Orgasms & Emotions

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah, Feb 24, 2007.

  1. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    For the last few dys ive been having problems with the ex and not only have i found it effected me emotionally but also sexually. Yes im on my own and my only outlet is masturbation but i found being so worked up in troubles i had no ugre to masturbate, mind you before it was a everyday occurance. The other day i did make myself orgasm and things have seemed to settle down with the ex and everything is not alot clearer and calmer

    Now it has got me thinking have things cleared up for me mentally because i did orgasm, did it somehow wash all that pent up emotion away OR could i only orgasm again because things were settling down?

    So my question mostly aimed at the ladies..how connected is you emotional state and sex drive? Does a good round or sex or orgasm cleans the mind.. can you feel sexual at the same time as being unhappy and emotional?


    Note.. for claritys sake, im fine and all is worked out with th ex
     
  2. D_Maurice Mountlilly

    D_Maurice Mountlilly Account Disabled

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    from a man's point of veiw..an orgasam is like the fog being lifted..everthing is clear afterward!so do what you gotta do to reduce the stress...
     
  3. Bacchusbigboy

    Bacchusbigboy New Member

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    When my now ex wife told me she wanted to separate it was a very emotional time but every time we talked about it I was horny. I found my emotions all over the place and I started to question myself why. Why did separating form the woman I loved for 24 years make me horny and while I a still trying to understand it fully a part has to do with honesty and sharing our true feelings.

    While with men it is a bit easier to see the effects of emotions and orgasm is also more mechanical it is also completed. So there is no simple answer to your question but it is worth exploring.
     
  4. Principessa

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  5. Ethyl

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    Yes to both. I've been in a place where I was too upset about something to enjoy sex but more often than not, i've used sex to clear the cobwebs from my mind. Works like a charm. One of the best stress relievers and the pent-up energy I have from the stress can be channeled easily into a satisfying orgasm.
     
  6. Pumblechook

    Pumblechook New Member

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    ...for ignoring that you're only asking the ladies' sake...

    I've noticed if I'm particularly busy in a certain week (happens from time to time) or stressed out (pretty rare) or have a lot on my mind for some other reason, I will masterbate less. I think this is because I am normally very clearheaded when I do masterbate and having a lot weighing on my mind makes me not even think of doing it or want to do it or be as able to do it. There is definitely a mental factor there. Luckily I'm not exceedingly busy or stressed out or in turmoil much :biggrin1:

    It's hard to say whether your situation was quelled from settling down first or from orgasming first. It probably depends on the intensity of the situation. I've masterbated before as somewhat of a stress reliever, but that's just like if you've had a long day. If it's more like I described above, it's not likely that I would masterbate as stress-relief, but rather solve the problems first, then be able to do it again.
     
  7. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Of course not.. As i said i am moreso interested in the ladies responses only because i can relate but i welcome any of the mens replys and stories.. I love to hear anyones views
     
  8. Pumblechook

    Pumblechook New Member

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    ...it was only for parody's sake...:tongue:
     
  9. SassySpy

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    It seems I'm a bit different. (LOL A lot different more like) but, I so intensely feel anything I feel- that I have never been able to have an orgasm if my emotions were somehow entangled elsewhere. If I am worried about something, I am 100% worried and it must have resolution before I can move on. In order to have an orgasm either solo or with someone, that too must receive 100% of my attention, or it won't happen. I have tried, just for the sake of release, and nothing worked, ever. I couldn't even get my little nubbin to peek out of her cloak.
    It has caused problems- at times- if a guy I'm with doesn't really understand my intensity, he will often be somewhat offended or affronted that he cannot 'take my mind off of things' with his skills. I have to..... let me think... I have to kind of give myself over to the emotions and THEN the physical sensations of sexual activity. if I am terribly upset or worried, that won't happen.
    Ive had some very, very good comfort sex, that didnt involve me reaching orgasm- but instead it fulfilled other needs that were a priority at the time.
    But I think everyone IS different- the same way our drives and responses, and turn ons, turn offs, differ, so must this be different.

    I don't know you well, Lee, but my first thought was that somehow you had reached a point of some resolution or acceptance in the conflict, and were then able to fill your sexual need, which yes, did contribute to a better sense of well being. But that comes from my own biases and beliefs.
    Who knows?
    Just glad you feel better!!:smile:
     
  10. Knockernail

    Knockernail Member

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    If i am worried about something i don´t fancy having sex. It´s like a kind of switch. On the contrary, when i´m relaxed i can´t help seeing sex everywhere.

    Sometimes, being stressed i have tried to masturbate to release strain, but it doesn´t work for me. Takes me a long time to get a hardon, and i don´t enjoy it. If i try that with a woman, is totally worse; besides the lack of sexual arousal, the pressure of not getting hard makes the attempt being a total failure. No way.
     
  11. Belly_Dancer

    Belly_Dancer Member

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    This is a very complex, interesting subject.

    One thing I know for sure is that negative emotions and resentment between partners in a couple can affect their desire to have sex with each other. I believe this is just as true for men as it is for women. Resentment and unresolved conflict are some of the most insidious sex-wreckers in existence.

    And recent events have given me new insight into my own psyche -- I've come smack up against my tendency to put up emotional "barriers" in response to having my feelings hurt. This is understandable, but the problem is that the barriers don't easily come down, even after the conflict is resolved. And at that point, it's no longer the other person's responsibility to remove my resentment...it's mine.

    Now, I don't get self-protective over everyday irritations or arguments.

    What causes me to go into "armor" mode is when I feel abandoned or rejected by someone. When that happens, the wall goes up instantly.

    It's a real problem, because in order to feel fully open sexually toward someone, I can't have part of my heart "walled off."

    So I'm currently putting myself through a "crash course" in forgiving and letting go, because it's so important to me (and my new partner) that we stay completely honest, open, and authentic with each other. We've seen what can happen when resentments build up and distance grows between two people, and we've made enough of those messes in our lives. Also, we are both extremely sexual, so the last thing we need in this early stage of our relationship is for anything to interfere with our mind-blowing desire for one another.

    Interestingly, when I told him how I was feeling -- we'd resolved the conflict but I was still feeling self-protective and "not-quite-safe," just talking about it made the barrier dissipate into thin air. I'm really glad, because just wanting it to go away wasn't working.

    And I'm actually quite glad it happened, this early in the relationship, and over an isolated issue, so I could clearly see what I was doing, with no other variables obscuring the truth. Knowledge is power, and the better I know myself, the better partner I can be to someone else.

    Over my 14-year marriage to my ex, I let those molehills grow into mountains. I know how and why it happened -- early in the relationship I was very young and far less mature, so I tended to blame everything on him, thus justifying my pulling away. I didn't realize that I needed to "keep my side of the street clean," -- didn't have the insight to see that there are almost always 2 legitimate sides to every conflict.

    So, for me, fear of being hurt by or resentment against a specific person can reduce my sexual desire for that person. However, it doesn't reduce my overall desire. I still want to have sex...but not with him. And that's a terrible place to be in a relationship!

    I'm determined that I'm not letting that happen again. And when I get determined to do something...look out. I'm stubborn and tenacious as hell.

    ************************************************

    Now, looking at the interplay between sex and emotion outside of the "relationship" arena, this is what I'm like:

    If I'm tense, I may not become aroused as quickly. But sex is still a wonderful tension reliever. It may take a little more time to get "into it," but as I relax my body, breathe deeply, "let go" of whatever's stressing me out, and sink into sensuality, I become my good-old horny self again.

    I get wet and swollen, and can usually orgasm the same way as any other time...after I've relaxed a bit and become aroused.

    Then, after I orgasm (however many times it takes to "get it out of my system" that particular time LOL), I feel so much better...I have a more positive outlook on things. Good sex doesn't so much relax me as energize and rejuvenate me...and it helps with my ability to see "unsolvable" problems from a different perspective.

    The other day, absolutely nothing could calm me down -- I was so stressed throughout the day that even though several people who care about me told me point blank to relax, I just couldn't!

    I didn't relax until I got home, lay down in my quiet bedroom, stroked my clit for a good long while, took deep breaths and gradually let my mind flow toward delicious fantasies.

    Later, after I had had 2 satisfying orgasms, I was like a whole different girl. All the tension had gone out of me. And my man instantly discerned the change in my tension level that evening, versus when we'd talked earlier in the day -- it was that obvious.

    Anyway, didn't mean to write a magazine article, but as I said, this is a really interesting topic for me (obviously).
     
  12. Kat

    Kat Member

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    I would definetely fall into the camp that I need to be emotionally in the right place in order to really get into sex. I love sex, however the times when I have the least desire to initiate are when things are tense between me and my husband. Thanks god that isn't too often. In those rare instances, we usually are both not "in the mood". If it is tension or stress related to other things it doesn't quite affect me as much...I guess that makes sense! And in those instances, great sex can help. But I still know that the best sex that I have and can give is when my mind is in the moment.

    kat
     
  13. Principessa

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    Can you feel sexual at the same time as being unhappy and emotional?


    Hmmm, am I the only one here that's ever had funeral sex? :shocked1:

    You know how you go home after a funeral and sex is the last thing on your mind. Your eyes are red and puffy from crying, you may even be feeling full of good soothing, Southern Funeral Comfort Food, and the next thing you know that tender comforting embrace turns hot and steamy. Then his suit is on the floor your pantyhose have literally been ripped off and the only thing you are wearing are a black lace bra, pearl stud earrings and a pearl necklace (recently inherited) and you are both celebrating life rather than death.

    Hmmm, okay I guess it is just me :05:
     
  14. SassySpy

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    Nope I totally get you njqt. Thats what I meant by 'comfort sex'- a need to be close, and feel life coursing through your body, to touch and be touched- intensity rises, passion flames, every nerve ending is electrified- but orgasm not required.
    When my dad died, well, let me just say thats how I know. And I will never, ever, forget the guy who provided the comfort I desperately needed.
     
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