Penile Dysmorphic Disorder

Badunkbadonk

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Penile Dysmorphic Disorder (PDD) or “Small Penis Syndrome” is a real condition and I suffer with it. I’ve been in Therapy for years but I have never felt comfortable enough to bring this up with my therapist - mainly because I didn’t know I was suffering from anything mental - I just thought I was abnormally small. This belief caused me to change my penis with silicone, with mixed results.

Do you think you might have PDD? Have any of you overcome it? It’s hard to seek help because it’s extremely embarrassing, as evidenced by one of the tick boxes below.

Here are the symptoms (From Medical News Today):

Some symptoms of small penis syndrome or PDD include:
  • constantly comparing their penis size to that of others, including those in the media
  • a belief that the penis is unusually small, in spite of evidence to the contrary
  • distorted perceptions of penis size
  • placing an unusually high value on penis size
  • feeling ashamed or embarrassed about penis size
  • difficulty having sex with a partner because of anxiety about penis size
  • reduced sexual function, including getting an erection or having an orgasm
I can tick every single box. In truth, I think my erect penis (minus the silicone) is slightly below average length (5”). When it’s soft, before silicone, it was well below average (1.5”). Showers, stepfathers, and insensitive remarks reinforced the issue.

I recently switched insurance so I am getting a new therapist. I have made a pledge to discuss this. I kept it in for 40+ years because I wasn’t aware it was an actual medical condition! Because of this disorder, I made medical choices that provided some relief, but ultimately killed my sex life. I know there may be trolls lurking, waiting to humiliate me even further. I ask you to have some compassion.

I’ll keep up this thread, because I have a lot of stories to tell that may be helpful to someone suffering from this dysmorphia.
 

dreambridger

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Hey man, kudos for being open about these issues and for committing to heal! That sort of thing takes courage to admit!

I can check some of those boxes for sure, though it isn't constant or chronic. It's more performance anxiety-related for me right now. When I'm by myself, I usually don't feel that my dick is too small (as long as I'm not in a depressive mood, if I'm depressed then my dick looks tiny), but lately when I've gone to bed with another man, their presence makes my perception of my penis really warped, I feel dwarfed or like I'm infantile compared to them and then that perception of myself makes it impossible for me to get hard. The inferiority becomes anxiety which means all my blood runs to my pounding heart instead of my dick. This will happen even if the guy isn't that much bigger than me. I've struggled with this for about a year now.

On a warm day when my flaccid dick is big from the heat, and I feel relaxed and healthy and good about myself, then I can be a little proud of my dick but those are rare days. I've always joked that the way a trans person pre-transition might feel like they're a woman trapped inside a man's body, I feel like I'm a guy with a much bigger dick trapped inside the body of a guy with an average dick, lol.
 

Lookinginconshy

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So good of both of you to be so brave to write and post. My dick is very average but when flaccid is not very big..I guess I am a grower rather than a shower. Yeah, I do not feel comfortable naked in the gym locker room although I am not a towel dancer. It always seems everyone else has a lot more showing flaccid walking to the showers etc... than I. In my mind I always feel the bigger guys must think mine a pathetic display. Most guys I have been with are bigger than me or the same as mine hard.
Nothing I can do about it but at times especially looking at postings on this site, makes me feel somehow nature cheated me and can feel inferior in a way. It’s nothing that I am going to dwell upon or lose sleep about but it is there. I do feel I lucked out in that I have larger than average balls and I like them especially when they hang and feel good. So it evens out maybe.

either way, big or small, I find dicks very interesting and a beautiful appendage. Gladly play with any offered and happy I have one to share.
 

Badunkbadonk

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I’ll update you after I break my silence with the new therapist. I’m grateful that @dreambridger and @Lookinginconshy shared their story. It is very helpful. If anyone else feels this way and has the courage to tell about it, please do!
 
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Rewardheragain148

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I didn’t get insecure about dck size until I started having sex with a lot of different women..

They said “ black guys have big dcks”…

Sneakily …, Insinuating I should have a big dck.

Anyway, my penis pump has thus far has given me a longer, heftier penis so my dck insecurities are slow fading away.
 

Badunkbadonk

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Thanks again to the contributors who can relate to this issue of dysmorphia. I promised some true stories. Here’s one that few can tell.

My Silicone Journey
It wasn’t until I was 34 that I tried pumping. For a brief moment, I knew what it felt like to be big (or at least bigger than I was). It was intoxicating. Hanging out on pumping forums and Yahoo groups, I caught my first glimpse of the silicone superstars like Phil More and Muscle Eddie. I couldn’t believe their size and I didn’t care if it looked odd. I wanted to know what it was like to be huge. What I didn’t realize was that these guys already had some decent length and girth, above average probably, when they started adding silicone. It makes a huge difference if there’s more length.

My first time with silicone, I got 35 cc from a guy in England. I couldn’t believe my cock was so thick. In the train station, I whipped it out to take a piss, and suddenly a bunch of guys were jacking off. It looked a little odd, but not too misshapen. My husband was not excited about it. I was so happy, I didn’t care.

The problem came when I started wanting more and more. I got 50 cc from a doctor in Tijuana, then 100cc in my balls (they have swollen up like tennis balls) and then another 50 cc. At 135cc, with my less than average length, I never got the hang that I saw on those guys. I added another 50cc myself and then I stopped just shy of 200 cc.

On an average or larger penis, 200cc would be impressive. On a shorty like mine, it has actually shortened my penis a little. It’s like beer can thick, but not as long as a short beer can! You can see the results over the years in my gallery (if you have the right status on this site).

Something I hadn’t expected was the shame. When the thrill of having a huge mass of flesh between my legs faded with time and was replaced with embarrassment. I’d catch men staring at my bulge. Even women stared at my crotch. Not everybody.

I suddenly wondered if people on this site who are truly big have any embarrassment issues. They grew up with it, so they may have developed a great deal of confidence over the years. My size, coming as late in life as it has, combined with the misshapen quality of my member has rendered me ashamed. It’s ridiculous. I think it’s still a part of the primary problem (PDD). I have even fewer people to talk to about it now.

I was referred to a top urologist when I was considering having the silicone removed. She sneered at me as I was explaining the things I did to keep the foreskin from closing up. “I don’t want to hear about it. This is disgusting. You need to get it removed right away.” First, a female urologist is certainly acceptable, but she didn’t have a firm grasp of (gay) male psychology. In retrospect, I could tell she had no idea I was suffering from a mental condition. Her proclamation of disgust made me feel even worse. I told her I would think about the removal and then I ghosted her. Fuck her!

Flash forward seven years and I’m still living with my mistake. A lot of my friends think I have a huge dick but they’ve never seen it. The friends who have seen it over the years gossiped about it behind my back. I don’t blame them. It’s pretty weird that a little guy gradually grows a big bulge and a misshapen dick.

So that’s one story. I regret several things. First, as a versatile bottom, I should have learned that tops don’t care about my dick. Seeing it would probably make them feel weird. I’ve heard that tops like guys with smaller penises. I should have been proud to be small.

Second, I never thought I’d have the kind of money where I could have the much more sophisticated Beverly Hills plastic surgery. I do now, but they won’t operate. They can remove it, but they won’t give me a proper enlargement because my skin is too thin.

Third, I should never have done my balls. They were large to begin with and now they’re too big. They make my dick look small!

So this is one story about how PDD has affected me. It’s not an easy story to tell, but I’ve been mercifully free of trolls thus far, so I feel safe telling it. I can tell stories about some of the origins of my disorder.

On an added note…Under the pen name Peter Schutes, I write erotica about guys with small penises who attract the LPSG types or bigger. It’s sort of cathartic to create a character who embraces their size and isn’t ashamed of it, whether tiny or huge. Usually they don’t feel that way at the beginning of the story, but love (and mind-blowing sex) changes their perspective.

I’ll write my non-fiction tales here in this thread!
 

dreambridger

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I didn’t get insecure about dck size until I started having sex with a lot of different women..

They said “ black guys have big dcks”…

Sneakily …, Insinuating I should have a big dck.

Anyway, my penis pump has thus far has given me a longer, heftier penis so my dck insecurities are slow fading away.
It's an unfortunate and untrue stereotype. Pornography has profited off of this stereotype and has warped reality to make it seem like the truth, and I've encountered black men who feel bad about being average because of it.

I dated a black guy with an average dick for a long time, and of the black guys I've been with none were especially large except for one who had the tall, lanky body type. Tall, lanky body types have long dicks generally; I don't think it had to do with him being black.

Plus I know the real truth that it's actually gingers that have the biggest dicks. I've never encountered a redhead that wasn't hung like a monster. But they never became a genre of porn like "big black cock" has.
 

dreambridger

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@Badunkbadonk thanks for sharing. It seems that as well as the PDD, you developed an addiction to penis enlargement. Sharing your regrets about it could help others. I'm a vers bottom too; I should be proud of my big round horse-like ass and not worry about my average dick. The only thing I do for PE is jelq, and I stop when it starts to hurt or looks too purple. I don't want to damage my dick. I never got a pump because I'm worried I'd get addicted and damage myself.

Are you still with your husband, can I ask?
 

Badunkbadonk

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@Badunkbadonk thanks for sharing. It seems that as well as the PDD, you developed an addiction to penis enlargement. Sharing your regrets about it could help others. I'm a vers bottom too; I should be proud of my big round horse-like ass and not worry about my average dick. The only thing I do for PE is jelq, and I stop when it starts to hurt or looks too purple. I don't want to damage my dick. I never got a pump because I'm worried I'd get addicted and damage myself.

Are you still with your husband, can I ask?
I’m still with my husband. Sex stopped in 2007 or so. The following 14 years have been very rewarding in many ways, but sex is definitely off the table. We go outside the relationship if we need it. Companionship is underrated and sex is overrated when it comes to marriage.

I hope you will embrace your big round horse-like ass (not literally) and recognize your worth. I hadn’t thought of my PE as an addiction because is was infrequent, but permanent. I think you may be right. The first step is admitting there’s a problem. On to step two.
 
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deleted1138933

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I think there is a difference between PDD, where one PERCEIVES that their penis is small, but it is not and ACTUALLY being small and society and medical community trying to make you feel as if you have a mental issue as opposed to a real physical problem.

If your SOFT penis has enough length. girth, and weight to actually HANG have a shaft etc AND are at least a decent medium size hard (6” long and 4.5” around) and believe you are small, then yes, your PDD is real. If you do not hang and are not actually medium, then you do not have PDD, it is not mental, it is physically real.
 
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Badunkbadonk

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I think there is a difference between PDD, where one PERCEIVES that their penis is small, but it is not and ACTUALLY being small and society and medical community trying to make you feel as if you have a mental issue as opposed to a real physical problem.

If your SOFT penis has enough length. girth, and weight to actually HANG have a shaft etc AND are at least a decent medium size hard (6” long and 4.5” around) and believe you are small, then yes, your PDD is real. If you do not hang and are not actually medium, then you do not have PDD, it is not mental, it is physically real.
Thank you, Harry for weighing in on the subject. It’s definitely a matter of opinion. The criteria for the disorder (which is, as you say, the medical community’s opinion) states that anyone who doesn’t actually have micropenis can have the dysmorphia. I wasn’t as big as the medium size you describe, but it shouldn’t have mattered.

What I did was psych myself into thinking it needed to be bigger. I was so ashamed of my less-than-medium size that I didn’t engage in very much sexual activity for many years. It’s definitely something wrong. My attempts to remedy the problem physically didn’t end up fixing much. I still think I’m too short, but I’m willing to admit I’m in the 95th percentile for girth now (7.75”). It was below average, but to me it felt like micropenis. I’d prefer to think of it as a mental problem, because then I can change my thinking.

If I could talk to my young gay self, I would convince him his size doesn’t matter much because he’s a bottom anyway!
 
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deleted1138933

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Thank you, Harry for weighing in on the subject. It’s definitely a matter of opinion. The criteria for the disorder (which is, as you say, the medical community’s opinion) states that anyone who doesn’t actually have micropenis can have the dysmorphia. I wasn’t as big as the medium size you describe, but it shouldn’t have mattered.

What I did was psych myself into thinking it needed to be bigger. I was so ashamed of my less-than-medium size that I didn’t engage in very much sexual activity for many years. It’s definitely something wrong. My attempts to remedy the problem physically didn’t end up fixing much. I still think I’m too short, but I’m willing to admit I’m in the 95th percentile for girth now (7.75”). It was below average, but to me it felt like micropenis. I’d prefer to think of it as a mental problem, because then I can change my thinking.

If I could talk to my young gay self, I would convince him his size doesn’t matter much because he’s a bottom anyway!

Glad thinks working out for you
 

Thr3Dk1LL3r

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Penile Dysmorphic Disorder (PDD) or “Small Penis Syndrome” is a real condition and I suffer with it. I’ve been in Therapy for years but I have never felt comfortable enough to bring this up with my therapist - mainly because I didn’t know I was suffering from anything mental - I just thought I was abnormally small. This belief caused me to change my penis with silicone, with mixed results.

Do you think you might have PDD? Have any of you overcome it? It’s hard to seek help because it’s extremely embarrassing, as evidenced by one of the tick boxes below.

Here are the symptoms (From Medical News Today):

Some symptoms of small penis syndrome or PDD include:
  • constantly comparing their penis size to that of others, including those in the media
  • a belief that the penis is unusually small, in spite of evidence to the contrary
  • distorted perceptions of penis size
  • placing an unusually high value on penis size
  • feeling ashamed or embarrassed about penis size
  • difficulty having sex with a partner because of anxiety about penis size
  • reduced sexual function, including getting an erection or having an orgasm
I can tick every single box. In truth, I think my erect penis (minus the silicone) is slightly below average length (5”). When it’s soft, before silicone, it was well below average (1.5”). Showers, stepfathers, and insensitive remarks reinforced the issue.

I recently switched insurance so I am getting a new therapist. I have made a pledge to discuss this. I kept it in for 40+ years because I wasn’t aware it was an actual medical condition! Because of this disorder, I made medical choices that provided some relief, but ultimately killed my sex life. I know there may be trolls lurking, waiting to humiliate me even further. I ask you to have some compassion.

I’ll keep up this thread, because I have a lot of stories to tell that may be helpful to someone suffering from this dysmorphia.
thank you for sharing this struggle. I've never done anything permanent myself but I wonder if I suffer from a version of this disease. I hope you continue to progress on your recovery.
 
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Big_Daddy999

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I didn’t get insecure about dck size until I started having sex with a lot of different women..

They said “ black guys have big dcks”…

Sneakily …, Insinuating I should have a big dck.

Anyway, my penis pump has thus far has given me a longer, heftier penis so my dck insecurities are slow fading away.
Wait so pumps do work then? I’ve always been curious about them
 
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