Peaceful break up (dos and donts)

[Gisella]

Ladies/gentlemen....

I was thinking about relationships and my own last one ...and how important is to accept when is really over...its hard and painful but we have to move on...it sucks!

I like to be friends with my-exs and do not like to cut comunications...but sometimes is hard keeping the lines for talks...after dealing with the closure issues of whys and etc so many times...(because the worse thing i experience in the past is the ananswer questions , someone just leave without at least a good talk over, terrible ...and i will never do the same with anyone.)

But...i will not keeping delaying something that is done...i have to be honest of the why nots we can't stay together ( hope he would do the same for me.) Because delaying knowing that its finished and using the other one that is no over it, its not right!

:sadwavey:

Well, what are the does and donts of a peaceful (as possible) break up because it will hurt anyways and time will do the heal...it sucks...

Lets talk about break ups...

 

[B_horribleperson]

dont call her a stupid cunt rag whore.

 

[Wonderboy]

I thought you had a boyfriend now? You seemed so happy...you said he was Italian or something?

Anyway, I just broke up with my ex, had to change a lot of mostly internet related things so she can't spy on me...it was a strange break up...She walked out and I let her because of her erratic behaviour. Then we just both accepted it I think.

We still talk via MSN but I don't really like it or think I should. Then I find it hard not to though. It's sort of nice to talk to her but then when I hear about her having a crush on other lads already, and hugging one lad etc its not a nice feeling.

Back to the question at hand.

Gisella, you asked 'What Are The Do's And Don'ts For A Peaceful Breakup?'

Or survey* said:

Do - Talk at a normal level, not shout
Do - Have talk with your partner/soon to be ex, NOT at them
Do - Be civilised and kind etc
Do - Be willing to let go

Don't - try to keep a relationship going that needs to be stopped...I'm sure you can tell when - you don't talk as much, don't see each other as much, and sex is only a word and not an action...
Don't - Throw things! LOL
Don't - Bring out each other's dirty laundry/things from the past
Don't - Be negative, try to be positive
Don't - Be 'cliche' things like I'll always love you, you're the only one for me, belong in the movies. Just say thanks for the time we had, you were a very special person to me for a time, now its time for me to be goin, little lady

*Survey of one person, conducted over the course of four minutes.

 

[B_black10inches]

I had a real hard breakup with my g/f last year. It was like our issues just kept going around & around. We couldn't seem to break out of this cycle of misunderstanding. Every time one of us would try & say something to mellow things out, the other would get defensive. I think it takes a huge amount of time & trust to resolve all the emotions & hurt felings. We're not done yet.

 

[Gisella]

I thought you had a boyfriend now? You seemed so happy...you said he was Italian or something?

Well, we broke up weeks ago...

I'm a happy and positive person Dillon...but you know still not easy. I know that is finish and will not work between us but i care very much for him.

Anyway, I just broke up with my ex, had to change a lot of mostly internet related things so she can't spy on me...it was a strange break up...She walked out and I let her because of her erratic behaviour. Then we just both accepted it I think.

We still talk via MSN but I don't really like it or think I should. Then I find it hard not to though. It's sort of nice to talk to her but then when I hear about her having a crush on other lads already, and hugging one lad etc its not a nice feeling.

Yep, i do understand the want to talk but knowing that we shouldn't thing...

Back to the question at hand.

Gisella, you asked 'What Are The Do's And Don'ts For A Peaceful Breakup?'

Or survey* said:

Do - Talk at a normal level, not shout
Do - Have talk with your partner/soon to be ex, NOT at them
Do - Be civilised and kind etc
Do - Be willing to let go

Don't - try to keep a relationship going that needs to be stopped...I'm sure you can tell when - you don't talk as much, don't see each other as much, and sex is only a word and not an action...
Don't - Throw things! LOL
Don't - Bring out each other's dirty laundry/things from the past
Don't - Be negative, try to be positive
Don't - Be 'cliche' things like I'll always love you, you're the only one for me, belong in the movies. Just say thanks for the time we had, you were a very special person to me for a time, now its time for me to be goin, little lady

*Survey of one person, conducted over the course of four minutes.

:tongue: Thanks very much for the survey (of one person in 4 min...)

U are great!!!:wink:

 

[Gisella]

I had a real hard breakup with my g/f last year. It was like our issues just kept going around & around. We couldn't seem to break out of this cycle of misunderstanding. Every time one of us would try & say something to mellow things out, the other would get defensive. I think it takes a huge amount of time & trust to resolve all the emotions & hurt felings. We're not done yet.

:hug:

Man...i hope the best for you 2 !!!

 

[Wonderboy]

Are you listening to break up music too?

That was another don't. Listen to happy music. A song I like is by Prince. It's called Gold

 

[Gisella]

Are you listening to break up music too?

That was another don't. Listen to happy music. A song I like is by Prince. It's called Gold

No im not...:biggrin1:

I dont like Prince....:tongue:

 

[RideRocket]

Are you listening to break up music too?

That was another don't.

Do you think Neil Diamond listens to his own music?

 

[Gisella]

Hmmm...Neil Diamond...

terrible....

 

[invisibleman]

Peaceful Breakup Tips From a Pro (meaning one who has gone through a lot of breakups.)

1. Yeah, breakups are hard to go through.
2. Things will be bad, you will have fully go through every emotion. (There is a grieving process like death of a loved one. You gotta go through every one of those emotions. Yeah, if feel like crying--you go and have your cry. If you feel weird. Feel weird. If you are angry, deal with your anger. Express your anger in positive non violent ways. Write in a journal. You will be a moody person for a while.
3. Don't talk to, meet, fuck,or make love to, your ex again. Break ups are that. You can't be friends after you've been lovers. No more calls, no more letters, and no email communication. No communicating at all.
4. Don't listen to any love songs or any love done me wrong type of songs. Don't listen to any of your ex's or music that you and your ex shared. Buy some great instrumental music.
5. Don't hope for getting back together as friends.
6. Don't ever, ever start to date another person until you have fully gotten over your ex!!!!! You have to wait.
7. If you happen to see your ex out in public, leave them be.
8. Pack up all reminders of your ex and put them in storage.
9. Get involved in some hobbies or volunteering.
10. Get some exercise. Get lots of sleep. Eight hours.
11. Watch your diet. Eat some healthier stuff. Drink lots of water. Stay away from caffiene and sugar.

 

[Gisella]

Thanks a lot Invisibleman.

:wink:

 

[Wonderboy]

No im not...:biggrin1:

I dont like Prince....:tongue:

Why you no like Prince?

He has the best music for sex!

Anyway, hope the breakup isnt too hard on you, since you don't have Prince to help you through it lol.

 

[Gisella]

:biggrin1:

Well when he was in i could not understand english and what he was singing, and hes person do not inpired me sexy thoughts because i think he is kind of an androgeno...:redface:

I Prefer sexy Bob Marley, Peter Tosh ways then Prince's...oh yeh...:tongue:

One thing u are right i'm not having sex or my prince around....:biggrin1:

Terrible situation...

 

[Gisella]

A good music for now is that one: I will survive!!! Or the Rainbow one near by...

uch:

 

[Ethyl]

Everyone has to deal with a break-up in their own special way, but you can always count on pain, regret, second-guessing, frustration, and sadness to accompany it. Learning from the experience and applying those lessons to your life is the key to finding peace within yourself, instead of becoming bitter and slowly self-destructing. My break-up last year left me with many unanswered questions and the situation felt so, well, unfinished. Accepting that there was nothing I could do about it and moving forward was incredibly difficult, yet I am different now and stronger than I ever imagined.

I'm very sorry to hear about your relationship, Gisella.

 

[Gisella]

Thank you Mercurialbliss...:wink:

I'm a very happy and positive person try to play, but to keep my spirit high...

Well, its just sucks... but i cant rush the process.

 

[Ethyl]

I wanted to add these, but ran out of edit time: You need your family and friends now, so ask for their support. Don't contact your ex. If you feel you made the right decision, then trust yourself and move on with your life. You'll only prolong the pain.

 

[Gisella]

I wanted to add these, but ran out of edit time: You need your family and friends now, so ask for their support. Don't contact your ex. If you feel you made the right decision, then trust yourself and move on with your life. You'll only prolong the pain.

Yep, i do agree...thanks very much!

The problem is that he is contacting me a lot...and i care very much for him...

But we both know that it will not work out between us...unfortunatly.

Yes, im sure i made the right decision.

 

[smally]

Wow, what an insightful thread with some great advise.

One said don't meet, talk, friends.. sex, etc.

Not sure about the meet, talk and friends thing.. I think that depends on the peoplel and circumstancess. Sex is right out though.. trust me, it makes it harder to do the break that you know is right.

How about: if you do meet, keep it in a public place and do keep indoor voices and civility.

Sorry to hear you're going through it, but if you know it's right, you have to. It will get easier with time.