Outed by a jerk.. aka someone I trusted/loved

[FloridaBMW]

I was in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship for 13 years before I decided I couldn't take it anymore. My ex wife was not a very nice person. It started off nice, but through the years it got worse and worse to the point I decided I wanted to separate. So, as it was final in 2019 I started talking to people, going on dates. I was really just exploring my sexuality because I'm one of the 50/50 people where I find real love and attraction to both sexes. Dating women sucked, really. I felt like I was being interviewed for someone to take care of them for the rest of my life by the questions they asked, and how they made me feel. The ones who didn't make me feel that way, I usually didn't find myself wanting a long-term relationship with them, or the vibes just weren't there for me. And for dating guys, it was always more fun, and they were always a little more willing to go exploring with me (go on my boat, come to my house, go on excursions out of town, fly somewhere). So, I seemed to begin focusing on finding dates with guys versus girls.

Well, in 2021 on Cinco De Mayo, I met someone at a restaurant in downtown Houston, and we got to chatting it up. We ended up going to a few bars and having some drinks. He was a native, and I only come in town once a month to check on my company, so I didn't really know the are as well. I followed him around and it was a really fun time. Ended up, we met again a couple times before I left back to my home in Florida, and he said he would come back with me and see what Florida life is all about.

I took him on my boat, we went to some car meets, went to some private bars in my community and cruised around South Florida just having fun while we did it.

So fast forward six months, we officially call ourselves "boyfriends" (he was super slow to commit to anything and so was I). All of a sudden, he was getting mad at me when we went anywhere and I introduced him as "my friend".

I was getting the talk every night about how he felt like I was embarrassed of him, or myself and I needed to just "rip the band-aid off" and tell everyone about my sexuality.

I agreed, I said I would tell my few CLOSE friends, and then any stranger we met I'd tell them immediately. And I did.. and just as I figured, nobody cared. (but they were surprised, because I'm pretty straight/masculine acting and nobody would ever suspect a thing).

Fast forward a little bit, maybe a month, and now THAT wasn't good enough for him. He wanted me to post it on my Facebook, and tell my parents & family. He wanted me to be 100% OUT.

In February 2022 he said he was coming to Miami for a bachelorette party (I guess the token gay dude is always invited to those?) and I told him "Great, I don't want to intrude, but lets make sure we get dinner". So, we made plans to take a river cruise, and after eat at KiKis on the water and I would meet his best lady friend and her friends.

We all drank a lot, and we hit some other bars after and started doing shots. He got drunk and started harping to all of the ladies about how I'm so insecure with myself I won't just tell my family. And as we got more stupid drunk, and the night was coming to a close, we all hopped in an Uber to go back to my place.

It was at that point, in an Uber, him and his friends made me call my Mom at 3:45am on Facetime and tell her that I was gay, this was my boyfriend and I'm letting the entire world know. Then, he got my phone and posted a photo of us kissing on my Facebook with all my family, my ex, my kids, my friends to see.

The next day when I woke up I immediately remembered it. I went on there, and I had a hundred notifications, likes, reacts, comments. I didn't even read them because I had so much anxiety - I just deleted the post and shut the app off. Then, I look at my texts and it was everything from "did you get hacked?" to, "what are you doing? to "do you need to talk to someone?". My mom texted me "Want to elaborate on last night?".

It made me a quite sad that my "coming out" wasn't going to be how I'd imagined it. I felt like I didn't get a chance to do it my way, and I felt like the closet was just blown apart around me, and I was standing there like a moron with all my friends and family as onlookers.

As for him, he said he was genuinely sorry he did it, and he was just acting out of emotion and alcohol with his friends.

I felt like I didn't trust him anymore, and it is very hard to explain, but I started feeling resentment towards him. I slowed down my communication, stopped inviting him to my place, and when I went to Houston for work I didn't let him know so he didn't drop by to see me. In the end, I finally told him I did not want to see him anymore. It was heart breaking for both of us, but I just couldn't bare to look at him after that. I had so much resentment in me (which I truly regret).

Next, I did something stupid. I called up this doctor I met at a TikiBar on the beach in Fort Lauderdale. I asked her to dinner and we actually hit it off. I was posting photos with her everywhere. She was actually quite beautiful, and genuinely a good person. I realized though, I was doing this to prove something to everyone... and it was going to just hurt us both in the end. I was for sure physically attracted to her, and I loved hanging out, the sex, and her company but I didn't see myself in a long term relationship with her. I just got out of a 13 year relationship, I don't want to go back to doing the domesticated stuff right away. I wanted my alone time to work on myself, projects I've been putting off, business plans I made.. So, I ended it with her as well after a couple months.

I don't think anyone knows what I am now. I'm sure people talk about my sexuality, but they probably can't put a finger on whether I'm gay or straight. When someone asks me, I just reply "I am me". I'm me, I don't know what label to put on myself, but I like what I like. I'm sure they think I'm like a freelance sex provider to whoever I decide to date at any given time. Who knows?

Anyways, that is the story of how I got the door blown off my closet and came out to everyone on FB. I still have anxiety about that night, but it gets better as time goes on.

But for those who may have someone going through this, let them come out at their will. Don't do the "Rip the band-aid off" routine. It's tragic. Like me, they may dream about that day where they tell their mother and give her a hug because she will still love them the same, or dream of the acceptance from their father. But if you force them, you're ripping that away from them, and that really hurts.

And for my Mom and Dad.. We just don't talk about that subject......

 

[LilBigWang]

im sorry about what happened to you. Im sure it was traumatic. Take your time to figure yourself out and give yourself time to heal. Lable's are not required and you don't have to pick one. Just focus on yourself and keep the door open for others. The right person may just show up when you least expect it. Dont feel the need to correct what others think of you. Keep social media private. Delete/block the negative people and keep your head held high. Dont be ashamed of your situation as you find yourself. No one pays your bills but you... so worry about yourself and finding happiness with yourself not for others.

 

[swimmerguydfw]

Wow! I am so really sorry that you had to go though all of that...and also sorry that it didn't give you a far more positive experience for your first relationship with a man. Take it from me, we all are not like that. Truly, there are great people out there of both sexes...but it does take time to winnow them out from all the rest of the nonsense these days. Hopefully, from this experience you've learned to never let anyone push you past the comfort zone of what you feel that YOU are ready for. It's your life...not theirs. And, in the end only you are responsible for it. I think that perhaps you've also learned, too, that heavy drinking is a recipe for disaster in almost all cases. The "fun" usually turns into more problems than that fun was worth---particularly if you are dealing with insecure people to begin with.

You sound like you're head is in the right place, though...and that you're trying to find the right path for yourself. Don't overreact to this setback...and don't take to heart what people say. In this world of Social Media, too many things are said that are far from the truth, and with no basis in knowledge or facts. Just hold your head high and continue to be who YOU want to be. Take my word for it, life is an adventure all the way---and will continue to be so. And, you'll probably change directions more than once until you find the comfort zone---and the person or people---that you are looking for. But no matter what the path, continue to follow your philosophy of being yourself. The good people will accept you as you are...and the ones who won't are probably the ones that you don't want to spend a lot of time with. And, more importantly, you'll be comfortable with yourself and the life you've led.

I do think that your mom and dad WILL come around. It just may take them some time...

 

[texasman469]

Sorry that happened to you. -- The next time you're in Houston, let me know.

 

[alexjeft154]

what do you mean next time ??

 

[FloridaBMW]

im sorry about what happened to you. Im sure it was traumatic. Take your time to figure yourself out and give yourself time to heal. Lable's are not required and you don't have to pick one. Just focus on yourself and keep the door open for others. The right person may just show up when you least expect it. Dont feel the need to correct what others think of you. Keep social media private. Delete/block the negative people and keep your head held high. Dont be ashamed of your situation as you find yourself. No one pays your bills but you... so worry about yourself and finding happiness with yourself not for others.

I appreciate the kind words. I'm not too worried about internet thugs. The more I think about it, I'm not even too worried about friends gossiping, but it was my coming out to my parents and family that got me upset. In the end, you're right, I'll do what is right for me and when I'm ready.

 

[FloridaBMW]

Wow! I am so really sorry that you had to go though all of that...and also sorry that it didn't give you a far more positive experience for your first relationship with a man. Take it from me, we all are not like that. Truly, there are great people out there of both sexes...but it does take time to winnow them out from all the rest of the nonsense these days. Hopefully, from this experience you've learned to never let anyone push you past the comfort zone of what you feel that YOU are ready for. It's your life...not theirs. And, in the end only you are responsible for it. I think that perhaps you've also learned, too, that heavy drinking is a recipe for disaster in almost all cases. The "fun" usually turns into more problems than that fun was worth---particularly if you are dealing with insecure people to begin with.

You sound like you're head is in the right place, though...and that you're trying to find the right path for yourself. Don't overreact to this setback...and don't take to heart what people say. In this world of Social Media, too many things are said that are far from the truth, and with no basis in knowledge or facts. Just hold your head high and continue to be who YOU want to be. Take my word for it, life is an adventure all the way---and will continue to be so. And, you'll probably change directions more than once until you find the comfort zone---and the person or people---that you are looking for. But no matter what the path, continue to follow your philosophy of being yourself. The good people will accept you as you are...and the ones who won't are probably the ones that you don't want to spend a lot of time with. And, more importantly, you'll be comfortable with yourself and the life you've led.

I do think that your mom and dad WILL come around. It just may take them some time...

When I get the RIGHT person, they will make sure I'm comfortable with telling and I'll love them enough to be comfortable and proud to say "this is my boyfriend". I'm taking it day by day. I wish I could be a fly on the wall to hear my parent's reaction after it lol... I don't know exactly what they think to this day. We just... don't talk about it.

 

[FloridaBMW]

Sorry that happened to you. -- The next time you're in Houston, let me know.

I don't have my company there, so I don't travel as often. I do plan on taking a trip soon as I miss seeing my Astros play and I need to go congratulate them on winning the world series.

 

[FloridaBMW]

what do you mean next time ??

hmm?

 

[Luvcutdick]

I was in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship for 13 years before I decided I couldn't take it anymore. My ex wife was not a very nice person. It started off nice, but through the years it got worse and worse to the point I decided I wanted to separate. So, as it was final in 2019 I started talking to people, going on dates. I was really just exploring my sexuality because I'm one of the 50/50 people where I find real love and attraction to both sexes. Dating women sucked, really. I felt like I was being interviewed for someone to take care of them for the rest of my life by the questions they asked, and how they made me feel. The ones who didn't make me feel that way, I usually didn't find myself wanting a long-term relationship with them, or the vibes just weren't there for me. And for dating guys, it was always more fun, and they were always a little more willing to go exploring with me (go on my boat, come to my house, go on excursions out of town, fly somewhere). So, I seemed to begin focusing on finding dates with guys versus girls.

Well, in 2021 on Cinco De Mayo, I met someone at a restaurant in downtown Houston, and we got to chatting it up. We ended up going to a few bars and having some drinks. He was a native, and I only come in town once a month to check on my company, so I didn't really know the are as well. I followed him around and it was a really fun time. Ended up, we met again a couple times before I left back to my home in Florida, and he said he would come back with me and see what Florida life is all about.

I took him on my boat, we went to some car meets, went to some private bars in my community and cruised around South Florida just having fun while we did it.

So fast forward six months, we officially call ourselves "boyfriends" (he was super slow to commit to anything and so was I). All of a sudden, he was getting mad at me when we went anywhere and I introduced him as "my friend".

I was getting the talk every night about how he felt like I was embarrassed of him, or myself and I needed to just "rip the band-aid off" and tell everyone about my sexuality.

I agreed, I said I would tell my few CLOSE friends, and then any stranger we met I'd tell them immediately. And I did.. and just as I figured, nobody cared. (but they were surprised, because I'm pretty straight/masculine acting and nobody would ever suspect a thing).

Fast forward a little bit, maybe a month, and now THAT wasn't good enough for him. He wanted me to post it on my Facebook, and tell my parents & family. He wanted me to be 100% OUT.

In February 2022 he said he was coming to Miami for a bachelorette party (I guess the token gay dude is always invited to those?) and I told him "Great, I don't want to intrude, but lets make sure we get dinner". So, we made plans to take a river cruise, and after eat at KiKis on the water and I would meet his best lady friend and her friends.

We all drank a lot, and we hit some other bars after and started doing shots. He got drunk and started harping to all of the ladies about how I'm so insecure with myself I won't just tell my family. And as we got more stupid drunk, and the night was coming to a close, we all hopped in an Uber to go back to my place.

It was at that point, in an Uber, him and his friends made me call my Mom at 3:45am on Facetime and tell her that I was gay, this was my boyfriend and I'm letting the entire world know. Then, he got my phone and posted a photo of us kissing on my Facebook with all my family, my ex, my kids, my friends to see.

The next day when I woke up I immediately remembered it. I went on there, and I had a hundred notifications, likes, reacts, comments. I didn't even read them because I had so much anxiety - I just deleted the post and shut the app off. Then, I look at my texts and it was everything from "did you get hacked?" to, "what are you doing? to "do you need to talk to someone?". My mom texted me "Want to elaborate on last night?".

It made me a quite sad that my "coming out" wasn't going to be how I'd imagined it. I felt like I didn't get a chance to do it my way, and I felt like the closet was just blown apart around me, and I was standing there like a moron with all my friends and family as onlookers.

As for him, he said he was genuinely sorry he did it, and he was just acting out of emotion and alcohol with his friends.

I felt like I didn't trust him anymore, and it is very hard to explain, but I started feeling resentment towards him. I slowed down my communication, stopped inviting him to my place, and when I went to Houston for work I didn't let him know so he didn't drop by to see me. In the end, I finally told him I did not want to see him anymore. It was heart breaking for both of us, but I just couldn't bare to look at him after that. I had so much resentment in me (which I truly regret).

Next, I did something stupid. I called up this doctor I met at a TikiBar on the beach in Fort Lauderdale. I asked her to dinner and we actually hit it off. I was posting photos with her everywhere. She was actually quite beautiful, and genuinely a good person. I realized though, I was doing this to prove something to everyone... and it was going to just hurt us both in the end. I was for sure physically attracted to her, and I loved hanging out, the sex, and her company but I didn't see myself in a long term relationship with her. I just got out of a 13 year relationship, I don't want to go back to doing the domesticated stuff right away. I wanted my alone time to work on myself, projects I've been putting off, business plans I made.. So, I ended it with her as well after a couple months.

I don't think anyone knows what I am now. I'm sure people talk about my sexuality, but they probably can't put a finger on whether I'm gay or straight. When someone asks me, I just reply "I am me". I'm me, I don't know what label to put on myself, but I like what I like. I'm sure they think I'm like a freelance sex provider to whoever I decide to date at any given time. Who knows?

Anyways, that is the story of how I got the door blown off my closet and came out to everyone on FB. I still have anxiety about that night, but it gets better as time goes on.

But for those who may have someone going through this, let them come out at their will. Don't do the "Rip the band-aid off" routine. It's tragic. Like me, they may dream about that day where they tell their mother and give her a hug because she will still love them the same, or dream of the acceptance from their father. But if you force them, you're ripping that away from them, and that really hurts.

And for my Mom and Dad.. We just don't talk about that subject......

I am so sorry that you had this very horrible experience ..... you are not alone.

My story is a bit similar. I was married to the most wonderful lady; she was the gold standard of a partner. I love her deeply. Unfortunately, she passed away from a terminal illness. We were married over 40 years.

I made the mistake of confiding in a now "once friend" about my bi side, after my wife passed. My wife was aware. As long as I was discreet and didn't create any issues for our family, she accepted who I was.

All of my hook ups were always with other married, family men.

The reason I opened up is because he told me something of himself, which I never spoke of to anyone. What ever possessed him to tell a mutual friend my disclosure !!

It turned out our mutual friend was sincerely, totally OK with it. It has not changed our relationship, however, our mutual friend knows that I no longer want to associate with the guy who outed me.

I want to be the one who decides who I tell, and when. It was outright wrong that my "once fried" outed me.

And to add additional pain ................. my "once friend" commented to our mutual friend that he thought I was sexually interested in my "outer". NFW; the guy is 400 lbs and leaning towards being alcoholic. Jokingly our mutual friend commented that he would be sure that if I were interested in a guy, our mutual friend would be my choice . It is stories like ours that make it sooooooo difficult to come out.

 

[Annatarsauron]

I was in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship for 13 years before I decided I couldn't take it anymore. My ex wife was not a very nice person. It started off nice, but through the years it got worse and worse to the point I decided I wanted to separate. So, as it was final in 2019 I started talking to people, going on dates. I was really just exploring my sexuality because I'm one of the 50/50 people where I find real love and attraction to both sexes. Dating women sucked, really. I felt like I was being interviewed for someone to take care of them for the rest of my life by the questions they asked, and how they made me feel. The ones who didn't make me feel that way, I usually didn't find myself wanting a long-term relationship with them, or the vibes just weren't there for me. And for dating guys, it was always more fun, and they were always a little more willing to go exploring with me (go on my boat, come to my house, go on excursions out of town, fly somewhere). So, I seemed to begin focusing on finding dates with guys versus girls.

Well, in 2021 on Cinco De Mayo, I met someone at a restaurant in downtown Houston, and we got to chatting it up. We ended up going to a few bars and having some drinks. He was a native, and I only come in town once a month to check on my company, so I didn't really know the are as well. I followed him around and it was a really fun time. Ended up, we met again a couple times before I left back to my home in Florida, and he said he would come back with me and see what Florida life is all about.

I took him on my boat, we went to some car meets, went to some private bars in my community and cruised around South Florida just having fun while we did it.

So fast forward six months, we officially call ourselves "boyfriends" (he was super slow to commit to anything and so was I). All of a sudden, he was getting mad at me when we went anywhere and I introduced him as "my friend".

I was getting the talk every night about how he felt like I was embarrassed of him, or myself and I needed to just "rip the band-aid off" and tell everyone about my sexuality.

I agreed, I said I would tell my few CLOSE friends, and then any stranger we met I'd tell them immediately. And I did.. and just as I figured, nobody cared. (but they were surprised, because I'm pretty straight/masculine acting and nobody would ever suspect a thing).

Fast forward a little bit, maybe a month, and now THAT wasn't good enough for him. He wanted me to post it on my Facebook, and tell my parents & family. He wanted me to be 100% OUT.

In February 2022 he said he was coming to Miami for a bachelorette party (I guess the token gay dude is always invited to those?) and I told him "Great, I don't want to intrude, but lets make sure we get dinner". So, we made plans to take a river cruise, and after eat at KiKis on the water and I would meet his best lady friend and her friends.

We all drank a lot, and we hit some other bars after and started doing shots. He got drunk and started harping to all of the ladies about how I'm so insecure with myself I won't just tell my family. And as we got more stupid drunk, and the night was coming to a close, we all hopped in an Uber to go back to my place.

It was at that point, in an Uber, him and his friends made me call my Mom at 3:45am on Facetime and tell her that I was gay, this was my boyfriend and I'm letting the entire world know. Then, he got my phone and posted a photo of us kissing on my Facebook with all my family, my ex, my kids, my friends to see.

The next day when I woke up I immediately remembered it. I went on there, and I had a hundred notifications, likes, reacts, comments. I didn't even read them because I had so much anxiety - I just deleted the post and shut the app off. Then, I look at my texts and it was everything from "did you get hacked?" to, "what are you doing? to "do you need to talk to someone?". My mom texted me "Want to elaborate on last night?".

It made me a quite sad that my "coming out" wasn't going to be how I'd imagined it. I felt like I didn't get a chance to do it my way, and I felt like the closet was just blown apart around me, and I was standing there like a moron with all my friends and family as onlookers.

As for him, he said he was genuinely sorry he did it, and he was just acting out of emotion and alcohol with his friends.

I felt like I didn't trust him anymore, and it is very hard to explain, but I started feeling resentment towards him. I slowed down my communication, stopped inviting him to my place, and when I went to Houston for work I didn't let him know so he didn't drop by to see me. In the end, I finally told him I did not want to see him anymore. It was heart breaking for both of us, but I just couldn't bare to look at him after that. I had so much resentment in me (which I truly regret).

Next, I did something stupid. I called up this doctor I met at a TikiBar on the beach in Fort Lauderdale. I asked her to dinner and we actually hit it off. I was posting photos with her everywhere. She was actually quite beautiful, and genuinely a good person. I realized though, I was doing this to prove something to everyone... and it was going to just hurt us both in the end. I was for sure physically attracted to her, and I loved hanging out, the sex, and her company but I didn't see myself in a long term relationship with her. I just got out of a 13 year relationship, I don't want to go back to doing the domesticated stuff right away. I wanted my alone time to work on myself, projects I've been putting off, business plans I made.. So, I ended it with her as well after a couple months.

I don't think anyone knows what I am now. I'm sure people talk about my sexuality, but they probably can't put a finger on whether I'm gay or straight. When someone asks me, I just reply "I am me". I'm me, I don't know what label to put on myself, but I like what I like. I'm sure they think I'm like a freelance sex provider to whoever I decide to date at any given time. Who knows?

Anyways, that is the story of how I got the door blown off my closet and came out to everyone on FB. I still have anxiety about that night, but it gets better as time goes on.

But for those who may have someone going through this, let them come out at their will. Don't do the "Rip the band-aid off" routine. It's tragic. Like me, they may dream about that day where they tell their mother and give her a hug because she will still love them the same, or dream of the acceptance from their father. But if you force them, you're ripping that away from them, and that really hurts.

And for my Mom and Dad.. We just don't talk about that subject......

Being outed against your permission is a pretty big no-no in the gay community. In some places, it can be a matter of life and death. And consider how many people, dependent on others, find themselves with nothing once these others find out.

(Now, there’s a debate about hypocritical, anti-gay personalities who harm the gay community yet are gay.)

You did the right thing by ending things with the offender.

As far as your subsequent behavior, I have two thoughts:
1. You’re shoring up what you consider to be your greater support network (which you think might be damaged by your coming out) as well as establishing an environment that causes less anxiety. Ostensibly, until you’re ready and willing to come out as by then you’d either have a very good reason to or would have all your ducks in a row as far as contingency plans go for if things don’t go as positively as you hope (“hope for the best, plan for the worst”).

2. Do you have to be gay? straight? bi? You do you. In many cases, we love people as people, not necessarily because of their genitalia. You don’t need to put labels on yourself or others.

And, of course, don’t hesitate to DM me if you want to discuss further.

 

[MrTMT]

@FloridaBMW , Thanks for sharing your story on your life and the struggle you've had with your past marriage/heterosexual relationship. I found something very similar in your situations and I'm glad that I wasn't the only one.
You seemed to have a good head on your shoulder, knowing what you want and don't want.
Looking at your pictures, you'll make someone very happy. Best of wishes in finding the right person in the next chapter of your life.

 

[Andrej_u]

Hey @FloridaBMW I'm really sorry that you had your coming out ruined in such a way.
I can really empathise with the regret for drunk behaviour. I think that's a big part of your story. We've all done embarrassing things that we regret. Just to throw it out there, I have a scar on my forehead and 6 stitches from once when I was incredibly drunk. I will never know what happened that night, not even whether I fell and hurt myself or if I got punched on the face.

I think that, as a first thing, you should accept and own the fact that you got wasted and did some crazy shit. It's ok, we're humans and we're not perfect. You lost your ideal coming out in the process, while I will always have a mark on my face as a reminder of my lack of dignity . Took me a while to learn to laugh about it, instead of being ashamed. The earlier you accept it, the better it is.

Next thing... You should talk to your family. It seems like they're more worried for your wellbeing than being judgemental or anything. If my brother called me at 3.45 am, I would be concerned as a first thing.

Lastly, you don't need to define yourself. Let people talk. Who cares about you does not care whether you fall in love with a man, a woman or another gender. They only care if you're happy and serene.

 

[opinionman]

Huge violation of your privacy and a real assholic move on his part. Lots of pain there.
I am naive in some ways. The folks I surround myself with simply accept gay people; it's not an issue, which is miraculous if you consider the past and other countries around the world.
Sounds like you'll have to be strong to simply be who you are and resist labels and tell people frankly that it's maybe none of their business.
I'm gonna sound like Carrie Nation, queen of the temperance movement back in the day, but I always feel that alcohol NEVER makes these situations better. Ever.

 

[alpha_centauri]

I was in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship for 13 years before I decided I couldn't take it anymore. My ex wife was not a very nice person. It started off nice, but through the years it got worse and worse to the point I decided I wanted to separate. So, as it was final in 2019 I started talking to people, going on dates. I was really just exploring my sexuality because I'm one of the 50/50 people where I find real love and attraction to both sexes. Dating women sucked, really. I felt like I was being interviewed for someone to take care of them for the rest of my life by the questions they asked, and how they made me feel. The ones who didn't make me feel that way, I usually didn't find myself wanting a long-term relationship with them, or the vibes just weren't there for me. And for dating guys, it was always more fun, and they were always a little more willing to go exploring with me (go on my boat, come to my house, go on excursions out of town, fly somewhere). So, I seemed to begin focusing on finding dates with guys versus girls.

Well, in 2021 on Cinco De Mayo, I met someone at a restaurant in downtown Houston, and we got to chatting it up. We ended up going to a few bars and having some drinks. He was a native, and I only come in town once a month to check on my company, so I didn't really know the are as well. I followed him around and it was a really fun time. Ended up, we met again a couple times before I left back to my home in Florida, and he said he would come back with me and see what Florida life is all about.

I took him on my boat, we went to some car meets, went to some private bars in my community and cruised around South Florida just having fun while we did it.

So fast forward six months, we officially call ourselves "boyfriends" (he was super slow to commit to anything and so was I). All of a sudden, he was getting mad at me when we went anywhere and I introduced him as "my friend".

I was getting the talk every night about how he felt like I was embarrassed of him, or myself and I needed to just "rip the band-aid off" and tell everyone about my sexuality.

I agreed, I said I would tell my few CLOSE friends, and then any stranger we met I'd tell them immediately. And I did.. and just as I figured, nobody cared. (but they were surprised, because I'm pretty straight/masculine acting and nobody would ever suspect a thing).

Fast forward a little bit, maybe a month, and now THAT wasn't good enough for him. He wanted me to post it on my Facebook, and tell my parents & family. He wanted me to be 100% OUT.

In February 2022 he said he was coming to Miami for a bachelorette party (I guess the token gay dude is always invited to those?) and I told him "Great, I don't want to intrude, but lets make sure we get dinner". So, we made plans to take a river cruise, and after eat at KiKis on the water and I would meet his best lady friend and her friends.

We all drank a lot, and we hit some other bars after and started doing shots. He got drunk and started harping to all of the ladies about how I'm so insecure with myself I won't just tell my family. And as we got more stupid drunk, and the night was coming to a close, we all hopped in an Uber to go back to my place.

It was at that point, in an Uber, him and his friends made me call my Mom at 3:45am on Facetime and tell her that I was gay, this was my boyfriend and I'm letting the entire world know. Then, he got my phone and posted a photo of us kissing on my Facebook with all my family, my ex, my kids, my friends to see.

The next day when I woke up I immediately remembered it. I went on there, and I had a hundred notifications, likes, reacts, comments. I didn't even read them because I had so much anxiety - I just deleted the post and shut the app off. Then, I look at my texts and it was everything from "did you get hacked?" to, "what are you doing? to "do you need to talk to someone?". My mom texted me "Want to elaborate on last night?".

It made me a quite sad that my "coming out" wasn't going to be how I'd imagined it. I felt like I didn't get a chance to do it my way, and I felt like the closet was just blown apart around me, and I was standing there like a moron with all my friends and family as onlookers.

As for him, he said he was genuinely sorry he did it, and he was just acting out of emotion and alcohol with his friends.

I felt like I didn't trust him anymore, and it is very hard to explain, but I started feeling resentment towards him. I slowed down my communication, stopped inviting him to my place, and when I went to Houston for work I didn't let him know so he didn't drop by to see me. In the end, I finally told him I did not want to see him anymore. It was heart breaking for both of us, but I just couldn't bare to look at him after that. I had so much resentment in me (which I truly regret).

Next, I did something stupid. I called up this doctor I met at a TikiBar on the beach in Fort Lauderdale. I asked her to dinner and we actually hit it off. I was posting photos with her everywhere. She was actually quite beautiful, and genuinely a good person. I realized though, I was doing this to prove something to everyone... and it was going to just hurt us both in the end. I was for sure physically attracted to her, and I loved hanging out, the sex, and her company but I didn't see myself in a long term relationship with her. I just got out of a 13 year relationship, I don't want to go back to doing the domesticated stuff right away. I wanted my alone time to work on myself, projects I've been putting off, business plans I made.. So, I ended it with her as well after a couple months.

I don't think anyone knows what I am now. I'm sure people talk about my sexuality, but they probably can't put a finger on whether I'm gay or straight. When someone asks me, I just reply "I am me". I'm me, I don't know what label to put on myself, but I like what I like. I'm sure they think I'm like a freelance sex provider to whoever I decide to date at any given time. Who knows?

Anyways, that is the story of how I got the door blown off my closet and came out to everyone on FB. I still have anxiety about that night, but it gets better as time goes on.

But for those who may have someone going through this, let them come out at their will. Don't do the "Rip the band-aid off" routine. It's tragic. Like me, they may dream about that day where they tell their mother and give her a hug because she will still love them the same, or dream of the acceptance from their father. But if you force them, you're ripping that away from them, and that really hurts.

And for my Mom and Dad.. We just don't talk about that subject......

Just tell people you are bisexual it works better this way than trying to claim or having someone else claim you are gay or heterosexual when you are neither.

What your ex BF did was not cool. People should come out when they personally want to or are ready if at all, to whoever as it is their choice. The people who make being gay, bisexual or whatever their entire identity and life are best avoided.

In the future do not let anyone or a group of people force, coerce, guilt/manipulate you into doing anything that you do not personally want to do. Alcohol and drugs remove inhibitions so keep that in mind or maybe stop drinking or stop dating people who get drunk or use drugs?

I am out to family or friends-in some cases there was never a need to come out to them-and if someone really wanted to they could look me up or visit my home and see that I am bisexual-I have books about the subject, and I have been out to certain co-workers but with other people who are strangers or who I have just met I do not tell them unless they ask. I have worked in education at all levels from Kindergarten through university/college. I do not discuss my sexuality with my students as we are there to learn and not to discuss my personal life at all.

 

[organic_choice]

I don't have any sympathy for you; I'm on your ex-bf's side. How are you a grown man living in America and still in the closet and craving everyone's approval like you're a child? There's really no excuse for that. Grow up you are literally sabotaging your happiness. You never would have came out if not for your ex-bf. You literally went back into the closet after he generously did it for you. How cowardly.

 

[opinionman]

I don't have any sympathy for you; I'm on your ex-bf's side. How are you a grown man living in America and still in the closet and craving everyone's approval like you're a child? There's really no excuse for that. Grow up you are literally sabotaging your happiness. You never would have came out if not for your ex-bf. You literally went back into the closet after he generously did it for you. How cowardly.

Wow. You're really a judgmental asshole.

 

[organic_choice]

Wow. You're really a judgmental asshole.

its just the truth babe

 

[SamAdams123]

Sorry this happened to you man. Nobody should force ANYONE to come out.

 

[Grapplr16]

So sorry to hear this happened to you. I’m impressed by your openness and willingness to share your story. That conversation with your parents will come if and when you are ready.