Partner's mood swings - how do you deal?

Guy-jin

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I am guessing, Guy, because you are logical and analytical that you are disturbed by the comment of her only being able to confront you when she is in this situation and that therefore, there are reasons for the behaviour beneath or behind the hormonal effects. Perhaps it is more like a drunk sounding off on the effects of alcohol and shouldn't be taken too seriously, though should be noted.
Certainly it did bother me, but it occurred to me as you've suggested that it was said from a place of homone-fueled cruelty.

I weathered 20 some years of these behaviours from my wife thinking she was a certified nutcase but finally realized the patterns were cyclical.
I took it in the ear many, many times and bit back many times also.
Sheesh, during her threats of divorce I have even told her I wouldn't divorce her until she had a full psychological evaluation.:redface:
A while back she "went off" on me big time and yet I took it like a good husband 'tho I LOVE to fight!
A couple of days later she asks me "I was really cruel to you wasn't I?"
I said "Yes, you were".
Thankfully, that opened her eyes to what was happening and she ACTUALLY took to heart the suggestions I had been making over many months to try some herbals to counter the affects.
My saviour has been Evening Primrose Oil and Hormone Essentials for her and we can both tell when she runs out or stops taking them.
I can hardly tell when she's going to cycle anymore.
Fascinating thread! Thanks Guy-jin!

Primrose oil and Hormone Essentials (the herb/vitamin I assume that's referring to?). Sounds great, thanks. May have to add these into the mix of things we're trying.

We are trying a few things now. Actually, we made it to the OB/GYN today and she confirmed a lot of what was reported by people here and by some friends (making the appointment a pretty huge waste of time--oh well).

The medication recommendations were standard: birth control or low dose anti-depressants.

The home remedies were also pretty standard, but worth mentioning: Increased calcium intake, vitamin D, fish oil (DHA), low salt/more water, and de-stressing activities (exercise, yoga, pilates, accupuncture, etc). Also, NSAIDs for pain, which the doc suggested might be simply exacerbating the irritability.

So we're pretty much taking the shotgun approach with the home remedies. We'll see how it goes. I'm going to take a look at these other suggestions too, though.

Somehow I don't think any amount of supplements is going to be a panacea, of course. But what I'm hoping is that they'll help tone it down to the point that it's at least tolerable. If not, I will have to push for a medication option.

Trying to work with her as much as possible on this. I do think, given some of the other problems (physical) she's had that there may be some kind of hormone imbalance natural to her that is exacerbated by PMS and leads to this kind of thing. Guess we'll find out, but even if that's the case, I'm not sure there's much that can be done about it if it's just the way she is short of medication.

It's so nice being gay... ;) no pms
Yeah, I've never met a bitchy gay man. :rolleyes::tongue:
 

MickeyLee

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Mr. Guy-jinn, does she keep a journal?

sometimes keeping a record of how her mood is jumping around can give her some perspective. something like "i kinda wanna throw a shoe at Guy's head... because he is breathing too loud"

when she's not possessed by her ovaries she can go over the last couple of entries. realize why she's pissed, how she reacts is based more on her mood at the time and less about anything you're doing or anything you're responsible for.

sort of an index of cuntery. maybe she'll see the pattern.. maybe start developing less aggressive/destructive coping mechanisms?
 

Embrace69

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This thread reminds me of one of maybe my funniest PMS experiences.

My boyfriend and I were visiting with each other earlier this year and it just so happened that I had a raging case of PMS. I bought him a Playstation 2 (Hurray for old school gamer nostalgia!) for a late Christmas present since we don't get to spend a whole lot of physical time together. Yay for long distance relationships!

Anyway, he accidentally tripped over the cord and it went crashing to the floor and broke. I got so upset with him even though it was an accident and technically I had the receipt and could just take it back to the store but it was just such an emotional experience for what ever reason. I flew off the handle literally just crying and carrying on until I went into the bathroom and shut and locked the door. I was laying on the floor in the dark crying like an idiot when he picked the lock and walked in flipped on the light, grabbed my leg and drug me across the bathroom tile. I was still upset but I couldn't help but to laugh it threw me into a fit of giggles. He always finds ways to bring me out of my PMS mood swings.

Man, was that a dumb thing to cry over. Stupid PMS.
 
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D_Ariva_Derci

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wow, sorry to hear what youre going through. ive never experienced eny kind of extremes like that while going through pms. ive been emotional, where things that im usually insensitive about can make me upset or a little emotional, but never to the point of being angry and screaming at somone. are you sure it is pms causing the problem? i do know a very close friend of mine has bipolar disorder, and for her it came in cycles, one week she would be horrible to be around and the next 2 to 3 weeks she would be perfectly fine. it was almost like 2 people trapped in the same body. i never thought to ask her if the disorder was triggered around that time of the month. hopefully you two can discuss it and figure out all of the options to get it under control. best of luck to you
 

Guy-jin

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Mr. Guy-jinn, does she keep a journal?

sometimes keeping a record of how her mood is jumping around can give her some perspective. something like "i kinda wanna throw a shoe at Guy's head... because he is breathing too loud"

when she's not possessed by her ovaries she can go over the last couple of entries. realize why she's pissed, how she reacts is based more on her mood at the time and less about anything you're doing or anything you're responsible for.

sort of an index of cuntery. maybe she'll see the pattern.. maybe start developing less aggressive/destructive coping mechanisms?

I do think that's a great idea, and I suggested it, and she thought it was a great idea, but I don't think it will happen. :redface: She does keep careful track of her cycle over the past few months and a picture of a very inconsistent cycle is showing up. For example, she had a heavy flow for two days less than two weeks after her last period. Something is wrong physically and it'll take more than a cursory ultrasound (which appeared normal) to figure it out, of that I'm fairly sure.

Stupid PMS.
Nuff said. :tongue:

wow, sorry to hear what youre going through. ive never experienced eny kind of extremes like that while going through pms. ive been emotional, where things that im usually insensitive about can make me upset or a little emotional, but never to the point of being angry and screaming at somone. are you sure it is pms causing the problem? i do know a very close friend of mine has bipolar disorder, and for her it came in cycles, one week she would be horrible to be around and the next 2 to 3 weeks she would be perfectly fine. it was almost like 2 people trapped in the same body. i never thought to ask her if the disorder was triggered around that time of the month. hopefully you two can discuss it and figure out all of the options to get it under control. best of luck to you

Fairly sure it's not bipolar, although she does seem to become bipolar when she has PMS. Meaning when she's not PMSing, she's not bipolar. But when she is, she swings from extreme depression to extreme anger to excitement and happiness on a moment's notice.

We've been trying the holistic remedies.
 

FuzzyKen

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This is something that in this modern age can be medically treated. Many MD's are not experienced with it, but, the closest thing that can be compared is "Borderline Personality Disorder" which is a psychiatric disorder that some individuals have all the time.

Some menopausal women also experience this and it is hell on wheels for them too.

This is something that really needs medical treatment and the intervention of experts. Any MD that says it is a "normal" thing is a total "quack" and you need to find a different MD.
 

MickeyLee

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PMDD

for true.. would bet money on it.
probably combined with PCOS.

why i am saying PCOS cuz she's having irregular bleeding/cycles. when the ovarian follicle doesn't burst during a normal cycle of ovulation the ovaries keep pumping out insane levels of hormones. no ovulation = no period/funky cycle. kinda rotating from long cycle, short, long short.

morse code for you have PCOS.

mix it with PMDD, ya got dramatic mood swings like the happy/sad/hate you/i'm fat all in 5 mins thing Mr. Guy is talking about.
 

Guy-jin

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PMDD

for true.. would bet money on it.
probably combined with PCOS.

why i am saying PCOS cuz she's having irregular bleeding/cycles. when the ovarian follicle doesn't burst during a normal cycle of ovulation the ovaries keep pumping out insane levels of hormones. no ovulation = no period/funky cycle. kinda rotating from long cycle, short, long short.

morse code for you have PCOS.

mix it with PMDD, ya got dramatic mood swings like the happy/sad/hate you/i'm fat all in 5 mins thing Mr. Guy is talking about.

Oh, I think you're right. According to this recent ultrasound, she has "tipped" or "nonsymmetrical" ovaries. She's had ovarian cysts before. I'm pretty much positive she does have some kind of cyst (although she doesn't seem to have many of the symptoms of PCOS). I think after she gets together a very accurate record of the unusual cycle combined with the PMDD/PMS symptoms, her pain during the bleeding, etc. the doctor will be convinced to take a closer look at her annual in April.

This time around she had a hormone panel and everything was normal. But it was done immediately after her period, which doesn't really say much.
 

zephyr808

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I h ave an EX who is bi-polar and we didn't know it at the time. Some days I never knew who would be waiting for me when I got home from work. The nice boyfriend, or Satan. Eventually it destroyed the relationship, though we remain friends today. My current partner is moody sometimes, and can be fairly unpleasant for no real reason. Most of the time it is stress related to his adult children continuing to act like adolescents. They tend to have a lot of drama swirling around them and try to drag him into it. When it isn't that and he's just being a bitch, I find ignoring him works really well.

Reading this was kind of eerie...my ex is also bipolar, and we too are trying to be friends now. And it seems to be working out so far, about a year since we ended the physical relationship and we took a few months away from one another just to get some space. I know that when he is either "up" or "down" he doesn't do the things he should, like someone else mentioned, such as getting enough sleep and eating regularly, but he is also a stubborn son of a bitch and lashes out at the person who tries to help him, or suggest that he do something as simple as go outside and take a short walk. That was the part I had the most trouble dealing with, not knowing what to expect from one day to the next. He also over-medicates, not just the bi-polar meds but a virtual pharmacy of sleeping pills, painkillers, etc etc. And I know that some pills and medications are designed to help, but from my experience too much of them, or too heavy a reliance on them, seems to backfire and cause more problems than it solves. There is a part of me that still loves him, but I can't put myself in the position of enabling stuff that I know isn't good for him and being his punching bag (metaphorically). I found myself trying to assess where he was within the first couple of minutes after seeing him and then basing my reaction and responses to the signals I was getting - we didn't live together, so it wasn't a situation I couldn't escape by just going home if things turned nasty. Still, there is this gap between us in our friendship phase now, kind of like a force field that keeps us apart. And, although it's kind of weird, maybe that is the thing that is making the friendship work for now.

This is an interesting thread, I am glad I read some of the different situations and experiences posted here.
 

LaFemme

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<snip>
This is an interesting thread, I am glad I read some of the different situations and experiences posted here.

I just wanted to acknowledge your post. My heart just hurts for anyone who has loved someone who is bi-polar. What you describe is just so true. Again, you've shown such kindness & courage by maintaining a friendship. I know that the person who is ill, would never choose to be this way and they deserve love, so you being able to remain in their life is very meaningful. :hug:
 

Infernal

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Reading this was kind of eerie...my ex is also bipolar, and we too are trying to be friends now. And it seems to be working out so far, about a year since we ended the physical relationship and we took a few months away from one another just to get some space. I know that when he is either "up" or "down" he doesn't do the things he should, like someone else mentioned, such as getting enough sleep and eating regularly, but he is also a stubborn son of a bitch and lashes out at the person who tries to help him, or suggest that he do something as simple as go outside and take a short walk.


It took months, but through a lot of trial and error he discovered that he really needs to stay on a tight schedule with some things. Taking his meds at the same time every day, going to bed at the same time, getting up at the same time. A lot of people who are bi-polar seem to do really well when their life is scheduled in a fairly rigid way. It really made a difference for him. It took literally years, but I finally got him to consider cognitive behavioral therapy as well. He had repeating patters of behavior that always lead to the same outcome, and his moods seems to swirl around it. When he learned to recognize certain behaviors he was able to redirect those feelings into something else. It really helped with anger management and learning to not get upset about things he has no control over. I also went to his Doctor directly and spoke to him about things that I saw related to his medication which helped get the dosage corrected. Weight loss or gain by as much as 10 lbs can also cause serious mood swings. Too much body mass, too little medication, and the reverse as well. A rigid diet on top of that helps.


Aside from those kinds of issues, some people are just unpleasant and no matter what you do they can't be anything but nasty. Those are people I didn't date long and no longer have anything to do with.
 

zephyr808

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I just wanted to acknowledge your post. My heart just hurts for anyone who has loved someone who is bi-polar. What you describe is just so true. Again, you've shown such kindness & courage by maintaining a friendship. I know that the person who is ill, would never choose to be this way and they deserve love, so you being able to remain in their life is very meaningful. :hug:

Thanks LaFemme, your reply lets me know that you understand the challenges that go along with what he is dealing with - and, by extension, the other people in his life. Mood swings can happen under a lot of different circumstances. And you're right, everybody deserves somebody who can love them, and receive love back ideally, even if it's not in a traditional relationship.

And infernal, that advice about the tight schedule makes sense, because I have heard him say things along the lines of not being able to get to sleep, so he stays up until 4 in the morning and is lethargic the next day. Or skipping meals, that kind of thing, and I always immediately want to help him, but too often it must just come across like I'm nagging him. That is the most frequent reaction I tend to experience when I get too involved in his life, but maybe suggesting he talk about that with his therapist might wind up helping him. It's a struggle, no doubt, for all parties involved.
 

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Hell House ......... six females PMSing at the same time ........ dad and brothers hide out for 7 days
 

dcsurvivor92

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How about roommate mood swings? If I were an angry man, I'd strangle her. Talk. Talk. Talk. Never shuts up. I feel like I'm married again....
 

Teb8807

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I was recently with a girl who I dated for almost 2 years and she had Borderline Personality Disorder. A mixtures of bipolar and pscyhphrina. We fought over everything, and mainly over things she were causing in our relationship. It was one of the most stressful, depressioning, and unhappy relationship I've ever been in. Sorry For this comment to those of you have have borderline, but I would never in a million years date somebody with it again. I care about my self too much to go through that hell all over again.

I know exactly how you feel.
 

IntoxicatingToxin

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PMDD

for true.. would bet money on it.
probably combined with PCOS.

why i am saying PCOS cuz she's having irregular bleeding/cycles. when the ovarian follicle doesn't burst during a normal cycle of ovulation the ovaries keep pumping out insane levels of hormones. no ovulation = no period/funky cycle. kinda rotating from long cycle, short, long short.

morse code for you have PCOS.

mix it with PMDD, ya got dramatic mood swings like the happy/sad/hate you/i'm fat all in 5 mins thing Mr. Guy is talking about.

I have scrolling through this thread specifically to see if anyone mentioned Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. That's the first thing I thought of when I read your post, Guy-jin. Lol. Definitely something to ask the doctor about specifically, imo.

Oh, I think you're right. According to this recent ultrasound, she has "tipped" or "nonsymmetrical" ovaries. She's had ovarian cysts before. I'm pretty much positive she does have some kind of cyst (although she doesn't seem to have many of the symptoms of PCOS). I think after she gets together a very accurate record of the unusual cycle combined with the PMDD/PMS symptoms, her pain during the bleeding, etc. the doctor will be convinced to take a closer look at her annual in April.

This time around she had a hormone panel and everything was normal. But it was done immediately after her period, which doesn't really say much.

Was her hormone test done via blood or saliva? Lots and lots of doctors are saying that saliva tests are the way to go now. Blood tests show what's 'left over' of the hormones while saliva will show what you actively have running in your system. Most endocrinologists support blood tests as that's basically what their field does, but most of the doctors and nurses I know say go for the saliva test. Only problem is, most insurances won't cover a saliva test. I agree that any testing probably needs to be done while she's on her period anyway. Good luck!