Personality Disorders and Coping

[Phil Ayesho]

Most of my time spent online is destressing. I work in a grocery store and that helps a lot, I can practice talking to people and holding conversation.[/COLOR]

Seems to me that your time spent online, here at least, is a big initial step to dealing well with fears of criticism associated with avoidance. Do not be distressed... I think it is helpful.

There is little the medical establishment can offer you... but a lot that spiritual practice and applied intellect can offer.

Avoidance is predicated upon fear and so related to phobias.
Avoidant personality disorder is that fear coupled with an overemphasis on yourself and other's reactions, impressions and opinions of you.


The best way to deal with phobias is pure intellect... Recognize they are inherently irrational, and that exposure to that which you fear will eventually habituate your fear response to tolerate more and more.

The obsessive reflection on self and seeing other people as strictly in terms of their perspective of you is a harder nut to crack.

For that you need to cultivate the habit of NOT thinking about yourself at all.
Look for and/or increase any activity that tends to take you away from yourself.
You will find that the less you think about yourself, the happier you will be.

Meditation works well, but is particualrly hard for women to master because they have a hard time turning off their internal critic.

For many Art is a good substitute for meditation.... it tends to bring the focus away from your own personal state and get you lost in the process of creation... I find I do my best work when I am not even there.


By and large... you have this to look forward to... the brain is not MERELY wiring and chemistry... you can ACTUALLY alter both the wiring AND the chemistry of your brain thru THOUGHT ALONE.

But it takes enormous persistence and patience to see any real effects.
The brain alters its wiring and its worldview ONE neuron at a time... and the habits of 10 or 15 years may take 10 or 15 years of CONSTANT attention to reverse.

Therefore do not let the fact that change comes slowly discourage you or cause you to give up.

Practice real compassion ( worrying more about what someone else suffers than what they think of you) and expect you will have weak moments... but unlike dieting, the effects of effort on re-wiring the way you see the world ARE cumulative.

Every hour you spend not thinking about you beats back an hour of self concern... and if you can get to the point where you can consciously will yourself to think of anything BUT you for more hours per day than you tend to think about your self... then you are making real progress.

It is exceptionally hard... and takes tenacity....

But remember the admontion to be always careful of what you Pretend to Be... because you Become what you pretend to be.

All you have to do is pretend to be someone who doesn't care what others think... who doesn't worry about criticism nor take it to heart... who is actively more concerned about what OTHERS suffer than about what you suffer.

Do that long enough... and that will be the person you are.


For each of us, there is a gulf between the person we are... and the person we imagine we could be.

Character is the bridge you build to become the person you strive to be.

 

[Meniscus]

But remember the admontion to be always careful of what you Pretend to Be... because you Become what you pretend to be.

Ah, that explains how I became a cold-hearted bastard.

 

[deleted157868]

I have ADHD, I don't think that applies though.

 

[Principessa]

I have ADHD, I don't think that applies though.[/quote

:lmao: Nope, not even close.

Definition of Personality disorder

Personality disorder: A disorder characterized by the chronic use of mechanisms of coping in an inappropriate, stereotyped, and maladaptive manner. Personality disorders are enduring and persistent styles of behavior and thought, not atypical episodes. The personality disorders encompass a group of behavioral disorders that are different and distinct from the psychotic and neurotic disorders. The official psychiatric manual, the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association, Fourth Edition), defines a personality disorder as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that differs markedly from the expectations of the individual's culture, is pervasive and inflexible, has an onset in adolescence or early adulthood, is stable over time, and leads to distress or impairment. Personality disorders are a long-standing and maladaptive pattern of perceiving and responding to other people and to stressful circumstances.


Ten personality disorders, grouped into 3 clusters, are defined in the DSM-IV:

• Cluster A -- Odd or eccentric behavior.
  
  Includes:
  • Paranoid personality disorder
  • Schizoid personality disorder
• Cluster B -- Dramatic, emotional or erratic behavior.
  
  Includes:
  • Antisocial personality disorder
  • Borderline personality disorder
  • Histrionic personality disorder
  • Narcissistic personality disorder
• Cluster C -- Anxious fearful behavior.
  
  Includes:
  • Avoidant personality disorder
  • Dependent personality disorder
  • Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder

If your current diagnosis is not one of the ones listed above you DO NOT have a personality disorder. Being bi-polar or depressed while often difficult is NOT the same thing as a personality disorder. ​

 

[deleted157868]

I have ADHD, I don't think that applies though.[/quote

:lmao: Nope, not even close.

Definition of Personality disorder

Personality disorder: A disorder characterized by the chronic use of mechanisms of coping in an inappropriate, stereotyped, and maladaptive manner. Personality disorders are enduring and persistent styles of behavior and thought, not atypical episodes. The personality disorders encompass a group of behavioral disorders that are different and distinct from the psychotic and neurotic disorders. The official psychiatric manual, the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association, Fourth Edition), defines a personality disorder as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that differs markedly from the expectations of the individual's culture, is pervasive and inflexible, has an onset in adolescence or early adulthood, is stable over time, and leads to distress or impairment. Personality disorders are a long-standing and maladaptive pattern of perceiving and responding to other people and to stressful circumstances.


Ten personality disorders, grouped into 3 clusters, are defined in the DSM-IV:

• Cluster A -- Odd or eccentric behavior.
  
  Includes:
  • Paranoid personality disorder
  • Schizoid personality disorder
• Cluster B -- Dramatic, emotional or erratic behavior.
  
  Includes:
  • Antisocial personality disorder
  • Borderline personality disorder
  • Histrionic personality disorder
  • Narcissistic personality disorder
• Cluster C -- Anxious fearful behavior.
  
  Includes:
  • Avoidant personality disorder
  • Dependent personality disorder
  • Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder

If your current diagnosis is not one of the ones listed above you DO NOT have a personality disorder. Being bi-polar or depressed while often difficult is NOT the same thing as a personality disorder. ​

I am amazed at the number of well informed thought out posts one person can make. Good job!

 

[Principessa]

I am amazed at the number of well informed thought out posts one person can make. Good job!

Google is my friend. :smile: As an educator I know that living with ADHD,ADD, or HD are not easy things either. However, they are usually more easily understood by the general public. Treatment is often less difficult as well.

 

[musclemonkey5]

Tk,

I did not read the entire thread, only the first page, so please no one mistake me to be jumping into this argument and being against anyone. Here is my opinion.

I have mild depression and mood swings. I can switch instantly from being happy to being sad. At first I thought there was something wrong with me. But then I thought that my emotions are dependant on my outlook of life. I am a very sensative person and the reason I have mood swings is because I am a thinking individual who who cares about things. I can be happy among friends, and then very sad when i think about something that isn't happy. I realized that if I wanted to, I could just not care. Then I decided I sometimes like caring.
Think Tink, whatever dissorders you have, I don't think it is biological, or irrepairable. I think that all you have to do is ignore what other people think. I know that you have a dissorder that makes that very hard for you, but if you were to succeed in saying 'hmf, I really don't care what that person on the other side of the alley thinks of me', then you can cope with this. I am trying to say, that there is nothing unnatural about being worried about what others think of you and being afraid of critisicm, the real dissorder is not being able to choose to ignore it.
For instance, I too am very worried about what others think of me. I can be playing games with my friends and while my mind is concentrating on communing with them, meanwhile I will be worrying that so and so thought I was dissing them or that I am E.M.O for doing something I didn't mean anything by or a personality flaw that I showed. I feel better when I remind myself this is normal, it is my own problem, but normal. (I don't mean normal as in most people have it, just that given my personality it is natural. It is who I am. Something I have to overcome or live with) Even when I am in these situations, I remind myself it is normal and I need to get over this instance instead of obsessing over it.
What you should NOT do is think, "dang, this thing that is wrong with me is messing me up again. Here I am with my friends and I am incapable of hanging out with them normally and having a good time." That will only make it worse.
My honest advice, is that you should find a GOOD church, where there are mentors who have dealt with similar things. If it is a good church they will not be judgemental, and they can help you to cope with your personality disorders and keep in touch with you to keep you accountable for your improvement.
I am a very strong believer in the self. Drugs and doctros can be great, but sometimes we short change our own abilities. There is nothing as satisfying as overcoming our obsticles, even the unfair biological or mental ones.
It didn't sound like you were saying you had something biological like 'bipolar' or anything caused by a chemical imbalance. If you do, then please still don't disregard what I have said. You may need medication too, but this can still help you drastically.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Tk,
My honest advice, is that you should find a GOOD church, where there are mentors who have dealt with similar things. If it is a good church they will not be judgemental, and they can help you to cope with your personality disorders and keep in touch with you to keep you accountable for your improvement.
I am a very strong believer in the self. Drugs and doctros can be great, but sometimes we short change our own abilities. There is nothing as satisfying as overcoming our obsticles, even the unfair biological or mental ones.
It didn't sound like you were saying you had something biological like 'bipolar' or anything caused by a chemical imbalance. If you do, then please still don't disregard what I have said. You may need medication too, but this can still help you drastically.

I'm sorry you had me reading until you said church. I am a proud atheist, I refuse to believe that there is anything higher than humans themselves. Church puts peoples beliefs in unhealthy places, thinking that there will be something for them after we leave this earth. It's a bunch of garbage they feed people to make themselves feel good about life. I ain't falling for it.

I'm a ritualized liver, certain things have to happen at certain times or else. (like checking the site from the top to the bottom, which I didn't do, and it's now fucked me up). My life is pretty scripted, the rest of my life is still lived through a computer screen. I am heavily medicated and it's probably a good thing, I am way too paranoid and anxious without medication. It's impossible for me to believe something like a church can help me, I'm too far gone for that.

I act normal to people, it's a good front I've put forth, but people on the internet know my personality better than most. I'm actually thinking one person in particular. I take illegal drugs like ecstasy to alter my mind and allow me to live life like people normally would, that's when I feel the most able to be myself, take away all my fears and inhibitions and you have the child that loves her life.

 

[Principessa]

My honest advice, is that you should find a GOOD church, where there are mentors who have dealt with similar things. If it is a good church they will not be judgemental, and they can help you to cope with your personality disorders and keep in touch with you to keep you accountable for your improvement.

I know you were addressing T_K and I am sorry to get all up in your Kool-Aid; but you're wrong.

I am a life long United Methodist and church attendee I believe in the power of prayer; but somethings cannot be prayed away and mental illness is one of them. Nothing pisses me off more than when my parents usually dad question my faith. :12: I am not depressed because my faith has been shaken or because I don't pray often enough or in the proper fashion. God did not smite me with this affliction. It just happend. Truth be told, I can see where depression runs on both sides of my family but I am the first one with the cajones to seek help for it.

While most churches, synagogues etc. offer counseling in crisis; many priests, pastors, reverends, etc do not have the educational background to be of proper help. I equate seeking out a clergy person for a mental health issue with going to a witch doctor for a broken leg. It's just not gonna help.

I am a very strong believer in the self. Drugs and doctros can be great, but sometimes we short change our own abilities. There is nothing as satisfying as overcoming our obsticles, even the unfair biological or mental ones.

I have always believed that God has given us doctors, nurses, drugs, and shrinks for a reason. To not utilize these people and their knowledge and talents is like a sin against God.

It didn't sound like you were saying you had something biological like 'bipolar' or anything caused by a chemical imbalance. If you do, then please still don't disregard what I have said. You may need medication too, but this can still help you drastically.

Just saw T_K's response, I was gonna tell you she doesn't do religion but I see she already answered you. :smile:

 

[naughty]

I know you were addressing T_K and I am sorry to get all up in your Kool-Aid; but you're wrong.

I am a life long United Methodist and church attendee I believe in the power of prayer; but somethings cannot be prayed away and mental illness is one of them. Nothing pisses me off more than when my parents usually dad question my faith. :12: I am not depressed because my faith has been shaken or because I don't pray often enough or in the proper fashion. God did not smite me with this affliction. It just happend. Truth be told, I can see where depression runs on both sides of my family but I am the first one with the cajones to seek help for it.

While most churches, synagogues etc. offer counseling in crisis; many priests, pastors, reverends, etc do not have the educational background to be of proper help. I equate seeking out a clergy person for a mental health issue with going to a witch doctor for a broken leg. It's just not gonna help.

I have always believed that God has given us doctors, nurses, drugs, and shrinks for a reason. To not utilize these people and their knowledge and talents is like a sin against God.

Just saw T_K's response, I was gonna tell you she doesn't do religion but I see she already answered you. :smile:

Preach it, sister! Preach it!

I think mental illness runs rampant in the black community because many feel they have so many strikes against them already they dont need the added label of CRAZY. So you can just pray your way out of it. I have actually said to people, "God could chose to deliver you from your heart disease or diabetes as well but he gave us doctors and medication" We also have titles for certain things like "keeping it real" when it is anything but real and often surreal. I too had to break out on my own to deal with my adventures with depression. It takes a lot of courage to get help with your issues. Next time your dad says anything about your faith point him to the psalms it is thought the David suffered from bi polar disorder and Saul depression. There are a number of the prophets who also suffered from depression.

 

[musclemonkey5]

I don't know what else to say. But I would like to point out I said a good church. I wasn't asking anyone here to seek God, it's just that Churches are the number one community outreach organizations in America and most of the good ones DO have trained proffessionals that preside over support groups and mentor programs. Their purpose is not to convert people or heal them with the power of prayer, but to provide practical solutions. NJQT426, it is unfortunate you have had a bad experience with religious people (Methodists, no wonder [cough]), but there are a lot of down to earth churches out there who aren't fanatical hypocrits.
The great thing about help from a good church is that they do not buy into the philosophical and speculative theries of the 'proffesional' world, so you don't get any loons who tell you mumbo jumbo, just down to earth people who can provide real advice and real support, people who acctually care.
(mutters about mentioning religion and the whole world damns him to hell and jumps the gun.. Not you TK, your response was plenty polite and honest)
This is my response. You have said your peace and me mine, now I humbly suggest that we not turn this thread into an angry religious argument. That is not what it is about. Start a new one if you want to rave about religious people and their crazy, lunatic, hypocritical churches.