Overcoming Insecurities & Initiating Contact

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Hank_E_Hanabata, Apr 27, 2011.

  1. D_Hank_E_Hanabata

    D_Hank_E_Hanabata New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2011
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    0
    Evening LPSG,

    Tonight I would like to wrack a few brains and bring up a subject that most people would likely be interested to see discussed.

    So there you are sitting at work/school, wondering why the hell it is that you are still single and/or you don't have a black book of potential interests, whether purely social or sexual in nature. I realize this doesn't apply to all people, but it is very likely that even the most charismatically gifted and "life of the party" individuals have even been here once. By the way, you people are bastards having been born with it. I'm not mad.

    Since this site is primarily the exhibitionists outlet, I can venture to say that most of us have thought at one time "I have a nice sized package, shouldn't that be enough to grant me all of my desired partners?" I also happen to believe that this does indeed attribute to part of our confidence, and that sites like these DO indeed raise self-esteem (in my short time here I have noticed the overwhelming majority of posters are positive; however I can also see how it causes expectations to increase as well) and are quite therapeutic for some.

    So the question remains: "What gives?!" Why the hell can't I just walk up to that absolutely gorgeous guy/gal that works at Quizno's and ask him/her out and have them respond favorably? I'm a rational guy, I realize that I will likely will not die if and when I just approach them. The fear of rejection is very prevalent in me and I suspect many others.

    So, if you gurus have any tips, you curious ones have any questions or you optimists/cynics have other elaborations, please feel free to contribute. We're gonna figure this out and hopefully get some confidence rolling for the "not-so-blessed" in this department.
     
  2. SeeDickRun

    SeeDickRun New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2005
    Messages:
    235
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Indianapolis, IN
    I have a friend who is perhaps the most forward guy I know. He's not physically attractive, although he has a decent package. He's gay, a little overweight, not particularly handsome, but not shy about anything. His favorite expression is "The shy guy gets none." He lives by that. He'll walk up to the most handsome stud in the room, (assuming this stud wants him), strike up a conversation, and invite the stud home with him. It's amazing that sometimes it works. Not always, but often enough that it continues to encourage him. The key is that he's not afraid of rejection.

    He may be the extreme case. But, I've found personally that most guys are polite enough to return an opening, especially if they aren't surrounded by a group of friends, and if you aren't interrupting something that they're doing. Just look for an opening, take a deep breath, screw up your courage, tell yourself that rejection's not the end of the world, and give it a shot. Walk up to someone, introduce yourself, say something pleasant, (not something like, damn you've got a hot package), and see what happens.

    It can't hurt, especially if you convince yourself that rejection by a stranger isn't rejection at all... it's just the other person being a little rude.

    Good luck.
     
  3. earllogjam

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,027
    Likes Received:
    21
    Live like you were dying.

    You'll realize how fear robs you of life experience and joy.
     
  4. hung

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2004
    Messages:
    2,766
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    51
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Yes, You must present yourself to get action.

    If someone turns you down they will never know what they missed.

    Life is a lot like fishing for fish. Some get hooked and some simply swim away.

    You need to take chances to achieve your goals.
     
  5. D_9998

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2007
    Messages:
    86
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    362
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Edmonton (AB, CA)
    Verified:
    Photo
    I've always said the confident average guy gets more women than the really hot shy guy. It's true, I used to have this problem too. Now the best thing I can say is just stop caring....especially what other people think. There is a billion women out there what's going to happen if one says no. They probably won't remember you for long either if they turn you down so go for it. I would rather be turned down than to look back on the one I didn't try and always wonder if I could have had her. Find one that fits your style and just go for it your only young once don't waste this time of your life being shy and insecure your not doing anyone a favour especially yourself.
     
  6. AlteredEgo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
    Messages:
    14,465
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    6,570
    Location:
    United States
    You might like to have a peek at this related thread.
     
  7. inmysweats

    inmysweats Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2007
    Messages:
    143
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Wilmington (NC, US)
    A friend of mine whenever I am around him, butterflies his legs, wide apart, then squeeze them together, constantly. He always has quite a respectable bulge. He has noticed me watching, but he hardly ever stops. Is this some kind of a signal perhaps? What should I do next?
     
  8. Gecko4lif

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2010
    Messages:
    2,294
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    26
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Pensacola , Fl
    Thumb wrestling is classic way to get that first or second touch in.
    From then it is all escalation.
     
  9. pinkpineapples

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2010
    Messages:
    145
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    VA
    I have this problem. I gathered up enough courage to ask a guy out at the gym, he was straight and married, of course. I've not been able to muster up such courage again. Partly because it was hard enough the first time, I was rejected, and I would like to be chased for once in my life. I hate being the chaser who always ends up falling for the straight guy.

    I don't do the gay bar/club scene, its all sex and I want more than that. So just finding someone of likemindedness (word? maybe? ADDED to Webster) is difficult. Le Sigh.
     
  10. luvmycock

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2010
    Messages:
    2,516
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    971
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    Verified:
    Photo
    This is something that I myself have dealt with. Honestly the best thing to do is to not give a fuck and just go for what you want. I know it sounds a tad trite but it is true. A closed mouth never gets fed, so the best thing to do is to strike up a convo. Sometimes it will work in your favor and sometimes it won't but all that matters is that you tried and gave it your best shot.
     
  11. AlteredEgo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
    Messages:
    14,465
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    6,570
    Location:
    United States
    I hate being approached by men in public, and so have to do all the approaching myself. Right beforehand, I just remind myself of some advice a sales manager gave me at a job I used to have: Some will. "Some won't. So what? Next!"
     
  12. mandoman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2008
    Messages:
    3,539
    Likes Received:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    MA
    That's exactly what I try to do. Squeeze as much as I can out of every day.
    Last year when I was in danger of dying, I had not one regret.
     
  13. willow78

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2008
    Messages:
    5,848
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Australia
    I just stay home and cry.....
     
  14. BlkAthlete

    BlkAthlete Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2011
    Messages:
    61
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Houston (TX, US)
    Best advice...now I just have to follow it.:cool:
     
  15. D_Perry_A_Dontist

    D_Perry_A_Dontist Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2009
    Messages:
    121
    Likes Received:
    1
    what a very Daria thing to do!
     
  16. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    The reason you do not have a 'black book' is that you are not an opportunistic twat. Bad thing to judge yourself on.

    Get into the habit of making small talk with clerks and strangers in queue and similar. It counts as social contact and can lead to more. And that includes the hot guys and gals without pressuring them, or you either. It's just 'social muscles' you learn to flex. My autistic son has to work consciously on it, and so do I do a lesser extent as I am a bit shy by nature and history. But it gets easier. So what if some people are more natural at it?

    Even when I am feeling low, having exchanged a little smirk with a cashier at the grocery can feel like welcome medicament, to be recalled with gratitude...

    Black books are for predators. Ugh.
     
  17. D_Humper E Bogart

    D_Humper E Bogart New Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2004
    Messages:
    2,226
    Likes Received:
    2
    I knew there was a reason I admire your posts!

    Me, I take the siege warfare attitude. Or literally, "GO FUCK YOURSELF!" :biggrin1:

    I think respect is far more important than love, all sarcasm asside.
     
  18. alx

    alx
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2010
    Messages:
    1,065
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    A line or two of coke will take the edge off. Obviously not the best advice or the right way of doing things but it can help sometimes.
     
  19. D_Humper E Bogart

    D_Humper E Bogart New Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2004
    Messages:
    2,226
    Likes Received:
    2
    I'd get so fired in my line of work! :(
     
  20. SR_CriaMiaRiver

    SR_CriaMiaRiver New Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2011
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    0
    Sometimes, its in your genetics. In some cases' such as myself. I suffer from strong signs of schizophrenia and depression, and selective mutism. Unless someone talks to me first. i will not initiate contact.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted