Paternity Fraud

[MsThang]

Not so funny story: I am Puerto Rican and we are so mixed, that anything can pop up from your ancestory and make other people wonder about he paternity of children. Both my ex-husband and myself are fair skinned but our son has a very tanned complexion. So when my son's girlfriend saw a picgture of his father she asked my son if he was sure that was his father. WTF...I couldn't stand the little bitch.

 

[AlteredEgo]

my experience had been that people who are so hell bent on doing whatever it takes and throwing hissy fits and making childish, insane decisions (walking out on a guys life with his potential child for asking for something that should not be a big deal if both parties are being 100% honest) are not trustworthy either

seriously why would that be a big deal to you (or any other woman who cares to offer her opinion) for a man to ask for a paternity test... it does not mean he doesn't trust you, he just wants to verify

i highly doubt anyone here has ever blindly trusted anything ... im in a relationship right now ... every once in a while, my girl would like to look at my phone, yeah she might not trust me 10000000%, but i have nothing to hide so i have no problem letter her look at it ... just as long as she is willing to do the same for me if i were to ever ask for verification on something ... as humans, we have gut instincts, if something even comes off as a slight tiny bit of a question, wouldn't you want to squash it before it even grows into a potential problem? people dont deserve trust, they earn it ... with that being said, why would a woman be so anti getting a kid tested? if she is faithful, if she has nothing to hide, it shouldnt be a big deal ... a man can trust his woman 99.9999% and thats all you can really trust someone else with out verification

with all that being said, that just shows how low of a woman (if you really are one, no way for me to verify :tongue you are to not understand how important it would be for a man to raise a child he KNOWS is his, and not blindly guessing on the hope that shes a good person... because anyone who has ever been backstabbed before (everyone has at one point or another) knows that it was a person you trust that backstabbed you, so you wouldn't suspect them of being capable of backstabbing you until it is too late (DUHH)

Verify what, if we are monogamous and he trusts me? Look. Either he believes I mean it when I say I am monogamous, or he doesn't. You, Mr. Logic, cannot have it both ways.

I'm also not a criminal, but I still assert my fifth ammendment right and NEVER tell cops jack or shit. The fact that I have nothing to hide does not mean I want to constantly prove my innocence.

Either I earned my husband's trust before he asked for my hand, or I'm out. I'm the sort of person who makes these little rules for myself, and then kicks myself when everything goes to shit because I bend them. A rule I made for myself at least a decade ago was not to trust anyone who did not trust me. Failure to trust me, unless one can show me something I have said or done which should be called to question, is a one-way ticket out of my life. That's it. A man who doesn't trust that our child is his can have no place in our lives. He can and would be replaced.

The first person I know of who made the mistake of remaining open to a man who doubted paternity was my mother. Let me tell you: my father was a fucking joke. Him, and his suspicions. Who was the slut fucking everything that moved on two legs? Not my mother, but my father who was on tour with a renowned band as their replacement bass player at the time, whose father had been a cheater, whose father had been a cheater, whose father had been a cheater, whose father couldn't cheat because he was sold off before he got the chance.

Yeah. I don't stray, and never have when committed to one man. I can't even remember the last time I had sex with someone who wasn't my husband. If I was going to cheat on him, I'd have done it when he was clinging to his damn' virginity early in our relationship. I'd rather leave than cheat. I have no reason to lie; I am not dependent upon him for anything. We are together because we want to be, not out of need. I proved myself to him years ago, I do not need to do that now. So I repeat: No faith, no me. I would bounce. He would have to sue for any kind of paternity rights.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

The only way a woman could experience this same nightmare would be if her baby was killed at birth without her knowing and she was given a complete strangers baby and was then tricked to think it was her own. would you still feel an obligation to raise that child if you found out about what happened 3 years in the future?

Yes, absolutely. And if anyone tried to take that child away from me I would fight to keep him/her.

and for the women who said they wouldn't take a paternity test if they had a kid,

that says alot about you...

Yes, it does. It says I would never, ever try to pass one man's child off as another's. It also says that any man who would suspect me of doing so would be declaring himself as someone who does not know me and does not trust me and therefore would get dumped faster than it would take him to finish the sentence asking for the test.

ETA: And had I ever been in a situation where I was pregnant and unsure who the father was I would have told both (or all) possible fathers that I did not know who the father was and that a paternity test would be necessary.

 

[dolfette]

you know that 'unconditional love' thing that most of your parents gave you? if you found out that, by some fluke of fate, they'd been given the wrong baby and they were not biologically yours... would you be fine with them walking away? would you want to walk away?

i love my kids and my kids love me. if i found out today that they weren't mine biologically, i would love them no less. i would continue to work my arse off to do right by them.

i wouldn't get a paternity test.
1, as manly says, if he doesn't trust me then i/we can do better.
2, i would not want somebody who would base their love for an innocent child on shared genes anywhere near my child, and certainly not helping to raise them.

either you'd love the child unconditionally or you can fuck off.

to the OP,
it's a child, not a toy. you can't send it back for being faulty. she loves him as any child loves the only father they have ever known.
i suggest he talks to the mother, maybe finds a way to not pay if that's an issue, but tries to arrange a way to stay in that child's life. she is his daughter.
when he lies on his deathbed, will he most regret having a loving step-child holding his hand, or throwing that chance of love away?

 

[Ramsey]

My daughters mom told me (just before we broke up) that maybe I'm not the father. She was pregnant at the time. I held my part of the deal and tried to keep in contact with the mom, finally she was born, she let me see her and spend time with her and I grew a bond with that child. I was not totally sure that this was my daughter, but 1: if it was I wanted to be her dad and 2: I was falling in love with the little peanut and if I wasn't her dad, who would be? I'm a loving caring guy and she is an innocent baby, who deserves a loving father figure. If her dad was a random fling, she doesn't deserve to be punished for it.

So like Dolfette says, I would still love the child. When I got the paternity results back (the moms comment made sure I wasn't going to just "take her word" because her word is fickle) I was relieved, but before I got the results back, I was afraid the results would say that she is not my daughter and then her mom could leave and I'd never be able to see this baby who I'd grown attached to. I would have been heartbroken, even if she wasn't biologically mine.

So, fuck the mom. If he is paying child support for the child, he has legal right to the child. Biology isn't everything.

 

[HiddenLacey]

So, fuck the mom. If he is paying child support for the child, he has legal right to the child. Biology isn't everything.

My thoughts exactly:wink:

 

[dolfette]

My daughters mom told me (just before we broke up) that maybe I'm not the father. She was pregnant at the time. I held my part of the deal and tried to keep in contact with the mom, finally she was born, she let me see her and spend time with her and I grew a bond with that child. I was not totally sure that this was my daughter, but 1: if it was I wanted to be her dad and 2: I was falling in love with the little peanut and if I wasn't her dad, who would be? I'm a loving caring guy and she is an innocent baby, who deserves a loving father figure. If her dad was a random fling, she doesn't deserve to be punished for it.

i'm all kinds of impressed.
big, big, big respect for you here.

 

[B_AboveAverageAndre]

So, fuck the mom. If he is paying child support for the child, he has legal right to the child. Biology isn't everything.

Just a quick update for everyone, he met with an attorney early this morning and according to the attorney, he will most likely not have to pay child support because they are not married and the kid is not his. That being said he has no obligation to be in that childs life. However he does plan on being a "backup father figure" similar to an Uncle or friend who will help out from time to time. We all think this is reasonable because the other 3 potential fathers are nowhere near as capable to care for this child like my friend is. The guy who I think is the father looks just like the kid and from what I know, he is a very immature adult who hasn't grown from his frat boy days.

This entire situation seems to have really changed the chemical makeup of who he is. He used to be this fun loving, caring guy and this week he was just down and out. Nothing could make him crack a smile, he was truly broken. But yesterday when met up with him, he seemed to just become cold. The first thing he says to me when I mention his girlfriend and how she was not good for him, instead of trying to bring the positivies of being with her, he literally says "fuck it". He then picks up his phone and texts her "we're done". Of course seconds after the text she is calling his phone like crazy but he just let it ring and continued our conversation like it wasn't even there. I know that might not seem like a big deal to anyone here, but that is not the way he is. So I'm just sitting there in shock and everything he says has like a cold mean "bite" to it. Maybe I'm looking too far into it, but I think he could be changed forever by this in a very bad way.

 

[HiddenLacey]

Just a quick update for everyone, he met with an attorney early this morning and according to the attorney, he will most likely not have to pay child support because they are not married and the kid is not his. That being said he has no obligation to be in that childs life. However he does plan on being a "backup father figure" similar to an Uncle or friend who will help out from time to time. We all think this is reasonable because the other 3 potential fathers are nowhere near as capable to care for this child like my friend is. The guy who I think is the father looks just like the kid and from what I know, he is a very immature adult who hasn't grown from his frat boy days.

This entire situation seems to have really changed the chemical makeup of who he is. He used to be this fun loving, caring guy and this week he was just down and out. Nothing could make him crack a smile, he was truly broken. But yesterday when met up with him, he seemed to just become cold. The first thing he says to me when I mention his girlfriend and how she was not good for him, instead of trying to bring the positivies of being with her, he literally says "fuck it". He then picks up his phone and texts her "we're done". Of course seconds after the text she is calling his phone like crazy but he just let it ring and continued our conversation like it wasn't even there. I know that might not seem like a big deal to anyone here, but that is not the way he is. So I'm just sitting there in shock and everything he says has like a cold mean "bite" to it. Maybe I'm looking too far into it, but I think he could be changed forever by this in a very bad way.

What a sad situation your friend is in. The fact that there are 3 other men that could be the biological Father is horrible. Poor guy and poor child.

 

[dolfette]

Just a quick update for everyone,

what a shitty thing for a woman to do.
what a shitty thing to do to a child.

bear in mind that your friend is in shock.
give him your support.
however tempting it is, getting into a hate-fest of bad mouthing this girl with him, it won't help his recovery. it'll just keep the hurt and anger fresh.

your friend deserves a lot of respect for his choice. i think that kid needs him, especially as her mother sounds like a mess.

 

[B_AboveAverageAndre]

What a sad situation your friend is in. The fact that there are 3 other men that could be the biological Father is horrible. Poor guy and poor child.

It really is horrible, it is bad enough she lied about being faithful to her boyfriend with 1 guy. But 3!? Even I was surprised at that! Hell, I'm even somewhat impressed, it takes a lot of effort to hide 4 men from knowing about each other, especially today with so much technology and how quickly imformation spreads from one person to another. And my friend is no fool, he might have been somewhat blinded by his heart, but he is by all means a very bright person. I never understood how anyone could cheat, maybe a drunken 1 night stand is plausible, you weren't in full control even though the cheater put themself in that situation. But to have more than 1 guy or girl at a time and juggling the multiple partners and covering your tracks as if there is nothing wrong is truly mind boggling. I would think it would be easier to just stick to one person at a time. Who know's maybe I'm just old fashioned.

 

[Attila the Hung]

The guy who I think is the father looks just like the kid and from what I know, he is a very immature adult who hasn't grown from his frat boy days.

Does this guy know yet that he is a father? And what exactly is your friends wife doing in all of this? Has she even tried to find out who the real father is and contact him? Just how old is this woman anyway?

 

[B_AboveAverageAndre]

what a shitty thing for a woman to do.
what a shitty thing to do to a child.

bear in mind that your friend is in shock.
give him your support.
however tempting it is, getting into a hate-fest of bad mouthing this girl with him, it won't help his recovery. it'll just keep the hurt and anger fresh.

your friend deserves a lot of respect for his choice. i think that kid needs him, especially as her mother sounds like a mess.

Yes you're right, I will stop talking about his ex because she was the cause of the problem, not the child. And he is a stand up guy to want to at least help out in some way in the child's life.

 

[Hoss]

Hey everyone, new to the site here and just wanted to hear some opinions on this lazy Sunday afternoon.

Recently a good friend of mine found out he was not the father of his 2 year old daughter, which of course is proof that his girlfriend of 5 years has cheated on him. He has no idea what to do about this. I told him he should sever all ties with his girlfriend and her child. The problem is, he will be forced to pay child support, this entire situation is a mess and I feel bad for the guy.

My question to you all is this, if put in a situation where you found out your significant other lied about a child being yours, how would you handle it? And what advice would you give if a friend was going threw something like this?

Interesting open and many good and interesting responses.

From where I sit I figure stay with the child at least. Even at the start you refer to the child as "his 2 year old daughter" that says it all. It's his daughter in every way that really matters. Okay the relationship has a problem although how much is unknown from us. They'll have to decide that. To pack up and leave the child would be hurtful to the child as she knows no other father.


Now my own experiences. I have 2 daughters and a son. The 1 daughter is biologically mine no questions asked no doubts. The other daughter is a mystery she was created by either me or my friend. at the time my then wife and me were in a 3 way with a friend of mine, she became pregnant and that man and me both had a hand in raising our little girl. (my ex eventually married the other man). I fell in love with that child the moment she was born and my friend did as well (it was a crowded delivery room).and I don't care about the DNA.

My other child is my son who I just recently was introduced to. His mother and me went in different directions before she even knew she was pregnant (a very short lasting marriage). She met and married another man and he helped raise the child as theirs. I met my son recently when he decided he wanted to find and meet me, he was with his parents and when we've talked since, he refers to that man as Dad, he refers to me by my first name and although I'm a biological link, I'm not really his dad, I didn't raise him.

Okay I didn't have a spouse or partner lie about who the DNA father was (even my ex let the man who raised my son know the truth before they were married) but I can tell you that he should at least stay in the child's life if at all possible and what's your nonsense about "forced to pay child support"? He was perfectly willing to pay her expenses before, clothes, food, a home and he's been tagged on the birth certificate. As others have said there's more to being a parent than DNA ask the millions of adopted people that have been raised by men and women that they don't share any biology with.

 

[HiddenLacey]

It really is horrible, it is bad enough she lied about being faithful to her boyfriend with 1 guy. But 3!? Even I was surprised at that! Hell, I'm even somewhat impressed, it takes a lot of effort to hide 4 men from knowing about each other, especially today with so much technology and how quickly imformation spreads from one person to another. And my friend is no fool, he might have been somewhat blinded by his heart, but he is by all means a very bright person. I never understood how anyone could cheat, maybe a drunken 1 night stand is plausible, you weren't in full control even though the cheater put themself in that situation. But to have more than 1 guy or girl at a time and juggling the multiple partners and covering your tracks as if there is nothing wrong is truly mind boggling. I would think it would be easier to just stick to one person at a time. Who know's maybe I'm just old fashioned.

I completely agree with you. First of all one relationship at a time is PLENTY to deal with. I can't imagine hiding something like. I don't understand how someone can even look their partner in the face after cheating on them, especially that many times. Not to mention having unprotected sex with all of those people? Not only endangering herself but every one of the guys.

Your friend is a winner in the end in the situation, because he found out who she was. It's very unfortunate that it had to happen like this, he sounds bitter. Hopefully he will not stay that way forever because of something one person did to him. I applaud his sense of loyalty for staying in the childs life. In a world where people tend to throw each other away he's still being a good person. That says a lot about his character.

 

[B_AboveAverageAndre]

Does this guy know yet that he is a father? And what exactly is your friends wife doing in all of this? Has she even tried to find out who the real father is and contact him? Just how old is this woman anyway?

I have no idea if any of the other men knows or not, when he asked who else could be the father we all knew who they were from mutual friends and aquintances over the years. She is trying to sweet talk and guilt him into staying with not only the child, but in the relationship with her. From what I know, she has not yet contacted the other men. My friend just turned 30, his ex is 33.

 

[Attila the Hung]

I have no idea if any of the other men knows or not, when he asked who else could be the father we all knew who they were from mutual friends and aquintances over the years. She is trying to sweet talk and guilt him into staying with not only the child, but in the relationship with her. From what I know, she has not yet contacted the other men. My friend just turned 30, his ex is 33.

Wow, this woman is 33 and she was behaving this way? If she is acting like an untrustworthy whore at that age then there is absolutely no hope for her to change for the better, none whatsoever. Not that it would make a difference as what she did is utterly unforgivable either way, but to think a woman at her age acting so carelessly and immaturely makes me wonder how the hell your friend got involved with her in the first place.

Unbelievable.

 

[D_Gallalye Goodlolly]

The problem here is that some women abuse the trust given to them by the men they're with. The lesson isn't, "If you trust someone, karma will protect you." It is, "No matter how much you trust someone, you never know what they're capable of until they do it, and on something this big it's better to verify that your trust was well-founded."

why are we arguing back and forth. i expect to be trusted in a relationship and vice versa, if thr is no trust we have nothing.i am the kind of woman who believes that i could actually be able to leave my husband with a very attractive friend in the same house for a long period and believe that nothing would happen.if i amwith a guy tht doubts the paternity of a child we had together and is asking to get tested, i dont need that kind of man. i'll get the the test as requested but i won't stay with that kind of man.

 

[B_AboveAverageAndre]

Interesting open and many good and interesting responses.

From where I sit I figure stay with the child at least. Even at the start you refer to the child as "his 2 year old daughter" that says it all. It's his daughter in every way that really matters. Okay the relationship has a problem although how much is unknown from us. They'll have to decide that. To pack up and leave the child would be hurtful to the child as she knows no other father.


Now my own experiences. I have 2 daughters and a son. The 1 daughter is biologically mine no questions asked no doubts. The other daughter is a mystery she was created by either me or my friend. at the time my then wife and me were in a 3 way with a friend of mine, she became pregnant and that man and me both had a hand in raising our little girl. (my ex eventually married the other man). I fell in love with that child the moment she was born and my friend did as well (it was a crowded delivery room).and I don't care about the DNA.

My other child is my son who I just recently was introduced to. His mother and me went in different directions before she even knew she was pregnant (a very short lasting marriage). She met and married another man and he helped raise the child as theirs. I met my son recently when he decided he wanted to find and meet me, he was with his parents and when we've talked since, he refers to that man as Dad, he refers to me by my first name and although I'm a biological link, I'm not really his dad, I didn't raise him.

Okay I didn't have a spouse or partner lie about who the DNA father was (even my ex let the man who raised my son know the truth before they were married) but I can tell you that he should at least stay in the child's life if at all possible and what's your nonsense about "forced to pay child support"? He was perfectly willing to pay her expenses before, clothes, food, a home and he's been tagged on the birth certificate. As others have said there's more to being a parent than DNA ask the millions of adopted people that have been raised by men and women that they don't share any biology with.

Thanks for your response, very interesting family you have going there!

I basically agree what you have to say, except this. In adoption, everyone knows from the start that the child is not biologically theirs. You have to atleast understand why a person could be so turned off by wanting to continue to raise a child that was brought on to them as if it were his. It is like a trojan horse of for the average man. I just don't think I could be anymore than a "Pretend Uncle" if I were put in a situation like that.

 

[B_AboveAverageAndre]

Wow, this woman is 33 and she was behaving this way? If she is acting like an untrustworthy whore at that age then there is absolutely no hope for her to change for the better, none whatsoever. Not that it would make a difference as what she did is utterly unforgivable either way, but to think a woman at her age acting so carelessly and immaturely makes me wonder how the hell your friend got involved with her in the first place.

Unbelievable.

Unbelieveable truly is the word that could describe her.

When they first met, she seemed like a very nice girl who was great for him. I remember joking with him saying he found the perfect woman. Slowly over time she started to show her true colors until eventually this ball of flaming shit was dropped on him. We all should have known because the people she associates with are just like her. We thought she was just a good person surrounded by bad people. One of her friends has 3 kids, 3 different dads. Another is the dictionary definition of the term 'gold digger'.

I guess low lifes travel in packs.