Opinions On BDSM?

[B_Jennuine73]

What are your opinions of BDSM and the people who practice it?

I think there is a fine line between BDSM and abuse. There are a lot of hurt people who are involved in this lifestyle. Notice I did not say all have been hurt.

1. I have been in the lifestyle for over 11yrs.
2. I think some people participate in BDSM because the thought of having control over another's sexual activities/thoughts is extremely sexually gratifying. On the flip side, having your control taken from you by a person you know is safe can satisfy deep desires.
3. The lines I do not cross are: no shit, blood, scaring, bruising and extreme degradation.
4. I think the key is consenting adults.

Whenever I decide, or have decided to take on another sub, it is not just a whim. I need to know that person's history. There are many submissives who have been abused and I need to know what was done and in what form/context. The reason being, there are so many that are just being re-abused over and over.
On the other side, there are many dominants who were abused as well and are "taking out" their anger and hate on "weaker" people (male or female).

Another view, is that adults who enjoy being submissive are, in a sense, re-enacting their abuse in order to come to grips with it sub-consciously. Because if they enjoy it, want it, they are the ones in control.

What most don't realize, is that in any safe BDSM interaction, it is always the sub who is in control. There are safe words established before play, and the dom/domme knows what the limits are, and if they are a good dominant, respect those limits. What you will hear a lot of dominants say is they enjoy "pushing the limits" of the sub, and promise a sub how wonderful and fulfilling that can be. Yet, it is always the sub who decides how far it will go, in a truly "consenting adult" way.

 

[Bbucko]

Please note there are TWO answers needed in the poll:

I've been reading a great deal about BDSM practices and theories. It's a fascinating subject. Before I post more about it, I'd like to get a general idea of what people think about BDSM.

1. What are your opinions of BDSM and the people who practice it?
2. What activity or information influenced your opinion?
3. Why do you think some people participate in BDSM?
4. Are some activities more acceptable to you than others?
5. Do you believe laws against BDSM activities between consenting adults should be retained or repealed?

1) We all come to the party with something different: different skills, different needs, different motivations. What strikes some as outrageous is old hat and tame to others. As I have no wish to be judged by those who don't know me, my opinion of others is neutral until I get to know them.

We also each have our own "bells & whistles" (fetishes and triggers) when it comes to sex, especially as we get older.

2) I have been part of the Leather Community since my late teens. I learned to accept and explore from many wise men.

3) See response #1 above, which answers this, I think. And as others have stated, consent is key.

4) I myself do not fetishize gear and generally avoid all such things, even a cockring. Slings are convenient but not necessary. Leather itself does nothing for me. Personally I prefer naked.

Likewise restraints don't do much for me, but I can be triggered to greater urgency by holding someone down with my hands, arms, legs, etc. I think of it as an organic bondage.

One man's pain is another's pleasurable sensation. I can take (and require) a level of nippleplay that would undoubtedly send others screaming and running. But, again, gear is not favored and I have usually found nipple clamps annoying and unsatisfactory.

I do not class dildos in with gear per se, but am usually more enthused about using fingers, mouth and hands. DP with toys is a blast, however, and I have always seen them as a fun adjunct to myself.

Fisting is something I take great pleasure in, both in and of itself and as the means to an end. It brings the whole Sub/Dom mindfuck to a whole other level, as the bottom is in total control and the top is actually completely subservient to the bottom's whims and cues. It is, perhaps, the one sexual act that does not require me to remain in complete control.

And again, it's organic. It's an intensely intimate act between two people, no gear or contrivances need be involved.

I have come late to the game of WS, except for some very exploratory essays in my 30s. There's a current vogue in WS ass washouts, which was how I came to incorporate it into my sexual vocabulary, although it's nothing new. As I can piss through a roaring hardon, I am something of a commodity in certain segments of the population. I have only received someone's piss once (not in the ass) and considered it extremely intimate.

Slapping. spitting. spanking and other forms of humiliation are an escalation in the intensity of a session. When the humiliation is genuine, it's electric for both parties, but it is generally contrived beyond an initial jolt.

I also really enjoy being serviced while watching porn. This seems to broach some boundary of otherwise submissive bottoms, perhaps because my perceive my attention directed elsewhere. Others get a charge out of it and play along.

I agreed to top someone's asphyxiation fantasy once, with no safe word. It was perhaps the riskiest thing I've ever done. The controlling aspect was intoxicating and I have to admit to finding the experience intensely erotic.

Gagging, choking and throatfucking are all very very cool and are part of my standard repertoire.

I draw the line at scat, but have supervised a bottom's douching as part of a control/humiliation exercise, so in a roundabout way I've crossed that limit too.

Mutilations, piercings, etc do not interest me. I do not eroticize blood. My one experience with sounding left me queasy. Any sense of non-consent on my partner's part ends a session immediately.

I do not think of my limits as anything other than my own, and do not make harsh judgments based on the limits of others.

5) Any attempt to legislate morality or sexual conduct between two consenting adults is a form of Fascism.