Parents' shirking of responsibility in sex ed.

[D_Alec_Baldtwins]

When did kids become so frail that mommy and daddy have to spoon-feed them everything? When did kids all become so stupid and clueless that it's assumed they can't inform themselves of anything, especially in this age of abundant access to information? It's been a lot of years since I was a teenager, but nobody's parents that I knew talked to them about sex, we still all found out what we needed to know, and none of us was the worse for it. I don't disagree that talking to kids about this stuff is or can be a part of responsible parenting, but seriously, we have another "crisis" on our hands because mommy and daddy didn't have "the talk"? Let's get real here - sex education isn't that complicated, and kids aren't going to be hugely disadvantaged or scarred for life simply because they didn't get their information from mommy and daddy.

Yes, kids do stupid and risky things. They get each other pregnant, etc. My experience has almost universally been that it isn't lack of information that causes this, it's the fact that kids are kids - they're immature, irresponsible, and easily swayed by peer pressure, and will do stupid things, even when they know it's wrong. If talking to kids non-stop and getting into their faces all the time over anything, from homework to sex really made that much of an impact, a great many problems that have persisted for decades and sometimes longer would have been solved a long time ago.

 

[tanstaafl16]

And why has she had multiple sex partners at 15? Is she jodie foster in taxi driver?

I don't know how old you are, but I'm 26 and a few weeks ago I was in the exact same situation as you with my 16 year old neighbor. His parents are divorced and he never sees his real dad, and even though he does have a step dad that has been around since he was very young, I guess they're not that close and so his mom asked me to have the talk with her son (I'm very close with the whole family and I have known them for a long time). I was very surprised because I am 100% gay and she knows that, but she still felt confortable enough with me having that conversation with her son (or desperate). Either way, I am very comfortable talking about this kind of stuff and do not shy away from using words like "penis" or "vagina".

I had the condom size talk and how to put one on (using a banana), but I debated in my head wether I should give him a condom to keep, or have him ask me for one when he's ready. I feel like if I gve him one I will be encouraging him to have sex with his girlfriend (at 15 she is not a vigin and has had multiple sex partners, though my 16 yr old neighbor is still a virgin) and if I don't give him a condom she will pressure him into having unprotected sex.

How did you handle that?

He did comfy to me that they have exposed themselves to each other and they both have wandering hands while they are making out (just touching), and now his phone has a password because (like he told me) he has "pictures" he doesn't want anyone to see. He also had an accident not to long ago when she was grinding him (while making about), he couldn't hold it back. So I feel like they are definitely heading in that direction.

I'm not sure if I should have a follow up conversation or just trust that I taught him enough and that he retained that information.

 

[hud01]

When did kids become so frail that mommy and daddy have to spoon-feed them everything? When did kids all become so stupid and clueless that it's assumed they can't inform themselves of anything, especially in this age of abundant access to information?

What planet are you from? Having the "talk" is something that has been going on for at least 70 or 80 years, if not longer.

 

[D_Alec_Baldtwins]

What planet are you from? Having the "talk" is something that has been going on for at least 70 or 80 years, if not longer.

Ummm... planet earth here. SOME parents having the talk may have been going on for 70 or 80 years, but what planet are you from to think that ALL parents have "the talk" with their kids? Your point is far from universally true.

 

[dolfette]

in the past most kids slept in such close quarters with their parents that they witnessed sex. separate rooms and privacy are relatively modern. in the past most kids saw livestock breeding.

unwanted pregnancies in kids have been happening since forever.

being exposed to manufactured sexuality on the one hand, being sheltered from the reality of sex on the other, it's a modern problem.

 

[NOBBY_UK]

Sex Ed in School ?

Was that the day the Woman came in (All Male School)
and put Condoms on Bananas ?

 

[BoxersguyNJ]

my parents never spoke to me about sex at all, I learned through friends and what i used to hear others talking

 

[hud01]

Ummm... planet earth here. SOME parents having the talk may have been going on for 70 or 80 years, but what planet are you from to think that ALL parents have "the talk" with their kids? Your point is far from universally true.

I did not say all, but your post was that it was new.

 

[aninnymouse]

I think the problem is that most parents are too uptight in the idea that they don't want to even think about their children having sex or being sexual, even after they've grown up and married. It's the whole "Ignore it and it'll go away" mentality, which is very, very dangerous.

Therefore, they leave that part of education to the schools, which don't do anything worth while half the time. The thing about the schools is, they do talk in more technical, mechanical terms. They don't do much hands on education. Most of it is, in fact, abstinence based. And we all know how well that works out.

Part of that is, many parents would flip if they did. It would be construed as the schools teaching children how to have sex and be grown at an inappropriate age.
The problem with that is that children are like sponges, and they absorb what they see and hear, whether appropriate or inappropriate. Thus, especially in this age of the instant internet, you get kids with very easy access to extremely explicit materials.

For that reason, partially, you get the rash of teenage pregnancies, stories about children as young as 10-12 doing wildly inappropriate things, and society gets outraged.

The problem is, teenagers will ALWAYS experiment with a variety of things. Sex, drugs, dress, hairstyles, etc. What needs to happen is that PARENTS need to find a way to get over their hangups about it, and to actually provide the necessary education that fits for their value system, and to make their kids happy and well adjusted adults.

 

[august86]

...So thinking about it, the things schools should teach about sex are of course scientific and based on academic ideology. Schools should divulge knowledge on things like: pregnancy, STDs, function of sexual organs, practice of safe-sex, and sexual development. But parents need to provide that other side and divulge these sets of knowledge to their children: relationships and intimacy, self-discovery, peer dynamics, safe-sex practices of course (with info on how to use safe-sex contraceptives like a possible demonstration of putting on a condom and of course sexual development...

Parentals never gave me the talk either, but then again they knew that because of my inquisitive nature, I would make sure I find out whatever I needed to know.
The emotional part of relations was touched on though.
The need for self-control in not trying to "hump what moves".
Reminding you that you shouldn't dash into relationships, but rather have plenty of friends and enjoy life for as long as you can.

As Lion mentioned,"The talk" and sex ed should be a hive of honest information on various aspects of sex, emotion and development, as it will allow them to make informed decisions.
Parents don't need to buy their kids vibrators/dildo's or fleshlights, but letting them know that there are other options besides looking for sexual satisfaction up someone's skirt or down someone's pants. And if they still want to have sex, at least it will be done responsibly.

Sex ed: South Park

The talk: Glee

 

[travis1985]

I think the problem is that most parents are too uptight in the idea that they don't want to even think about their children having sex or being sexual, even after they've grown up and married. It's the whole "Ignore it and it'll go away" mentality, which is very, very dangerous.

Therefore, they leave that part of education to the schools, which don't do anything worth while half the time. The thing about the schools is, they do talk in more technical, mechanical terms. They don't do much hands on education. Most of it is, in fact, abstinence based. And we all know how well that works out.

Part of that is, many parents would flip if they did. It would be construed as the schools teaching children how to have sex and be grown at an inappropriate age.
The problem with that is that children are like sponges, and they absorb what they see and hear, whether appropriate or inappropriate. Thus, especially in this age of the instant internet, you get kids with very easy access to extremely explicit materials.

For that reason, partially, you get the rash of teenage pregnancies, stories about children as young as 10-12 doing wildly inappropriate things, and society gets outraged.

The problem is, teenagers will ALWAYS experiment with a variety of things. Sex, drugs, dress, hairstyles, etc. What needs to happen is that PARENTS need to find a way to get over their hangups about it, and to actually provide the necessary education that fits for their value system, and to make their kids happy and well adjusted adults.

I'll agree that it comes down to parents having to get over it and step up to the plate, but I don't think the problem is always being overly abstinence-based. There's also a lot of "do whatever feels good to you, as long as you always use a condom" going on in schools, and that can lead to a really skewed view of sex not as something healthy to do and use informed judgment about, but as a fun activity that's appropriate in any form as long as you stay detached and try to avoid any of its natural results.

When it comes to the controversial aspects of sex education, the solution is to stay completely neutral, scientific, and mechanical. This is the male reproductive system and how it works, this is the female reproductive system and how it works, here's what they do together. Leave out any and all value judgments and opinions of any lean or perspective ("sex outside of marriage is wrong," "homosexuality is okay," "masturbation is dirty," "always use birth control," etc.) and you're left with facts, which are undisputable and fairly simple for parents to either let the school present or opt out of. The problems come up when politics or cultural views of ANY KIND are part of the curriculum.

Now, of course that would not provide an in-depth understanding of all the intricacies of sex. But the school has no business to provide that in a nation where everyone is entitled to different opinions and live them out as they see fit. Since it will never be possible to please everyone, the ONLY answer is to stick to nothing but the facts and allow parents to supplement it with their values as they see fit. Some parents will drop the ball, but that is not unique to this topic (look at all the fat children you see even though the school offers P.E.), and unfortunately the public school system can't save everyone.

Anything taught by the school about subjects with potential for controversy should be information, straight, no chaser.