madame_zora
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Something along the lines of, "You got a sister?" :dunce:
[post=339611]Quoted post[/post]
[/b][/quote]Thanks Hickboy, I knew I could count on you!
Openmindedness And Interpersonal Drama
- Thread starter D_Martin van Burden
- Start date
Something along the lines of, "You got a sister?" :dunce:
Thanks Hickboy, I knew I could count on you!
Dayum! Okay, so from the time I left work day before yesterday til the time I left work yesterday, went up a total of 55 cents. Hurricane or not, dammit, I think it'd be cheaper to just grab a shovel, jet across the Atlantic and start diggin' mah damn self.
By the way, gimme back that tomato, Hick. Trying to clear up my allergy grief. Stewed some tomatoes and spiced 'em up with black and red pepper and added some rice to it. Good stuff. Strangely comfortable.
By the way, gimme back that tomato, Hick. Trying to clear up my allergy grief. Stewed some tomatoes and spiced 'em up with black and red pepper and added some rice to it. Good stuff. Strangely comfortable.
Oh, wow! Here's some dirt for you guys.
I was talking with a 32-year-old man on Yahoo named floppywood2002. I don't recall his old screen name here, but (assuming) he was once a member here and I'm under the impression that he got disillusioned with this place and took off. It happens.
He wasn't on my buddy list. I vaguely remember talking with him, but we never kept in touch. At best, we might have chatted a couple of times and cammed once or twice. That's my best guess.
He IMs me tonight. First question, "Are you gay yet?" Sure, bro. Just gimme another 25 minutes in the oven and...
"No," I replied, "are you straight yet?" He LOLed. Basically, we had a pretty pointless conversation. He assumes that because I continue to participate on the LPSG that I must be "obsessed" with large penises, and that obsession must therefore mean I'm gay.
First of all, I defined "obsession." If I were to be obsessed with anything, let alone size, then my participation in the habit (e.g. webcamming, looking at pictures online, reading erotic material) must be substantial enough to cause interpersonal distress or trouble in other areas of life such as work. I might be obsessed if I were to spend long periods of time surfing for penis-oriented online material, surf inappropriate sites at the office, or if I were in a relationship, continued to look at male pornography despite my girlfriend's wishes.
Nope, not obsessed.
In fact, I cam much less than I used to, and I hardly go into our gallery. Sure, sometimes I'll get a little curious when I get into a size conversation with a member here, but it's not to an extent that causes me or anyone else much distress. Same reason why guys kinda peek at each other in the locker room...
So, to sum up his ramblings.
And I can't be a therapist until I work out my sexuality, supposedly. I need to get over this "denial" first, even after I told him -- yo, been there, done that, dating a guy wasn't for me, I like what I like, quit being such a damn bigot.
It was my automatic assumption that the good lot of gay folks would be happy knowing that people accepted them as is, and weren't caught up in a need to label and rationalize every iota of their sexual lives and make presumptions based on that. And I know gay dudes don't usually act like this -- I was getting IMed by a nut ball from Toronto, Ontario.
I was just floored. I eventually ignored him. (YIM has a really cool feature of their latest update. You can report ignored conversations as SPAM.) I wasn't in a mood to defend my behavior or my past practices, and I certainly didn't expect it to come out of the blue. I don't have any regrets, like ya'll know. Just makes me rethink that people are out there who purposely want to label you or misunderstand you or, better yet, say hateful things just so they can make themselves feel better.
And that's sad -- not gonna get your soul back with a life of vice, right?
I was talking with a 32-year-old man on Yahoo named floppywood2002. I don't recall his old screen name here, but (assuming) he was once a member here and I'm under the impression that he got disillusioned with this place and took off. It happens.
He wasn't on my buddy list. I vaguely remember talking with him, but we never kept in touch. At best, we might have chatted a couple of times and cammed once or twice. That's my best guess.
He IMs me tonight. First question, "Are you gay yet?" Sure, bro. Just gimme another 25 minutes in the oven and...
"No," I replied, "are you straight yet?" He LOLed. Basically, we had a pretty pointless conversation. He assumes that because I continue to participate on the LPSG that I must be "obsessed" with large penises, and that obsession must therefore mean I'm gay.
First of all, I defined "obsession." If I were to be obsessed with anything, let alone size, then my participation in the habit (e.g. webcamming, looking at pictures online, reading erotic material) must be substantial enough to cause interpersonal distress or trouble in other areas of life such as work. I might be obsessed if I were to spend long periods of time surfing for penis-oriented online material, surf inappropriate sites at the office, or if I were in a relationship, continued to look at male pornography despite my girlfriend's wishes.
Nope, not obsessed.
In fact, I cam much less than I used to, and I hardly go into our gallery. Sure, sometimes I'll get a little curious when I get into a size conversation with a member here, but it's not to an extent that causes me or anyone else much distress. Same reason why guys kinda peek at each other in the locker room...
So, to sum up his ramblings.
- I'm in denial. (No, I'm not!
(Yes, you are.) (Nuh-uh! - Because I'm still at LPSG, I must be obsessed with large penises.
- Any male showing any sign of attraction or admiration to the male form is undeniably gay.
- Any attempts to think through, rationalize, or assess one's sexuality is an act of denial. Gay. Plain and simple.
And I can't be a therapist until I work out my sexuality, supposedly. I need to get over this "denial" first, even after I told him -- yo, been there, done that, dating a guy wasn't for me, I like what I like, quit being such a damn bigot.
It was my automatic assumption that the good lot of gay folks would be happy knowing that people accepted them as is, and weren't caught up in a need to label and rationalize every iota of their sexual lives and make presumptions based on that. And I know gay dudes don't usually act like this -- I was getting IMed by a nut ball from Toronto, Ontario.
I was just floored. I eventually ignored him. (YIM has a really cool feature of their latest update. You can report ignored conversations as SPAM.) I wasn't in a mood to defend my behavior or my past practices, and I certainly didn't expect it to come out of the blue. I don't have any regrets, like ya'll know. Just makes me rethink that people are out there who purposely want to label you or misunderstand you or, better yet, say hateful things just so they can make themselves feel better.
And that's sad -- not gonna get your soul back with a life of vice, right?
B_Hickboy
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Originally posted by DeeBlackthorne@Sep 2 2005, 03:35 AM
Oh, wow! Here's some dirt for you guys.
I was talking with a 32-year-old man on Yahoo named floppywood2002. I don't recall his old screen name here, but (assuming) he was once a member here and I'm under the impression that he got disillusioned with this place and took off. It happens.
He wasn't on my buddy list. I vaguely remember talking with him, but we never kept in touch. At best, we might have chatted a couple of times and cammed once or twice. That's my best guess.
He IMs me tonight. First question, "Are you gay yet?" Sure, bro. Just gimme another 25 minutes in the oven and...
"No," I replied, "are you straight yet?" He LOLed. Basically, we had a pretty pointless conversation. He assumes that because I continue to participate on the LPSG that I must be "obsessed" with large penises, and that obsession must therefore mean I'm gay.
First of all, I defined "obsession." If I were to be obsessed with anything, let alone size, then my participation in the habit (e.g. webcamming, looking at pictures online, reading erotic material) must be substantial enough to cause interpersonal distress or trouble in other areas of life such as work. I might be obsessed if I were to spend long periods of time surfing for penis-oriented online material, surf inappropriate sites at the office, or if I were in a relationship, continued to look at male pornography despite my girlfriend's wishes.
Nope, not obsessed.
In fact, I cam much less than I used to, and I hardly go into our gallery. Sure, sometimes I'll get a little curious when I get into a size conversation with a member here, but it's not to an extent that causes me or anyone else much distress. Same reason why guys kinda peek at each other in the locker room...
So, to sum up his ramblings.But hey, at least he's consistent. Ladies, if you think any one of your own gender is cute, then you might be setting yourself up for a life of flannel shirts and cold Minnesota nights. (a.k.a. lesbianz.)
- I'm in denial. (No, I'm not!
- Because I'm still at LPSG, I must be obsessed with large penises.
- Any male showing any sign of attraction or admiration to the male form is undeniably gay.
- Any attempts to think through, rationalize, or assess one's sexuality is an act of denial. Gay. Plain and simple.
And I can't be a therapist until I work out my sexuality, supposedly. I need to get over this "denial" first, even after I told him -- yo, been there, done that, dating a guy wasn't for me, I like what I like, quit being such a damn bigot.
It was my automatic assumption that the good lot of gay folks would be happy knowing that people accepted them as is, and weren't caught up in a need to label and rationalize every iota of their sexual lives and make presumptions based on that. And I know gay dudes don't usually act like this -- I was getting IMed by a nut ball from Toronto, Ontario.
I was just floored. I eventually ignored him. (YIM has a really cool feature of their latest update. You can report ignored conversations as SPAM.) I wasn't in a mood to defend my behavior or my past practices, and I certainly didn't expect it to come out of the blue. I don't have any regrets, like ya'll know. Just makes me rethink that people are out there who purposely want to label you or misunderstand you or, better yet, say hateful things just so they can make themselves feel better.
And that's sad -- not gonna get your soul back with a life of vice, right?
[post=340068]Quoted post[/post]
Originally posted by DeeBlackthorne@Sep 2 2005, 03:35 AM
Oh, wow! Here's some dirt for you guys.
I was talking with a 32-year-old man on Yahoo named floppywood2002. I don't recall his old screen name here, but (assuming) he was once a member here and I'm under the impression that he got disillusioned with this place and took off. It happens.
He wasn't on my buddy list. I vaguely remember talking with him, but we never kept in touch. At best, we might have chatted a couple of times and cammed once or twice. That's my best guess.
He IMs me tonight. First question, "Are you gay yet?" Sure, bro. Just gimme another 25 minutes in the oven and...
"No," I replied, "are you straight yet?" He LOLed. Basically, we had a pretty pointless conversation. He assumes that because I continue to participate on the LPSG that I must be "obsessed" with large penises, and that obsession must therefore mean I'm gay.
First of all, I defined "obsession." If I were to be obsessed with anything, let alone size, then my participation in the habit (e.g. webcamming, looking at pictures online, reading erotic material) must be substantial enough to cause interpersonal distress or trouble in other areas of life such as work. I might be obsessed if I were to spend long periods of time surfing for penis-oriented online material, surf inappropriate sites at the office, or if I were in a relationship, continued to look at male pornography despite my girlfriend's wishes.
Nope, not obsessed.
In fact, I cam much less than I used to, and I hardly go into our gallery. Sure, sometimes I'll get a little curious when I get into a size conversation with a member here, but it's not to an extent that causes me or anyone else much distress. Same reason why guys kinda peek at each other in the locker room...
So, to sum up his ramblings.But hey, at least he's consistent. Ladies, if you think any one of your own gender is cute, then you might be setting yourself up for a life of flannel shirts and cold Minnesota nights. (a.k.a. lesbianz.)
- I'm in denial. (No, I'm not!
- Because I'm still at LPSG, I must be obsessed with large penises.
- Any male showing any sign of attraction or admiration to the male form is undeniably gay.
- Any attempts to think through, rationalize, or assess one's sexuality is an act of denial. Gay. Plain and simple.
And I can't be a therapist until I work out my sexuality, supposedly. I need to get over this "denial" first, even after I told him -- yo, been there, done that, dating a guy wasn't for me, I like what I like, quit being such a damn bigot.
It was my automatic assumption that the good lot of gay folks would be happy knowing that people accepted them as is, and weren't caught up in a need to label and rationalize every iota of their sexual lives and make presumptions based on that. And I know gay dudes don't usually act like this -- I was getting IMed by a nut ball from Toronto, Ontario.
I was just floored. I eventually ignored him. (YIM has a really cool feature of their latest update. You can report ignored conversations as SPAM.) I wasn't in a mood to defend my behavior or my past practices, and I certainly didn't expect it to come out of the blue. I don't have any regrets, like ya'll know. Just makes me rethink that people are out there who purposely want to label you or misunderstand you or, better yet, say hateful things just so they can make themselves feel better.
And that's sad -- not gonna get your soul back with a life of vice, right?
[post=340068]Quoted post[/post]
Dee,
I think that a lot of gay guys assume that anyone who has gotten hard looking at a cock, kissed a man, or sucked a dick must be gay. I identify as gay, but in my past was married to a woman and dated (read that as "had sex with") quite a few women.
In the years that I was working through my angst about being attracted to men I projected my own issues onto other men. That is, I assumed that if someone else had "sucked a dick" then they must really want to be gay, but hadn't adequately worked out their conflicts.
Since then I have come to understand that some men don't have a huge amount of conflict and self judgement about sex. They are more matter-of-fact about it. So, if they want to have sex with a guy they do....sort of like going out for Thai food; they see it as a nice change, but don't label themselves as gay.
I envy that kind of simple thinking. I wish that I had come from a background that would have made it possible for me. I think that I would still be largely attracted to men, but it would have been a far less arduous process.
I think that your IM pal must not have worked out his own issues enough to know that not everyone hangs themself on a cross for being attracted to a man.
On the other hand, I think that his frame of reference is common. In our culture I think that it is very difficult to integrate one's sexual feelings. Hence, men on the "down low", fundamentalist evangelists fucking guys, conservative politicos jackin it to gay porn. etc.
In my experience it is much more likely for a guy to have denial issues when homosexual acts and feelings are involved. This is particularly true when it comes to tender and expressive acts such as kissing.....ironically it is easier for many men to suck a dick than to kiss a man with affection. Hell, it may even be easier for some guys who identify as straight to suck a cock than to look another man in the eyes and simply describe their affection.
Basically, I am rambling now, but I guess that I am saying this: homophobia is prevalent and effects most of us, but some of us more than others. Sex with affection, an experience that requires true vulnerability, is the most challenging.
Later...........
Open mindedness comes from what our OWN field of experience is, I believe. Not being gay makes it harder for completely hetero men to possibly comprehend or understand, unless they actually have some exposure to some gay men. And it takes more than a token gay to understand the whole thing. And so it goes...
I don't know how open minded I am. But I do know I am through with all the guilt bullshit that comes from conservative Christian upbringing, as well as cultural and social upbringings. There is much wrong with high class snobbery as there is with victim/martyr poverty. They blame each other, or didn't you see that on the streets?
To be at peace with who ever your God is, and fellow man, to live by one's own principles and values, to return good for evil, compassion for hatred, and so on, is the ONLY way I know of to offset bigotry, hatred, prejudice, and the like. And yes, I am stupid and idealistic enough to believe that ONE person can make a difference.
A young man walking along the beach looked as if he was dancing because of his swooping motions, reaching down to the sand and then jumping into the air, making motions back at the sea. An onlooker finally approached and saw he was throwing star fish back into the ocean. The guy said, "You can't possibly make a difference in saving these starfish!" The young man swooped down, picked up a star fish and threw it back into the ocean and said, "It made a difference for that one."
Yes, idealistic, is not usually reality. However, it's the insistence and persistence of choosing to be at peace, and live peaceably with others, that makes a difference. There are too many REAL role models who have showed us this, and I want THAT kind of life.
Coming, now, through my 2nd divorce, I have a rough idea about not being understood and not being openminded. But I'm not giving up on the human race. My little saying is "Stupid humans always act like stupid humans. I hope it's not my turn today."
I think you're on to good things, Dee. You're a bit of a thinker and philosopher. You'll come through the transitions fine.
As for the other arguments here, no offense, but they are all a total YAWN to me.
I don't know how open minded I am. But I do know I am through with all the guilt bullshit that comes from conservative Christian upbringing, as well as cultural and social upbringings. There is much wrong with high class snobbery as there is with victim/martyr poverty. They blame each other, or didn't you see that on the streets?
To be at peace with who ever your God is, and fellow man, to live by one's own principles and values, to return good for evil, compassion for hatred, and so on, is the ONLY way I know of to offset bigotry, hatred, prejudice, and the like. And yes, I am stupid and idealistic enough to believe that ONE person can make a difference.
A young man walking along the beach looked as if he was dancing because of his swooping motions, reaching down to the sand and then jumping into the air, making motions back at the sea. An onlooker finally approached and saw he was throwing star fish back into the ocean. The guy said, "You can't possibly make a difference in saving these starfish!" The young man swooped down, picked up a star fish and threw it back into the ocean and said, "It made a difference for that one."
Yes, idealistic, is not usually reality. However, it's the insistence and persistence of choosing to be at peace, and live peaceably with others, that makes a difference. There are too many REAL role models who have showed us this, and I want THAT kind of life.
Coming, now, through my 2nd divorce, I have a rough idea about not being understood and not being openminded. But I'm not giving up on the human race. My little saying is "Stupid humans always act like stupid humans. I hope it's not my turn today."
I think you're on to good things, Dee. You're a bit of a thinker and philosopher. You'll come through the transitions fine.
As for the other arguments here, no offense, but they are all a total YAWN to me.
SomeGuyOverThere
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This thread is already long winded, so I have to admit I have only read the opening post.
However, I was given quite a lot of greif from somebody who basically made a list of judgements about me as long as her arm, and never failed to argue with me, insult me, and backstab me whenevr at al lpossible, based on a whole heap of judgements that were ill informed and based on the pretence that she knew me better than I know myself.
This was extremely hypocritical of her because one of her main criticsims of me was that I'm apparently judgemental, something I try hard not to be, and whenever I would have a conjecture about somebody, she'd go ape-shit on me "oh how can you say that when you dont even know them?! That's so judgemental of you!", when she had already decided she knew everything about me...
Also, she claimed that I was totally closed minded when she refused to change her own judgements about me... another thing I try to be at all times is open minded, but she just decided that I was closed minded and so on and so forth.
Basically it ended in us haveing several large arguements and friends getting their ears chewed off by both of us about how much the other was a complete asshole.
Luckily my friends sided with me, as they knew me better, and in the end she was sort of squeezed out of my circle of friends....
And good riddence to the bitch too!
However, I was given quite a lot of greif from somebody who basically made a list of judgements about me as long as her arm, and never failed to argue with me, insult me, and backstab me whenevr at al lpossible, based on a whole heap of judgements that were ill informed and based on the pretence that she knew me better than I know myself.
This was extremely hypocritical of her because one of her main criticsims of me was that I'm apparently judgemental, something I try hard not to be, and whenever I would have a conjecture about somebody, she'd go ape-shit on me "oh how can you say that when you dont even know them?! That's so judgemental of you!", when she had already decided she knew everything about me...
Also, she claimed that I was totally closed minded when she refused to change her own judgements about me... another thing I try to be at all times is open minded, but she just decided that I was closed minded and so on and so forth.
Basically it ended in us haveing several large arguements and friends getting their ears chewed off by both of us about how much the other was a complete asshole.
Luckily my friends sided with me, as they knew me better, and in the end she was sort of squeezed out of my circle of friends....
And good riddence to the bitch too!
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