Pain during intercourse

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by johnallen, Dec 28, 2009.

  1. johnallen

    johnallen New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Cali
    Hello,
    My parter of which I've been with a long time (years) is experiencing pain during intercourse. When we first met a few years back all was good. No pain, willing to try anything, etc.

    The last few years though we very seldom make love and when we do I can tell she is not enjoying it. This is very frusterating to me as I don't know if it's me or her. She says it hurts, but has been to the Dr before and they find nothing wrong...therefore she says there is no sense in her going back....which leaves me wonder what am I supposed to do?

    She obviously tells me it hurts and does not enjoy it, but does not want to go get checked out?

    She's rather small, but it used to fit fine, and now it's painful...

    She used to enjoy sex, now I have to ask for it repeatidly and it is rather annooying to have to beg for any type of sexual contact. She does not enjoy doing anything to me, bj, hj, etc.

    Any advice?
     
    #1 johnallen, Dec 28, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2009
  2. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
  3. nicenycdick

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2007
    Messages:
    1,825
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York, NY
    You are experiencing a difference in sexual libido, I suspect. She does not want or need sex...and you do. If she does not have that desire, sex will not be pleasurable and becomes a chore. The reasons can be many...sexual boredom, wrong partner, low self-image, age, some underlying physical condition, emotional issues...the list can be quite long. At the very least, she owes it to herself and the relationship to find out what is wrong. If she has no inclination to do that...your options are very limited: leave, cheat or accept. Only you can decide.
     
  4. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    if sex hurt you would you want it???

    hurts. as in pain.
     
  5. johnallen

    johnallen New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Cali
    Lube...yeah...lots. There is no natural lubrication at ALL.

    I guess what I wanted to know is there something, perhaps a medical condition that could cause this pain and be commonly mis-diagnosed of even never found by general exams?

    I understand it hurts, but wouldn't someone you love want to please their partner in other ways if they knew they couldn't with intercourse.. ah hell... no one can answer that.
     
  6. thebeast1

    thebeast1 Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    150
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    6
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Delft, Netherlands
    She sleeping with someone else? I find it hard to believe she is having pain when she has sex if your using lube, going gentle on her, and she has no physical condition. Sounds like more of a cop out not to have sex if anything. Maybe figure out why that is? Low libido, seeing someone else, you've pissed her off, etc.
     
  7. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    if she's dry, very dry, then that might be a clue!
    did she tell her doc that?
    did her doc test her hormone levels?
    is she on any meds or birth control?

    :rolleyes:
     
  8. Incocknito

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Messages:
    2,567
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    La monde
    My initial thought was she has an STD.

    But I also agree with the other poster. She is probably seeing someone else and making excuses not to have sex with you.

    Either that or you've put on a lot of weight or something and she no longer finds you attractive.
     
  9. naughty

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2004
    Messages:
    12,837
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    Hi,

    I think Dolfette may be on to something. Your partner may be experiencing hormonal changes that are causing dryness. You two should go to vaginismus.com to check out some possibilities. There is also interstitial vulvar pain that some women experience as well. All of the above can come on at anytime with seemingly little warning. Good luck.
     
  10. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    gotta say how i just LOVE how guys jump in with accusations that she's shagging around!

    what a bunch of twats.
     
  11. johnallen

    johnallen New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Cali
    She's on the pill...That may have something to do with it.

    She is not sleeping around. We live together, so I see her in the time she is not working.

    She has mentioned I "let myself go" but this was last week, and this issues been going on for a couple years.

    I thought it would get better, but it's not. We are both in our mid twenties. Way too young to be having sex once every two weeks.

    I am 6'3" 195lbs...not like I am overweight.
     
  12. Incocknito

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Messages:
    2,567
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    La monde
    Once every two weeks is not bad...assuming its good sex and you are both busy people with work commitments, etc.

    However, if the sex once every two weeks is bad; she is dry and emotionless and passionless then there is a serious underlying issue.

    Maybe its hormones but I doubt it.

    An STD would cause pain during entry but it would not cause a decrease in libido/sexual desire.

    From what you have said it sounds like for whatever reason she is not emotionally, physically or romantically involved in the relationship. There are several reasons but here are the most likely:


    1. She is aware of her lack of attraction to you and wants to break up but doesn't have the heart to tell you.
    2. She feels like you are just using her/hounding her for sex.
    3. She is seeing someone else
    4. She saw someone else early in the relationship and is still thinking of him...and doesn't have the heart to tell you
    5. "Hormones" :rolleyes:
    Normally you can tell by someone's eyes or their physical reactions whether they are attracted to you or not. Although often it may only be in retrospect that you can see the signs.

    Perhaps you could test her by not making any advances on her, except small touches, cuddles and kisses. If she is attracted to you, she will make the advances on you.

    But really do you want to spend time "fixing" her? There are plenty of girls who love to fuck and don't need pointers.

    It may sound harsh but its realistic. Unless you are immune to aging and plan to live forever.
     
  13. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    the pill is pretty infamous for causing loss in drive, dryness, etc.
    did the issues start soon after she went on it or changed brands?
    it's worth looking into, just to tick it off the list.

    there might be relationship issues for her that go beyond this though.
    does she seem her usual self, or is she a bit low?
     
  14. Incocknito

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Messages:
    2,567
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    La monde
    Oh yes, I am so sorry. I forgot that no woman ever sleeps around and all women should be trusted explicitly. I mean, if a woman doesn't want sex its always because of some underlying medical condition and never because she is sleeping around.

    How foolish I am.
     
  15. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    well you got at least one thing right.
     
  16. johnallen

    johnallen New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Cali
    She's been on all types of pills because of how they affect her. She got cramps on one, migranes on another, etc.

    When she was off of them, it seemed better, but I can't be sure.

    I don't believe there is an STD in the course of two years I would have seen other symptoms.

    Thanks for the tips!
     
  17. KTF40

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2009
    Messages:
    1,898
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DC
    Dude, I'm 6'3/195lbs. Unless all your weight is in your gut, this girl sounds nuts.
     
  18. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    sounds like they really don't suit her!
    it might be worth suggesting going back to using rubbers.

    i've had brands of pill make me hate the touch of a partner, but as soon as i cam off them i felt sexual again.

    it's just one of many possibilities but it's the easiest to test.
     
  19. nylonguy

    nylonguy New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2009
    Messages:
    104
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Bothell
    I agree with you, what a stupid conclusion to make. This couple does need help, they are much to young to already be in this situation.

    I think you both would benefit with some consuling to get the real issues out. My wife says that some times sex hurts but she had an operation down there and she is in her fifties so no comparison.
     
  20. johnallen

    johnallen New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Cali
    I do appreciate the answers everyone.

    I think it is time to stop the pills and get back the rubbers like mentioned.

    Thanks!
     
Draft saved Draft deleted