People are asking why.

ThePipe

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I getting a little annoyed that family members are asking why I do not have a girlfriend. Because Right now I am not interested in getting one or having one. THey have been hounding me on and off for the last few years. They started doing they 5-6 years ago.
23 now.

Just explain to them... Not in a frustrated teenager way but an adult way. Tell them you're working on yourself and that not everyone needs a spouse. Do ou live with your mother? Do you have sex or just prefer masturbation? I bet if you give them an honest realistic explanation they'll leave you alone... Tell them you like to jerk off for the time being
 

Zeuhl34

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My mom brings it up occasionally. But I've become a pro at guilt tripping her about how sending me to a private school only exacerbated my already-poor social skills, which gets her to drop the issue for a few months, at least. It still gets brought up occasionally, and it always ends in me explaining how I have a hard time talking to just about anyone and everyone feeling miserable for the next few days. :/
 
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725672

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Tell them, "when I find one, you'll be the first to know!"
I agree with Episcopalian
Tell them you really prefer fucking sheep and they probably won't bug you any more.
Lmao That would be great reaction to watch.
I just checked my email today and they went as far as signing me up for a dating site
I think they are taking this way overboard with the dating site.

someperson, you have received good advice on here. I think you will have to confront the situation for what it is. They are in your business so its up to you to let them know to stay out. I don't think you need to explain anything to them after that is said. If they continue than you will have to take it a step farther and perhaps distance yourself to a certain degree from the ones that are becoming a pain in the ass.
 

kanzon

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And once you get in a relationship, the questions will be ... when will you get married?, Then when will you have a child / children, then when will you get a better job, when will you retire when will you .....

Some people are just that way, thought is was more a Midwest thing, no good advice on a great way to deal with it, light humor's probably the best.
 
D

deleted3782

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I getting a little annoyed that family members are asking why I do not have a girlfriend. Because Right now I am not interested in getting one or having one. THey have been hounding me on and off for the last few years. They started doing they 5-6 years ago.
23 now.

Societal/familial expectations suck. Try to understand the bigger picture that they care about your well-being, and from their perspective, having a partner to take care of you is the easiest way to achieve that. I was never "hounded" by anyone to get a partner, but both parents have expressed to me that they wish I had someone important in my life. As I get older, they vocalize that concern less and less. Maybe they realize that I'm ok on my own.

Bottom line, your family is focused on you because they care for you...and that beats the alternative.
 

B_Nia88

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I getting a little annoyed that family members are asking why I do not have a girlfriend. Because Right now I am not interested in getting one or having one. THey have been hounding me on and off for the last few years. They started doing they 5-6 years ago.
23 now.

I can relate my extended family always ask me when i will become a house wife and mother (adoption).
 

Wrat

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Signing you up for a dating site is out of line. If you are happy being single then you don't even owe them an explanation. I was single until I was in my 30s, and I didn't even make much of a habit keeping those pesky girlfriends around. I just lived my life as a single guy, and I LOVED it! I enjoy being married now, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single.
 

rayray

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To the OP "someperson"..I understand your question but you might get more suggestions if you tell us a little more about you...Are you the only child ? Are you introverted ? Are you a loner ? Most adult Americans are getting married around 30 these days.I am 53 and all 7 sibs got married between 18(my youngest sis) and she was not Pregnant and by 22 the rest got married.Princess Diana was 19 when she walked down the aisle..And her daughter in law was 29. And since you arent ready to have a Mrs. Someperson yet in the time being i suggest you tell them when asked again that when Mrs. Someperson comes around and you know it they will be the first to know..That you want to be sure she is compatable with not just you, you want her to be someone they will be able to love as much as they love you...Or just say you are going to Tibet to be a monk if you ask me again, lol:smile:
 

hairyversmuscle

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This is an annoying question in general but if you are gay, it has a tone of annoying layers to it.

If you are straight, this is just some aunty wondering when you will find a nice girl, get married and have kids for her to spoil... which is just an annoyance.

If you are gay however... this question is terrible! It could mean they are suspect of you being gay, it could mean they know you are gay and trying to cover up that they know, it could mean they know you are gay but don't want it to be true and trying to force a relationship on you, it could mean that they are so clueless about your life that they treat you like everyone else.

I am 36 turning 37, gay and in a relationship, and my father knows my male partner yet he still asks me if I have met any girls lately... etc...
 

B_Hickboy

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I getting a little annoyed that family members are asking why I do not have a girlfriend. Because Right now I am not interested in getting one or having one. THey have been hounding me on and off for the last few years. They started doing they 5-6 years ago.
23 now.

My typical response to such rude, intrusive questions is to tell people to fuck off. Actually, it's usually "how dare you?", followed by a bland look during which I refuse to break eye contact, but they have no right to ask, and you therefore have no obligation to reply. You are an autonomous, independent adult human being, and there is nothing about your existence or your actions that anyone has the right to ask you to justify.
 

B_625girth

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reminds me of when I was younger. my mom kept wanting me to date girls from church. well, for the most part these were nice young ladies but not good looking, great if you want start spurting kids out. what they didn't know was I was hanging out with women I found attractive, and was getting laid.

and when I did bring a few home, they didn't like them for the most part. once my dad ask me if I was sexually active. I told him yes, but I didn't just fuck anything. He then asked me how many women I had slept with. at the time it was 20 and when I told him, he didn't know what to say. "that many?" and I said, "yeah, they got something I like and I got something they like." I told him best not to tell mom, and I don't think he ever did. this incident occurred because I had one gal who was stalking me. she used to come to my house on Friday & Saturday nite to pick me up, saying we had a date. which we didn't. I liked this gal, and we fucked sev'l times, but she had some sort of issues and wasn't good in bed. so I as gently as I could, I stopped seeing her and then she stalked me. she left notes on gals cars that I was dating/fucking.
 

erratic

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I just checked my email today and they went as far as signing me up for a dating site

Seriously?

Sounds like they have some boundary issues, dude.

Of course, telling them to lay off is the first plan of attack. Communication and all that. However, there's the chance that they'll take your attempts at communication as a sign that their nagging is getting to you.

At some point - I'm not saying right now, but at some point - you may want to tell them that you'll literally ignore every word they say about a girlfriend. It's called "negative punishment" in psychology. Basically, you extinguish the undesired behaviour by removing an appetitive stimulus - in this case, your response to their nagging. Tell them that you will answer to them only when they do not speak of your love life, and for God's sake stick to your guns.

You could also, as suggested above, make it exceptionally awkward whenever your family brings up relationships. This is "positive punishment", sort of like electroshock therapy.

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?"
"My gonorrhea is flaring up, mom."
End of conversation.

(Okay, I'm being fascetious. But seriously, you may want to just start ignoring and not responding to them when they ask you about your love life. Stick to it and they will give up in time.)
 

someperson

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To the OP "someperson"..I understand your question but you might get more suggestions if you tell us a little more about you...Are you the only child ? Are you introverted ? Are you a loner ?
nope 1 brother and 2 sisters. Yeah I'm a bit shy, but I can talk to women but not to the point of asking them out....


My mom would get jealous too if I did get get a girlfriend she would be to much interference from her.
 

rayray

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nope 1 brother and 2 sisters. Yeah I'm a bit shy, but I can talk to women but not to the point of asking them out....


My mom would get jealous too if I did get get a girlfriend she would be to much interference from her.
If i understood you right, you dont have a problem talking to women but your to shy ask one out..? Do you have a fear of rejection ? They went as far as signing you up on a dating site, actually not really a bad idea if it's a reputable site..My older sisters daughter in law met her husband on E-Harmony.Have you tried a little liquid courage to help with the nerves ? Maybe you should practice on a girl your really not into out for a date ? I might get backlash for that suggestion..
 

aninnymouse

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If i understood you right, you dont have a problem talking to women but your to shy ask one out..? Do you have a fear of rejection ? They went as far as signing you up on a dating site, actually not really a bad idea if it's a reputable site..My older sisters daughter in law met her husband on E-Harmony.Have you tried a little liquid courage to help with the nerves ? Maybe you should practice on a girl your really not into out for a date ? I might get backlash for that suggestion..


The thing is, OP said he's not really feeling the idea of a relationship right now. Which is his choice. His family need to back off. Especially if his mother will be jealous of any girl he gets. Sounds like the OP's family has some boundary issues.
 

Smaccoms

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It's all about the whole breeding thing. You're SUPPOSED to marry, settle down, end your free life as you know it, have a sweet little wife in the suburbs who shits out 3 or 4 kids, be saddled with bills and an upside down mortgage, live for changing smelly diapers at 3:00AM.... all of this before you're 30.......

gawd am I glad I like COCK.............................

I know, as gay men we are excluded from any societal expectations for how we are "supposed" to live our lives. Gives us SO much more freedom to just LIVE our fucking LIVES!!! Jasun Mark talks about it in his channel, among other things. Just youtube "Shut up, Jasun". He's pretty awesome.
 

Smaccoms

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If i understood you right, you dont have a problem talking to women but your to shy ask one out..? Do you have a fear of rejection ? They went as far as signing you up on a dating site, actually not really a bad idea if it's a reputable site..My older sisters daughter in law met her husband on E-Harmony.Have you tried a little liquid courage to help with the nerves ? Maybe you should practice on a girl your really not into out for a date ? I might get backlash for that suggestion..

This attitude points the fact that in modern society, it is thought one isn't "real" or "complete" without having a partner. This can't be farther from the truth. If one is not happy as an individual (i.e. when single), throwing in another variable is only going to make things more difficult.

Besides, he already stated he wasn't interested in dating.
 

hud01

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My family is not like that, but personally I would say I am an adult and a private person and I would appreciate it if you stay out of my life.
 

Thirdlegproduction

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I've encountered this problem as well, but I'm very much a private person at least when it comes to love and sex.
I believe that whatever happens on that area is between me and that person and nobody else needs to know.

The other issue is that I have high standards, and I could easily get AAA girlfriend at anytime like anyone else but I'd rather have THE girlfriend, the kind where everybody turns their heads when they walk past them and unforltunately that takes a little bit longer.