So something I've thought about off and on through my life from adolescence to now is the growing lack of sexual education given to adolescents by parents.
I'm going off my own backgrounds here: American who hit and went through puberty in the late 90s and to the mid 00s. But I'm sure I'm not the only one who has missed some of these what I think are dire need-to-know bits of information. It seems that in the US at least, quite a generalisation I'm making here, but it seems that nowadays kids don't get the sexual education they need. Meaning, they don't get the sex talk from their parents. I know mine never once brought up the sex talk with me, and then when I was more than midway through puberty and got asked about a small question on my developing into an adult body, I got embarrassed by it. Why, I think to myself did I feel that way? Because the talk should have been had much earlier. Either way, I still never got the sex talk from either of my folks. Just like many other parents they shirked off the responsibility and duty of the parent-child sex talk to the school. True, I am a bit miffed I never got that, but now that I'm an adult I know all I need to, it's just that it is a talk that every child should receive from their parents.
So many parents just dump it in the laps of the schools, which luckily we do get some sexual education there. But it's very skewed information, totally impersonal and highly scientific, it has its place, but it's not enough for a well-rounded education on sex/sexual development/sexuality. Schools and teachers don't feel comfortable with that becase these kids aren't their own children, and the schools have been extremely limited. Teachers feel and know that students are seeking them to provide them with knowledge of the academic sides of learning about sex and that's good and all since school is an academic environment, so a scientific approach is appropriate. But teachers also know that what students really want is on-hand knowledge of sexual situations and to be able to be open in having their concerns and questions about sex answered in a personal context. However, the same parents that have shirked their responsibilities and dropped sexual education in the laps of the schools are the same people who have drawn lines for the schools to not cross or be threatened by a lawsuit for inappropriateness. This is a touchy area and because of course schools seek to avoid that difficulty posed them if they 'go too far' they teach a very impersonal and not-quite directly applicable approach to knowledge of sex, sexuality and development.
I remember being in 8th grade, the boys as always were separated from the girls and we were in our classroom getting ready for sex ed, ready to read up on the books that were boring and seemed very distant from what our ideas of sex were and to watch movies made way back in the day showing side-view diagrams of the male anatomy that we couldn't really identify with or parallel our bodies with, no real picture just a description and lack of any imagination in discerning this is how our bodies are, yet we all have different bodies, different growths, different experiences. So our coach came in and said to us "Do you want to know how to have the best sex of your life?" That got our attention straight away, as we'd been fed the same boring scientific side of sexual education for the past 3 years. Of course we wanted to know, we were starved to actually be learning real on-hand sexual knowledge about the actual deed and intimacy. And what did we get? "Use a condom" That was it, such a disappointment, and never during my school-based sex ed classes did we ever actually learn how to use a condom or diaphragm, no one actually showed us with a model or fingers, granted condoms are very user-friendly but to be honest the very first time I tried using a condom was around 17 (was trying out using one to jack off) and I had it in my mind, having never been showed how one goes on the penis, that it went down the shaft and also you pulled it over your balls. Imagine the difficulty posed me with my size endowment and testicles, yeah I struggled with putting that on for a long while until the condom just broke and ultimately I did figure out how it is really supposed to go on, just like it took me a while to figure out that I require magnum-sized not regular, yet I was never taught that or anything much about condoms with a solely school-based sexual education. And to this day I still don't know how diaphragms are used, nor what they look like (I can google, just saying it was always a vague idea of an object in my head, never a realised perceived and seen thing). In school we never touched base on masturbation either, but were just told that wet dreams happen (to this day I've still never had a wet dream, I thought something was wrong with me when I was a teen because I never did have one. Why? Because no one told me about masturbation in that if you jack off you won't get them) just like the school never told us anything involving the intimate side of sex, it was all academic and scientific and that is okay for school, but school's academic curriculum of sexual education must be supplemented by the parents' personal kind of relaying knowledge about sex and intimacy.
So thinking about it, the things schools should teach about sex are of course scientific and based on academic ideology. Schools should divulge knowledge on things like: pregnancy, STDs, function of sexual organs, practice of safe-sex, and sexual development. But parents need to provide that other side and divulge these sets of knowledge to their children: relationships and intimacy, self-discovery (i.e. talking about masturbation or sexuality), peer dynamics (i.e. you're going to be different from your peers in your development, or that you may feel like you want to experiment sexually), safe-sex practices of course (with info on how to use safe-sex contraceptives like a possible demonstration of putting on a condom modelling with the fingers, not actual genitalia), and of course sexual development (especially since heredity will play some role, there would then more likely be more insight).
But the issue with this thing of parents shirking the sex ed responsibilities entirely I think stems from a skewed parent-child dynamic. Many parents feel that the sex talk is an uncomfortable territory with their child and granted it's no walk in the park, but it's dire information and it's a parent's duty to divulge that and educate their children on sex. Lack of sex education on the parents' part leaves a lot of kids with a very incomplete and blind view of what sex really is, the intimacy and relationships involved in that, and other issues such as kids feeling unaware or uncomfortable with their own/other's bodies or both.
It is vital that parents should give the sex talk to their kids and I think it is sad that in this day and age it isn't really happening like it should. Parental involvement, input, and education on sex, sexuality, and sexual development provides a facet of personal knowledge that schools just can't reach (or dare to be dealt with impunitive measures in being called inappropriate). This knowledge that parents can give children is personal unlike that of the school, and through the divulgence of that, serves to strengthen the bonds and relationships of the parent-child dynamic. In that, is a gateway for better communication and understanding between parents and children, a comfortability, faith and trust. I know, having never been given the sex talk from my parents, anything of bringing up a sex topic be it my own personal development/body, or experiences is an extreme no-go. I would never go to them for sexual advice or concerns about sex because it would just feel too uncomfortable to bring up, too embarrassing and had I the sex talk I can guarantee I would feel more open to them on such subjects. Parents giving the sex talk open up that pathway that lets children really connect with being comfortable with their parents and gives them faith and trust in their parents and their parents knowledge on such things.
So those are my thoughts on sexual education and its diminishing, careless, thrown-to-the-wind output and lack of responsibility on parents' part to take up and do the duty necessary of them to their children in giving them this vital information and knowledge. What do you think?
I'm going off my own backgrounds here: American who hit and went through puberty in the late 90s and to the mid 00s. But I'm sure I'm not the only one who has missed some of these what I think are dire need-to-know bits of information. It seems that in the US at least, quite a generalisation I'm making here, but it seems that nowadays kids don't get the sexual education they need. Meaning, they don't get the sex talk from their parents. I know mine never once brought up the sex talk with me, and then when I was more than midway through puberty and got asked about a small question on my developing into an adult body, I got embarrassed by it. Why, I think to myself did I feel that way? Because the talk should have been had much earlier. Either way, I still never got the sex talk from either of my folks. Just like many other parents they shirked off the responsibility and duty of the parent-child sex talk to the school. True, I am a bit miffed I never got that, but now that I'm an adult I know all I need to, it's just that it is a talk that every child should receive from their parents.
So many parents just dump it in the laps of the schools, which luckily we do get some sexual education there. But it's very skewed information, totally impersonal and highly scientific, it has its place, but it's not enough for a well-rounded education on sex/sexual development/sexuality. Schools and teachers don't feel comfortable with that becase these kids aren't their own children, and the schools have been extremely limited. Teachers feel and know that students are seeking them to provide them with knowledge of the academic sides of learning about sex and that's good and all since school is an academic environment, so a scientific approach is appropriate. But teachers also know that what students really want is on-hand knowledge of sexual situations and to be able to be open in having their concerns and questions about sex answered in a personal context. However, the same parents that have shirked their responsibilities and dropped sexual education in the laps of the schools are the same people who have drawn lines for the schools to not cross or be threatened by a lawsuit for inappropriateness. This is a touchy area and because of course schools seek to avoid that difficulty posed them if they 'go too far' they teach a very impersonal and not-quite directly applicable approach to knowledge of sex, sexuality and development.
I remember being in 8th grade, the boys as always were separated from the girls and we were in our classroom getting ready for sex ed, ready to read up on the books that were boring and seemed very distant from what our ideas of sex were and to watch movies made way back in the day showing side-view diagrams of the male anatomy that we couldn't really identify with or parallel our bodies with, no real picture just a description and lack of any imagination in discerning this is how our bodies are, yet we all have different bodies, different growths, different experiences. So our coach came in and said to us "Do you want to know how to have the best sex of your life?" That got our attention straight away, as we'd been fed the same boring scientific side of sexual education for the past 3 years. Of course we wanted to know, we were starved to actually be learning real on-hand sexual knowledge about the actual deed and intimacy. And what did we get? "Use a condom" That was it, such a disappointment, and never during my school-based sex ed classes did we ever actually learn how to use a condom or diaphragm, no one actually showed us with a model or fingers, granted condoms are very user-friendly but to be honest the very first time I tried using a condom was around 17 (was trying out using one to jack off) and I had it in my mind, having never been showed how one goes on the penis, that it went down the shaft and also you pulled it over your balls. Imagine the difficulty posed me with my size endowment and testicles, yeah I struggled with putting that on for a long while until the condom just broke and ultimately I did figure out how it is really supposed to go on, just like it took me a while to figure out that I require magnum-sized not regular, yet I was never taught that or anything much about condoms with a solely school-based sexual education. And to this day I still don't know how diaphragms are used, nor what they look like (I can google, just saying it was always a vague idea of an object in my head, never a realised perceived and seen thing). In school we never touched base on masturbation either, but were just told that wet dreams happen (to this day I've still never had a wet dream, I thought something was wrong with me when I was a teen because I never did have one. Why? Because no one told me about masturbation in that if you jack off you won't get them) just like the school never told us anything involving the intimate side of sex, it was all academic and scientific and that is okay for school, but school's academic curriculum of sexual education must be supplemented by the parents' personal kind of relaying knowledge about sex and intimacy.
So thinking about it, the things schools should teach about sex are of course scientific and based on academic ideology. Schools should divulge knowledge on things like: pregnancy, STDs, function of sexual organs, practice of safe-sex, and sexual development. But parents need to provide that other side and divulge these sets of knowledge to their children: relationships and intimacy, self-discovery (i.e. talking about masturbation or sexuality), peer dynamics (i.e. you're going to be different from your peers in your development, or that you may feel like you want to experiment sexually), safe-sex practices of course (with info on how to use safe-sex contraceptives like a possible demonstration of putting on a condom modelling with the fingers, not actual genitalia), and of course sexual development (especially since heredity will play some role, there would then more likely be more insight).
But the issue with this thing of parents shirking the sex ed responsibilities entirely I think stems from a skewed parent-child dynamic. Many parents feel that the sex talk is an uncomfortable territory with their child and granted it's no walk in the park, but it's dire information and it's a parent's duty to divulge that and educate their children on sex. Lack of sex education on the parents' part leaves a lot of kids with a very incomplete and blind view of what sex really is, the intimacy and relationships involved in that, and other issues such as kids feeling unaware or uncomfortable with their own/other's bodies or both.
It is vital that parents should give the sex talk to their kids and I think it is sad that in this day and age it isn't really happening like it should. Parental involvement, input, and education on sex, sexuality, and sexual development provides a facet of personal knowledge that schools just can't reach (or dare to be dealt with impunitive measures in being called inappropriate). This knowledge that parents can give children is personal unlike that of the school, and through the divulgence of that, serves to strengthen the bonds and relationships of the parent-child dynamic. In that, is a gateway for better communication and understanding between parents and children, a comfortability, faith and trust. I know, having never been given the sex talk from my parents, anything of bringing up a sex topic be it my own personal development/body, or experiences is an extreme no-go. I would never go to them for sexual advice or concerns about sex because it would just feel too uncomfortable to bring up, too embarrassing and had I the sex talk I can guarantee I would feel more open to them on such subjects. Parents giving the sex talk open up that pathway that lets children really connect with being comfortable with their parents and gives them faith and trust in their parents and their parents knowledge on such things.
So those are my thoughts on sexual education and its diminishing, careless, thrown-to-the-wind output and lack of responsibility on parents' part to take up and do the duty necessary of them to their children in giving them this vital information and knowledge. What do you think?
