Pervert/sexual harrassment on the job double standard.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by SouthernGirl, Dec 12, 2010.

  1. SouthernGirl

    SouthernGirl Member

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    Would you consider a man who makes the housekeeper at his job wisper in his ear (in order to make him cum, at work, yes, in front of coworkers who know this is a highly erogenous zone on him) a pervert?

    First set of men:
    What about if other men at this job use the housekeeper for sex?
    And showed pictures of her to each other?
    And every time a new employee joins they give them the heads up about her (describing her oral sex skills, mentioning that she swallows, every thing nasty under the sun). What would you think about these men?

    Second set of men:
    Another set of men are mad at the 1st set because they desire to sleep with the housekeeper but don't want to be she has sleep with everyone on the job. A few of the 2nd set of men have accepted a hand job (on the job) though.


    ***This happens to be a real situation with a housekeeper on my job, please give your honest opinions.******
     
  2. boerkie

    boerkie New Member

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    wow!! tell me about your Human Resources Department first!!!
    AWOL it seems!!
     
  3. SouthernGirl

    SouthernGirl Member

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    One mananger became aware (older white man), don't know how. The only thing said was that the men are not behaving like gentlemen. If this manager sees her in the department he will watch her to ensure she is not "distracting the men from their jobs" (his words!).

    ETA: Friday the housekeeper made the comment that she is aware that she is being used sexually (duh!) and feels that she should tell somebody. We are all trying to figure out why she feels the need to tell someone. The ear wisper dude told her "bitch don't drop my name". Other men have made the comment that she better not tell or she'll get her azz kicked. Would that be perceived as a threat?
     
    #3 SouthernGirl, Dec 12, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2010
  4. helgaleena

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    How do you 'make' someone whisper in your ear? That in itself is a rather intimate and nonstandard behavior in a work situation. Also, you refer to this female as 'housekeeper'. That sounds like something you have at home, not at the job site.

    Is this female by any chance an undocumented non-citizen, getting paid off the register? It's very easy to coerce people in that situation.
     
  5. Aramis

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    This sounds like a really disturbing situation. For the housekeeper thing I figured it was either an in house janitorial service in like an office building or they're in a hotel.

    If she had consensual sex with these men there's not much that can be done on that front, however the threat of retaliatory action gives the whole thing a subtext that is flirting with the line of coercive rape.

    As for sexual harassment if the way that these men conduct themselves around you or Group #2 makes you uncomfortable or you find inappropriate for the work place you can request that the situation be addressed by management/hr. This should be possible to do anonymously and special care should be taken to watch that this woman is not punished unfairly.
     
  6. SouthernGirl

    SouthernGirl Member

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    Thank you for the responses.
    Some of you may be wondering why I put "double standard" in the title.
    I wanted to get the opinion of what you guys would think if the housekeeper is a female. This situation is real, but the housekeeper is not female, he's a male janitor and the pervert who makes him wisper in the ear is me.
    (he called me a pervert! wtf!)

    The old mananger is a female (very old, very southern traditional lady) and once she became aware of the behavior of some of the women in the building she said that we were "not behaving like ladies", but only made it a point to take action against him, not the ladies.



    Some of us think that he set us all up for a reverse sexual harrassment suit.
    I'm not sure where or if this is gonna go anywhere. Several of us did tell him he'll get his azz kicked if he reported any of our names to the EEOC. I don't know if he is for real or not. Con artists work in this fashion. This feels like a con. Can a woman really be a pervert?
     
    #6 SouthernGirl, Dec 13, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2010
  7. Hockeytiger

    Hockeytiger Active Member

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    You have pretty much proven that a woman can be a pervert.
     
  8. D_Tallie_Wacker

    D_Tallie_Wacker Account Disabled

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    In the first, fake situation, the female housekeeper would clearly be just a slut.

    In the second, real situation, the poor guy is being sexually harassed by you females, but probably likes it.

    ...lol.
     
  9. wilder

    wilder New Member

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    The whole situation is a mine field, and no doubt about to get really ugly. Coercion can be a trickier issue with men, given that our sexuality can overwhelm us a bit easier, but no trained human resources person would make that distinction, nor should they. Discontinue your participation in this immediately, though that's unlikely to protect you when it explodes.
     
  10. AlteredEgo

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    Wouldn't it be a double standard if you couldn't? Did you use your seniority to make it difficult for him to refuse to do as you wished? Did the other women make him feel that if he didn't let them share nude photos, and sexually gratify them, that he could lose his job,or be denied opportunity for advancement, or have some other bad things happen to him if you all didn't get what you wanted? If the answers to those questions are "Yes" then he's not conning you. You sexually harassed him, or perhaps raped him by coercion in some cases, if he only participated under duress.
     
  11. D_Lanksesbye Sleepingrawe

    D_Lanksesbye Sleepingrawe Account Disabled

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    You might also want to stop posting incriminating information on a public internet forum. Just FYI.
     
  12. wilder

    wilder New Member

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    "Pervert" is a pejorative based on the standard of the person using it. Most people would agree that Ted Bundy was a pervert, but I think very few would call you a pervert for being turned on by being whispered too. A lot more of us would jump on the bandwagon if forcing or threatening someone to make them whisper to you was part of the deal. I think you may really have crossed the line when you joined your colleagues in threatening the guy's physical safety if he told what you did. That's the part that I suspect is going to make the most trouble for you if it comes out when the excrement hits the rotating blades.
     
  13. NumberTwentySix

    NumberTwentySix New Member

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    It is interesting that you accuse this man you admit you coerced into sex of somehow conning you. If you women initiated all this, then you are not victims, and you do not get to blame him if he feels violated enough to bring suit over it. You admit using a position of power to convince him to give you sexual pleasure. There is a term for this. Considering how glibly you present the whole situation you have clearly not thought that through.

    You are unprofessional, and you have fucked up.

    If I were your employer I would seriously consider firing each and every one of you, and the janitor besides.
     
  14. SouthernGirl

    SouthernGirl Member

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    Ain't nobody coerced this fool. He's just nasty and happpens to work in an enviroment with a bunch of loose women. I still say he is a con because from my POV he likes being used. Now all of a sudden he thinking that he can get a big payday from saying he's being used.

    About the pictures. He sent one person personal pics last year and that person spread them to everyone's phone. This is how everyone got pics of his penis/performing oral sex.
     
  15. wilder

    wilder New Member

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    I'm unsure where you wanted to go with this thread. When you told the story with the genders switched, I thought you were severely criticizing the "men" who were passing this "woman" around. Since revealing the true genders you seem to be blaming the "housekeeper". There was a shocking wealth of bad decisions made on all sides, and as it all comes to light I expect your employer will want to be rid of everyone concerned. I'm not a lawyer but I'd be surprised if your pass-around housekeeper can get a big paycheck out of the situation, given that he provided provocative photos to someone on the job. Still, the fact that the rest of you have made use of him and threatened him and his job if he tells makes me think you all better start looking for new jobs in this harsh economy.
     
    #15 wilder, Dec 13, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2010
  16. NumberTwentySix

    NumberTwentySix New Member

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    What wilder said is where I also get hung up. What were you expecting us to say exactly? "Ha ha what a silly double standard." ?

    You say he was not coerced, but you also say one of his co-workers just threatened to kick his ass. Which is it? If we stipulate that he was not coerced, but instead just "used for sex" by the women in your workplace then...

    ...

    ...nope, I'm still not coming up with any reason that any ensuing fallout isn't of your own making.

    Either you allowed an unscrupulous con-man to give you all a cheap sexual thrill instead of doing your jobs, and you are at fault, or the women in your workplace put him into a sexually charged situation where he was not a willing participant, in which case you are much more seriously at fault.

    Is there any other information that might change my interpretation of circumstances here?
     
    #16 NumberTwentySix, Dec 13, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2010
  17. dad4you

    dad4you Member

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    If I was the boss/owner, I would fire you all and hope that my company's reputation was not damaged. You are not only on a slippery slope to disaster, but this kind of activity is what makes some companies fail when the owner is seen as failing to control his employees on-site behavior. As a MALE recipient of a FEMALE bosses unwanted affections (quite inoffensive to most) I feel a little violated every time she hugs me and calls me honey. GRR.. Other (straight) men in my office have mentioned their being uncomfortable too, but we all need our jobs. IF I do manage to find another job, part of my exit interview will be to let her supervisors know of these feelings. <barf>
     
    #17 dad4you, Dec 13, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2010
  18. Bbucko

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    The workplace should be a sex-neutral zone. Why is that so hard to understand?
     
  19. helgaleena

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    Now that you have confessed that it is you 'making' him whisper in your ear, I find it very difficult to believe that he is any danger if he would refuse. Therefore, I don't think it's coercion, just very unprofessional all round. Do all this someplace else!
     
  20. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    If this was all consensual, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But it doesn't sound terribly consensual to me.
     
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