Peaceful break up (dos and donts)

[philboy]

How interesting to hear such different views on breaking up.
I agree (more or less) with the core elements apart from the issue of remaining friends.
As with divorce (which I have never gone thro) it is difficult to stay cordial after a relationship collapse (of which I could write the book of experience) but if a split can be done without too much animosity, both will gain much more from a sad but inevitable process, and come out of it stronger.

 

[naughty]

Hi,

I think one of the things that makes breaking up so difficult (especially if it is serious and or long term) is that you have to make an emotional paradigm shift. This is one of the few people you have allowed to experience or view the "real" you , with whom you have shared special and intimate moments, relied upon for emotional support, or who has been your "port in the storm " .WHen suddenly ( or not so suddenly) an artifical dividing line between the state of "we" and "me" develops, it can be something that takes a lot for ones mind and emotions to get around. No longer can we expect or rely on this person to be part of our support network or to be our one man or woman cheering section. It makes one wonder.... was this real or all in my mind....

 

[Wonderboy]

Did someone say Wonder?

Hehe but yeah, I would advise no contact with the ex, at least for a while. My ex still talks to me, and I want to talk to her but I CAN"T...its crazy. She has pics of her having a 'very very' good time (her words) with other guys etc.

Which is why this time tomorrow I'll be tres ivre (very drunk) and maybe find a pretty body to help dissolve the memories

This emergency procedure may be different for girls, but I know a lot of lads who do this and I might have to join them. I've had a different ex ringing me but I have no desire for her or even fof sex

(She rang out of the blue last night, rang once and expected me to ring back. I did no.)

Anyway, we must strive, onward and upward

 

[KidBrown]

Hippies generally have pretty peaceful breakups. Pacifists too. Other than that, they've gotta be pretty uncommon. I prefer the non-peaceful type of break-up though, nothing like a good fist-fight to clear the air. That way you know you've been through a break-up, otherwise it's just kind of a sinking feeling in my chest that lasts for a while.

 

[rob_just_rob]

I disagree about being friends with exes. It is possible - I'm good friends with one ex-gf, while most of the others either hate me, I hate them, or we just aren't interested in talking.

I do think that you can't expect to be friends right after the breakup. It takes time to get over it. Once you both are through the grieving process of the breakup and have some perspective on why the breakup happened (and are okay with it), THEN you can try being friends.

 

[AlteredEgo]

All of my breakups have been peaceful. Some have been punctuated by chocking sobs, but all were peaceful. I had friendships after most of them, too.

Ask your questions immediately. Get answers immediately or accept that the other person is not going to answer you, and make something up? Why did it end? Becasue polka-dotted elephants, that's why! Get your answers, or make them up, and move on.

Sever ties completely. Completely. Yes. Completely. No calls. No Yahoo! No greeting cards, no friendly chats at the grocery store. No contact whatsoever. When you feel better about the whole thing, and think they might too. Then, if you really wanted to be friends you can try.

Try to remember how you were before you met. Have you changed much? Is it better? Be your best self.

For me, each of these lessons were hard-learned. I almost lost my friendship with my first boyfriend, and couldn't hold on to some others. But my first boyfriend invited me to his wedding and called me last month to tell me excitedly that he is going to be a Daddy. And to ask me when I was going to stop dealing with men who don't serve any real purpose in my life. That's what he meant anyway. What he actually said was, "How come I'm the only boyfriend you ever had with a normal name? What's wrong with these assholes?" But I speak his language and know what he meant. :biggrin1: