My dad married my mom late in life primarily on the chance that he would get her pregnant and have a son. He had two daughters by a previous failed marriage, and he didn't get along with either of them very well, more or less abandoning them to the financial care of my grandfather (dad's father). He is the one who supported them financially through graduation from their universities. Both daughters have issues with dad to this day, and limit their contact with him.
Dad did get a son (me) and he remained a father figure to me throughout my childhood. He is a great fan of the concept that first-born sons take all, and that excluded his daughters. To this day they resent the ground I walk on. He kept central to me ideals that likely propelled him to marry my mom; that I was (as was he) the last of a long family tree of a strong family with inheritable assets. He made it clear that he expected me to produce "issue" (that term is used in legal documents related to me) that would be the sole beneficiary of any family inheritance.
And for the first 25 years of my life, I bought into his dream, thinking I would get married, produce several "issue," and life would be good. But as I got older, I realized that I was not attracted to women the same way I was to men...and these feeling grew as I got older. I had my first meaningful same sex relationship when I was 28. In the years thereafter, I held on to the notion that I would reproduce and be a father one day, in spite of have a same sex attraction.
Now that I am older, I am learning to let those feelings go. I will likely never be dad. I am not convinced I would be a good dad. I realize the commitment and patience involved in raising a child for 18 years, and I'm not prepared to make that sacrifice. Lately, I have let dad know that there will be no "issue" and there isn't much he can do about it. Now that he's 85, he's too old and tired now to counter me...somewhat good timing on my part.
So I have sort of done a 360...started out wanting a family, and now realize I won't. Who will care for me when I'm old? Probably nobody, but if I had kids in order to provide a social network for myself in my sunset years, then that's a terrible and unsure motivation.
Dad did give me one parting shot a month ago that gives me pause. He said I needed to have kids, because when I get old, they are the only thing to live for. All the elders in his retirement community do are pass photos of children and grandchildren among themselves, wait for family visits, and talk to family on the phone. He said, if it wasn't for his kids (meaning me and my two horrible half-sister), he would have no reason to live.
In the meantime, perhaps I will have fun blowing the family inheritance. If the family name is to die out, I might as well have it die out in style - right?