. I believe it is a matter of priorities, in that how important is a good income, or being good friends or having good sex. Of course you almost always have to make compromises somewhere in a monogamous relationship.
Good for you, this sounds like the perfect relationship sexually. This is what I'm talking about, threesome with other men for the pleasure of my husband.
I admire your fulfillment.
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