Pinch hitting for the other team

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by fortiesfun, Mar 3, 2007.

  1. fortiesfun

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    This thread is not about unsure or experimenting men, or those who (like me) consider themselves bisexual. This is an inquiry about those who comfortably self-identify as str8, yet have had homosexual sex, or those who solidly identify themselves as gay and yet still have had heterosexual relations. In other words, I am interested in those who don't exactly bat for the other team, but occasionally pinch hit.

    Research seems pretty firm that the number of men who have sex with men (MSM) far outnumbers those who identify as gay or bi combined. Apparently, a lot of str8 men sometimes have gay sex without questioning their orientation. Surprisingly, the reverse is also true. In a recent survey over 75% of both men and women who identified themselves as unambiguously gay still revealed that they had had heterosexual sex within the last five years.

    My interest is in better understanding this phenomenon. I'd like to hear from anyone who identifies clearly as gay or str8, yet has had sex in the opposite orientation. Specifically, what happened? (Handjob, oral sex, penetrative sex) What motivated it? (Boredom, curiosity, inebriation???) Were you the aggressor/seducer or were you pursued?

    Thanks for any insight you might offer.
     
  2. justmeincal

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    I consider my gay, but had intercourse with women when I was younger. Two of my unfullfilled fantasies are to have a MFM and a MMF experience. However, my partner would never be interested in having sex with a woman involved.
     
  3. Lex

    Lex
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    I wonder if a part of this could be a factor of their recently (or incomplete) coming out?

    I would have to answer YES if asked if I had heterosexual relations in the last 5 years. 5 years is a long time.

    In a few years, I will be able to answer that same question with a NO.
     
  4. chavous

    chavous New Member

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    I consider myself GAY and have been attracted to men since I was a boy. I developed early ( earlier than buds my age)I had a good size cock and bush at age 11....This fascinated my gym mates and boy- friends. I starterd jacking off with one of my brothers (he was 3 years older and hung and one of his buds).They asked me one day had I ever seen anything white come out of my "talleywhacker" and I said NO. They both whipped them out and started jeking and in a few minutes explosions!!! I started trying to get my smaller fella to blow,but was too young.I had the feeling of an orgasim but no spunk!They helped me over the next year till I was BLOWING a big load.One summer night we were campingout in a backyard tent and my dad caught us all three whacking (I was scared but he handled well.....Then at 15 a neighborhood girl noticed my bulge and came onto me and taught me about PUSSY. I fucked girls all through highschool.On occasion I would double date with my best bud (RICK) and when we took the girls home and we go to an old vacant farm house and 69 and jack off for hours. One night he brought a long a bottle of lotion and slid his willie in my ass Calling it "cornholing" and it almost KILLED me...I hollared pull it out, I felt like a razor blade had been stuck up my ass but we tried again and he blew a load up my ass that night and then once are twice a week all the way through college.We fucked at every stolen moment we had. I was the bestman in his wedding and he pumped my hole the night before his wedding!!I fucked girls through college and enjoyed it but at 25 decided to be with guys only. I just prefer cock,love balls,hair,pecs,mens asshole,their minds.....I could tell you alot of early jack off stories with buds,cousins and two of my seven brothers!!
     
  5. fortiesfun

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    Lex:
    Thanks for your response.

    As you well know, every time you hit an interesting piece of research about sexual orientation, you wish you could focus in on it even closer with a bit more detailed question. (Would you see a vastly lower percentage if they had asked about a three-year span? a one-year period?)

    No doubt, many gay men go through a period of transition and that partially accounts for this surprisingly high number of them who have had relatively recent heterosexual intercourse. Still, I wonder if there isn't more going on here than just this. The intriguing way in which gay percentages mirror heterosexual percentages would suggest the possibility. (After all, str8 men and women having occasional same-gender sex is not a product of their incomplete "going in" as it were.)

    We'll see. Although a very large percentage of men who consider themselves straight have had a male-to-male experience this thread, understandably, may not be the place that they will say so. If some choose to share a few details, or even to send me a quiet PM about it, we might get an idea of what underlies the phenomenon.

    If, as I speculate, some of these are about a kind of free-floating horniness where in a pinch "any mouth will do" kind-of-thing, I wonder if the same is not true in reverse as well. Perhaps many gay men and women find that on occasion an opposite sex partner adds variety, or proves convenient, without really disturbing their basic sense of sexual orientation.

    Anyway, thanks to you and to the others who have answered!
     
  6. Lex

    Lex
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    I think you need to ask people the same question with different time spans:
    • 6 months
    • 1 year
    • 3 years
    • 5 years
    I think you will get differential data if you did.

    For example, my responses would be: No, No, Yes Yes.

    Well, as we learned with the Twin Studies, when the percentages line up similarly over time, it becomes hard to argue otherwise (or against them).

    Are you DOING this research, Doc? I'd love to participate (once I finish my doctorate).
     
  7. fortiesfun

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    I suspect you are right. It would be the yes, yes, no, nos that would most interest me this morning! :wink:



    I'm actually trying to write about the existing research a bit, and organize some approaches to some unanswered questions at this stage. Perhaps some hard core (no pun intended) research in the future...
     
  8. headbang8

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    If I were single, I'd consider an opposite-sex fling for a lark.

    What's not to like? Most gay sex involves improvisation with the available equipment. Sometimes, there's much pleasure to be had in employng the equipment for its original purpose.

    Why shouldn't one enjoy straight women as sexual companions? Many are plenty of fun to be around, and create an intimate space in a most satisfying way. (That sounds like damning them with feint praise, but you know what I mean...)

    I imagine it's the same way for straight people. Variety is the spice of life; sexual variety, especially.

    But one generally knows the difference between spice and staple food. I know where to find my bread and butter.

    I can love a woman, share intimacy with her, and even enjoy her feminine sexiness, but she doesn't inflame my passions like a guy. It's at a deeper level than just the sex.

    Sex with a man...it's a primal urge, not a playdate.
     
  9. fortiesfun

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    Great viewpoint, Headbang, and very informative. Thanks. Love your gallery, by the way.
     
  10. headbang8

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    And in the grand tradition of the LPSG, all the photos are stolen!
     
  11. Corius

    Corius New Member

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    Reading the posts I'm assured that my particular complex sexuality is not unique; I'm grateful that I haven't endured long periords of questioning my sexual orientation such as some of you have. It's difficult for me to properly categorize my situation and so I don't waste time on that. I do have some acquired guidelines and they have served me well. I respect the private nature of sexual activity and whatever my partners have shared with me is sacredly confidential; (I enjoy this site very much as it allows me to speak of these private relationships a bit more freely.)

    Casual sex has no attraction for me; I still have plenty of that in my fantasy world. I'm amused and pleased that some women and some men can by their mere presence cause my body to go to work--when I hit the bathroom I find the head of my penis is bathed in natural lubrication which my ample foreskin has nicely contained. And I am then reminded that we are fortunate to be so wonderfully equipped.
     
  12. Bonanza65

    Bonanza65 New Member

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    i thought this post said it was for straight men to respond to the post originator. But i notice no 100% straight answered. So maybe I miss understood why he wanted to hear.
     
  13. Lex

    Lex
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    As someone who considered himself straight 3 years ago, I tend to feel that I have a lot to offer and am sure that others here from similar or different situations do as well.
     
  14. lightninggirl

    lightninggirl New Member

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    i think there will be very little (if any) 100% straight-identifying males answering this thread. it will be more like chavous above, who's been used by a straight-identifying male for "cornholing."

    most "straight" guys i know refuse to admit to anyone - especially themselves - that same-gender attraction is OK. it's not about gender or homosexuality or labels, it's about what feels good physically. personally, i don't mind messing around with women but i cannot STAND them non-sexually. i have very few female friends, and sometimes feel like i'd be more bi/homosexual if i could actually put up with dating a woman.
     
  15. fortiesfun

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    I suspect you are right, but I hope it is clear that I actually take seriously the possibility that str8 men can have male-male sex without disturbing their sense of self, or changing the nature of their desire. Several threads on this site have instances of this included, but I was hoping to get a peek at what might motivate the behavior.
     
  16. coveryerteeth

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    Tho, I haven't had sex (oral or otherwise) with a woman in the last five years, I've made out with plenty. Kissing just for the Hell of it is something I really enjoy and women, in my experience, tend to be much better kissers than men. There are plenty of women that I find sexually attractive enough to want to sleep with and I even have sexual dreams featuring women, alone. However, similar towhat lightninggirl touched on, there seems to be a lot of hoop-jumping involved with getting to that point with the women in my local area, as well as lots of emotional nuclear fall-out afterward, that puts me off on even bothering with entertaining the notion. But, if everything fell into place with a woman whose views on sex reflected mine, I'd give it a go.

    Also, I used to work with this really lovely, witty, fun-loving lady that had an on-again/off-again girlfriend for years, but she'd occasionally flirt like crazy with some of the guys in the office.

    Once, I asked her, "You really get off on winding them up with no intention of ever paying off, don't you?"

    To which she replied, "What makes you say that?"

    "Uhm . . . you're a lesbian!"

    Then she said something I'll never forget. "Fish is my favorite, but every now and then I get a hankerin' for a hot sausage sandwich."

    :biggrin1:
     
  17. Corius

    Corius New Member

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    When one is in a long-term committed relationship and when the relationship is strong and very satisfying for both parties one does not enjoy it's ending. Educational opportunities and career considerations were major factors in ending all four. They are still good friends though we have had no sexual relations since we parted. Three of those relationships were homosexual; one, heterosexual. I have spent most of my life on the heterosexual side, but when I was in homosexual relationshiips I never thought of myself as somehow "pinch hitting" for the other side; I was expressing a part of my complex sexuality,

    Accepting my sexuality has meant choices and I have not regretted that married and had children. I gladly accept too that men and other women still have a strong sexual attraction for me and in my fantasy world I celebrate my "gay" side. Do I miss man-to-man bonding? Yes, indeed. Am I ever tempted to cheat on my wife? Yes I am, especially when my very first lover is around; we were teens then but he is still my best friend with whom I can remember what we had together and we both know that were we ever to be single again at the same time we would be in each other's embrace very quickly. But that is like so much of life; we learn to seize opportunities but we also learn the virtue of self-restraint.
     
  18. DC_DEEP

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    fortiesfun, I think I know what you are asking in the OP. (corius, I'm guessing you re-read the OP and saw that he was asking both the 100% straight and the 100% gay about "pinch-hitting for the other team.")

    I love a lot of women, and I can appreciate their beauty, but I am not sexually attracted to them, per se. Now, having said that, there are a very few women with whom I would have a sexual experience. My reasons are pretty complex, but mainly, there are a couple of things I'm a little curious about, now that I'm more mature and self-assured. I was sexually active with women when I was younger, but mostly trying to convince myself I wasn't gay. Now that I have that figured out, I would be able to focus differently if I were to be in a sexual situation with a woman. There aren't many out there, though, who would meet my criteria for doing that sort of thing.
     
  19. fortiesfun

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    Exactly what I was asking, and wonderfully informative. Thanks.
     
  20. DC_DEEP

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    One swallow doesn't make a blowjob, either!:biggrin1:

    Love ya, Kot!
     
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