penis burned and scraped

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by B_quietguy, Mar 11, 2008.

  1. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    So at the risk of revealing my true identity,

    I am a former Jedi knight, but during a light-saber duel battle with my teacher, I ended up getting badly burned. I do mean really burned - like my clothes caught fire from scorching lava. With all my clothes burned off, I had nothing to protect my bare skin from getting scraped by sharp hot rocks. Needless to say, I barely escaped with my life - but without my manhood intact. I'll spare you the details - in case you're kinda squeamish about those things.

    My new master, who is wise in using the force to extend life and restore health, promised to restore my manhood. He says he can even extend it. I can't tell you who my new master is for he is a well known politician, but keeps his private life to himself. The man is gentle and soft-spoken, and has helped my career every step of the way. Well, to keep me alive, he says he had to put me inside this suit with a breathing apparatus. Anyhow, to get to the point. As you know, a man has urges, and here I am, stuck inside this suit where I can't even reach my penis. He says he will use his knowledge and powers to restore me to complete health someday, but first he wants me to do some tasks for him. You know, like track down some pesky do-gooders who just get in his way.

    Frankly, I thought he was all okay, but it turns out he has me by the balls.

    What can a guy do?
     
  2. Mr Ed in Mass

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    Is your Master the Governor of New York??
     
  3. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    I suggest you not mock my master for your sake. He is not as forgiving as I am. He is far more powerful than a mere governor.
     
  4. Phil Ayesho

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    the obvious answer is

    use the force...
     
  5. yhtang

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    How much of your manhood did you lose - such that he can still have you by the balls? :biggrin1:
     
  6. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    Oh those are still there. I just can't scratch them when I am stuck inside this damn suit!
     
  7. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Delusions of grandeur.. heh
     
  8. Mr. Snakey

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    very strange.
     
  9. tvilleguy70

    tvilleguy70 New Member

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    very strange, indeed!
     
  10. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    You doubt me? I find your lack of faith disturbing. Trust me, the Jedi are relentless.
     
  11. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Next you'll be claiming to have sired royalty. :rolleyes:
     
  12. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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  13. Not_Punny

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    Hmmmm. Are you sure you're in a suit and not in a pickle? :biggrin1:
     
  14. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    Well, I once married a queen, but she died shortly thereafter. :frown1: If we had a girl, our daughter would be a real princess.
     
  15. sexplease

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    "Oh Balls," said the queen, "if I had two I'd be the king!"
     
  16. unique_exposure

    unique_exposure New Member

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    Tell your master he needs to invest in some Botox, the wrinkles [read:crevices] aren't winning him any extra votes.
     
  17. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    My master did undergone some transfiguration recently. He played it up in the Senate the next day for sympathy votes. With all the power the Senate gave him, he hardly needs votes anymore.

    To quote my master, "The Republic is not what it once was. ... To ensure the security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire! For a safe, and secure, society!"
     
  18. Gonzo3

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    mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm is that you ..............Fozzy bear.............i told you they would never go for a Jedi Knight ,.........your too hairy for one thing and :rolleyes:
     
  19. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    With me losing my arms and legs, and getting mechanical I decided to replace my manhood as well. Just think "implantable vibrator". Not just one, but a whole toy chest of 'em. Different sizes and shapes. Some firm, others supple. But wait, there's more. Accessories too! Ticklers, plugs, and ben-wa balls. The works.

    If only Padme was still here! Oh well, it's a big galaxy, and I am sure somebody with my influence at the top levels of government can find as many partners as I want.
     
  20. Gonzo3

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    World wide dudes ,world wide
    ..........mmmmmmmmm enigmatic as ever :rolleyes:
     
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