Opinions needed on 'anal sex frequency' and discussing past relationships

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by canadaguy85, Sep 7, 2010.

  1. canadaguy85

    canadaguy85 New Member

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    Hi everyone, this is my first post :)

    Can I get some opinions on a really strange argument?

    Ok, so my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 9 months now. I love him to death but he has this issue with my past fuck bud that I was with for 6 months before we were dating.

    Apparently when my current boyfriend and I started dating he asked me how many times this previous guy and I had anal sex and I told him 2 times (though I don't remember saying this). Recently I told him it was 7 times because he always asks about this guy. There's a chance I did tell him 2 times because we still didn't know each other very well and I didn't want to spill all the details about past ppl at once. In any case, I told him I'm sorry for not remembering the exact number of times I had anal sex with this other guy.

    Now the issue is that he is making a HUGE deal about the fact that I had sex with a guy 7 times over a 6 month period (plus a few times we just did bjs). He thinks this is just a shocking amount of sex to have and that I'm somehow this used, worn out piece of meat.

    So basically I want to know your opinions…is having sex with a guy 2 times vs having anal sex with a guy 7 times really a huge difference? And is having anal sex 7 times over a 6 month period really a 'shocking' amount of sex as he put it?

    Also, I keep telling him that we shouldn't be discussing all these details about past guys because it just creates conflict and jealousy but he keeps asking me anyway. What are your thoughts on talking about past guys when you are in a relationship? And should the fact that in the beginning I told him we had sex only 2 times really be a big issue now?

    Thanks for your replies!
     
    #1 canadaguy85, Sep 7, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2010
  2. ericbythebay

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    A 'shocking amount of sex' is a matter of personal perspective. I have friends that have sex seven times in one day with seven different people and others that have sex a few times a year.

    What is the objective your boyfriend's questions? You can't turn back the clock, so what does he hope to accomplish with this line of questioning?

    He really shouldn't ask questions unless he is willing to hear the honest answer, does he expect you to lie to him?

    Your boyfriend is being a bit extreme and prudish, I have sex more often than once a month with some of my fuckbuddy friends.
     
  3. dixie88

    dixie88 New Member

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    the fact that he did not tell the truth in the first place made the situation worse!
     
  4. dixie88

    dixie88 New Member

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  5. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

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    Woooooah, this guy sounds like a wanker! How is it any of his business how many times you fucked this guy? Making you feel like a wore out piece of meat? What a douche! Sounds like he is insecure so he is going to make you feel like a whore for it. That is something a men pull on us all the time. Not all of em, but most of them when backed into a corner go for the you are a whore insult. So desperate. Man, what an ass! I would tell anyone if they are that immature and insecure then goodbye!
     
  6. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    At one point I was seeing two different FBs at least once a week. I had anal sex with one of them every time I saw him, and on a regular basis with the other one. Most weeks I had sex with at least one other guy. And I wanted much more sex than I was getting, so I'm certainly not going to tell you that 7 times in six months is a lot of sex.


    I don't actually have a problem with people talking about their previous partners, although I realise many people do. I think if people ask, they need to be prepared for a truthful answer.


    I WOULD have a problem with this. I like honesty at all times.
     
  7. petite

    petite New Member

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    See, this is just one of the many reasons why I'm reluctant to provide too many details of my sex life with previous lovers, at least until I know it's not going to be a problem, and even then I'm close-mouthed about certain details forever.

    No, I think it's a shockingly low amount of sex to have. That's barely more than once a month! One week when we had sex 13 times that week, TheBF tried to convince me that it was a "normal" amount of sex and that we should be shooting for that every week! I think he was hoping that I was naive, but I think you get the point that what's normal is going to different for everyone.

    If he makes you feel like a "worn out piece of meat" that's just a terrible way to treat you and I'm sorry he's treating you like that. It sounds like he has serious jelousy issues!
     
  8. Bbucko

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    Are we talking top or bottom?

    FWIW, I've had more than seven anal encounters in a single evening: this "keeping score" stuff is pure bullshit.
     
  9. jjsjr

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    I've been with my man for about 4 years.
    We have anal sex about 6 times a month.

    I dont think he's doing the math right.
     
  10. FuzzyKen

    FuzzyKen New Member

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    We all have sexual pasts. Back in the late years of the 1970's it was how many I did in one single night not how many I did in a week or a month. When I became serious about my life-partner he knew well ahead that there was a time that I had been very active.

    Any kind of score card with who did what to whom and how often at some previous point is a totally unfair question. For all people this depends on multiple factors including opportunity, arousal, demands or concepts of a sex partner at the time and the degree of erection and thinking taking place between one's legs at the time. The past is just that and the future is decided between the individuals in question.

    Minor point, if this is more than a minute discussion involving laughter, the individuals in this picture have no future.
     
  11. DV8

    DV8
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    Sweetheart- your boyfriend is being an idiot. It always cracks me up when guys get pissy over who you've fucked in the past- what they should be concerned with is WHO YOU'RE FUCKING IN THE PRESENT!!! It's been 9 months, and you two weren't together- he needs to chill the hell out, and if he can't let this go, then you need to let him go. Because if he can't be rational about this situation, imagine deeper situations. I don't give a shit if you slept 3 guys 21 times in 2 days 3 years ago, or every player IN THE NHL over the course of 21 years, right now- you're just fucking him, and that's , what matters. Tell him he'd have a right to bitch if you cheated on him- until that's the case, he can shut the hell up.
     
  12. Joe7703

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    Wow. Just wow. My recommendation? This guy is NOT worth your time.
    Everyone (with the exception of very young guys and gals) will have previous partners whom they were sexual with. Some people have more sex than others, but at the end of the day it's just sex.

    Looking at the numbers, 7 times over 6 months? Your boyfriend is clearly being a big drama-queen. Now if you had sex 70 times over 6 months then there MIGHT be a big issue with slackness, hehe (and that's a big MIGHT!). I've had much more sex in a 6 month period than that, and i'm definitely not a used piece of meat!

    Either way, this guy clearly has some issues he needs to deal with. If he's always going to be comparing (or whatever) to men you've been we've before he's not worth it. Keep us posted on the situation. and remember just to be frank with him, say it as it is and ask why he's making such a big deal out of it.
     
    #12 Joe7703, Sep 9, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2010
  13. luka82

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    Love you had sex with the same guy. It really shouldn`t matter how many times.
     
  14. erratic

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    Okay, for the record fudging the truth is not cool. Not because lying is bad (we all do a little bit of it, so wtf) but because you set yourself up for shit like this. You would have known months ago that your bf thinks anal seven times in six months with the same guy is ridiculously slutty. Which, for the record, it's not. At all. Even a bit.

    If you hadn't lied to him earlier you would have seen this coming a long time ago:
    [​IMG]

    What is it? Google image search for "GIANT RED FLAG".

    You and your boyfriend need to do some serious talking about your sexual expectations. But I think you know that already :)

    Good luck.
     
  15. DiscoBoy

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    Yo, fuck her.
     
  16. scottredleter

    scottredleter New Member

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    Dump him! It will never get better. He will always have this really weird, "I have to have been the only one to have ever touched my boyfriend" thing and it will never stop and it will get worse. But don't take my advice. he will eventually leave because he's messed up in the head with homophobia or the like. RUN, RUN, RUN!
     
  17. heist

    heist New Member

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    He sounds too insecure. If you really like him, you can try keeping it going, but otherwise it'll probably not be worth it in the end. He needs to mature, and you can't do much about that problem if he won't.
     
  18. Pitbull

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    7 times in 6 months is way too little sex!

    So he is telling you to expect to get sex from him less than once a month?

    This alone is enough reason to look elsewhere.
    His insecurity and refusing to accept that you actually had a life before he met you is another stand alone reason.

    Both these in one individual?
    Better luck with your next one!
     
  19. D2DChi

    D2DChi New Member

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    To play devil's advocate for a moment, your guy is probably feeling insecure about your current relationship so he is overreacting here. My advice would be to shelve the topic for awhile and let your relationship continue. Both of you just need to put it past you for the moment.

    If your relationship develops on a healthy path and you both feel more confident about everything then maybe you could discuss it then.

    A similar situation happened with me and my bf. I found out WAY too many details about his previous sex life very early in the relationship. It definitely threw me for a loop and caused me to overreact. Fortunately we just sort of moved on for awhile and didn't discuss it again. 6 months later we were in a much better place and now I feel comfortable talking to him about everything - and I'm actually curious to know some of the details.

    Maybe that's weird.
     
  20. minimag

    minimag Active Member

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    Geez! I need it at least once a day M-F and at least 3 per day on weekends. :D I spend entirely too much time pleasuring my backdoor. :p
     
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