Penis size and mentality

[CRAIGROBBO]

I wasn't sure where to post this pleae move if necessary but here goes.


So I've posted before about the size of my penis (or rather lack of it) and got a bunch of reply basically suggesting size doesn't matter its how you use it.


The issue with me is my mental state towards it and what I want to ask is when you know you have a small penis despite your abity to use (I make my partner cum 99% of the time we have sex) I still have it, I struggle to look at myself downstairs without getting negative thoughts and turning myself off.

I've had women comment on my size in the past (about small which sticks in my head) and I can't just "not listen" it's like a reoccurring thought I just can't shake.

My current partner just says "it's fine size doesn't matter you do a good job which does make me feel a bit better but as I said before I know and she's said she'd prefer bigger but we wouldn't split up over it.


The issue here isnt how to use it but the question is how can I cope or help myself feel better about my lack of size and stop ruining my own sex life by turning myself off everytime I either look at it or think about it.


Please I do beg don't bomard me with negative comments as what I need is a way to lift myself up about it not make it worse.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

Thank you

Well to start proberbly from te beginning, one girl that I had been with (and kinda where it all started from) was when she pulled my pants down and lookd a bit suprsied...I said whats up she said " you have a pencil dick"...I said so its small...she said "its good for anal so it doesn't hurt"....as you can imagine that was an instant turn off...


The next occasion was when me, my current and a friend had a three way...when all was done the third girl sat on the end of the bed with my mrs (while im still there bear in mind) and said...oh you knmow ste craigs mate he has a much bigger dick...my responce was "Im fucking sat right here" she said " i didnt think youd be bothered" but my mrs seemed very interested in this "bigger dick" literally that was depression and anxiety formed right there.

now yes me and my mrs have spoke about it and she basically says" you cock is fine it makes me cum" which yes i get that but ultimatly i know fine well she wishes its bigger.

Thats not the issue though...the issue now is me...My self loathing, my own anxiety i cant get out of...the fact i struggle to get turned on because i hate to look at it.

Yes, the issue is you. You essentially ignore compliments and fixate on the negative. You have a small cock and your gf cums 99% of the time. I have a large cock and my wife cums 99% of the time. Your gf says she wouldn't mind if it was bigger. My wife says she wouldn't mind if mine was smaller. You had an ex say it's good for anal. I have only had anal twice in my 56 years. Should I be depressed and anxious over the size of my cock? Why not? I have as many good and bad aspects surrounding mine as you do yours.

Seriously consider getting professional help in dealing with your issues about this. It can be solved.

 

[Vinsanity]

Yes, the issue is you. You essentially ignore compliments and fixate on the negative. You have a small cock and your gf cums 99% of the time. I have a large cock and my wife cums 99% of the time. Your gf says she wouldn't mind if it was bigger. My wife says she wouldn't mind if mine was smaller. You had an ex say it's good for anal. I have only had anal twice in my 56 years. Should I be depressed and anxious over the size of my cock? Why not? I have as many good and bad aspects surrounding mine as you do yours.

Seriously consider getting professional help in dealing with your issues about this. It can be solved.

You make a good point but the good and bad of small v big, even if it looks similar, is not the same at all. There is one EXTREMELY important point that you're missing and that's the male ego, which is tied directly to our members probably more than anything else and that's what I believe Craig is struggling with. It's the reason we gather on sites like this one just to talk about and show off our wangs. That ego aspect is why big guys can just shrug off negatives and say to themselves "I'm just too big for her" which is a +1 ego boost, not to mention, there will probably be just as many moments in their life when a big guy drops his pants for the first time and gets that look of awe, which is going to be a +2 ego boost every time. Small guys don't get those vanity moments, just a build up of negatives on something they feel like they can't change. It's very reasonable for Craig to feel the way he does. I've seen a number of big guys on here mention how their wives/partners wouldn't mind them being smaller yet most of us still wish to be bigger. Now why is that? It's because big guys can switch that 'negative' into a positive the way that small guys can't. If a woman says she wouldn't mind you being bigger, that's translated in our heads as her wishing for something that we cannot provide. Craig is obviously highly skilled in the bedroom so it is understandable how it can be demoralizing when a highly skilled individual feels like they will never fully please their mate based on something they have no control over. Now if you flip that same situation to big guys when a woman says they wouldn't mind a guy being smaller. It's translated totally different. We see it as, she would be happy with a smaller size, but we have surpassed her expectations. Again, flipped into a positive, and we all know the truth that bigger does feel better to women. Only the huge guys who have no skills and hurt women with their members are undesirable, but that still puts all of the control in your own hands if you're big, unlike small guys.

I know I typed a lot out here but just wanted to get across that it's not that simple or unreasonable for our friend Craig here to feel the way that he does. I imagine most guys in his position would feel the same way, especially with those examples he posted. Pretty brutal and would stick with any guy mentally if he experienced those situations first hand.

My advice for Craig personally I think you have a few options and the posters above gave some decent suggestions. Cock sleeve would probably help some. Would spice up things with your lady but not sure it would do much for your damaged psyche. Surgery is also a decent option if you're comfortable with it, but definitely would cost a pretty penny. Professional help like itsall4kim posted I think could help some with just accepting yourself but those thoughts will always be in the back of your mind as long as you're small. I think the best thing to do is to get into PE and be serious and committed with it. The reason is because I think it would help you two fold. Not only would you be bigger and thus please your lady more, and trust me, your lady will notice very quickly once you start to gain. You will also help your psyche. We always appreciate what we worked hard for so what do you think would happen if you worked your ass off and got bigger. Even if you didn't get huge i'm pretty sure you'd be a lot more confident if you knew no one could ever call you pencil dick ever again. Well that's all I got for you bud, really hope this connected with you and you got something out of it.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

That is truth. Alone and rejected sucks no matter what, but you can't look at it in a vacuum. Bigger guys have a mental way of lessening the blow is all i'm trying to say. At least when it comes to long term effects. I've yet to see a big guy resent his size because of how much he's been rejected. Being rejected for being small is pretty much someone saying to you that you can't do anything for them with that tiny thing. That can't be taken any other way and is a mental scar. Being rejected for being too big is more out of fear than anything else, and being the masculine, dominant gender, i'm sorry but there can be an ego boost associated with that. Maybe not for everybody, but it's certainly not going to hurt your ego if you have a big one

You're repeating what you already wrote...that somehow a big dick is a win even if you get rejected. It isn't. Trust me. And it isn't simply fear. Actual pain is a real problem. Being told, "get that thing out of me" by someone in pain is no ego boost. Ever. Unless you're a sadist, and I am definitely not.

A lot of you need to understand the realities of rejection. I see this here a lot...the assumption that big cocks are never a problem, or can't be as much of a problem as small or average cocks. EVERY size has a perfect match, and really bad matches.

 

[Stratavos]

I'm honestly at a loss of what to say here. If there was something more to be said, especially from your partner to help motivate you about this I'm at a loss for words.

you've already been told that your technique is what's wanted, and that you're certainly adequate for size. I have no idea who told you otherwise, but they're the problem. You're more then enough as you are. If you need to test this, put on a cock sleeve and if they're up for trying this, then you should be fine, and have the conclusion that you're looking for.

Ideally I want to know that your partner found it rediclious (sp?) and that they are plenty happy just having sex with you as you are.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

A doctor can cut the tendon that holds your cock to the pubic bone. This will make it look longer in the flaccid state. After that there are various methods of PE you can try.

Forget this. It's risky, it doesn't make the penis any longer, it just hangs differently. There's a good risk that it can actually appear shorter, or get infected (as with any surgery) and it won't be firm as it's no longer properly attached to the pubic bone.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

Thanks, I do get totally what your trying here, the whole phycology thing. I have tried and I have been for councelling to no avil on the subject.

Also I would like to say with above reply i am not shooting you down or rejecting help I just struggle with the mental side of it

No worries, but you do get that this is a mental problem, not at all a physical problem. You asked how to cope. Nobody here can tell you based on a few posts. Good therapy can definitely help. An actual psychiatrist, not a psychologist, can help you get out of your head and back to simply enjoying being intimate with your partner.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

Check some peer reviewed studies regarding size preferences. Most prefer average, and less prefer larger or smaller. And most are happy with their current guy...and the distribution of size is heavily weighted around the average.

 

[SoaringSpirit]

Thank you

Well to start proberbly from te beginning, one girl that I had been with (and kinda where it all started from) was when she pulled my pants down and lookd a bit suprsied...I said whats up she said " you have a pencil dick"...I said so its small...she said "its good for anal so it doesn't hurt"....as you can imagine that was an instant turn off...


The next occasion was when me, my current and a friend had a three way...when all was done the third girl sat on the end of the bed with my mrs (while im still there bear in mind) and said...oh you knmow ste craigs mate he has a much bigger dick...my responce was "Im fucking sat right here" she said " i didnt think youd be bothered" but my mrs seemed very interested in this "bigger dick" literally that was depression and anxiety formed right there.

now yes me and my mrs have spoke about it and she basically says" you cock is fine it makes me cum" which yes i get that but ultimatly i know fine well she wishes its bigger.

Thats not the issue though...the issue now is me...My self loathing, my own anxiety i cant get out of...the fact i struggle to get turned on because i hate to look at it.

Some ppl have no class at all. Again your partner is with YOU, she has told you that you satisfy her PERIOD. Its so unfortunate that everything we do in our society, is comparison....I get it ...human nature. But LOVE yourself & take pride in the fact that you & your, wonderful penis/cock/equipment does the job it was made for. Don't allow others " opinions" put you down on yourself.

I know the feeling. Like oh my boobs aren't as big/perky etc...as this woman or that...but you know what ? At this stage in my life, I value ME & quite frankly....I could care less....I'm not here to impress anyone.

Neither are you. Stay far away from the negative ppl. Some ppl lack a brain & mentality. Use everything you have & stand tall !!!

Remember that you are unlike everyone else ! So therefore no comparison is needed.

Just my humble thoughts & outlook -

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

The notion that this is a mental problem and not physical unfortunately it’s totally erroneous. What is therapy going to do or what can you fix, nothing. At the end of the day the situation remains the same, Still not long enough and thick enough to reach and feel of the place or spots that she ultimately would prefer and no I’m out of therapy or happy pills it’s going to change that

If how you feel about your body isn't mental, then nothing is.

What you can fix is the notion that penis size is the be-all end-all of sex. That you can't please a woman without a big penis.

You can learn that the places women get pleasure aren't eight inches in...they're at the first few inches. You can learn to be a great lover regardless of penis size or even having or using a penis.

At the end of the day, keep being miserable, negative and unhappy with yourself. Don't listen to a guy with a big cock who tells you, from a life's worth of experiences, that it means nothing. Keep hoping for what won't happen because it can't, instead of living to the best of your current potential. It's YOUR life, not mine, so live it or be miserable, your choice.

 

[mako shark]

Hate to say it but... don't watch porn or believe that lpsg is reality. Many guys that "think" they are small are actually average size my friend...

 

[ronin001]

One of the first rules of Psychological recover, is to admit there is a problem. No matter if this problem is real or imaginary. The next step is, what do you do with the knowledge you have gathered from step one ?

<<<< Not a psychiatrist, psychologist; or an annalist. I just watch a lot of TV

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

Dude that's like saying LeBron James is no more gifted than any other ball player. Ridiculous

Harrypalms is right. What I think you're not understanding is the feeling of being 'small', not good enough or inadequate. It's one of the most powerful negative feelings a human can feel because you can't escape the feeling with any kind of mental gymnastics. No matter how many negative experiences you have as a big guy, which less face it, that number will be minute because most girls will probably be willing to at least attempt to have sex even if they are frightened by your size, being big NEVER connects you mentally with the feeling of inadequacy.

You really aren't listening at all. Being rejected for size, whether for fear, for pain, or from past bad experiences...none of that is charming, reassuring, an ego boost...there is no bright side, no silver lining in that cloud. It still means no sex, no relationship, do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Things sucking when you have a big dick suck just as much as they do for anyone else.

Being "too big", not right, or too much is no different than being "too small, not good enough, or inadequate. It's still bad, it's still rejection. Saying it's okay because at least my dick is big is fucking dumb.

If your sex life sucks it isn't because of your penis size.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

I agree it's mental but I am siding with the gentleman above he gets my situation perfectly and sums it up just right.

Being satisfied is fine but wanting more can still can come with satisficstion.
My partner is satisfied with me... But I know know given the chance she would prefer bigger....

Siding with him? This isn't a competition. We're both trying to help you, not win in debate class.

You wrote this in your first post:

The issue here isnt how to use it but the question is how can I cope or help myself feel better about my lack of size and stop ruining my own sex life by turning myself off everytime I either look at it or think about it.


Please I do beg don't bomard me with negative comments as what I need is a way to lift myself up about it not make it worse.

You specifically requested no negative comments. I have made repeated suggestions that are positive...that you don't need a bigger cock and can't get one anyway, that this isn't a physical issue and that mental issues CAN be helped (you asked how to cope), that women don't typically require anything big, and that statistically you are probably far more like most other men.

I did not come here to argue whether my big cock problems are more or less a problem than small cock problems. All problems are an issue for whoever has them...that was my point. How we deal with problems determines how and whether we get past them. The fact that you agree with someone who is essentially telling you your problem is insurmountable is neither a positive comment or anything that helps you. He "gets" you, in your opinion. So? Does that get you closer to resolving your issues? Has he made any suggestions to get you toward resolution?

Yes, he means well and I'm not trying to undermine him...we both wish to help you. But sitting around agreeing and not changing anything doesn't help you. You've been to all sorts of counseling, but didn't answer my question regarding therapy with a true psychiatrist. This all gives me the impression you really don't want to solve your problems. I'm not positive about this, but it's still lingering in my mind.

I had all sorts of body image issues. I went from being extremely self-conscious and feeling like a freak because my cock was far bigger than most other guys my age, as well as being painfully shy, skinny, and generally geeky, to eventually accepting myself as I am. Perfect? Far from it. I try to change what I can, rather than obsessing over what I can't change. I GET how difficult all of this is. But at age 56 I also get how short life is. You get one. If you waste it being miserable over your own body, there won't be a do-over. Please seek good help.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

My partner is satisfied with me... But I know know given the chance she would prefer bigger....

You do realize that no one person will ever perfectly satisfy every possible desire and whim that another person may have. Nor should anyone. That is perfection, which exists in math, not life. I can't emphasize this enough. "Given the chance she would prefer bigger." But she chooses to be with you. Don't question why...the dynamics of attraction are infinitely complex....just enjoy your time together. It's all about time, there is SO little time. Waste none of it, we're a long time dead.

 

[deleted972301]

I wasn't sure where to post this pleae move if necessary but here goes.


So I've posted before about the size of my penis (or rather lack of it) and got a bunch of reply basically suggesting size doesn't matter its how you use it.


The issue with me is my mental state towards it and what I want to ask is when you know you have a small penis despite your abity to use (I make my partner cum 99% of the time we have sex) I still have it, I struggle to look at myself downstairs without getting negative thoughts and turning myself off.

I've had women comment on my size in the past (about small which sticks in my head) and I can't just "not listen" it's like a reoccurring thought I just can't shake.

My current partner just says "it's fine size doesn't matter you do a good job which does make me feel a bit better but as I said before I know and she's said she'd prefer bigger but we wouldn't split up over it.


The issue here isnt how to use it but the question is how can I cope or help myself feel better about my lack of size and stop ruining my own sex life by turning myself off everytime I either look at it or think about it.


Please I do beg don't bomard me with negative comments as what I need is a way to lift myself up about it not make it worse.

We just live in a society that glorifies huge cocks. This has put all of us average sized individuals in a bubble to think we are inferior in some kind of way because we aren't 8 inches or bigger. The thing is you just have to learn to be comfortable in your skin. Some things you can't change. There are things that you can modify, but not change. I pump from time to time just because I love the feel of being a bit bigger. I am not the biggest fish in the pond and I realized that a long time ago. But I know I am in the upper tier of average and women have always loved it. Take the focus off of how you look, or your size and try and redirect in the manner in which you perform. I get turned on by how much I can leave a woman begging for more cock after I have finished wrecking her brains out. It's an alpha thing as I like to view it.

 

[Ggftl]

I think Vinsanity makes a great point about the distinction between individual experiences and the power of society's impact on our perceptions of self. I think it's important to just acknowledge the fact that CRAIGROBBO is feeling really shitty because of the way society devalues men who in whatever way do not uphold these toxic masculine ideals. In the same way that straight men hate gay men for their femininity, men who are not large are looked down on by a society that is clearly obsessed with size. It's also the reason why stereotypes about Asian men's size are negative stereotypes.

What I think he needs first and foremost isn't problem solving, but acknowledgement that that shit does suck, not a situation where people with more "valued" appendages state that all's not greener on the other side, while still being on the other side and unwilling to switch places lmao.

 

[CRAIGROBBO]

I'm honestly at a loss of what to say here. If there was something more to be said, especially from your partner to help motivate you about this I'm at a loss for words.

you've already been told that your technique is what's wanted, and that you're certainly adequate for size. I have no idea who told you otherwise, but they're the problem. You're more then enough as you are. If you need to test this, put on a cock sleeve and if they're up for trying this, then you should be fine, and have the conclusion that you're looking for.

Ideally I want to know that your partner found it rediclious (sp?) and that they are plenty happy just having sex with you as you are.

Thank you

Well to start proberbly from te beginning, one girl that I had been with (and kinda where it all started from) was when she pulled my pants down and lookd a bit suprsied...I said whats up she said " you have a pencil dick"...I said so its small...she said "its good for anal so it doesn't hurt"....as you can imagine that was an instant turn off...


The next occasion was when me, my current and a friend had a three way...when all was done the third girl sat on the end of the bed with my mrs (while im still there bear in mind) and said...oh you knmow ste craigs mate he has a much bigger dick...my responce was "Im fucking sat right here" she said " i didnt think youd be bothered" but my mrs seemed very interested in this "bigger dick" literally that was depression and anxiety formed right there.

now yes me and my mrs have spoke about it and she basically says" you cock is fine it makes me cum" which yes i get that but ultimatly i know fine well she wishes its bigger.

Thats not the issue though...the issue now is me...My self loathing, my own anxiety i cant get out of...the fact i struggle to get turned on because i hate to look at it.

 

[flynn]

A doctor can cut the tendon that holds your cock to the pubic bone. This will make it look longer in the flaccid state. After that there are various methods of PE you can try.

 

[CRAIGROBBO]

Yes, the issue is you. You essentially ignore compliments and fixate on the negative. You have a small cock and your gf cums 99% of the time. I have a large cock and my wife cums 99% of the time. Your gf says she wouldn't mind if it was bigger. My wife says she wouldn't mind if mine was smaller. You had an ex say it's good for anal. I have only had anal twice in my 56 years. Should I be depressed and anxious over the size of my cock? Why not? I have as many good and bad aspects surrounding mine as you do yours.

Seriously consider getting professional help in dealing with your issues about this. It can be solved.

Also I would like to say with above reply i am not shooting you down or rejecting help I just struggle with the mental side of it