I would take a lover.
Depending on if my partner could handle that or not, I would or would not tell him. However, the other person would know they are a sexual partner, even if it becomes long term or grows into a friendship, and must respect my primary relationship.
I have to say, I completely agree with sweet_ass here.
If it is something he can handle discussing, then fine, but if not, then don't. Just be sure to be utterly discrete and that the 'other' understands the situation.
Must. resist.. the urge to bash. Also, must... resist... the urge... to post my phone number.......
This just made me laugh so hard! :rofl:
umm flip the situation. a man post on this board asking what he should do, should he cheat.
One did recently and got absolutely slammed!!!!
as for open relationships. not the same as cheating is all parties are honest and forthright with each other. if talking to him about your needs and your interests in another partner would be too painful for him or you, imagine the hurt and betrayal he'll feel if he finds out. imagine the guilt and shame you'll feel if you caught. if you love him, he loves you the connections should be strong enough to bring up the option of a third in your partnership. just go slow.
An open relationship would be the ideal, but I just think some men couldn't bring themselves to agree with it, even if they know it's the best thing to save their marriage. I believe some men prefer to play the ostrich, keep their heads in the sands, sing la la la and pretend it's not happening.
it might be time to get your own therapist for your issues. you are dealing with the fallout as much as he is. you feel lonely, neglected, resentful? a shrink will give you better guidance than even the most well meaning poster to this board.
last of my ramble. be careful. one act can undo everything.
A therapist isn't going to support her being faithful and having no sex life whatsoever. But he/she can help her deal with the emotions she feels due to the 'no sex', whether they are rejection, frustration, low self-worth, or just the damned horniness.
I've been seeing a councillor for the last 9 months.
She has helped me a lot, but she didn't stop me being unfaithful.
In fact, she was as chuffed as I was that I'd got some! :redface:
Pardon me, but why did you marry him knowing this?
- - - - -
All that aside, I don't believe in cheating. But I do believe in polyamory. I would have an honest heart to heart with him. He has to choose between
(a) open up the marriage to include other partners,
(b) stop being such a victim; in this case, he needs to step up to the sexual plate (testosterone supplementation, male supplements, serious exercise, etc.) (seeing counselors is just talk -- talk is a dime a dozen and will get him nowhere)
(c) divorce
His choice.
He is being a wimp, not a man. Sorry, but someone has to say it.
Again, I don't believe in cheating. Those are your only HONEST choices.
You KNOW I'm not going to agree with you here, and you know why!
Honeydew doesn't need us dissing her husband or telling her she shouldn't have married him or needs to divorce him.
She needs to work all that out on her own and it shouldn't be just because of the lack of sex, especially if he has had previous issues that he is seeking help with.
Honeydews immediate problems are needing to be with a man who will willingly bonk her brains out and make her feel fulfilled.
If her man is unable or unwilling to do it and doesn't want to acknowledge how she can actually achieve this, then, if she feels it's the right thing for her, and she can be discrete enough about it, then it could help them both in the long term.
That maybe that she may come to realise that sex is too important for her to be without and that divorce maybe more seriously considered in the future as she realises her and her husband are growing too far apart and not right for eachother.
It may also be that she realises that he can fulfil her in other ways and her relationship is strong enough to weather this issue or even that she needs both and can discuss a more open relationship with him once she is sure that's what she wants.
None of us make a decision to buy a car without test driving it or buy a dress without trying it on. Why are we so quick to say that people should get a divorce without them trying out some possible solutions that will help them make that or any other decision?