Paternity Fraud

[B_Bjen2848]

why are we arguing back and forth. i expect to be trusted in a relationship and vice versa, if thr is no trust we have nothing.i am the kind of woman who believes that i could actually be able to leave my husband with a very attractive friend in the same house for a long period and believe that nothing would happen.if i amwith a guy tht doubts the paternity of a child we had together and is asking to get tested, i dont need that kind of man. i'll get the the test as requested but i won't stay with that kind of man.

let me ask you this, have you ever blindly trusted ... anything? if so, you are a fool

if you haven't, have you ever investigated that gut feeling? even if it was something small?

im sure youve been in a relationship before ... have you ever checked on your guy with anything? or do you just believe everything he said?

and when you did check on him, did he flip a shit and leave you? (if he did, then he was hiding something and turned it on you before you could catch him in something)

humans lie, so to think it is so far fetched that a woman would lie about who the father is, isn't that crazy of an idea (30% men would agree with me)

he might just have a smmall gut feeling, it doesnt mean you are untrustworthy, it doesnt mean he doesnt trust you .. he just wants verification

again, idk why it would be such a big deal for anyone to give someone else you care about verification ... especially something that important ... youre lack of empathy shows what type of person you are

 

[B_crackoff]

He should get out of that bitch's life. He's being guilt tripped into it.

If he loves the child he should get her away from that piece of shit.

1/ The mother is lying to her child
2/ The mother is lying to the fake father
3/ The mother is lying to the fake father's family
4/ The mother is lying to the real dad.
5/ The mother is lying to the real dad's family.
6/ The mother cares so little about her child's health, that the biological history of the real father's family is unimportant to her.

She's not exactly a good role model, is she? Neither are her friends.

What happens when she meets a new sugar daddy - your mate will be jettisoned without a legal leg to stand on. Why does he want to put himself through more hurt?

This god awful women will leech from him as much as she can - the kid needs this, that - while she spunks up her own money, on her own selfish ass needs.

I think that the women on this thread need reminding that the man is an innocent in this too.

It's ridiculous that a woman can legally abdicate her responsibility to her own child at anytime from conception: the morning after pill, abortion, adoption, or placing it into care. Yet somehow, a man retains a fiduciary obligation, though his reasons maybe identical to the mother's.

This very issue was discussed not long ago on UK daytime show "The Wright Stuff", & their horrific conclusion to the question "should you tell a man he's not the father?" was - tell him after 2 years - fuck his life, fuck the emotional bonding & hurt, eh?

AAA - what your friend needs to do is to stop hanging around with skanks & find himself another woman.

No woman on the planet, if you start a family with her, is ever going to accept her babies money being spent on some 2 bit hoe's kid that isn't even his. As soon as she learned of all the lying & deceiving, she'd whoop some sense into him. That's a fact!

This ex GF made her decision on her baby's father when she slept with him - both she & the child will have to live with it - great parenting doesn't come from cash alone - & rewarding this woman, & paying for another guy's kid is just dumb. He is wasting his time & money on stuff that something that would be better spent getting HIS OWN family started together.

Take him out - get him to meet some other women - in their 30's, solvent, without kids, & with a job!

This guy's got a lot of love to give - he needs someone who will appreciate him & deserves it.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

It really is horrible, it is bad enough she lied about being faithful to her boyfriend with 1 guy. But 3!? Even I was surprised at that! Hell, I'm even somewhat impressed, it takes a lot of effort to hide 4 men from knowing about each other, especially today with so much technology and how quickly imformation spreads from one person to another. And my friend is no fool, he might have been somewhat blinded by his heart, but he is by all means a very bright person. I never understood how anyone could cheat, maybe a drunken 1 night stand is plausible, you weren't in full control even though the cheater put themself in that situation. But to have more than 1 guy or girl at a time and juggling the multiple partners and covering your tracks as if there is nothing wrong is truly mind boggling. I would think it would be easier to just stick to one person at a time. Who know's maybe I'm just old fashioned.

i feel the same way .. personally the 1 night drunken stand is enough for me to end it with someone ... but the level of deceit is crazy in your friends situation ... i hope everything works out OK, thats the best you can hope for :frown1::frown1::frown1:

 

[B_Bjen2848]

He should get out of that bitch's life. He's being guilt tripped into it.

If he loves the child he should get her away from that piece of shit.

1/ The mother is lying to her child
2/ The mother is lying to the fake father
3/ The mother is lying to the fake father's family
4/ The mother is lying to the real dad.
5/ The mother is lying to the real dad's family.

She's not exactly a good role model, is she? Neither are her friends.

What happens when she meets a new sugar daddy - your mate will be jettisoned without a legal leg to stand on. Why does he want to put himself through more hurt?

This god awful women will leech from him as much as she can - the kid needs this, that - while she spunks up her own money, on her own selfish ass needs.

I think that the women on this thread need reminding that the man is an innocent in this too.

It's ridiculous that a woman can legally abdicate her responsibility to her own child at anytime from conception: the morning after pill, abortion, adoption, or placing it into care. Yet somehow, a man retains a fiduciary obligation, though his reasons maybe identical to the mother's.

This very issue was discussed not long ago on UK daytime show "The Wright Stuff", & their horrific conclusion to the question "should you tell a man he's not the father?" was - tell him after 2 years - fuck his life, fuck the emotional bonding & hurt, eh?

AAA - what your friend needs to do is to stop hanging around with skanks & find himself another woman.

No woman on the planet, if you start a family with her, is ever going to accept her babies money being spent on some 2 bit hoe's kid that isn't even his. As soon as she learned of all the lying & deceiving, she'd whoop some sense into him. That's a fact!

This ex GF made her decision on her baby's father when she slept with him - both she & the child will have to live with it - great parenting doesn't come from cash alone - & rewarding this woman, & paying for another guy's kid is just dumb. He is wasting his time & money on stuff that something that would be better spent getting HIS OWN family started together.

Take him out - get him to meet some other women - in their 30's, solvent, without kids, & with a job!

This guy's got a lot of love to give - he needs someone who will appreciate him & deserves it.

perfect

:You_Rock_Emoticon:

 

[sexplease]

y'all might be surprised at the percent of paternity fraud. 3.3%
3+ out of 100.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Holy Fucking Shit. What part of this do you not understand?

Yes, it does. It says I would never, ever try to pass one man's child off as another's. It also says that any man who would suspect me of doing so would be declaring himself as someone who does not know me and does not trust me and therefore would get dumped faster than it would take him to finish the sentence asking for the test.

'just for asking for a paternity test' = just saying 'I don't trust you, I think you could well be the kind of woman who would not only cheat on me but would be stupid enough to get pregnant while cheating on me AND be duplicitous and cold enough to try to pass another man's child off as mine.'

I'm not the only person who has said this. None of us are arguing the OP's buddy's girl is in the right here - we are saying that we would never do what she did. What we are arguing against is that men should routinely ask for a paternity test when wifey says 'Darling, you'll never guess what!"

Are you fucking thick? How many times do you need that explaining to you?

 

[B_crackoff]

y'all might be surprised at the percent of paternity fraud. 3.3%
3+ out of 100.

I would be surprised at that, namely because there's a site out there that lists practically every study ever done, & roughly you could safely say it's 10%, with a + or - of 5% in Western developed countries.

I think the rate where DNA tests are done is 30% (in the USA) - but that's obviously seriously skewed higher.

You can actually get DNA tests done prenatally - it does cost a bit, though it's probably the best scenario where everyone is honest. As for post natal, you don't need the mother to find out if you're 100% excluded - so just don't tell her:biggrin1:

 

[ManlyBanisters]

You can actually get DNA tests done prenatally - it does cost a bit, though it's probably the best scenario where everyone is honest.

Yeah, excluding the risk of miscarriage from CVS or amniocentesis - 'Oh look darling, the results are back, our dead baby was yours after all, just like I said. Let's celebrate!' :no:

 

[B_crackoff]

Yeah, excluding the risk of miscarriage from CVS or amniocentesis - 'Oh look darling, the results are back, our dead baby was yours after all, just like I said. Let's celebrate!' :no:

It's done from the amniocentisis at about 18 weeks, which are large percentage of women have done anyway. The risk is 1/1600 according to wikipedia. Anyway, there is no baby at the age legally is there? It's a fetus.

If you'd rather wait till the date of birth...fair enough.

Better than, sorry darling that I didn't have that test, but your 25 year old daughter, who you've just put through med school isn't yours. Sorry I made you have the snip too! Now where are those divorce papers?

 

[ManlyBanisters]

No, risking my unborn child, even the tiniest risk, is not better than that.

I have stated above were I ever in the situation where I was pregnant and did not know who had fathered the child I would be straight up about it and get a paternity test, just not prenatal.

 

[Miscer]

It's a fucking DISGRACE that any man has to pay child support to a child that isn't his. The laws are putridly anti-male in this respect.

I also consider a woman who does such a thing to be the lowest of the low. Scum. Having an affair is one thing, but deceiving a man in so brutal a fashion is, I think, a crime that should carry a hefty prison sentence.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

As for post natal, you don't need the mother to find out if you're 100% excluded - so just don't tell her:biggrin1:

haha thats a good call, since women will get so bent out of shape for a man to even consider the insane, out of this world notion that a human being might actually lie .. since the women here are so insecure that they need a man to blindly trust them 800000% we'll just take the baby to the "park" one afternoon and wait for the results ... if we find out the kid is ours, no harm no foul, we'll burn the paper and move on like nothing happened, if the kid isn't ours ... then we'll leave her lying ass

simple :biggrin1:

 

[B_crackoff]

No, risking my unborn child, even the tiniest risk, is not better than that.

I have stated above were I ever in the situation where I was pregnant and did not know who had fathered the child I would be straight up about it and get a paternity test, just not prenatal.

Fair enough - you're one of the good ones! You seem to want to do the right thing by, & for everyone - I salute you:smile: (if everyone was like you, we'd have no daytime TV though).

 

[B_RedDude]

You're hysterical.

This isn't a case of hospital error. It is a clear case of moral turpitude on the part of the mother. The boyfriend has absolutely NO moral responsibility for the child. Period. The mother fucked up. Big time. It's her responsibility and that of the real father, whoever he is.

I don't care to care to take responsibility for some other adult's bad behavior.

None of us enters this world with any guarantees.

you know that 'unconditional love' thing that most of your parents gave you? if you found out that, by some fluke of fate, they'd been given the wrong baby and they were not biologically yours... would you be fine with them walking away? would you want to walk away?

i love my kids and my kids love me. if i found out today that they weren't mine biologically, i would love them no less. i would continue to work my arse off to do right by them.

i wouldn't get a paternity test.
1, as manly says, if he doesn't trust me then i/we can do better.
2, i would not want somebody who would base their love for an innocent child on shared genes anywhere near my child, and certainly not helping to raise them.

either you'd love the child unconditionally or you can fuck off.

to the OP,
it's a child, not a toy. you can't send it back for being faulty. she loves him as any child loves the only father they have ever known.
i suggest he talks to the mother, maybe finds a way to not pay if that's an issue, but tries to arrange a way to stay in that child's life. she is his daughter.
when he lies on his deathbed, will he most regret having a loving step-child holding his hand, or throwing that chance of love away?

 

[AlteredEgo]

Just a quick update for everyone, he met with an attorney early this morning and according to the attorney, he will most likely not have to pay child support because they are not married and the kid is not his. That being said he has no obligation to be in that childs life. However he does plan on being a "backup father figure" similar to an Uncle or friend who will help out from time to time. We all think this is reasonable because the other 3 potential fathers are nowhere near as capable to care for this child like my friend is. The guy who I think is the father looks just like the kid and from what I know, he is a very immature adult who hasn't grown from his frat boy days.

This entire situation seems to have really changed the chemical makeup of who he is. He used to be this fun loving, caring guy and this week he was just down and out. Nothing could make him crack a smile, he was truly broken. But yesterday when met up with him, he seemed to just become cold. The first thing he says to me when I mention his girlfriend and how she was not good for him, instead of trying to bring the positivies of being with her, he literally says "fuck it". He then picks up his phone and texts her "we're done". Of course seconds after the text she is calling his phone like crazy but he just let it ring and continued our conversation like it wasn't even there. I know that might not seem like a big deal to anyone here, but that is not the way he is. So I'm just sitting there in shock and everything he says has like a cold mean "bite" to it. Maybe I'm looking too far into it, but I think he could be changed forever by this in a very bad way.

He's just depressed. His situation is terrible. Hopefully, he will find coping mechanisms, hopefully they will be healthy ones, and he will heal and move forward with his life. My heart breaks for him, and for the baby girl.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

The laws are putridly anti-male in this respect.

true, family laws in general are very anti-male

probably why so many guys are opting to not get married ... honestly i dont see the point or appeal of a guy wanting to get married, it can only potentially hurt a man if he does

 

[dolfette]

i've nowt more to add.

i'm just back to laugh at all the angry, bitter people :smile:

 

[B_crackoff]

i've nowt more to add.

i'm just back to laugh at all the angry, bitter people :smile:

Just look in the mirror, kitten - Miaow:wink:

 

[D_Ben Twilly]

I'm not the only person who has said this. None of us are arguing the OP's buddy's girl is in the right here - we are saying that we would never do what she did. What we are arguing against is that men should routinely ask for a paternity test when wifey says 'Darling, you'll never guess what!"

Are you fucking thick? How many times do you need that explaining to you?

When you have sex with someone, do you make sure they are disease free, or do you just assume that they'd be honest about it if there was something you should know? If you're someone who likes to look before you leap, should they be insulted by being asked?

 

[AlteredEgo]

When you have sex with someone, do you make sure they are disease free, or do you just assume that they'd be honest about it if there was something you should know? If you're someone who likes to look before you leap, should they be insulted by being asked?

Usually, when I have sex with someone for the first time, I do not know them very well. Naturally, I ask for documentation. I do not even trust them enough to take their word for it nearly every time. Now that I am married, and have been in a monogamous relationship for over five years, I do not ask my one sexual partner anything about his disease status. I asked a series of questions before I went down on him the first time, and took him at his word since we'd been friends for a couple of years. I offered to show him paperwork; he declined.

Last year, he contracted mononucleosis. I asked him how he caught it, and he said he didn't know. I watched his face, wondered about his fidelity for a few moments, weighed his trustworthiness based on our years of experiences together, and moved on. He said he didn't know how he caught mono, and I believed him. I trust him. He gives me no reason not to do so. If he could not offer me the same someday, I would leave him.