Parents: How much have you discussed sex with your children?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_willy5904, Jan 4, 2011.

  1. B_willy5904

    B_willy5904 New Member

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    As the tread http://www.lpsg.org/172979-men-how-much-did-your.html has progressed it has become obvious that for the vast majority of men on this forum their fathers were not very open when discussing sex.

    So I would like to pose another question. Are we going to change this, or make the same mistakes that previous generation did?

    I was fortunate that I grew up in a family that was very open and honest about sexuality. As my wife and I started a family we continued my experience by also having a home where that has an open and honest environment where nudity, sexuality, and sex are not taboo, but accepted and encouraged as an essential element in being balanced men and women.

    My father had open and frank discussions with my brother and I and as I have previously written I have done the same with my sons. The discussion I had with my sons were a bit more in-depth in various areas as I have additional experiences that my father did not have. My wife had similar discussions with our daughter. All of our children have never hesitated come to us if they have any questions on sex or sexuality.

    My sons are comfortable discussing sex issues they are having with their girlfriends with both my wife and I. My daughter has brought question to me from the emotional ups and downs of relationships to how can she better satisfy her boy friend orally. Often these questions result in some very deep conversations about their relationships, sexuality, and emotions.

    This holiday break my daughter came home from her senior fall semester in college. She was home for a day when she came into our room to talk with my wife and I. She shared with us that during the semester she had her first lesbian sexual experience. She shared with us all the emotions that she was feeling; she loved the experience and has continued having sex with this woman; she loves her boy friend, he is her best friend and an incredible lover; her desire to share and or combine her sexual experiences; her 2 lovers desire not to share. We spent a lot of time with her specifically discussing her sexual orientation, she has always considered herself heterosexual, now she is wondering is she a lesbian, or bisexual as her parents and older brothers are, or does she approach it like her youngest brother and refuse have her sexual orientation labeled.

    To have a relationship with my family where anyone, at anytime is comfortable enough to bring their most personal question to my wife and I, and engage in deep discussion exploring different answers is very gratifying.

    So here is the question:

    If you have children how have you approached the discussion of sex and sexuality with them? Is it different than what your parents had with you?

    If your children are not yet to the age to have this discussion, or you don't have children yet, how will you approach this topic with them in the future?

    As we have seen from the responses on thread linked above men on this forum have an opportunity to do it better than the previous generation; or the same mistakes could continue to be made. My hope is that as a society we will continue to be more open and honest with our children on these subjects.
     
  2. Krusader

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    Well my parents never did discuss anything about sex. School did barely anything at all too had to find out all by ourselves
     
  3. LaFemme

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    I was given no information as a child. Nudity was shameful and certainly sex was never discussed. So for me growing up - I made a lot of mistakes.

    The kids I raised had all the information they were ready for as they grew up and became more curious. My approach was to teach them the physical aspects before they became embarrassed. So they knew all about where babies came from and sperm and eggs etc. I still remember the 5 year old girl saying to daddy - "I have a urethra, vagina and anus!" My intent was to instill a healthy attitude towards sex, to know how important it can be. To know that they could talk to us about it etc.

    Now that the oldest two are grown and in sexual relationships - I see that this has worked. The boys are comfortable with their sexuality and with the sexuality of their girlfriends. They don't cheat on their girlfriends and are pretty happy with their sex lives. They are so open that when they lost their viriginity, they each reported it with awe!

    Yes, so I definitely tried to make it different for the kids.
     
  4. B_willy5904

    B_willy5904 New Member

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    Ok, so how are you going to approach teaching your children about sex as they grow up? Are you going to take the same approach your parents did with you?
     
  5. D_Rosalind Mussell

    D_Rosalind Mussell New Member

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    I have a ten year-old son and this topic seems to crop up every now and then. My husband and I tried having "the talk" with him but he didn't like that approach at all. As far as he was concerned he didn't want to know yet (not my words, his). So we agreed that he was to ask us any questions, at any time, when he was ready. However, I will make sure he is prepared before junior high next year, as I don't want him getting information from the wrong places. My husband and I are very open in discussing subjects of any kind, including sex, so he knows he can come to us for anything. My dad was open when we were young as well (my mom definitely was not, but never intervened with my dad's dinner table discussions) which helped me form a healthy attitude towards sex. I plan on passing this healthy attitude down if I can help it. Once he hits high school and starts to have girlfriends I'm going to keep condoms in the house. As much as I want him to wait until he's at least 16, I don't expect that to happen. What I care about most is that he's practicing safe sex, not hurting anyone and he's respectful and caring of his partners before, during and after sex.
     
  6. nomju

    nomju Member

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    How much? Not enough I think. Our oldest daughter (13 y/o) has already had sex with her boyfriend and we are fucking appaled.
    She doesnt know that we swing, but she came on the nudist beaches with us when she was much younger, and I'm sure she has been able to hear us having sex in the house. I am fearful that our open and relaxed attitude to sex has turned her into a teenage slut.
    Perhaps we should have talked to her more about sex when she was about 12. Lets hope we have learnt our lesson for when our youngest gets older.
     
  7. Billboy

    Billboy New Member

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    i'd really love to discuss sex with my dad but he hasn't spoken anything about sex to me before. i really wish that he is more open. i had to learn all these sex-related things myself - even masturbation i had to hear from my friends!

    i am trying to gain guts to tell him that i am no longer a virgin (he probably still thinks that i am one although i am already going to turn 21 soon).
     
  8. D_Edwin Eatser

    D_Edwin Eatser New Member

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    My parents told me nothing about sex. I made sure my ex and I told our daughter everything as soon as she was able to understand, that sex was natural and healthy and never to be ashamed of her body. When she old enough her mum told her about contraception and later we allowed her to have her steady boyfriends overnighting with her in our house. We like to think it made her the happy and balanced woman she is.
     
  9. houtx48

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    Do you find it odd to know the details of your children sex lives? Somehow it seems wrong and weird to boot.
     
  10. B_willy5904

    B_willy5904 New Member

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    Why? I am honored that my children (they are all adults 22, 24.25.26 years old) respect and trust me enough to share there most intimate feelings and experiences with my wife and I. They have always done this ever since they were very young children. They have always know they could share anything with my wife and I.

    Would you rather they stuff their feelings and emotions? Not discuss what they are thinking or experiencing with anyone? Ask for advice from classmates, or friends that may have another agenda? Be scared, lonely, and afraid of their who they are?

    That is simply more of the same that we have been doing is this society for too many generations.

    If having an open, honest, trusting, and respectful relationship with my children means that I have to learn a few details about their sex lives, then that is a small price to pay for these relationships that I cherish.
     
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