I have scrolling through this thread specifically to see if anyone mentioned Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. That's the first thing I thought of when I read your post, Guy-jin. Lol. Definitely something to ask the doctor about specifically, imo.
Was her hormone test done via blood or saliva? Lots and lots of doctors are saying that saliva tests are the way to go now. Blood tests show what's 'left over' of the hormones while saliva will show what you actively have running in your system. Most endocrinologists support blood tests as that's basically what their field does, but most of the doctors and nurses I know say go for the saliva test. Only problem is, most insurances won't cover a saliva test. I agree that any testing probably needs to be done while she's on her period anyway. Good luck!
I don't think it's "classic" PMDD though. The way it happens every few months as opposed to every month, for example. And the irregular cycle (for example, she started bleeding four days early this month and had very light, practically nonexistent PMS symptoms). Something more is going on. The hormone test was a blood test, and it was about two days after her period, so it really wasn't that meaningful.
You can try to reason with her and explain her behavior, but being the era of the error free female, she is unlikely to take responsibility... and will assume you are exaggerating some male stereotype.
Ask her permission to set up a video or audio recorder to capture her in these moments... then wait a week and play it back to her... in a moment of calm reason.
When the hormones are not raging, she is more likely to comprehend the effect of her behavior on you and on your relationship...
And perhaps she will be willing to see a doctor about the effects of her hormonal swings.
First off, the whole idea of "era of the error free female" and your suggestion that she is therefore "unlikely to take responsibility" certainly could be (and apparently is being) construed as misogyny, so I think you would be better off making your point without such generalizations if you don't want to be branded as such. I realize you probably didn't mean it that way, but it could certainly be taken that way.
Regardless, my SO is not from Western culture and doesn't follow that kind of social norm anyway. As I've described, she understands her behavior is out of line when not experiencing the extreme PMS and we have already gone to a doctor once and will be going again. Moreover, she very enthusiastically began trying a number of different herbal/holistic treatments that may well be working given that this month she had pretty much zero PMS symptoms.
But most important is to come at it from the perspective of being concerned about the long term effect on your relationship. The exaggerated frustrations she experiences thru unreasonable expectations she places upon you are things she is internalizing as "true" experiences, and they have a shaping effect on her overall understanding of you and your behavior.
Over time these build resentment that will leach into her overall opinion of you, and sour even those times of the month she is not PMSing.
So make it about more than your feeling being hurt, but the health of your long term relationship...
Maybe start off by telling her that you are growing to be afraid of her emotional state, and that that leads to you avoiding her entirely.
Like a variation of the old saw... "behind every successful man there is a woman."
Behind every other successful man there is a woman he is staying late at the office to avoid.
I took another approach that so far has worked beautifully. Rather than making it about me, I made it about her. Which makes sense, because it
is about her. She's having problems, and it negatively affects us both, but I cannot fix them. She must fix them (and I'm more than happy to help).
When questioning a course of action with regards to relationships, I tend to take the compassionate route. Rarely has it steered me wrongly. In this case, I did a great deal of research (and some of that came from creating this thread, thanks to everyone who contributed) and encouraged her, when off PMS, to do the same. She did not realize that what she was going through was a bit off. She thought all women experience PMS this way. But after some research, it became clear that her case is extreme and she realized that she needed help much as I had.
Anyway, I do not blame a woman for having strong PMS. I would only blame someone if they were unwilling to do something about it. She has come around on that point thankfully, so I am actually proud of her for it.
The smart nomads told her that she had to stay in a hut, then all quietly slipped away.
But not to be too flippant, I do sympathise with Guy a lot. What should you do when you face the prospect of a quarter of your life being made miserable and then it impacting the rest as well? I know what my instinctive reaction would be, but than I am not Guy.
They also used to have the old people walk into the woods on a cold winter's eve soon after they became unable to perform even the menial tasks assigned to the elderly. We don't live in that world anymore. :smile:
The question becomes whether or not it's worth trying to fix the problem as opposed to running away from it. I could go on, gushing about how sweet she usually is, how cute she is, how much fun she can be, how open she is, how great her cooking is and how awesome her tits are. I've been tempted to start a thread once or twice about her exceptional deep throating talents. But no, I'll just say that I made the decision that it is easily worth trying to fix this rather than running away from it.
ADDN: Phil, not trying to gang up on you. I swear when I started writing this that aninnymous' post wasn't there yet. But I do agree that the "error free female" part of your first post there was the red flag. I've seen you post enough to realize that sometimes you post things that appear to be generalizations when you don't mean them that way, so I give you the benefit of the doubt, but a bit of a caution is still advisable when posting such things (unless you really did mean it to apply to all women, in which case I vehemently disagree with that characterization).
