Overseas friends

[13788]

Javierdude22: Hey

A quick rather current question for me. How do you keep up the relations you have with overseas friends, or friends that live (really) far away. I'm talking about it being a long and expensive trip.

Also: With who do you decide to keep in touch?

I'm asking this cause I have an acquaintance from New York whom I met while in Paris. I was 19 at the time. W had a great time hanging out for a week though, and we seem to have an upsurge of email exchanges every 2,5 (yes, 2.5) years. Meaning we don't mail for 2,5 years and then start with 'Wassup!?' . Thing is, I probably won't ever meet up again, maybe once if I go to the Big Apple, but after that no.

Then theres the people I hung out with for 2 months or more, who live either in the US or elsewhere. You can hardly go visit every year, or even two years. How do you deal with friendships like that?

Thanx

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

Can't totally relate -- one of my absolute best friends lives in Canada, but he's still not local.

I don't know. I never really thought about it. I guess it helps that we IM pretty frequently, and even if we lose touch through IM or the occasional e-mail, he's got my number and I have his. In fact, I've been ghostlike for the past week or so, and he called me recently. He didn't quite verbalize the words "I miss you, man," but the point still got across.

You know, that's the beauty of the Internet. I would've never met my best friend had we not chatted on Yahoo or somethin' first. But the distance doesn't make the friendship any less genuine -- and seriously, if that's coming from a cynical fuck like me, then you know I have to be seriously invested in this person, right?

So, why do you have to wait two and a half years to let your bud know what's up? Hey. It doesn't have to be serious conversation. Just pen informal stuff for a while and over time, I think you two will make more time for each other. It's all about accommodation. When one of you starts to let the other in, naturally, the two of you will make a better fit.

 

[13788]

Javierdude22: Dee, I think your quite right.

The internet honestly is the best thing that ever happened to communication and friendships.

At the same time though, it's becoming a buzz word. 'Let's exchange emails and keep in touch'. If I would have really kept in touch with everyone I would have to hire staff to type emails. So where do you cross the line? What sparks a person to really keep in touch with someone you only know vaguely, or very well but over a short period of time. What makes you toss away their emails, right after you got them? Or at least, stop emailing after the first one.

Jav

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

Oh yeah, you're right. Telling someone you'll e-mail them is about as commitment-worthy as plugging in someone's number on your cell phone. Just 'cause you take it down doesn't guarantee a damn thing.

I could ask you the same question. What makes you want to keep in touch with somebody? It's a subjective question.

I'll tell you what I think. I think the Internet has a lot of bullshitters out there, and I think a lot of us have recognized that. It's not very fun to run into someone who's posting fake pictures of themselves or essentially trying to be someone they're not. Of course, it's the Internet and it's so easy to fake yourself nowadays.

But, there are genuinely nice, real, good-spirited people out there. I know that if I'm chatting with somebody over IM and... I dunno... the conversation flows really easily and we discover mutual interests and commonalities, and before I know it I've killed an hour chatting when I should've been doing something more productive, that's the kind of person I want to talk to again.

I think if you truly, truly have a friend on the Internet that simply wowed you when you first met and that you continue to think of that person and regard them as more than an IM name in a chat room... I think that's friend material there. It's like, the person struck a chord with you and it's still reverberating...

Traveling to meet up... well, that's just a circumstance that might be beyond our control. Radu, for instance. He's cool. We don't talk much, but I imagine we'd have fun if we hung out, but there's just no way I could make it to Roumania any time soon. But you never know, arrangements can work themselves out sometimes, too.

But even if you can't get a meeting face-to-face, I think friendships can feel pretty genuine online nonetheless if you both really care about one another.

 

[13788]

blo1988: I use the internet mainly to stay in touch. I have friends in the UK, Belgium, Italy, Calif (I live on the east coast), and South Fla (12 hrs by car) that I keep in touch with often. As I reflect over the years I guess that I tend to stay in touch best with those folks who tend to also try to stay in touch.
I am fortunate to be able to travel enough to accomodate some personal contact time with most of them, but certainly not as much as we would like. The internet is perfect because it allows us to respond as our schedules allow. We all are busy...and this kind of medium bridges those gaps in timing.
I seldom IM folks.....actually rarely. And I virtually never enter chats, but I agree that there are a few folks whose musings resonate well with me. In fact, you two are perfect examples; bright, complex, passionate, sensitive, articulate,etc.
I may be niave, but I believe that exchanges through this medium can be therapuetic. It can be very useful to exchange ideas and experiences in a dialogue that is not biased by by one's immediate impression of how one is being "received".
Ordinarily, we tend to edit our conversations based on our perception of the other person's response. This can get in the way of saying what we need to say.
The ground rules are different when you "meet" a disembodied mind. You can exchange ideas with a certain degree of impunity.....no worry about a hurtful glance, or fear of someone trying to strangle you. That is the nice thing about e-mail with folks that you meet this way. If you find that you have common ground it can be truer, in a sense, than when you meet someone in a standard social situation.
The main variable is honesty. I have shared meaningful personal details honestly with only a couple of people on the web who are outside my personal social circles. Actually Jav is one.
Peace guys,w

 

[lacsap1]

[quote author=Javierdude24 link=board=99;num=1081376719;start=0#0 date=04/07/04 at 15:16:19]
I'm talking about it being a long and expensive trip.
[/quote]

Is it really?

I just think that airfare tickets ties days are so cheap.
You can fly from Europe to USA for just E200,=
Especcially when you check for good deals and off holiday seasons it's easy to fly around the world.

If you really want to see someone it must be possible
once a year to fly over...

Or can it be that this person isn't that special to make this effort ? I always think, "where there is a will there is a way".

 

[13788]

Javierdude22: Pascal,

In part your right, where theres a will theres a way. I have two close friends overseas I will always keep in touch with, and meet up with regularly. Simply cause they mean the world to me. However, some people can be really cool, and it would still be nice to see them and hang out. Those are the ones Im referring to most actually.

And then a couple of things will come in the way (I think ahead to much, but thats me). I will be bound by a 28 day vacation contract, or probably at least. I will want to visit new places as well, besides where my friends live. So that might be a prob.

At the moment Im not working and since Im thinking about doing another study, it might take at least a year or two more. So now also the finances come in the way. Sure, there are tickets for 200 Euros, but those are only to the East Coast, very last minute, and very rare. If I want to plan something to Cali, Im out 400 Euros, besides what I spend in that ridiculously expensive state. And those are my close friends, let alone any acquaintances.