Openly bi and in long term relationship?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by mattinnorwich, Sep 6, 2009.

  1. mattinnorwich

    mattinnorwich New Member

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    How many of you are in long term relationships or married and openly bi to your other half?

    I've been with my gf for a while now but she doesn't know about me being bi. I don't want advice on how I should come out to her or try to include my bi side in our relationship, I'm just curious as to how many other people on this site are openly bi to their partners.

    I know that if my gf knew, it would be very difficult for her to handle but I'm sure others must have experiences both good and bad in this matter and I'd be interested to know how it's worked or not worked for you.

    Cheers,

    Matt
     
  2. D_Jerry_Atric

    D_Jerry_Atric Account Disabled

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    I've been out to all of my partners and people who I've dated or been in relationships with and it works out fine.
     
  3. Mr Moose

    Mr Moose Member

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    ive been with my girlfriend for about 18 months. she was the first person i came out to about being bi and it was the best decision i ever made. she is the most accepting, awesome woman ive ever met and im truly lucky to have her. after i told her about my first gay experience last friday she supported me and told me to talk about it if i wanted to (just not too much detail). it was so good to have someone i love more than family to be able to talk to about these things.

    i highly reccomend being open about your sexuality in any relationship.
     
  4. buddysattva

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    i'm openly bi in my relationship of 3 years. she's rather bi herself, although less experienced. its fine, just takes the right person, perspective, and understanding.
     
  5. D_gunhalex9

    D_gunhalex9 New Member

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    I am bi and not have told any ladies of mine with whom I have had relationship. Not to say that I havent had sex with a couple who was straight until I had anal sex with the man and she loved watching him take my 10"uc and the rest is hostory..
     
  6. jermained

    jermained New Member

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    U are soooooo lucky to have her :wink:
     
  7. badger2395

    badger2395 Member

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    Openly bi when I met my partner; she was cool with it. That was 27 years ago. We've been happily poly and bi pretty much that entire time.
     
  8. mattinnorwich

    mattinnorwich New Member

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    I think you hit the nail on the head there - right person, perspective and understanding. I know I'm not the first person to keep this little secret from their partner but it's good to hear some positive stories from others out there.
     
  9. dolfette

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    it never crossed my mind not to be open about it.

    and it makes for some fun nights out, when you can both ogle the girls together and laugh, instead of both of us pretending we never ogle.
     
  10. 1NiceRod

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    Before we got married I told my wife that I was bi. I also told her I had always been monogomous in all my serious relationships. She had some questions about my past, but was very accepting of it. And I am still monogomous in my serious relationship.
     
  11. biguy2738

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    I realised that I am bisexual just under two and a half years ago. I'd been in a relationship with my wife for seven years...of which, we were married for four. It came as a huge shock and this discovery was rather overwhelming and confusing for me. I came out to my wife about two months later; after I'd come terms with things and was confident enough to answer any of the questions that she may have. I simply couldn't see myself keeping this truth to myself for the rest of my life and to run the risk of wondering if she loved me for me or for who she thought that I was. Her reaction was one of acceptance, understanding and support.

    We spent the next four to five months in deep conversation on almost a nightly basis. She had many questions to ask, some were scary and others were embarrassing but she was entitled to ask them and it was her right to expect nothing less but complete openness and honesty from me. At the onset of our discussions she told me that she felt very insecure and that she couldn't foresee herself sharing me with a man. I assured her that my decision to come out to her came from a place of wanting for us to continue to have the open and honest relationship that we always had. I respected her feelings and wishes because I couldn't ignore the fact that she had ended up with someone other than the man that she'd though she had married.

    A couple of months down the line, I realised that I was living in fear and that there was the possibility of my needing to relate with men in ways that she wouldn't be able to accept. Hard as it was for me to do, I sat her down and explained all of this to her and concluded by offering her divorce; I would sooner see our marriage end because we loved each other so much that we wanted to give each other the freedom to live the lives and experience the kind of love that we deserved than for it to end from a place of betrayal, pain and/or destruction. She declined my offer and we eventually reached a place where I had her blessing to enter into a loving and committed relationship with a man if he ever came my way. Her only request was that I don't ever try to drag her into having threesomes which is something that doesn't sit well with me, so her request has been a huge relief.

    Today, I am in a relationship with a wonderful guy for almost 9 months. My wife loves him to bits and refers to him as my Hubby. She's told me that she is thankful that I experience bisexuality in the way that I do because she wouldn't have been able to handle me having random and nameless hookups with men...she places much value on sexual intimacy, as do I. He is very respectful of our marriage and constantly emails or text messages her to thank her for embracing him deeply into our lives, for allowing him to love me and he then reminds her of the respect that he has when he approaches her and our marriage...and that he will never do anything to destroy it in any way. In return, it constantly feels as if she's throwing me at him and she treats my relationship with him with the greatest of respect.

    The things that have worked for us have been:

    Compromise:- She is a workaholic; she absolutely adores her work...to the degree of it causing a lot of problems in our marriage (before I realised that I am bi); since I am allowed to have a man in my life, she's allowed for her work to be her other man.

    Empathy:- We've been willing and able to put ourselves in each others' shoes. Through doing so, she's been able to identify that I'd have a void inside of me if I wasn't able to relate deeply with a man on all levels. In my instance, I cannot ignore how my relationship with "Hubby" impacts her, so up till today, I continue to ask her if my relationship with him causes her hurt, if I make her feel undervalued or unappreciated in any way or if there's anything that's troubling her that she'd like to share with me.

    Communication:- There's the need to be on the same page and to constantly be aware that the feelings and needs of wifey and hubby are just as real as my own and deserve to be given a voice.

    When it comes to my managing my life and maintaining two relationships at the same time, the three things that I seek out at all times are: Balance, Boundaries and Consistency. There needs to be balance because without it I'll be juggling relationships...and I'm dealing with living and feeling people, not balls. There needs to be boundaries in place because they not only offer a sense of security but because they help avoid potential problems. I think that the consistency comes as a result of maintaining balance and boundaries in my relationships with two of the most beautiful and incredible people on the face of this earth.
     
  12. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    Biguy, that is admirable of your wife and you! Keep that going!
     
  13. biguy2738

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    Thanks, Pieterjoke, you're very kind. :smile:
     
  14. MagicJohnsonFan

    MagicJohnsonFan New Member

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    Exactly!

    I've usually told people I dated fairly early on - soon enough that if they decided they didn't like it there weren't any real attachments and we hadn't wasted much time. I believe I told my fiance on our 3rd date. Apparently it didn't bother him!
     
  15. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

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    Hello my love biguy2738!
    I am happy to hear that everything is still going well with your partners.
    I've said it before so I'll say it again;
    You and T are truly some of my most favorite people! I miss you like crazy too!
    I also have a husband who is bisexual as am I. I'm happy to make arrangements for him when he wants to be with someone. We had a great time recently with a very nice and talented member from here F.L.M. ! :naughty:
    I have to say letting my husband explore his bisexuality is something I'm happy to do for him as is biguy's wife. I don't feel left out and I have no desire as of yet to be with any other person but if letting him have fun with other men makes him happy?
    Well I'm thrilled to do this for him! Mr. Ed is happy that he has someone who doesn't judge or think he is some kind of freakish pervert and I'm blessed to have a man who also let's me know what he is doing . I love that we can talk about his experiences without either of us being jealous or trying to compete.
    Dame Celia Molestrangler:saevil:
     
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