Personal sexual preferences are a private matter

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by SilverSoldier, Jul 19, 2006.

  1. SilverSoldier

    SilverSoldier New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2006
    Messages:
    203
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Salt Lake City, UT
    This has been on my mind for a while.
    I am a Christian. I go to Church. And, as a Christian in a conservative church, both gay and bisexuality is frowned on to the extent of excommunication.

    Now, I didn't choose to be bisexual. I really didn't. As a conservative Christian it would have been a hell of a lot more convenient for me to be a "regular" hetero guy. I mean, it would have served my purposes and wishes so much more and life would have been SO much easier if that were the case.

    But it isn't. So now that I've been through more than one marriage, and have had the honor of raising incredible kids, I still want my Christian identity, despite surviving the rumor mill, threats to remove me from the church, and so forth. Underlying all this is one feeling I have:

    My sexuality is NOBODY'S business. As far as I know, no one goes around harrassing hetero couples about THEIR sexuality, and asking perverted questions, implying [wink, wink] that I'm "attracted to that guy over there," and on and on. I wouldn't ever think of saying to any of the women I know that they appear to be built to handle specific sexual positions well, or that they must have a ravenous libido, or that THEY must be attracted "to that guy over there."

    So why is it okay for otherwise "good" Christians to do this to people they consider "bad" Christians. How is this qualifying them as a disciple of Christ?

    Granted there is a lot about religion in here. I realize that may be a hot button since we've got every kind of believer and non-believer on the planet here. But I'm okay with God and he's okay with me.

    So, am I the only one who thinks that GENERALLY, sexuality should NOT be anyone else's business in social, or "polite" company? I feel my sexuality is no one's damned business.

    Just curious about other people's take on this whether religious or not.

    thin q. Thin q, mary vuch.
    :smile:
     
  2. smoothrnb

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2006
    Messages:
    2,382
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Kansas
    I agree that one's sexuality is only the business of that person and his/her sexual partners. The problem in our society is that social and religious conservatives successfully have made "sexual identity" a social issue while professing "family values." Family values includes "traditional" marriage, "conceiving children "traditionally, and the like. All of these "values" are based on sexual identity. The social and religious conservatives have gotten a "pass" from many voters on what these "values really mean. People should begin challenging conservatives on these points. I don't think conservatives can justify many of the positions if they are properly challenged and debated on the merits!

    I hope more people who identity themselves as conservative begin to question the statements and beliefs of the leading conservative politicians and religious leaders like Pat Robertson. Living in Kansas, I get more than my share of the social and religious conservativism....:rolleyes:
     
  3. B_Stronzo

    B_Stronzo New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2005
    Messages:
    4,730
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Plimoth Plantation
    This is why your post is baffling and rather odd SS. What makes you a self-professed 'conservative Christian' if your own sexuality is so at odds with what your Christian brethren believe?

    Of course it's not unless they make it and they do.

    I think Christianity as we experience it today is largely fucked up.

    Ur kvite velcum.:rolleyes:
     
  4. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2006
    Messages:
    6,378
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    where the sun never sets
    Personally I believe the only reason most people think of sexuality as a private matter is because most people are so fucking up-tight about it. So many social stigmas, taboos, et cetera out there to negotiate. If people weren't such hypocritical hypersensitive overly-conservative fucktards about it, then it probably wouldn't be an issue for other people to know what went on in your sex life.

    The double standard you mentioned in this regard does suck, though. and you're right. There are probably quite a few heterosexual couples in that church, and even more heterosexual single people, who practice unorthodox or unsanctioned sex (anal, oral, sex for pleasure, premarital sex, extramarital sex, group sex, sex during mensturation, et cetera) but they don't have to put up with the same crap. That's balls...
     
  5. hung9mike

    hung9mike Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2004
    Messages:
    688
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    712
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Fort Lauderdale (FL, US)
    I believe that your sexual preference... although I hate saying "sexual preference", it sounds like we have much more choice in the issue than what we do, but that's a topic for another thread... anyway, that your sexual orientation is no one's business but your own (and your partner's).

    Out of curiosity, though, why do you go to this particular church, whose teachings are evidently diametrically opposed to your life experience?
     
  6. Maggie320

    Maggie320 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2006
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Southeast, US
    This is something I've wanted to weigh in about for quite some time.

    I was born and raised in the Catholic church and attended Catholic school for eight years. One of the main things I learned during that time was that there is only one judge and that is God. Now, how can someone who was taught those principles stand up and judge others whether it be their sexuality, race, creed, etc.? That's a problem I've had with the Church in general. Not just Catholicism, but any belief that teaches that.

    It really irks me when someone makes a big freaking deal about their sexual preferences. Someone like Sheryl Swoopes who plays in the WNBA "came out of the closet" last year. Okay, and what is your point? Honestly, how does what you do in the privacy of your own home matter one bit with your job?

    Maybe I'm just naive, but I really don't care what my friends, or family do one bit it's their business. If you're cool with me I'll be cool with you.:biggrin1:
     
  7. fjh

    fjh New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2006
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    waratah Tasmania
    HELLO
    MY NAME IS FREDRICK,IN THE SAME SITUATION AS YOU,I`M A PETECOSTAL BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN AND STRUGGELING,SO WHAT,WE HAVE AN INTERCESSOR HIS NAME IS JESUS, HE KNOWS OUR HEART HE IS OUR CREATOR,HE LOVES AS AS WE WHERE BEFORE AND WILL IN HIS TIMEING HELP NOT OUR TIME,BE AS YOU ARE AND HAVE FAITH AND TRUST LOVE HIM AND BE PATIENT HE CARES FOR US AND IF THE CONGREGATION DOES NOT LIKE IT TUFF TITTIS,GO SOME WHERE ELSE .GOG IS OUR JUDGE AND NOT PEOPLE,WE CAN`T CHANGE OUR WAY ONLY GOD,SO FEEL AT EASE AND REMEMBER JESUS LOVES YOU GOD DOES NOT CONDEM THE BELIEVER ROMANS 8:1 AS LONG AS WE REMAIN IN A REPENTANT ATTITUDE OF OVERCOMING SINTHE CONVERTED PERSON CONTINUES THROUGH REPENTANCE AND FAITH TO RELAY ON THE SACRIFICE OF JESUS CHRIST TO COVER OUR SINS IN THIS LIFELONG BATTLE AND PROCESS OF OVERCOMING
    IF YOU LIKE TO WRITE TO ME PERSONAL HERE IS MY EMAIL ADDRESS
    fjh@dodo.com.au
    GOD BLESS YOU
    FREDRICK
    ONLINE fjh
     
  8. emu

    emu New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2006
    Messages:
    188
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The Big O
    i'm a christian and heterosexual. my religion teaches sex before marriage is wrong

    what do I do about being promiscuous, i just have to have sex with as many people as I can, i just can't help it, it's a need. how do i reconcile being a promiscuous christian...?

    E
     
  9. Matthew

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2005
    Messages:
    8,374
    Likes Received:
    161
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    The point is that because of prejudice, discrimination, homophobia, etc., lesbians and gays have to come out publicly to encourage others to be able to be who they are and live without fear. It's especially important for public figures to do this. When those negative factors are gone, I'm sure public coming out will be much less of an issue. In other words, don't hold your breath.
     
  10. headbang8

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,272
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Munich (BY, DE)
    Quetion one : Tell me why you believe in a Christian God, Silver Soldier. Or, if you prefer, a godly Christ.

    Quetion two: heterosexual Christain couples are compelled to make their sexuality public by way of a marriage ceremony. Why hould bisexuals be different?

    The moment you declare allegiance to a church, your life isn't your own. It's theirs. My opinion? Forge your own relationship with your god. There are many way to be a Christian, and they don't necesarily involve your current church.

    With my greatest repect,

    HB8
     
  11. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
  12. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina

    Today at work. (Yeah, the invisibleman works...:smile: ) Two hispanic males went to rent from a landlord today at a trailer park. One guy was already renting but the other guy was wanting to get into his friend's lease. The other friend had a girlfriend. The guy who was single was invited to stay but the guy with the live-in girlfriend was told that he wasn't allowed to stay because the landlord was Christian. And that they didn't allow "shacking up" tenants.
    Wow.

    I actually thought that that was fucked up. Then again, I wouldn't want to live where I wasn't wanted. The guy wasn't too mad. He left smiling anyway.


    I believe that they (Christians) make it (sexuality) their business. Christians don't deal with the real anyway. Neither do non-Christians.

    Well, if you live in an oppressive environment and you don't like it--you can stay where you are: don't do anything positive for yourself, do something positive for yourself or you can leave. You give them as much power as you want to. If there is significant amounts of sufferiing on both counts--which path do you take--the path YOU choose or the path THEY choose for you. Which one do you choose?
     
  13. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2006
    Messages:
    2,061
    Likes Received:
    0
    SS, as you realize, throughout its history, the church has attempted to control the sexual behaviors -- with little success -- of its members. Fortunately, many churches today have come to realize that one's sexual preference has nothing to do with spirituality and welcome all persons regardless of ethnicity, sexual preference, or race. Why would you want to attend a conservative church that will only make you feel either angry or guilty about something over which, IMO, you have no choice? Find a more accepting church or nurture your spiritual needs outside the church and avoid all the denominational bullshit altogether.
     
  14. DC_DEEP

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2005
    Messages:
    9,029
    Likes Received:
    12
    Perhaps you chose the right god, but the wrong church.
    That's the part of the equation that conservative christians always leave out... and guess what? When you leave out part of the equation, the answer will ALWAYS be wrong. And they will continue to tell you that you are horrible and have no right to exist. That does not make it so.
    It doesn't. It isn't. But the thing is, these people are so far beyond hypocrite, it's outside the realm of comprehension. What you are refusing to see is the same thing they are refusing to see: They will most definitely go to hell for using the name of god to justify their hatred. Have you stopped to think that you are doing exactly what women in abusive relationships do?

    My advice - keep your spirituality, and drop the religion. You absolutely must get away from these people, for your mental and spiritual health.[/quote]
     
  15. vinny_spiruccino

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2005
    Messages:
    1,909
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Charlotte NC
    Silver - PM me. I have had very similar experiences to yours, and think I might be able to refer you to some information that could help you.

    But let me say this - the fact that you even posted your feelings should reaffirm you in this - your heart desires the right things. "Religion" and "Relationship" are two very different things. It seems you desire the relationship, and even the religious folks will tell you "Man looks on the outside, but God sees your heart".
     
  16. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    [/quote]

    Amen to that!!!! You can give them (Christians) your personal power or you can take your power back.
     
  17. rhino_horn

    rhino_horn New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2006
    Messages:
    350
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    east coast-usa
    i think the only thing god dislikes about sex between dudes or sex between women is the fact that its done only for pleasure, as god made woman to satisfy that need of man(according to scripture), and sex between man and woman to be made legal only by marriage and in gods name... its the same logic between blessing an animal, that you're going to eat, in god's name before you take its life, but whatever...im not qualified, neither is anyone else in the world, to debate this with anyone of any religion.

    its between you and god, and its no one else's business. you do whatever you feel is right.

    you should voice your opinion to those who threaten to remove you...and if they do remove you, then f**k 'em.

    -good luck:smile:
     
  18. BobLeeSwagger

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2003
    Messages:
    1,481
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    I think you should try to find a different church. There are churches that are much more accepting or, at the very least, don't make it an issue. It may not be easy to find one locally though.
     
  19. B_Stronzo

    B_Stronzo New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2005
    Messages:
    4,730
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Plimoth Plantation
    I think you should abandon Christianity.
     
  20. vinny_spiruccino

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2005
    Messages:
    1,909
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Charlotte NC
    You're GOING to hell, missy...:wink:
     
Draft saved Draft deleted