People are asking why.

[Smaccoms]

The other issue is that I have high standards, and I could easily get AAA girlfriend at anytime like anyone else but I'd rather have THE girlfriend, the kind where everybody turns their heads when they walk past them and unforltunately that takes a little bit longer.

I have no idea what any of this means, but it sounds pretty insulting so far.

 

[DavidXL]

. . .once my dad ask me if I was sexually active. I told him yes, but I didn't just fuck anything. He then asked me how many women I had slept with. at the time it was 20 and when I told him, he didn't know what to say. "that many?" . . . .

That's pretty hilarious and a good example of what can happen when you ask a very personal question.

I used to hate it when people would ask the type of questions the OP's family have asked. I went through a 3 or 4 year drought in my early to mid 20s where nothing was happening in my personal life and my younger sister was already getting married. It was also confusing, because I was attracted both to girls and guys and would have been open to a relationship with either, and I kept the interest-in-guys part to myself.

Now, as a parent, I understand the meaning and most likely the good intentions behind the questions. Most parents (I hope it is true for most parents, at least it is for me) want their kids to be happy above all else. If happiness is having a partner, and I really think it can be if it works, it's natural for parents to want their kids to have one to go with through life.

I'd cut them some slack, as annoying as those types of questions can be (and this is coming from someone who basically took even pretty innocuous questions as gross invasions of my privacy and my private thoughts).

Good luck to you, and hang in there.

 

[Thirdlegproduction]

I have no idea what any of this means, but it sounds pretty insulting so far.

you want insulting, how about you check your estrogens level as a dude you have no worries about being insulted by being surpassed by someone prettier then you.

 

[Smaccoms]

DavidXL, modern society tries to convince us that to be happy and complete, we need a romantic relationship. This couldn't be further from the truth. I personally believe if one is not happy when single, one will not happy when in a committed relationship. Throwing in another variable to an unsolved equation is just going to make everything even more confusing. It's like trying to build a skyscraper without a proper foundation.

This is one thing a lot of people need to realize. Due to pressure from society, many don't. I'm not presuming anything about you, I just felt compelled to respond.

 

[Smaccoms]

you want insulting, how about you check your estrogens level as a dude you have no worries about being insulted by being surpassed by someone prettier then you.

This doesn't quite make sense. I surmise you are trying to insult my masculinity by indirectly referencing my orientation. One's sexual nature does not automatically determine one's masculinity. The two are independent concepts which interact with one another at a different level. You are pathetic.


@the OPer, sorry for going off topic

 

[Thirdlegproduction]

This doesn't quite make sense. I surmise you are trying to insult my masculinity by indirectly referencing my orientation. One's sexual nature does not automatically determine one's masculinity. The two are independent concepts which interact with one another at a different level. You are pathetic.


@the OPer, sorry for going off topic

Not at all referring to your orientation, just your reaction.

I could say for example "all women are sluts" or "all asian people are yellow" and you'd be defending their position withouth them ever asking for it.

Even if my intention were to insult anyone which it isn't why would you care?

 

[Smaccoms]

Not at all referring to your orientation, just your reaction.

I could say for example "all women are sluts" or "all asian people are yellow" and you'd be defending their position withouth them ever asking for it.

Even if my intention were to insult anyone which it isn't why would you care?

Am I not aloud to actively disapprove of sexist and racist comments? The context does not matter, saying such things is NOT okay. It creates the foundation for sexism and racism and homophobia and other such phenomena in our society. As a gay man, I highly disapprove of this.

 

[Thirdlegproduction]

Am I not aloud to actively disapprove of sexist and racist comments? The context does not matter, saying such things is NOT okay. It creates the foundation for sexism and racism and homophobia and other such phenomena in our society. As a gay man, I highly disapprove of this.

So explain to me how holding on to higher standards is insulting?

 

[Smaccoms]

So explain to me how holding on to higher standards is insulting?

In the post, you treat women like objects, not human beings; it's quite sexist. It's like your window shopping.
~Model A or Model B, sir?
~Oh, well I have high standards, so I'll take Model A.
Seriously?

 

[someperson]

.Have you tried a little liquid courage to help with the nerves ? ..

beer/Alcohol does not really do anything for me. I do not like the taste it's too bitter.

 

[Smaccoms]

beer/Alcohol does not really do anything for me. I do not like the taste it's too bitter.

haha, it grows on you trust me.

Beer and alcohol, no matter people tell you, are acquired tastes. Without the proper introduction you're not going to like it. Ask for a "gay drink" the next time you go out. They'll give you something sweet and colorful. It's a good start for any new drinker...

 

[someperson]

haha, it grows on you trust me.

Beer and alcohol, no matter people tell you, are acquired tastes. Without the proper introduction you're not going to like it. Ask for a "gay drink" the next time you go out. They'll give you something sweet and colorful. It's a good start for any new drinker...

Only got wasted once when I was 22 Still did not losin me up.
still too aware of what I was doing and remember everything.

alcohol is not a magic drink.


First time had some beer was when I was 11.

I had about 15 beers since turning 21.
about 6 mixed drinks

 

[travis1985]

Alcohol is not for everyone. On the other hand, some take to it from their first sip. Surprisingly, everyone is different.

 

[Smaccoms]

Only got wasted once when I was 22 Still did not losin me up.
still too aware of what I was doing and remember everything.

alcohol is not a magic drink.


First time had some beer was when I was 11.

I had about 15 beers since turning 21.
about 6 mixed drinks

No offense, but I don't believe any of this. Everyone does things while drunk they would not do while sober.

This response tells me you have deep seated issues to deal with (just like the rest of humanity, no big deal there). The fact that they are social is not too uncommon. Society is part of what defines humanity; we are unique in the animal kingdom in this regard. It is part of the reason our childhoods are so long, and the reason it takes so long for most of us to comprehend it to any decent level.

You're right though: alcohol is not a magic drink. If you want to ask girls out, the only thing stopping you is you and NOT alcohol. Thus, the problems I mentioned earlier.

Alcohol is a great way to have with close friends though. I highly recommend it in a safe environment.

 

[azbjbilly]

I don't think that's necessarily what it is. We're a few generations into the trend of delaying marriage, and the proverbial white picket fence is well-known as just a cliche that no one really expects everyone to have. Based on my experience as an unmarried man in his late 20's, it's not so much that the family is trying to get him to conform to a lifestyle that barely anyone lives anymore in the first place. It's more likely to be about trying to reach out to him but not having much to really talk about. (Remember the summer after high school when you had to explain to every fucking adult you knew what college you were going to, where it was, what you would be studying, etc.? It's not that most of them were pressuring you to study accounting, it's that it was a topic for conversation they figured would be good for a 10-minute chat.) They know it's rude to pry into this aspect of people's lives, but their notion of him as their grandson, nephew, etc. makes them forget that they should mind their own business. (Though I will temper this by emphasizing what I implied earlier, that a young adult isn't entitled to the privacy and discretion of an adult until they're on their own. If you're still living off the family, Grandma is free to continue asking about your dates just like she did at homecoming.)

I don't know... The pressure to live that non-existent "life in the suburbs" life style is still very intense. The OP said family members. It starts in high school with the mantra of getting a girl friend and that continues with the droning about getting married and as soon as that happens the family wants to know when the first baby is going to drop.

While the white picket fence and house in the suburbs scenario is gone, the underlying subtle (or not so subtle!) pressure to conform to the "accepted" lifestyle is there. That is reinforced by a still largely heterosexual message in the media (at least that's all there is here in Phoenix).

 

[Smaccoms]

What you say is very true. Something changes subtly so, and suddenly no one cares anymore because that means it's no longer a problem. Wake up people; yes, it's still a problem.

 

[travis1985]

I don't know... The pressure to live that non-existent "life in the suburbs" life style is still very intense. The OP said family members. It starts in high school with the mantra of getting a girl friend and that continues with the droning about getting married and as soon as that happens the family wants to know when the first baby is going to drop.

While the white picket fence and house in the suburbs scenario is gone, the underlying subtle (or not so subtle!) pressure to conform to the "accepted" lifestyle is there. That is reinforced by a still largely heterosexual message in the media (at least that's all there is here in Phoenix).

This may be regional, then. Where I'm from, the trend of delaying marriage to work on yourself, your career, and anything else imaginable, and then maybe settling down and either having children or not in your mid to late 30s is thriving - the ones who marry in their early 20s and start having children are looked on as making a huge mistake.

 

[Thirdlegproduction]

In the post, you treat women like objects, not human beings; it's quite sexist. It's like your window shopping.
~Model A or Model B, sir?
~Oh, well I have high standards, so I'll take Model A.
Seriously?

Yes seriously, I can turn this around and make you sound sexist too.

So both model A and B are female because they have a vagina, so that's all it takes to choose a mate for you? having a vagina suffices to be in a relationship with them? Seriously??

so according to your orientation and beliefs of sexism you would pick any model that has a penis regardless of appearance or personality traits.

 

[helgaleena]

Not at all referring to your orientation, just your reaction.

I could say for example "all women are sluts" or "all asian people are yellow" and you'd be defending their position withouth them ever asking for it.

Even if my intention were to insult anyone which it isn't why would you care?

If you did say those things, you'd be violating Tos and somebody could report you for it. Not that I would. I've gotten warnings though, when another member objected. Even when I was doing as you are, being hypothetical.

Just a headsup.

 

[helgaleena]

Back on topic: OP, if they've signed you up for a site without your leave, try OKCupid instead. It's free and you can check boxes that indicate you are only looking for penpals. I go there to take their thousands of quizes.

Of course the dating site they chose for you could possible work, but if it's going too fast for you, simply un-join and tell your loving meddling relatives that you have found a different site you like better. Even if you haven't.