Pain during intercourse

[hugequeensman]

OK, I figured that I'd turn to this board because I'm plum out of ideas. My main issue is relations with my wife. :biggrin1: The main problem is that these days, after about 20-30 minutes of intercourse, it becomes too painful for her to continue, and she asks me to finish. She literally can't take any more because it hurts.

Here is the problem though: this pain seems to be an independent phenomenon. Lube, foreplay, position, pace, time of day...none of that seems to make a difference. Once she hits a certain point, it's just too painful for her to continue. At this point, I'm plum out of ideas. It's also annoying because I have to mentally "rush" myself to finish whenever she does this, so I end up feeling like I used my wife to masturbate instead of just finishing normally. Does anyone have any ideas?

 

[redbear52]

Contrary to what you might expect from hearing guys boast about how they drive women mad because they can go on for hours, my experience has been that most women don't want vaginal intercourse to go on for a very long time.

I haven't known many women who were multi-orgasmic especially with vaginal sex. From my experience, most women don't want to go on for more than 5 minutes or so after they have come (and many do not come at all with vaginal intercourse alone).

Out of the 16 or so women I have enjoyed sex with I don't think any routinely wanted it to go on for more than 30 minute after penetration, and most seemed to be satisfied with 10-15 minutes.

At one time I was taking some anti-depressant medication which made it hard to come. If my wife was getting sore she would suck me off until I was close and then I would reenter her and climax.

 

[HiddenLacey]

These days? So the two of you have not always had this problem? Is intercourse always more like 20-30 minutes?

 

[hugequeensman]

Redbear: Maybe I'm being a bit of a spoiled brat, but for what it's worth, the majority of women I've dealt with have been able to do a solid 45-60 minutes, and some have done a LOT more. Also, my wife is one of the fairly rare women that isn't particularly into the oral side of things (giving or receiving), so with her, it's vaginal or nothing.

Submissive: Well, in the past few years, she had so many issues, physical and mental, that having sex for any period of time has been rough. Part of me wanting to tell me to be a bit more grateful for getting some at all. LOL What the problem is that everything will be going great, and then I'll just be asked to finish out the clear blue. It's not a smooth transition.

 

[HiddenLacey]

Ahhhh, ok. Maybe it really is painful after that amount of time? I'm sorry I cannot give you any advice. Other than if it is pleasurable to her I would think she would want to continue. I have definitely gotten sore before and told my partner I couldn't and switched to a blowjob, but not ALL the time.

 

[Hanger2]

My wife has always had a pain problem with vaginal sex because my size and hers are not really compatible. The first 10 years of marriage were very difficult until she loosened up enough for sex to be comfortable for her. My solution has been to bring her to climax orally or by finger-fucking before entering her. Even after nearly 40 years of marriage she is still pretty tight for me, so I generally cum within a few minutes. Frankly, I don't want to be pounding her, nor anyone else, for 30-40 minutes.

 

[redbear52]

Things change with age and life circumstances.

Yes, I had multi-hour sex sessions that continued off and on throughout a weekend when I was young. But when you are married with kids and sex pretty much happens only at the end of a long day when the kids are in bed and you have to get up early in the morning and go to work, nobody is much in the mood for an hour of intercourse after foreplay.

And with age, sex becomes physically more strenuous. Everybody gets arthritis to some extent, and supporting your body weight, and maybe part of your partner's, for very long periods of time can become painful. Also some women (not all) lose the ability to lubricate for extended periods as they age (yes I know about artificial lube).

And different women are different. I can only report what the preferences of the women I have had sex with were.

 

[B_subgirrl]

As you say you are out of ideas, I assume that means you have explored possible reasons for her pain and possible solutions. What have you tried so far?

 

[hugequeensman]

LOL I can relate with the time redbear. The problem is that the time thing runs up against some old biological issues with me. I've always been slow to finish, so I try to rig my schedule so I usually don't have to go to finish in 15 minutes or else. But I do get the physically strenuous part. Knock on wood, I'm still healthy. Though my wife said that when she was younger (before she met me), she had no issues with lubrication. Ah well...time for me to adapt somehow.

subgrrl: Well, there are a lot of different things. I know she had a series of female issues that have (thankfully) been finally been resolved and brought to heel that she's had to deal with chronically over the years. We've also experimented with various lubes to find some that don't irritate her, so that's worked out. Foreplay is a bit of a challenge since she isn't particularly oral and is very particular about how she's touched, but I've finally figured that out. Lastly, I've managed to work on the whole position thing with her, knowing what positions set her off and what don't (so long as her privates don't have issues as in what I mentioned above). That all gets me to a half-hour. That said, I still can't figure out why she ends up so sore after the half-hour mark. That's why I'm stumped. Perhaps I'm missing something though...

 

[B_subgirrl]

subgrrl: Well, there are a lot of different things. I know she had a series of female issues that have (thankfully) been finally been resolved and brought to heel that she's had to deal with chronically over the years. We've also experimented with various lubes to find some that don't irritate her, so that's worked out. Foreplay is a bit of a challenge since she isn't particularly oral and is very particular about how she's touched, but I've finally figured that out. Lastly, I've managed to work on the whole position thing with her, knowing what positions set her off and what don't (so long as her privates don't have issues as in what I mentioned above). That all gets me to a half-hour. That said, I still can't figure out why she ends up so sore after the half-hour mark. That's why I'm stumped. Perhaps I'm missing something though...

Hmmm. Sounds like you've tried just about everything and have done all the right things. I'm certainly out of ideas at the moment. Maybe that's just how much her body can take before she gets sore. I've never heard of anyone's body having such a good sense of time before but I've no doubt it can happen.

Maybe the next thing to work on is you. Maybe together you could find ways to help you orgasm faster. Or try to find some substitute activities that will get you to the point of almost orgasming so you can just switch to vaginal sex at the last minute. I know that will be difficult considering she isn't into oral, but maybe you could think of something. I'm guessing she isn't into anal either or you would already be doing that.

 

[hugequeensman]

Thanks for your help all! And in my case, it's back to the drawing board...

 

[Riven650]

A hand job can be very nice.