Oral Sex

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Imported, Nov 23, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    wvalady1968: I was working with a small group of women this morning, and one of them shared a joke re oral sex. We laughed, all but one. She's mid thirties, seemingly happily married for 12 years or so, two kids, attractive. She said she finds it a turn off, either way. No cun, no fel.

    Stunned silence reigned long enough for us to become very aware of it; then someone cracked wise to break the tension. But the subject wasn't mentioned again.

    Now, I want to know: how prevalent is that attitude? Should I try to clue her in to what they are missing? She's a close friend at work, but we don't really socialize much beyond that.

     
  2. benderten2001

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    [quote author=wvalady1968 link=board=women;num=1069595997;start=0#0 date=11/23/03 at 05:50:57]

    "I was working with a small group of women this morning, and one of them shared a joke re oral sex....

    We laughed, all but one. She's mid thirties, seemingly happily married for 12 years or so, two kids, attractive. She said she finds it a turn off, either way. No cun, no fel. ...

    how prevalent is that attitude? ..."

     [/quote]

    You'd be surprised.    (And, obviously, you were.)

    Seems this attitude is VERY prevalent--particularly in certain "regions" of the U.S. and perhaps elsewhere, (worldwide) too. Many a southerner and mid-westerner especially has blushed and left a room quickly.  There are just "pockets" of well-meaning folks around the nation who feel this way...men and women.

    "Oral" is becoming more of an accepted practice--slowly.
    It's not quite as "taboo" as it once was.

    I take a lot for granted when I go out on a limb in this forum and delve into some strange areas (for me) to respond to.  I also find myself here now, assuming alot.
    But, here I go.  

    I'm afraid there are many mistaken ideas about the properness of "oral sex" and then the crux of the issue perhaps (for many) is ultimately the  "morality factor" vs. Christianity playing into alot of this.

    At the risk of offending some here--(my fellow Christians)  I will just say that I have come around myself to viewing this topic differently than "how" I was raised over many years.  I don't think it's a matter of my "selling out to the world or conforming to worldly standards" in my change of view.  I've simply grown up...more ways than one. I see sex much differently.

    What I have come to realize is that sex is a gift and it's purpose is more than for procreation.  It's for pleasure.
    I also (finally!) realized too, that people other than prostitutes and pimps are engaging in this kind of sex.
    Now please understand, I don't condone many of the "practices" of today's culture (outside of marriage proper.)   And, I'm NOT here today to debate over this.

    But, I've been reminded as a Christian however (several times when working through this issue of oral sex vs. my faith) that God created sex and He meant it for pleasure for both man and woman.  If we want to get into a scripture technicality to ponder, then read
    Hebrews  13:4 which says "the marriage bed is undefiled". Many have interpreted this (which I believe correctly) that anything pleasurable between a couple (married in this case) is acceptable.  THAT would and should include oral pleasuring for both partners. Recent U.S. "court flaps" over sodomy laws tend to also include married couple oral sexual activities as well.  This is unfortunate and a big mistake.  I have heard several nationally reknown spiritual leaders say publicly (implying, insinuating, etc) that oral sex within a marriage is perfectly acceptable. It is a private matter between two consenting people. The court system has been badly misaligned on this whole issue all the way around in many ways for years and years.

    As to your trying to suggest to this co-worker "what she's missing"....I wouldn't bother.  For some people, it's asking too much for them to consider.  Perhaps in time, like me, they will do some careful thinking and some careful studying (if there's an element of spiritual confusion over this) and "wise up". There is so much discussion and reminders of this topic today, one can't help but FINALLY  give at least some thought to it.

    Of course, there's always the possibility that the mere notion of oral sex is plain ole repugnant to a person.
    So, in that stead, we must allow them their right to choose for themselves.
     
  3. Imported

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    Tender: my SB and i were married for a long time ie years, before he was comfortable with the idea of it.

    as christians i suppose he also had the idea somehow that it was wrong.
    so after much discussion, he is ok with it now, but it took some time.
    i interpret scripture to say that when you marry your body then belongs to your spouse.
    ALL of it, not just certain parts.
    if the two mutually agree to do it, there is nothing wrong with it.
    the thing is many women do not like to do it. or have a lower sexual appetite than men, so they *wont* do it.
    THAT is unbiblical IMHO. it is my understanding that a spouse is not to refuse a sexual engagement with their spouse without just cause. ie, i have a head ache blah blah blah doesnt count ... theyve had a headache excuse for X years.... and dont seem to care to fix it...
    soooooo when the one refuses to do it, and makes no effort to please their spouse, they are not fulfilling their marital duty.

    as far as this particular friend, you really have no idea why she is like that. if it were anyone elses business, she should tell them. ie regarding the other friends...
    perhaps she has had a bad expereince with it, or was abused in some way. ?
    Tender
     
  4. BobLeeSwagger

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    I've met a few women who said they didn't like it. One was a friend that I didn't ever sleep with (or expect to). She claimed she was OK with giving, but didn't like receiving. I never really delved into this because it's a pretty personal subject, but I got the feeling that she didn't have much sexual experience and what little she had was probably with some guy who was terrible at it.

    There have been a few partners that weren't really into it. If she didn't like giving head, I didn't think it was that big a deal. I'm certainly not going to force her to. But if she didn't like receiving, that really threw me for a loop. I felt like she was depriving me of some of my skills. Then I had to think of what other kinds of foreplay would work instead.

    On the other hand, a woman who doesn't like giving head is still better than a woman who is really BAD at it. It hasn't happened to me in a long-term relationship, but several casual partners have been really delusional about their abilities in that area. The proper etiquette is to tell her that you're so turned on that you've just gotta fuck her now. ;)
     
  5. Imported

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    Andrea: It is such a shame groups have hangups with oral sex. I love receiving oral sex, as much as if not more than penetration.
    I also rather like giving it.

    Andrea xxxx
     
  6. jdoe86

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    I love to give oral to women. I have done so since I was an early teen. In fact, I did more oral in high school than anything else. I was quite popular because of my talent, but that isn't the point. I did have a girl who I lived with for a short time who did not want any oral attention down there. I asked her about it and she said she felt dirty down there and couldn't understand why anyone would like to do it. I tried to explaine the joys and how we could shower and then I would show her what she was missing. No good. So, I never got to taste her..lots of sex, just not a touch of oral.
     
  7. Imported

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    rainfletcher: I know lot's of women who don't like their vagina, for whatever reason. They don't like any attention there at all, really....but ESPECIALLY not oral. They're not comfortable with their own bodies in that way, so they don't want anyone focusing attention on it. I think that's actually quite common, outside the demographic of women who post on this board...LOL.

    My own girlfriend thoroughly enjoys it, but is still uncomfortable. When I try to tell her how good she tastes and how much I enjoy it, she gets really squeemish. Plus, I have a goatee, which can be iritating if I'm not WAY careful.
     
  8. Imported

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    Tender: OUWIE!!
    so right about the whiskers lol !
    scratchy!

    my SB doesnt really like doing it at all. ???

    Tender
     
  9. Imported

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    ORCABOMBER: I've always thought of giving oral as being quite romantic, in fact, I don't like the idea of being given it in the way pornography shows it (grab-and-suck) licks maybe, but I drool, so I might as well use it. 8)

    I can understand why some people would think it's dirty though, I mean, it's not something that is associated with "normal" lovemaking and it's got a pornography taboo with it still...I suppose once it gets boring, everything will be okay.
     
  10. Imported

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    wvalady1968: [quote author=ORCABOMBER link=board=women;num=1069595997;start=0#8 date=11/26/03 at 09:55:11]
    it's not something that is associated with "normal" lovemaking [/quote]

    Wow, I must be abnormal then. ???

    And I must know a lot of abnormal people.
     
  11. Imported

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    Tender: [quote author=ORCABOMBER link=board=women;num=1069595997;start=0#8 date=11/26/03 at 09:55:11]..I suppose once it gets boring, everything will be okay.[/quote]


    i didnt know it could *get* boring??!
    :-/
    Tender
     
  12. Imported

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    ORCABOMBER: [quote author=wvalady1968 link=board=women;num=1069595997;start=0#9 date=11/27/03 at 16:52:19]Wow, I must be abnormal then ???And I must know a lot of abnormal people.
    [/quote]It isn't, that's why I put the word "abnormal" in qoute marks. I think that's it's all part of a healthy loving relationship, and I have a flexible tongue. ;)

    [quote author=Tender link=board=women;num=1069595997;start=0#10 date=11/27/03 at 17:16:22]I didnt know it could *get* boring??!
    :-/
    [/quote]
    I'm the virgin, you tell me! :D
    I meant it as in the way that according to 'sex-literature', the missionary position is 'boring,' as in "normal, expected and the set standard" everything else is supposedly "kinky" or "for the adventerous".
     
  13. Imported

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    GreenEyes: Shaking head.....I just don't understand it when somebody isn't into oral sex. Hey that is just me.

    Another thing that I have learned is not to judge others on their preferences. There are so many likes and dislikes out there. Some things one will accept while another will not.

    She might not be into it because her husband doesn't know what to do. She might have that taboo feeling when it is done. Shrugs who knows. As long as her husband and her are fine with it I wouldn't bring it up to her especially since you work with her.

    Oh hello all I hope all is well at your end.
     
  14. Imported

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    gicast: hey, I am finally getting around to reading the older posts.

    I was raised a pretty strict christain. and Was told/insinuated that oral sex was wrong, perverted, loose, whatever. The comment I remember was that it was a practice used in houses of fornication/prostitution. Then I thought, hey they also have SEX there! Stupid agrument, IMHO. So for me having it performed on me was VERY hard, not to mention I had some hangups about my body. I was made fun of at an early age, because of my ...um ....'fat' pussy. large public bone, whatever. So I didn't want him to see me there much less have his face down there! On the flip side, I never, not once felt bad doing oral on HIM, explain that one!! It felt right and natural. He (my hubby, only sexual partner) kept on trying though, and now it's great!!!
     
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