Picking Up On The Signs

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Voglener, Oct 4, 2008.

  1. Voglener

    Voglener Active Member

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    I've been reading some of these posts and they're very exciting. They make me think of things in my past and I wonder....

    Does anyone have any tales of missed opportunities? I can think back on a ton of situation that happened to me but I was too dumb to reconize the signs?

    I've always been slow to the gate on such things with both guys and girls. One time I was working in Boston at StarMarket in the Fenway and the Asst. Manager was this white guy who was in pretty good shape and not too hard on the eyes. I must have been about 23 at the time.

    He had me work late with the agreement of dropping me home afterwards. Before we left the store he changed clothes in the change room while I was getting my stuff out of the locker. He stood in front of me in these tight blue briefs that showed everything. Of course me, being me, didn't pick up on the hint. Even while he was driving me home his conversation in hindsight was pretty sexual in tone. Still, nothing.

    So, what stories can you tell of missed opportunities either due to your not picking up on the signs or the person of interest not being able to pick up on your hints?
     
  2. sam_solo26

    sam_solo26 New Member

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    I know, doesn't that suck as far as homosexual relations go? I mean, heterosexual relations can be risky too. They can still say no, and there can still be that awkwardness. But in terms of male-on-male relations (if you're not "out" usually), if you even start to make hints at something, and you could be looking at freaking out and possibly physical retaliation. That possibility is always there, no matter who you talk to.

    There are tons more signals there, and you have to usually work through those on top of the surrounding perceptions and judgments others might have if they see you talking the way you are. A good signal is if you happen to just stare at each other for more than I'd say about five seconds, without saying a word. Then you can figure they're thinking something about you, and it isn't exactly platonic.

    I've had things like this happen before at parties. The guys in the rooms all yell at the women and call out, let's say "compliments". They're very forward in these situations, because they can afford to be. They usually aren't marginalized. In a party of 100, there might be between 0 - 20 homosexual or bisexual people, and many are probably looking for a good time. But you don't see them "complimenting" each other the way heterosexuals do.

    I've locked eyes with guys before, but I don't know what to do after that. I don't know if they think I'm just weird looking, or if they want to have some sort of relations with me, or if they're intrigued by me but not in a sexual way, or if they're threatened or what. But we lock eyes, and neither of us can make another move because we have images and impressions to uphold with our friends. And probably because we both know we're thinking the same thing but can't go through with it. It's disgusting really, that we have to hide and be as coy as we are. It's really sad, and it depresses me to no end.
     
  3. B_abacaxi

    B_abacaxi New Member

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    That's what the internet is for, son. Hooking up OL > hooking up IRL.
     
  4. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

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    I've been blessed with a rare diagnostic ability to see subtleties. Starting with the tennis pro at the Tennis Club when I was 14 ( He thought I was 18) Imagine his surprise? I only once pretended to not pick up on the signals; when someone who used to live in my building wanted me to bring them out. He was over 18, but his father was on the coop board!
     
  5. sam_solo26

    sam_solo26 New Member

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    Abacaxi, I realize that. :rolleyes: That's a whole topic in itself, especially since most people online (predominantly homosexuals) prefer to stay anonymous until you contact them and make conversation with them. By then you feel bad if you're just not attracted to them and have to break it off. There are positives (convenience) and negatives (see above), but it shouldn't be that homosexuals feel the need to hide as much as they do. Like I said, it's disgusting.

    Nudeyorker, you also bring up a really good point. I've had to ignore tons of signals because I just didn't click with the person. You'll see them just staring at you from your peripheral vision, getting closer when they talk to you, laughing harder than usual at your stupid jokes, etc. (I even had a girl, after meeting her twenty minutes prior, take my hand while we were walking with friends to another party. I had to slowly loosen the grip and then get onto a passionate subject so I could make wild gestures and take my hand back.) It's quite easy actually, even the subtle signals. All you have to do is assume nobody wants anything to do with you. Then, if they meet you and seem interested in you, you try to find out what they're getting from you. :biggrin1: Cynical, but effective. Hope this helps anybody.
     
  6. kingkhan

    kingkhan New Member

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    This is why am not lucky with women I am terrible at noticing subtle signs and then later I realize how dumb I was. A clear example was when I had a partner in a computer class in college and we had to share the computer and sit real close to each other. The last two weeks of the semester we began rubbing each our legs together while we worked on the computer but, neither of us said anything about it. I mean we constantly would just rub each other with are legs and it was so distracting but, in a good way becuase the class was so boring. So the last day of the semester we where leaving class and she asked me if I was done with classes for the day and I said yes and asked her the same and she said no but, her next class was an a couple of class. But, I did not have the instinct to ask her if she wanted hang out or get something to eat or whatever. I don't we would necessarily done anything sexual but, I missed out on an opportunity of creating a relationship with her.
     
  7. sam_solo26

    sam_solo26 New Member

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    kingkhan, I don't think that leg business was subtle :suspect:. Lol, I think you're making excuses, possibly for a lack of confidence. I don't know you, so I can't say, but this type of rationalization seems to be evident in many "missed connection" situations. If you don't perceive even the possiblity of anything happening with someone you find attractive, then you'll miss the signals. Your brain's on other things that are possible.
     
  8. kingkhan

    kingkhan New Member

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    I know it wasn't subtle this was about 3 yrs ago but, I admit I did to work being more confident talking to women.
     
  9. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    I did turn day a one night stand with an older business gentleman. I am sure (i hope) i didn't the right thing but i always wonder what it would have been like.
     
  10. catawbaboy

    catawbaboy New Member

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    i read this thread earlier today, but my friend came over so i got offline before i could post anything. i go to Carolina, and so our football game kept out. we destroyed uconn. GO HEELS.

    so we ended up at parties and the bar all night getting wasted. my friend and i (we've been friends since middle school -- we are now seniors in college) come back to my house, and the whole time he is bitching and moaning about how he didn't pull any ass tonight, even though i'd set him up in a fail-safe situation with a hot girl i know who explicitly told me she was hunting for cock that night.

    so he keeps telling me how wasted he is, and how all he wanted was a blowjob, and that just a blowjob would make his drunk ass happy, and how he was pissed off he was so wasted, but wasn't getting blown... you get the idea. he was lookin at me the whole time with 'want' written all over his face. i felt like he was tryin to tell me something.

    he knows i'm bi. we used to jerk off together watching porn when we were in the 8th and 9th grades. i wondered, does he want me to suck his dick? he has a huge fucking 8in penis!!!

    i thought about this thread, and missed opporitunities. i thought i was gonna end up another poster, lamenting a missed chance with someone hot. i was really wasted, as i still am, and i worked up the balls, no really, i WORKED UP THE BALLS, and i said:

    "J____, i hate to fuckin ask this, i really hate that im fucking even gonna say this, but am i picking up on any signals here man?"

    "HAHAHAHAHA, what? haha, no dude."

    "oh."

    "its allright man, i mean we are friends. i dont give a shit"

    "oh. ...that was fucking awkward as fuck. ...so, uhh, yeah sorry about that."

    "its okay man. really. now i dont feel bad telling you i wanna fuck your sister!"

    so, i didn't miss anything. at least i tried though! and my friend, he is an asshole.
     
  11. plumbr

    plumbr Member

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    anymore would like to share? i want to know how to READ the signs... share share!!
     
  12. killerb

    Verified Gold Member

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    it's funny that I come across this thread tonight because I was just thinking earlier today about how many times I've missed obvious signs that people were interested in me...and I mean, a LOT of times...I was just completely oblivious...and others have had to say to me "you know she/he likes you"...

    sometimes I'm just clueless and I know there have been many many missed opportunities...
     
  13. Canadian.Surfer

    Canadian.Surfer New Member

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    Im terrible when it comes to noticing a girl is flirting with me. She could practically be sitting on my lap and nibbling at my ear and I'd still think she was just being friendly.

    At a kegger one time in the summer, my old roommate was chilling with this one girl he was really interested in and I was talking to her friend, this girl who I knew from residence (as she lived on my floor and we would always talk). She was very pretty and so friendly it just made her that much prettier. Anyways, the conversation we were having was was great, but on hindsight she seemed quite interested in me and such things. She was asking me about my ex-gf, what I like in a girl, if Im just and only into asian women (which Im not) and why I have this asian fetish.

    Well usually Im pretty reserved (Maybe verging on shy) but i've had a few drinks that night and was in top form now (Drunk Rob is THE MAN!). So I told her I enjoyed asians because they were usually petite and cute or pretty which is what I go for instead of sexy or hot. And then we started talking about sex. She asked me what sex was like with my last gf (she was asian) and I said it was pretty fun, she was this 5'3 asian and would squeal and moan all the time during sex, I believe I uttered the phrase "She was like my own little sex toy". She told me a few things about herself which I enjoyed listening to lol.

    Well I still had no idea she was hitting on me or anything, even when she started going on as to how a lot of the girls while I was living on residence thought I was handsome and would have loved to have sex with me (I think most of it had to do with the fact that long story short, this slut told me to follow her to her room. We ended up in my room and I knew what she wanted, however I was dating my gf at the time and instead of being rude and insinuating I knew what she wanted, I just sat down with her and talked until she left. I guess word got around that she wanted to sleep with me but I didnt want to sleep with her. The whole "want what you cant have thing" probably helped me out a bit) Anyways she went onto tell me how she thought I was pretty hot. As to which I replied....."Thanks". Yeah I know, im pretty dense. I didnt realize how stupid this was until the next morning when my old roommate (who was sitting close by during this entire conversation) asked what the hell was wrong with me and laughed his ass off when I told him I had no clue she was flirting with me.
     
  14. blg3floor3

    blg3floor3 New Member

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    I used to hang out on this message board for one of my favorite authors. Well there were several people there who were also from the message board of another favorite author of mine. Since I figured we must have similar taste, I'd occasionally chat some of these people up, mostly for little social things, you know how those little internet friend-circles go.

    Well this one older woman I was talking to (I think she was late 30s, I was around 21 at the time) seemed like the really horny and sexual type. She'd openly say really dirty things, like when we were talking about cars (a woman who liked cars as much as I do..ZOMG). We got on the subject of a particular truck she was dreaming of and she said it made her horny and she was seriously cumming right now. "Seriously" meaning not really actually cumming, but seriously as in "yeah, I reaaaaaally love that truck".

    She even openly said on a few occasions that she was a cougar. I thought 'Cougar? Well that's cool.' I thought she just liked cougars/mountain lions, you know? I thought maybe it was something to do with her personality, like she identified with cougars in some way. At the time I didn't know what the term cougar meant when applied to older women.

    Well later that year, in the summer, was ConJose, which was/is local to me. Well a group of people from that message board got a room in the hotel ConJose was being held in near the end of August for a little party (the author even showed up, but I apparently just missed him. No biggie, I already met him twice before during that summer). She was at the party too (she was from Texas). There was socializing, some drinking, etc. Well she was making eyes at me and smiling and giving that clearly obvious look a woman gives you, you know? Except at the time it was not actually "clearly obvious" to me. I thought she was just being nice as our eyes met across the room, just like happened with everyone else. You know, seeing people for the first time that you've known online for a while. She had seen some pics of me from when there was a little gathering at the authors house the month before (he's local to me), and sometime between that gathering and the ConJose gathering, she mentioned me being cute in one of our IMs. I was basically like "awww thanks," thinking she was just being nice and complementing me.

    It wasn't until years later that I actually put all the little pieces together, as I reflected back on it after having learned what "cougar" meant. This could clearly have been a hook up, and with an older woman too.

    Fuck. Oh well.

    I've had at least two other missed opportunities, but those were deliberately missed more than accidentally missed. I wasn't really in to the first one at the time (I had ridiculous "standards" back then), and I was already in a relationship at the time the second one presented itself, and I don't play that cheating shit.
     
  15. AZNEWGUY

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    I was just thinking about this the other day. There is this SUPER hot guy at my job and we have glanced at each other so many times at work. You know those second then look away glances. We talk all the time, but never mentioned anything about those glances. We were hanging out with friends one day and they mentioned a situation about an ex girlfriend I had and he quickly said "ex girlfriend ?". I think he feels that I have gay tendancies. One problem, he has a girlfriend himself. I have a strange feeling this will be a missed sign :(
     
  16. larocca

    larocca New Member

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    Same things is happening to me. There's this guy that can look at me for more than 5 seconds without saying anything. It's as if we both know what we want to say, but nothing is happening. There's just this attraction that's torturing me. I wish it were easier. He's just too cute for words. :)
     
  17. plumbr

    plumbr Member

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    Exactly! Come to think of it, it's even harder for oppressed peoples.
     
  18. Snowy1

    Snowy1 Member

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    Missed oppurtunities indeed. Im as dense as lead when it comes to woman coming onto me. This reminds me of a wierd experience i had a few years ago.
    Out one night and i was in a broody mood, at a bar when i noticed this dark attractive girl looking down at me from the corner of my eye. I didnt take look but was aware.
    Later on as she was leaving with her mates as she passed me she stopped, looked right into my eyes and brandished this mini vibrator things that you get in some bars.
    I was just really confused, she didnt say anything just looked at me and showed me this toy. I thought either she thinks im gay or is she coming onto me or is this some wierd sense of humour. Shyly i looked away not sure of what she meant, feeling a bit embarrased.
    After she left mate nudged me and called me a daft pratt, she was coming onto me.
    What the heck, bit strong but i felt a fool for not doing something about it.
     
  19. D_Adoniah Sheervolume

    D_Adoniah Sheervolume Account Disabled

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    I spent an hour writing about the exquisite agony of a recent situation, only to have it lost to "site maintenance." GRRRRRR.
     
  20. titan1968

    titan1968 Active Member

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    I don't always pick up on the signs either (from men or women), and when I do, it's already too late. I feel I used to be a little better at it. Is it possible to become rusty? Why is that so?

    What about flirting? Is it possible to flirt with someone without fully realising it at first, only to realise a little later that we were flirting?
     
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