Personality Question

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Symphonic, Aug 17, 2008.

  1. Symphonic

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    It's open to anyone but because I have a partner that is female I'll just put it here:

    So I am a private person. I don't tell anyone much of anything outside of generally attainable information and I don't explain myself all the time if in a situation that deals solely with my person.

    Question is does that become undesirable after a while? It's not as if I'd keep serious secrets or anything; I just don't share much about myself so it's a long and drawn out process to learn about me at times.

    I take care of business and everything else so it's not like I have something to hide. I just... don't discuss it.

    Your opinions on people who are extremely private and whether you would or would not stay with one are what I need.

    [ THX! ]
     
  2. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    I think you should be a bot more open, just tell for example your gf more about some important moments in your life or a few youthmemories. Especially to her I should be more open, because some day she won't get a thing because she didn't knew it about you, like fears or so...
     
  3. melis

    melis New Member

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    I'm thinking that you need to tell the person that you're with this - as well as letting her know that you will try to make an effort to let her in and answer when sha asks questions. I suppose any partner - male or female - will need some sort of feedback that you are interested in pursuing a relationship and that you are investing your feelings in them. I understand that it's maybe not something you feel comfortable with or natural about, but you have to acknowledge that she cannot read your mind. Oh, about "the things that deal solely with you" - she might not see it that way, if she considers the two of you "an item."

    That being said, I understand where you're coming from. I'm also very private, and I tend to not always tell my partner everything. I'm not talking about doing things behind his back, it's just that I tend to try and solve problems as they come along - and when solved, I don't dwell on them and I don't usually talk about them. I'll always answer what he asks, though - it's just that he has to ask... otherwise, there are things I won't think to share. Maybe that is similar to your experience?


    Gets boring after a while if one has to haul the words out of the other all the time! I think in a relationship you sometimes need to talk about "them feelings" - even if it doesn't seem important to you, it's a way of bonding the two of you together. You need to make an effort to see the person you're with as well as letting her see who you are. Also, I think finding someone who is somewhat private herself would make it easier on the both of you. If your personalities match, it's easier to understand each other - if not, you'll have to come out of your shell and meet her halfway. Does this make sense at all?

    Your final question... If I would stay with someone who was extremely private? Probably, unless I felt he shut me out -- and there's a fine line... Again, make an effort to talk to her about how it's natural for you to keep things to yourself, and that it's not because you are dishonest or untrustworthy - but rather that you solve problems as they come along and don't reflect so much on them later on, or somethiing like that. Don't forget to tell her you love her (since she still cannot read your mind).

    (Who would think I don't talk?)
     
  4. D_Drew Peacock

    D_Drew Peacock New Member

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    Well, I tend to talk too much if anything, but have become less open over the years with my partner. I have learned that she loves it when I listen to her, but that when I talk about things that are on my mind or heart, it is often not that interesting to her. She does not try that hard to feign interest in what she finds boring either, so I have learned to ask questions and to listen and say "yes" and "Umm" a lot.
     
  5. Principessa

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    I think that Pieterjoke and Melis have each hit the nail on the head. :cool:

    You really must learn to open up. Your silence about many things can often be misread as being secretive, or perhaps even neagtive or judgemental. If you don't talk about your past, no matter how boring, painful, embarassing, or uninteresting it may be to you, how will you ever know if you have anything in common? What on earth do you talk about? :confused:


     
  6. Kassokilleri2ff

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    I don't say anything about my past. My personality you can see through how I act and such. Your past experiences may have helped shape your personality, but people don't need to know all about you to be able to see your personality.

    For example, I'm generally a happy guy, always smiling and stuff. If I went off and told my life story to a girl, she would probably run screaming to the hills, thinking I was some sort of super emo goth crybaby bitch ass. But thats only what people would think would happen to a person with my life. But I'm actually exactly the opposite of what you would think! So my personality is what you can see. Sure you have to hang out with people for a while to fully see thier personality, but I would not think you would have to explain it to them.
     
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