Partner so obsessed with penetration that you can't show off your oral skills?

[EnTaro]

Okay, so this is one of the best problems to have in the bedroom. My girlfriend craves my cock, and over time, cunningilus has gone from being something in-and-of-itself in to just a precursor to penetration. If I go down on her before or during sex, she's craving cock. After sex, she's sore and sensitive and isn't aroused by cunningilus. During cunningilus, she'll invariably pull herself around and start sucking me rather than getting in to the mood.

I can make her orgasm through oral when she's in the mood, but I can't make her come through penetration. I'm having to choose between pressuring her to talk more about her orgasm -- so I can learn what works for her, and just letting go and accepting that she's happy with orgasm-free sex.

I have talked to her about it but each time we get down to it, she just wants to fuck. Other people in this situation, what have you done? Is she deluding herself if she thinks her orgasm isn't a big deal, or should I just keep ensuring she enjoys penetration as it is?

 

[petite]

I'm having a similar problem. I enjoy giving my partner oral. I love it when he tells me what he wants me to do, but it's always just a precursor to penetration and he rarely lets me play with his penis for very long at all. He usually reciprocates before penetration, but not to orgasm for me either.

I think the solution to mix things up a bit and add more variety to our sex life may be to insist on an oral only night, only indulging in non-penetrative sex every once in a while.

 

[Chaotica]

Would Plan C be manual stimulation after sex, or is she too sore/sensitive for that as well? I can relate to your gf, I get very aroused while receiving oral (but I don't cum that way) and am always wanting to turn it around and go down on him instead or be penetrated. The only difference is that, afterwards, I'm not too sore & will go for vibrator or manual stimulation if it didn't happen during the act.

 

[EnTaro]

Would Plan C be manual stimulation after sex, or is she too sore/sensitive for that as well? I can relate to your gf, I get very aroused while receiving oral (but I don't cum that way) and am always wanting to turn it around and go down on him instead or be penetrated. The only difference is that, afterwards, I'm not too sore & will go for vibrator or manual stimulation if it didn't happen during the act.

Yeah, she can be fingered to orgasm (either me or her), but I like to give her something only I can, you know? Orgasming through manual stimulation isn't a big deal for her, especially since she rarely feels the need to come after sex.

Nice to hear some women can relate. Oral only nights would be great if I could sell it to her... she'd probably appreciate the opportunity to try and make me come through oral, which she hasn't done yet.

 

[redbear52]

I have been told by a mumber of women who never or rarely orgasmed with vaginal intercourse that they still loved it and prefered it to receiving oral sex, or being masturbated if it came to a choice.

I had one lover who would only allow me to go down on her for only the briefest periods before wanting me inside her. She usually, but not always, did orgasm with vaginal sex. She said that she could orgasm from oral sex, but really didn't care for it that much.

 

[fratpack]

Actually, in my relationship, I'm the one who loves getting fucked and it caused a bit of a problem in the beginning, as that is all I wanted. My bf felt neglected, so I started to go down on him more. After ten years, I'd say we've reached a good balance.

 

[ferfed]

i just noticed there are sum nice avatars here lol

 

[D_Perseigh Peestick]

If maybe she was in the mood more it could help. More romance maybe! Alot of a orgasm deals with the womans mind.

 

[Chaotica]

I have talked to her about it but each time we get down to it, she just wants to fuck. Other people in this situation, what have you done? Is she deluding herself if she thinks her orgasm isn't a big deal, or should I just keep ensuring she enjoys penetration as it is?

Just wanted to add that she is probably not deluding herself. Hopefully she would let you know if she felt dissatisfied or really wanted to have an orgasm. In my 20s I was perfectly happy getting fucked, never came from it and didn't care about getting an orgasm. As I get older, though, that's changing and I would like to try and make it mutually satisfying.

 

[Gillette]

Okay, so this is one of the best problems to have in the bedroom. My girlfriend craves my cock, and over time, cunningilus has gone from being something in-and-of-itself in to just a precursor to penetration. If I go down on her before or during sex, she's craving cock. After sex, she's sore and sensitive and isn't aroused by cunningilus. During cunningilus, she'll invariably pull herself around and start sucking me rather than getting in to the mood.

I can make her orgasm through oral when she's in the mood, but I can't make her come through penetration. I'm having to choose between pressuring her to talk more about her orgasm -- so I can learn what works for her, and just letting go and accepting that she's happy with orgasm-free sex.

I have talked to her about it but each time we get down to it, she just wants to fuck. Other people in this situation, what have you done? Is she deluding herself if she thinks her orgasm isn't a big deal, or should I just keep ensuring she enjoys penetration as it is?

Pulled from the title, "can't show off your oral skills". When you perform cunnilingus are you doing it to show off or are you down there because you crave the taste of her? We can generally tell the difference and if you don't have the same animalistic desire for oral as you do for sex then it wouldn't surprise me that she'd choose the act involving more passion.

First bolded bit - I can't speak for all women but for me after penetrative sex particularly if there's been hard thrusting a tongue just doesn't compare for sensation.

Last bolded bit - She's not deluding herself if her preference is for the full body contact cunnilingus doesn't provide or for the raw passion she may or may not be feeling from oral. If penetration is what she prefers then that's what she wants.

On the other hand she doesn't hate it so there's no reason you should have to give it up. As was suggested already you could have oral only nights or you could switch back and forth between the two.

Something to try would be to have her backwards over the back of a couch, her hips on the top, her shoulders resting on the seat cushions, you standing between her legs behind the couch. Keeping hold of her hips alternate between oral and penetration keeping the penetration a brief tortuous tease until she does cum from the oral or overpowers you and refuses to let you pull your cock out again.:wink:

 

[RawDog]

Something to try would be to have her backwards over the back of a couch, her hips on the top, her shoulders resting on the seat cushions, you standing between her legs behind the couch. Keeping hold of her hips alternate between oral and penetration keeping the penetration a brief tortuous tease until she does cum from the oral or overpowers you and refuses to let you pull your cock out again.:wink:

Good fucking lord, I love this woman's mind!!!

EDIT: I got so excited I hit "Submit Reply" without thinking.

I too don't get the "showing off" part. I do oral on my wife for two reasons. 1) It loosens her up more better (mo' betta') for penetration and 2) I just love going down on her for the simple joy of tasting, licking, and worshipping her vagina. In other words, I just love the act itself.

 

[petite]

Something to try would be to have her backwards over the back of a couch, her hips on the top, her shoulders resting on the seat cushions, you standing between her legs behind the couch. Keeping hold of her hips alternate between oral and penetration keeping the penetration a brief tortuous tease until she does cum from the oral or overpowers you and refuses to let you pull your cock out again.:wink:

That was hot!

 

[RawDog]

Great minds think alike.

A little off topic, but this reminds me of something that happened a few days ago. My wife and I got done having sex. She was sore and had enough, I had a pretty powerful orgasm and was spent. We're doing our usual post-coital cuddling, talking and she turns to the bedside table to pick up a box of kleenex (she was leaking me).

GROSS ALERT - DO NOT READ BEYOND THIS POINT IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH --

Anyway, with her back to me, I could see my semen trickling down her leg. I grab her leg so she was perfectly still and I flip myself over so I'm now face to face with her bottom. I start licking her dripping wet pussy and couldn't stop myself.

A couple of disclaimers are in order here... Firstly, I've always been grossed out with my own semen and once it's out of my body want absolutely nothing to do with it. Secondly, my refractory period absolutely sucks. I need about 2 to 3 hours to recharge then I can go again.

Anyway, I start licking up my wife's vagina, not necessarily to eat my own cum, but seeing it all swollen and puffy and wet was just too much to hold back. What's more surprising is that I'm there happily licking away and lo and behold, I start getting hard again. I haven't done that since, well, never!!

Sadly, she pushed me away as she'd had enough for the evening.

No point, just had to share.

 

[EnTaro]

Sorry for late reply!

Don't get me wrong - I love giving my girlfriend oral. But as anyone knows, good oral is a slow buildup; and having her scream for cock before I'm even halfway to where I want to be is a bit of an anticlimax. It'd be the erotic equivalent of doing a striptease and having her personally start pulling all your clothes off only part way in!

Something to try would be to have her backwards over the back of a couch, her hips on the top, her shoulders resting on the seat cushions, you standing between her legs behind the couch. Keeping hold of her hips alternate between oral and penetration keeping the penetration a brief tortuous tease until she does cum from the oral or overpowers you and refuses to let you pull your cock out again.:wink:

Yeah ok, this is pretty much an awesome idea. Thanks for your entire post by the way -- very enlightening. She's certainly the type to be hyper-sensitive after sex and I definitely cannot go down on her after penetration.

I've had a bit of success cuffing her to the bed and setting down two laws - no begging for cock, and no forcing myself on her cock. If she does either, I start all the way from the beginning. I work my way down her body and tease her by rubbing the head of my cock in her pussy, but not allowing her to thrust on it. I then work down to going down on her, slowly building intensity - but at the end I usually have to switch to fingering her to make her come. She does come, and that's great -- but she's a fucking tricky girl! I haven't been with anyone that makes me work this hard for an orgasm before. In a way I miss my last ex, who'd come from a few minutes of cunningilus and then have one or two more during penetration.

Anyway; I guess there's no real problem. I know now that even though I can make her come, she enjoys sex a lot more.