Persistent difficulty achieving orgasm with others; numbness of the penis

[soundsgreat87]

It's very hard for others to get me off. I also seem to have a "limited quantity" of sensation where stimulation will feel good for a few minutes, and then the sensation drops off until I basically have a numb dick, and getting off becomes tiring and perfunctory instead of arousing and relieving. Some points:

• I don't have too much difficulty achieving orgasm on my own, but I've never been a chronic masturbator either. I usually only do it once every 2-4 days. When I go longer, I definitely get hornier, but it doesn't solve the sensation problem.
  
• I don't use a "death grip" when masturbating. I kind of switch it up. Regardless, it doesn't matter how fast or slow or tight or loose someone else jerks me off, it rarely does it for me.
• Blowjobs feel like.... basically nothing to me. It just feels kind of warm, a bit tingly at first, and then nothing. Other guys describe it as mind-blowing but I'm just not seeing it.
• I'm not circumcised. This especially bothers me because the other uncut guys I know personally are far more sensitive than me.
  
• Position and blood flow don't seem to have any effect on it.
• If it were with partners that I was unsure of, it would be more understandable, but even with my very close boyfriend of five years, it still happens more often than not. I don't feel anxious, and am often the one to initiate contact, and yet it still happens.
• I don't have any erection difficulties, quite the opposite in fact. My erections come on easily and stay around for much longer than most other guys I've been with.
  
• I am on sertraline, but only for the past few months, and this problem has been around for years.
• Docking another guy's dick in my foreskin CAN make me cum, and really quickly too! But that's.. not really the only thing I want to do.
• I don't really have anal sex.

I dunno, just throwing things out there. Does anyone else experience anything like this? I just don't know if I should see a urologist, a neurologist, or a psychologist. The thing where my dick goes numb after a few minutes is just baffling and I can't really find many other guys with the same issue.

 

[ohioboxerbriefs]

heas this started after you have been wearing you skin back?

 

[soundsgreat87]

Nope. Been like this for years.

 

[dongalong]

You say that all your "hardware" is working normally but it sounds like you need to work on the "software" in your mind.
What if your problem comes from focusing on your problem? You might be thinking so intensely on not feeling anything that it manifests physiologically by reducing your excitement levels and therefore sensitivity.
I am also quite a challenge for lovers to make me cum from a blowjob. One girlfriend was so intent on giving me that pleasure that she kept going quite vigorously for about 30 minutes, here poor jaw was in agony. Even after such a failure she kept trying. After several weeks, it finally happened but not because she had done something different, it was I who was closing my eyes and imagining porn scenes or past sexual experiences which really turned me on. I came within 5 minutes!!!
Your docking experience clearly gets you to the right level of excitement, it's because your mind is so focused on what's going on, that you cannot think about feeling insenstive as usual.

If you can work on becoming mindful, I think that you can overcome your problem.
To become mindful, you need to take responsibility for your thoughts and learn to block negative ones and quickly return to your original point of focus. It is very difficult to "control" mind chatter but meditation is probably the best way to do this since the goal is to not think. Usually to not think, you should focus on breathing in and out through your nose and whenever a thought comes into your mind, you stop it in its tracks by focusing on breathing through your nose again.
Once you have mastered mindfulness, allow your mind to create some amazing sexual senarios and hold your focus on that, once you feel aroused, you can start applying your focus to the nerve endings in your penis and also try to focus on the pleasure waves they create when stimulated. I find that weed is really helpful for holding your focus, I think that is partly why some people say it's an aphrodisiac. However, I also found that overuse can really desensitize everything!

If you fail at achieving mindfulness, it is possible that you have some physical issue that is causing attention deficite disorder or affecting your concentration. Check out if you have high levels of environmental toxins in your body such as heavy metals (neurotoxins like mercury, lead, aluminium etc).
Good luck!

 

[soundsgreat87]

Thanks dongalong. You're probably right that it's a "headspace" issue. I've noticed that it's far easier for me to get off if I'm actively participating too. I do have problems fantasizing during sex/masturbation though. I've never been much of a fantasizer, and if I try, what usually happens is that I get so wrapped up in the fantasy that I stop noticing the physical sensations!

 

[dongalong]

Thanks dongalong. You're probably right that it's a "headspace" issue. I've noticed that it's far easier for me to get off if I'm actively participating too. I do have problems fantasizing during sex/masturbation though. I've never been much of a fantasizer, and if I try, what usually happens is that I get so wrapped up in the fantasy that I stop noticing the physical sensations!

Yeah, fantasies are maybe too fascinating. Maybe you could start by focusing on focusing.

 

[sykray]

If you feel able or willing then talking it through with a psychologist or counsellor who is experienced in dealing with sexual problems or a registered sex therapist seems to be a distinct possible help with this.

 

[soundsgreat87]

I wonder if sex therapy is covered under my public healthcare... man it sucks to be in this situation!

 

[Zak Bull]

I'd just call it 'therapy'... see if it's covered. The sex part is just a specialization.

Maybe some pinched nerves in the back? Possibly see a chiropractor?

 

[Brandon1]

I too have had this problem before. Whereas getting blown or fucking should feel much better than it does, but it doesn't. Like you said, kinda numb sometimes, or desensitized to sensation. But I know I have mildly herniated discs in my back, so that MAY be the issue, Idk.

 

[soundsgreat87]

Yeah, I wonder if there's a neurological aspect to it. I've never had any spinal problems, and I can only think of one injury that may have had an impact: when I was a little kid I went over the handlebars of my bike and kinda banged my taint on them. I remember it hurting real bad, but I don't recall there being any issues, never had to go to the doctor or anything. I have no idea if that'd have impacts lasting this long.