Overly-Chatty People

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by lwd, Jan 31, 2008.

  1. lwd

    lwd New Member

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    I had a girlfriend, Jemima, a while back, broke up with her, but still remained friends because we shared a lot of the same values and had a lot in common. Once we became friends there wasn’t a hint of sexual tension. Each party lost interest and I went on to bang other girls. Eventually she moved across the country, had other boyfriends, new job, life, etc. We still kept in touch and would call one another once a month or so to catch up. Here’s what bothered me:

    We are both Type A people; there’s no doubt about that. She’s chatty, I’m chatty. The difference lies in that even though I can be a long-winded story teller, I also ask people questions that let them talk about their passions, and then ask follow up questions, and actually ENGAGE in a conversation. With Jemima, the engagement would occur on my side asking about her life. But then the conversation would shift to me (she would ask me what was new with me) and I would have to go into a monologue about myself. Now, I don’t mind talking about myself (doing it right now, I suppose), but when someone doesn’t ask follow up questions, it doesn’t feel right to me. I tend to shut down because it doesn’t feel like there is dialogue. I might as well be talking to myself. Now with Jemima, that is her style, whether the other party is male or female. And she does listen, I would test her or certain things to see if she were listening and she always was. In the end, it was too much of a pet peeve with me and the last conversation we had (maybe 3 months ago) I really dug into her about it. I was really heavy-handed about it and I think that ended the relationship. I guess it’s for the best, though, if it’s such a big deal to me (and I guess it is due to my incessant scolding).

    In the situation above was I trying to smack a round peg into a square hole? Should I have either dealt with Jemima’s short-comings or moved on?

    Do you think people who talk incessantly about themselves (with little to no questions about your life and what you’re doing) are deeply insecure and social misfits. I always try to ask people questions (even if I am truly not interested, but in a setting where you have to be polite). The only time I will ramble without much stopping (if the person is new to me) is if the person is so quiet/guarded that they need a chatty lead-in from the other person to start participating. Maybe my training as a vacuum cleaner salesman has helped a great deal J

    My sister is like Jemima. She is so self-consumed (and her discussions aren’t even fun) and nobody (quite possibly her husband, too) really likes her. All members in my immediate family are Type As (either completely or partially). So when my sister doesn’t reciprocate with the questions, all of the Type As get annoyed.
     
  2. D_Sue Ellen Brastretcher

    D_Sue Ellen Brastretcher Account Disabled

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    Yep, you are chatty! :wink:
     
  3. B_Italian1

    B_Italian1 New Member

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    Is Jemima a pseudonym? I've only heard of one, and that was Aunt Jemima. :biggrin1:
     
  4. lwd

    lwd New Member

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    Yes it is....just trying to protect the guilty here, but the structure of the story is real...
     
  5. B_Italian1

    B_Italian1 New Member

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    No, I think just the opposite. They're all about themselves. They are numero uno in their universe. They may be deeply insecure or social misfits is some regard, but it may go deeper than that. They may have no questions because they feel they know it all. They are above asking questions. And I find people like this are usually the types who constantly interrupt me when I'm try to speak.

    Same here. And it just kills me trying to think up questions during those awkward moments. You can only small talk for so long.
    I do that as well, but it can get to a point where I exhaust myself. I need feedback from the other person. I'm not doing standup.
    Yes, but they can be annoying. :tongue:
     
  6. lwd

    lwd New Member

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    I think the worst thing you can do in a conversation is interrupt the other person and fuck up their train of thought...I know a sterotypical New Yorker here in LA who would ask a question and before you could even articulate a thought he starts to answer....There's something phsycological about it, but I find it very jarring...

    Granted in every social situation (MM, MF, FF, whatever), you will have someone who is more Alpha than the other (it may even be 52/48, but never 50/50)...but good conversations are all about discourse...

    I'm in a bit of a reclusive period of my life right now (concentrating on other endeavors rather than social for the moment), but I get calls from friends all the time and the feedback is that I actually FUCKING LISTEN and usually come up with good advice....

    Someone once told me "a rich man doesn't need to tell anyone he is rich"...that phrase has stuck with me for some time. You don't need to tell someone you are the greatest X, have the biggest Y, are the best Z. For a secure, understated person it will just shine.

    As a side note, I also had a male friend equivalent to Jemima (maybe worse), called Joey, Joe-Joe. Joey Joe-Joe and Jemima met in the past and that was a disaster, as you could imagine...


    Hey Italian, you wanna buy a vacuum ?
     
  7. B_Italian1

    B_Italian1 New Member

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    It bugs the shit out of me. Sometimes they start to answer and it wasn't even what you were going to ask.

    Exactly. At least let the other person finish what they're going to say. Sometimes all you do is take a breath, and the person assumes you are done and cuts right in.

    It's important to be a good listener, and sometimes I'm guilty of not being a good one. If I have a lot of thoughts going on in my head, you could tell me you won the lottery, and it might just go over my head.

    That's true, but some people want you to know all about their possessions. Their possessions are better their yours, so they equate that with them being a better person than you. I know people who will call me up to tell me they bought something, where they got it, how it's rated in Consumer's Digest and what it cost. But they won't ask how I'm doing.

    Good grief. :rolleyes:

    I would if I didn't already have two.
     
  8. lwd

    lwd New Member

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    That's true, but some people want you to know all about their possessions. Their possessions are better their yours, so they equate that with them being a better person than you. I know people who will call me up to tell me they bought something, where they got it, how it's rated in Consumer's Digest and what it cost. But they won't ask how I'm doing.



    I'm probably micro-managing here, but anyone who goes out of their way to qualify themselves about their posessions and tell you (unsolicited) about where they got it is insecure. The posession (nice watch, car) should speak for itself. If the person were really secure with themselves, they would be getting enough attention from the posession from others (including/especially salesman) to not need to qualify themselves to you for desired attention....

    As a contrast, I have a friend who is financially successful, good-looking and well educated. He went to school at Wharton, but when asked by others, he is understated about it and says "Philadelphia". It's only if the person digs deeper in the convo. that he says the "W" word.
     
  9. B_bobs3304

    B_bobs3304 New Member

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    one of my BIG pet-peeves.

    i live and work with a bunch of chatty annoying girls.


    Ehhh.
     
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