Pity Party

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by shad24, May 6, 2006.

  1. shad24

    shad24 New Member

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    Got a problem and it's really getting to me.
    A roomie of mine is leaving for Fla. for summer classes in 10 days.
    He's going to Disney World!
    The thing is I am really gonna miss him! I took him in when his b/f threw him out for another guy. and he neede somewhere to go.
    Since then I have made him enroll in college. He has a 3.8 avg. and loves it! He works for the college. as a gopher or whatever. Only cuz I told him I wasnt gonna support him. I helped him with his homework till he went past where I could be of any help. shortly after he moved in we discovered he was HIV+. I wrote about him in another post.
    He is now undetectable:banana:
    I have done this with a few others in the past. took them in, gave them a home and shown them they are more than a piece of ass or a big dick. He is the one who has gone far and above any of the others.
    But where does this leave me?:redface: No water balloon fights in the yard (and house) No more waking me up @ 3am cuz he had a dream or couldnt sleep and needed to talk. and now he is moving 1000+ miles away.
    It's like my kid is finally moving away from home and it hurts!
    For those of you who are thinking it. No! we never did anything sexually.
    I am in therapy for anger management and depression. when I brought this up to them all they did was up the dosage.
    I know this post is all over the map sorry.
    any ideas?
     
  2. davidjh7

    Gold Member

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    He is still your friend, and what you did for him never changes-ever. I have helped similar people in similar circumstances, and at some point, they heal enough that they need to move on with their lives. Part of that moving on is leaving the past behind, and embracing the future instead. Unfortunately, sometimes te very people that help them out of a bad past, by the nature of the beast, are necessarily PART of that past. Know that because he IS able to leave you behind, is a big sign of his healing, and moving on. I know how much it hurts, but that is unfortunately part of the price you pay for being a good person. Mourn the loss, and then accept it and move on yourself. Find someone who wants to give back to you as well---you can give and give until there is nothing left. You need to be refilled by someone caring about you, too. Know, though, that he will never forget what you have done for him, and how much you have meantto his life. And what you have done for him will never change. You gave him his life back. But now it is time to let him have it, and live it. You're a good man----know that, and accept that you did the right thing, no matter how much it hurts. Love the most, the best you can, then when it is time to go, then smile, and treasure the moments you had, you made, and you shared. Ultimately, those moments are all we realy take out of this life, all that really makes up our lives. You made some good parts of your life, and his. Now, live some more good moments :) HUGS! Hang in there, tomorrow brings new joys and new chalenges, and will let you live even more important monets!
     
  3. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, what that guy said.

    Here are some quick points that I know will click with you one day soon

    What you did for that guy was a precious gift, to be able to help people is a special talent. You obviously have a talent for helping others.

    This time now is a chance to do for yourself what you have done for them. Your true home is in your heart, you will be able to find a place in your heart for yourself as you increasingly find a way to support, encourage and be a true friend to yourself. You are a lovable person, but really focus and work on those things that cause your sense of frustration. Remember to be responsive, nurturing and consistent to yourself, as you have been to others. Be careful not to get tied up with other peoples' needs that might distract you from resolving your own issues.

    Good luck with your new life, finally ... please be compassionate to yourself, don't judge yourself too harshly. You have had a big loss, be patient with your own healing. Best wishes.
     
  4. shad24

    shad24 New Member

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    Thanks guys! Guess I just needed some feedbaack, you gave me something to think about.
    we talked last night, and he asked what he could do to pay me back, then smiled and before I could reply said Yeah I know. do it for someone else.
    Guys, That made it all worthwhile and I now know He is going to be allright from now on.
    after he started working he gave me money for rent and bills. Never told him but I stuck it in an account and hid the acct info in one of his bags. at least I wont worry about him having anything to eat for awhile.
    But yeah, thanks for your words and suggestions, They really do help
     
  5. B_Stronzo

    B_Stronzo New Member

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    It 'leaves you' as you put it in a postion of playing the masochist. Ask your therapist to help you with self esteem issues and if successful the jerks will stop using you as a pit stop.

    Sorry to be so brutal but that's how I read what you've written.
     
  6. Greekdick69

    Greekdick69 New Member

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    I think you did an AMAZING thing, not the helping, that's is easy for so many to do, but the accomplishment that the person embraced the change and run with it!

    As mentioned he will never forget who stuck through thick and thin, BTW I did the same thing about hiding the account in one of the bags, well I put it in one of the pants....he loved the surprise!

    To this day we are in better position so we travel back and forth, party and hang out. Pretty much became brothers. Thank God for cell phones, internet, low fare carriers and blow up mattresses!!!

    Same as you, nothing sexual happened.

    An Oscar goes to you bud!
    R
     
  7. AlteredEgo

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    Awwww, you needs a huggle! *huggles you*

    That's what happens with friends. We pull each other up when we can. Some of us are able to give much more than we can ever hope to get in return. Sometimes that feels shitty. Sometimes we need a break from giving and need a good, long run of self-absorption. Your friend is not abandoning you. He is doing what people in college do. This is what you wanted for him. You are getting exactly what you actually hoped for! Celebrate! Will he fall in love with the Magic Kingdom and never come home to stay? Maybe. Will you never see him again? Who can say? I hope you will. But either way, we cann not worry about things that are beyond our own control. Even if it is your worse fear, the end of your relationship with this friend, you may still feel free to cherish everything you have had. This isn't bad news!
     
  8. rhino_horn

    rhino_horn New Member

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    man...thats touching, seriously...this post hit me like a kick in the balls...such blind charity(without even considering it to be charity)...not to sound like a nerd, but it reminds me of a quote from the end of the tragedy of caesar, "this was the noblest roiman of them all. all the conspirators, save only he did that they did in envy of great caesar, he only, in a general honest thought and common good to all, made one of them. his life was gentle, and the elements so mixed in with him, that nature might stand up, and say to the world, 'this was a man.'"


    *some wounds dont heal, but, in time, u learn to live with them anyway...
     
  9. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    Just curious...are either of your parents Alcoholic?
     
  10. rhino_horn

    rhino_horn New Member

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    u ask ME that, cuz i cite a shakespearean quote?...dude, im not the gay guy with a boner for "THE CROW."--read a book for christ sake. also, if u wanna start a shit slinging contest, please have the decency to not involve parents.

    *sorry to stain this thread with that...
     
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