Pass the penis please.

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by B_dumbcow, May 6, 2008.

  1. B_dumbcow

    B_dumbcow New Member

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    A Visit to Beijing's Exclusive Penis Restaurant

    Whole yak penis or sheep testicles on a bed of curry, anyone? A Beijing restaurant serves painstakingly decorated gourmet dishes for the fearless. They're supposed to increase male potency, but women should try a bite, too: Eating penis is good for the skin, apparently.


    "Here, try it," says Zhaoran, a business student, as she places a beige-colored ox urethra onto her friend's plate. He's in the middle of wolfing down a piece of chewy dog penis.

    A visit to the Guolizhuang Restaurant in Beijing is not for the faint-hearted. Here the menu consists almost entirely of penis and testicle dishes -- made from the private parts of deer, snakes, yaks, horses, seals and ducks, among others.

    The platters have names like "The Essence of the Golden Buddha," "Phoenix Rising," "Jasmine Flowers with 1,000 Layers" and "Look for the Treasure in the Desert Sand." Are such flowery names meant to prevent guests from prematurely running off? After all, the "jasmine flowers" are made of layers of thinly sliced donkey penis, and the "treasure in the desert" is actually sheep gonads on a bed of curry.

    "Chinese eat anything with four legs, except tables. And everything that flies, except airplanes," says Zhaoran, quoting a well-known Chinese saying. This may be true, but even in China a penis restaurant is unusual. The Guolizhuang restaurant opened two years ago on the aptly-named Dongsishitiao Street. Word quickly spread among well-heeled Chinese, and today there are five franchises. The chain is even expanding outside of China -- into the Chinatown in Atlanta, Georgia.

    Deer Blood as Viagra

    Lucy, a 20-year-old waitress, wears a traditionally embroidered silk shawl with images of courtly scenes and plants -- and a smiley sticker. Part of her job is thoroughly explaining the menu, as many guests are entering an entirely new culinary landscape when they visit the restaurant. "For thousands of years, Chinese medicine has used animal penises to cure kidney and erection problems," she says. But for their medicinal effect to work, the dishes have to be consumed regularly.

    "But if you want something that works faster, we have a wine that contains extracts of heart, penis, and blood from a deer," she explains. "That has an effect within 30 minutes." This potency cocktail has been said to be better than Viagra, and it has no side effects.

    Raw or roasted, whole or sliced, tip or base: the penis binge is not meant for Chinese guests as a superficial test of courage, but rather as a serious treatment for the libido. "The sexual act of this Russian dog lasts 48 hours and its mating season is seven months out of the year," is how the colorful, photo-filled menu praises a €16 ($25) penis dish.

    A certain degree of care appears to be required when choosing a dish, depending partly on what one has planned for later in the evening. The sex and age of the customer also play a role. "Women should not eat testicles," Lucy says. "The hormones could give them a deeper voice and a beard." Penises, on the other hand, are completely harmless, and in fact are even "good for the skin," she says.

    Children under 15 are not allowed in the penis restaurant; the hormones are said to interfere with natural growth. All the guests sit in booths, and most of them are older couples or all-male groups. "A lot of the customers are business people meeting with clients," Lucy says. "They order the most expensive meals -- their companies are paying."

    Dog Penis Bone with A Cherry on Top

    A waitress in pinstripe pants and a black jacket puts a pot of broth on an electric hotplate. Then Lucy carries out a glass plate with raw sexual parts from oxen and dogs, tastefully arranged on a bed of lettuce. A finger-long pointy bone protrudes out of a glass in the middle of the plate. There's a decorative cherry stuck on top. "Dogs are the only animals that have a penis bone," Lucy explains to the guests, pointing out the little groove on the side for the urethra.

    Ox penises are sliced along the side and bent into little stars. Lucy uses chopsticks to dip one into the hotpot of chicken broth, dates, and lychees. Then the meat is doused in soy- or hot sauce. The consistency and taste are a little like a bitter piece of calamari.




    I found this article really interesting. We eat most animal parts anyway, so why not? Or is the thought of consuming a sexual organ just too much?

    What does everyone think about this?
     
  2. B_Monster

    B_Monster New Member

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    They eat cows???
     
  3. HaagenDazs

    HaagenDazs New Member

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    I would be SICK as soon as I even interested the restaurant. I can't...I just can't....lol. Too much.
     
  4. B_dumbcow

    B_dumbcow New Member

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    Pfft. Nobody eats cows! :cool:

    Yeah, it would make me feel queezy just looking at all the people chomping on fried yak penis. :eek:
     
  5. ManlyBanisters

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    The only bit that made me go :yuck: was the chewy dog dick.

    But seriously, when it comes to the herbivores, we eat that stuff all ground up in processed meats and such - what's the difference?

    *thinks*

    Have I been living in France too long? :yup:
     
  6. D_Thoraxis_Biggulp

    D_Thoraxis_Biggulp New Member

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    Maybe if it wasn't shaped like the parts, I could do it. Yeh, I know things like hot dogs and bananas are phallus shaped, but they lack the detail and definition to look like a penis.
     
  7. petergroot

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    You guys eat the frog's penis as well??? I thought it stopped at the legs.
     
  8. B_dumbcow

    B_dumbcow New Member

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    Yeah, I thought that too... we eat the whole of a chicken in a chicken nugget, so why not the penis? :rolleyes:
     
  9. SyddyKitty

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    I can't imagine eating them simply because I think it'd be super chewy. I can't say for sureif all animal penis has a tunica... but yea, I'd rather not try to gnosh on that. :p

    Also... I wonder if they have some sort of "Big men eat an entire Horse Penis in one sitting" the way your see those silly cartoons where "Big men down an entire 10 lb steak".
     
  10. dong20

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    When I was in China one time years ago I was told, deadpan: "We eat anything with wings except an aeroplane, and anything with legs but a table".

    I know I've eaten some freaky stuff there on occasion. Sometimes in ignorance, thankfully.
     
  11. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Waiter! There's a hair in my soup!
     
  12. SyddyKitty

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    I'm more worried about what the base of your soup is, Pecker!
     
  13. Catchoftheday

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    I don't think a chicken has a penis, maybe you are thinking of a cock (again):rolleyes:
     
  14. crescendo69

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    I had an older Kentuckian friend prepare sliced lamb fries, or testicles. We invited a third, unknowing person to eat with us, and after enjoying the meal, told him what it was. He looked a little perturbed.
     
  15. B_dumbcow

    B_dumbcow New Member

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    :eek: Eeeeeeeeeeeew

    Chewy... :eek:

    Oh catch :rolleyes: :redface: :biggrin1: :tongue:

    I couldn't eat testicles. that would be worse than penis :rolleyes:
     
  16. crescendo69

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    Sliced, they looked like regular, sliced pork (with gravy).
     
  17. TurkeyWithaSunburn

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    OK this is scary I just mentioned this restaurant to someone and then saw this post in the recent column... eeek! scary
     
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