PART TWO of Celebrating the Hockey Championship

Discussion in 'Fictitious Stories' started by jjsuperbird, Jan 28, 2007.

  1. jjsuperbird

    jjsuperbird Member

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    This story is a continuation of “Celebrating the Hockey Championship”.

    I received more responses to that story than anything else I have written.
    Thanks to everyone who sent me a private message. Apparently lots of LPSG members like the theme of horny healthy heterosexual guys experimenting with homosexuality.

    This continuation of the story tries to respond to some of the requests I received. Several members identified with Tobin, the muscular powerful defenseman and his bi-curious attitude. This story follows Tobin and his super hung friend Wayne after the hockey game.

    For those who have not yet read “Celebrating the Hockey Championship” it might make more sense to read that story before this sequel.

    I will shamelessly bump that story after I post this sequel.

    ******

    Tobin walked in from the cold parking lot to the noisy hot crowded bar. His hockey team won the championship that night and there were dozens of fans and supporters celebrating the victory with booze, music and dancing.

    Most of the rest of the team were already partying hard. Some of the players were playing pool and many of the other horny young men were chatting up the available sexy hockey bunnies. Some were already grinding on the dance floor with girl friends.

    Tobin had lost a bit of his buzz from the beers and the joint he smoked in the change room after the game and was starting to feel a little uncomfortable about what had happened in the showers with Cam the left winger and some of the other players.

    The big muscular defenseman needed to re-affirm his masculine heterosexuality.

    Tobin took off his leather hockey jacket, flexed his muscles under his tight cotton t-shirt and even tighter stressed jeans and swaggered across the dance floor. He liked the feeling of the people in the bar – both women and men – looking at his hard defined body. Tobin had 200 pounds of sexy hot muscle mass and worked hard to keep it bulked and defined.

    While he liked girls, Tobin didn’t mind attention from guys. He liked it when they admired his muscles and his athletic body. He didn’t think he was gay, but after the episode in the change room after the game with Cam he wondered.

    He noticed several people in the bar looked him up and down as he walked past. He was used to the attention his broad shoulders, narrow waist, powerful guns and thick thighs usually got. His physique caused heads to turn. But tonight he couldn’t help but wonder if some of his team mates from the showers had said anything about what happened just an hour before and whether people were looking at him differently.

    He thought, after the experience in the shower he needed to fuck a horny little hockey bunny or two or three. And more importantly he wanted his teammates to see him in the hunt for tight young pussy.

    Tobin’s eyes took a minute to adjust to the darkened area behind the dance floor. There was lots of young game to be hunted tonight. He could see lots of his teammates and all the sexy hockey bunnies drinking and laughing. Some were standing talking and others were sitting around small wooden tables with trays of beers.

    Tobin was looking around to find the hottest looking girl he could to hit on. He smiled at several girls sitting together at a table just off the dance floor. He recognized some of them from school. They were pretty hot and they smiled back. He was about to make his approach but then his eye caught some movement in the dark corner. Wayne, the well hung team captain, had a girl on either side of him in the back booth and they were obviously both vying for Wayne’s attention. Wayne made eye contact with Tobin and smiled a big toothy grin.

    Tobin recognized one of the girls in the booth, Cindy a petite blond. She was bubbly and friendly. She was on the school gymnastics team and was delicious. When she practiced the balance beam, the uneven bars and the horse she always wore a petite black body suit and her blond hair in pig tails.

    When she wasn’t doing gymnastics she wore tight jeans over her body suit and would run down the hall to class in dance slippers. Her bum tilted slightly upward and her pig tails bounced on her exposed back as she walked down the halls. Tobin always had the urge to reach out and give her hard little buns a squeeze as she pranced by in the hallway.

    Cindy looked the picture of innocence, but looks can be deceiving, she did like to join the hockey team after every game and had a reputation as an amazing cock sucker. She seemed to be a bit of a size queen and knew who had the best equipment on the team. Wayne had the biggest stick on the ice, but she knew Tobin had some very nice lumber too.

    Tobin didn’t recognize the other girl sitting in the booth. She was slightly chunkier than Cindy but was obviously as eager for some action as Cindy. Wayne raised his arm from around Cindy’s shoulder and waved his friend Tobin over to join them in the booth.

    “Hi Tobin” cooed Cindy as the giant defenceman approached the booth. Her eyes looked straight at his crotch and Tobin could feel the tension begin to build in his loins.

    Wayne, the team captain with the biggest stick on and off the ice, shuffled around a little to make room for his team mate. “This is Katrina” said Wayne as he put his arm around the dark haired girl to his left. She is Cindy’s cousin visiting from Buffalo.

    Tobin could see Katrina had her right hand on Wayne’s thigh – actually it was further up on his crotch, but she slid it down Wayne's thigh as Tobin reached over to shake her hand. Katrina was obviously enjoying the huge manhood between the team captain’s legs because she didn’t lift her right hand to greet the defenseman. Instead she offered her left hand to the huge hockey player. Tobin wasn’t sure if he was supposed to shake her hand or kiss it.

    His broad shoulders were almost as wide as the table in the tiny booth. He reached across the small table and with an exaggerated flourish he bent to kiss the extended hand.

    “Welcome to Canada, Katrina.” Tobin said with a grin as he stood up again, his crotch at eye level with the visitor from Buffalo.

    “Hey, lover boy, don’t go hitting on my cousin” Cindy giggled. The little gymnast reached out to grab Tobin’s tree trunk thigh and pull him into the booth beside her.

    “You had a great game tonight Tobin” smiled Cindy as she snuggled into his powerful chest “Congratulations, you deserve a reward” and kissed him on the cheek.

    They ordered a round of drinks and chatted in the dark corner of the noisy bar. Katrina didn’t say much but Tobin watched her right arm continue to move and assumed her hand was rubbing Wayne’s fuck pole under the table.

    As his eyes adjusted to the dark light Tobin decided that Katrina didn’t look bad; in fact she had a very friendly smile and a nice set of tits.

    Tobin thought to himself: “this girl might be rather quiet now but I bet she is a screamer in the sack specially if she was filled up by Wayne’s monster cock.”

    Tobin was still thinking about his experience with Cam in the shower. He wondered what he wanted more, to fuck Cindy or watch Katrina give Wayne’s python a work out.

    “Cindy says you and Wayne are the two best players on the team” smiled Katrina. “You certainly are built like a hockey player. You must work out a lot to keep in shape.”

    Tobin smiled. He liked it when someone complimented his body.

    “Wayne’s a much more skilled hockey player than I am, I use my size and power to compensate” offered Tobin with a combination of humble truth and gentle bragging. He gave his bicep a not too subtle flex and glanced down at his arm then back at Katrina’s soft friendly face and full round tits.

    Cindy wrapped her hands around Tobin’s rock hard upper arm. “These two hockey heroes both have the skill and equipment to be champions in my book.” winked Cindy.

    Tobin looked at Cindy’s petite fingers across his thick bicep. “Want to dance?” he asked her.

    Cindy giggled and quickly jumped out of the booth pulling Tobin’s massive bulk towards her. The two of them started for the dance floor just as a slow song began. As they walked toward the dance floor Wayne watched as Tobin put his huge powerful hand on Cindy’s pert petite little bum. Wayne’s cock pulsed a little thicker under the table.
    .
     
  2. jjsuperbird

    jjsuperbird Member

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    Katrina wasted no time. As soon as Tobin and Cindy left she turned and kissed Wayne deeply as she pulled the zipper down on his pants.

    “It feels so big and so hot. I have to see it…Oh my god it feels huge.” Katrina said breathlessly referring to Wayne’s dick in the third person.

    She reached in to his now open pants and put her hand around Wayne’s huge manhood.

    “Cindy said you were hung, but I’ve never felt anything this big. It’s so thick; I can’t get my hand around it. I have to see more; I want to look at it. Can we go somewhere?”

    “Tobin’s parents are away. Maybe we could go to his place when they finish dancing.”

    “I don’t think I can wait that long.” Katrina said as she pulled the snake out of Wayne's pants.

    Wayne smiled as Katrina went down to try and put the huge head of his dick in her mouth.

    The booths in the far corner of the tavern are dark and quiet. Several of the hockey players have enjoyed blow jobs and heavy sessions in these back booths with their girlfriends or with one or other of the arena bunnies. Katrina was not the first to suck a hockey player back here and she wouldn’t be the last.

    As Katrina bobbed up and down on the thickest dick she had ever seen Wayne watched his buddy Tobin dance with Cindy the hot little gymnast.

    Wayne wondered what Cindy and Katrina would think if they knew that he and Tobin had already had one blow job tonight.

    Wayne felt that familiar tension building in his balls. Katrina was slurping and slopping all over his big dick. He watched Tobin and Cindy dancing and grinding on the dance floor.

    He thought about Cam humping Tobin's bubble butt in the shower. He thought about little Cindy sucking on Tobin's thick shaft.

    Wayne was getting close, he watched Tobin's huge hands all over little Cindy's ass on the dance floor while her cousin from Buffalo sucked his cock.

    Katrina was moaning and her right hand was rapidly beating up and down his shaft as her tongue swirled around his glands.

    Wayne thought to himself that Katrina was almost as good a cock sucker as her cousin Cindy.

    He put one hand on Katrina's back and played with her bra strap as he stroked her soft hair with his other hand.

    He felt the tension build in his loins.

    His hands roamed around to her soft full breasts. He was enjoying the feeling of Katrina's soft warm tits and silky hair as she worked his ten inch love pole.

    He was wet with saliva and pre-cum. It was slippery and silky. she had one hand on his ball sack as the other continue to stroke the thick shaft.

    As he looked out at the dance floor at little Cindy's hard butt he wonder if he could arrange to have a contest. Which of these girls could make he and Tobin cum faster Cindy or Katrina? Then who could make Katrina and Cindy cum faster he or Tobin. Fuck what a great idea.

    Thinking about all of these fantasies; muscles and hard bodies, fantastic blow jobs, hot sweaty sex, tight little pussy, he was not going to hold on much longer.

    "I'm going to cum" he grunted more to himself than to Katrina.

    Wayne's balls tensed and he closed his eyes.

    Ohhhh. Fuck yea. you're goooooood.

    Yeaaa... Yeaaaa ... he hissed as Katrina continue to work her magic.

    His monster shaft started to pulse and Katrina knew he was about to shoot a hot load.

    she sucked and sucked on the giant head as the hot cum pulsed forward.

    As the music on the dance floor came to an end, Katrina swallowed the last of Wayne's salty hot jizz.

    She lifted up her head and brushed back her hair and kissed him full on the lips. Wayne tasted his own cum on her salty tongue.

    "Fuck that was good. You have a gift Katrina."

    "My cousin taught me." smiled Katrina.

    "I've got an idea" said Wayne. Why don't you and your cousin and Tobin and I get out of here?
     
  3. Slayed

    Slayed New Member

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    Fantastic,more
     
  4. millionman

    millionman Active Member

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    JJ, as always this is a good continuation. Consider slowing the action a bit as you don't want the scenes to blend into one huge conglomeration of sex with your scenes blending together. I'd consider, in each chapter, to focus on one player and his escapades for that night. You could interconnect everything, in a manner like the above, where the player's paths cross for a rendezvous or two.
     
  5. dukey

    dukey New Member

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    Millionman -

    Look at the title, brah. It's "Celebrating the Hockey Championship" not "Hockey Player Novel feat. Sex". They're celebrating and getting laid all in one night.

    If you think the story isn't taking long enough, try reading slower.

    humbly,
    dukey
     
  6. millionman

    millionman Active Member

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    Dukey, JJ will understand exactly what I'm talking about. He's done a very good job with ALL of his stories but this one seemed a bit rushed and split time in two different perspectives which can be a challenge to follow. That's why I suggested that he have cameos of sorts with the guys on the team, instead of splitting a story in half and bouncing between points of view. It's about the STORY on the whole and not just the sex portions.
     
  7. jjsuperbird

    jjsuperbird Member

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    Thanks guys,

    I really do appreciate the feedback. Your comments and suggestions are making my hobby of writing erotica that much more fun.

    For those who are uncomfortable making comments in an open post, I also welcome private messages and feedback.

    Dukey and Millionman are both right.

    The story is supposed to be about what happened after the hockey championship with the various guys on the team. It is supposed to be a night of fun and sex after winning the big game. The tension I am trying to build in the story is the bisexual urges which were unleashed between each of these healthy athletic young guys in the showers after the hockey championship.

    I’m trying to convey that, while they still like chasing the girls, both Tobin and Wayne are more bi-curious as a result of the blow job they got from Cam in the first part of the story. They have become a little conflicted in their own minds because they go back and forth between thinking about having sex with the girls at the bar and exploring the sexual endowment of their team mates. So the confusion in the story is deliberate – I want to convey the sexual confusion they experience.

    I guess this particular chapter might be a bit confusing and appear rushed because I keep going back and forth between the blow job Wayne is getting from Katrina in the booth and the grinding on the dance floor between Tobin and Cindy.

    However, what I was attempting to do in this scene is put the reader inside Wayne’s head. He is supposed to be fantasizing about Tobin and Cindy while getting the blow job from Katrina. I was trying to convey that Wayne was fantasizing about Tobin when he was getting off in the booth.

    Unfortunately when I re-read what I wrote that isn’t obvious. You might just think I’m trying to keep both sets of action going at the same time and it just gets confusing. I should have added a few sentences about Wayne admiring Tobin’s muscular body not just describing his hands on Cindy’s tight ass. Just two or three sentences might make it clear that Wayne was getting more bi-curious about Tobin as a result of the shower experience from earlier.

    Like they say, if you have to explain a joke after the fact it obviously isn’t very funny. The same for this post; if I have to explain what I’m trying to do I guess it isn’t working too well.

    I’ll try to keep building the bisexual tension between Tobin and Wayne in the next chapter without making it so confusing or too rushed.

    Other feedback is welcome publicly or privately. Stay tuned.
     
  8. millionman

    millionman Active Member

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    JJ, Now that you've put everything out into the open it does fit much better. I'd like to see that tension continue to build both out of intrigue and curiosity. I think if you were to include the admiration of each other's bodies and go into explicit detail that would definitely set off the intention much more clearly. After I had made my original posts I reread the piece and it seems as though that's all that is really missing. You are a good writer JJ and I am thoroughly enjoying your writing.
     
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