Platonic Relationship

migelhost

Sexy Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2007
Posts
51
Media
0
Likes
60
Points
238
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
He says he is totally Gay, but I think maybe hes just emotionally attracted to the same sex and phyiscally/ sexually attracted to neither. So maybe a Gay Asexual. I know that sounds stupid, but thats what i can make out of it.
 

Snakebyte

Superior Member
Joined
Dec 11, 2005
Posts
9,980
Media
0
Likes
6,753
Points
708
It doesn't sound stupid. But I really doubt that you will ever be happy in this relationship. He's more like a good friend than a bf imo.
 

Snakebyte

Superior Member
Joined
Dec 11, 2005
Posts
9,980
Media
0
Likes
6,753
Points
708
Like I suggested before confront him with how you feel. But be prepared that he might not respond very well. Sexuality is something natural. He can't demand you to give up yours.
 

dolfette

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2006
Posts
11,303
Media
0
Likes
109
Points
193
Sexuality
No Response
you think you'll never resent him...but that's just lack of life experience talking.
your soul mate,your best mate, doesn't have to be your partner.
keep his treasured friendship but don't commit yourself to a life of feeling undesired and unfulfilled.
 

migelhost

Sexy Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2007
Posts
51
Media
0
Likes
60
Points
238
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
We did have a talk about it. And he clearly stated that he doesn't wanna do it ever. He wants do die a virgin. And since he's so uncomfortable I told him that I would never mention it again.
 

migelhost

Sexy Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2007
Posts
51
Media
0
Likes
60
Points
238
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Ive just been reading some stories about sexless relationships and how terrible it feels, to feel unwanted by the person you love.
I understand that I would resent him, and things cannot go on so smooth but at the same time I do not want to lose him.

And I know he wouldn't get into another relationship if I break up with him, and nor can I.

I feel trapped, with no way out.
 

dolfette

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2006
Posts
11,303
Media
0
Likes
109
Points
193
Sexuality
No Response
that's youth & inexperience talking again.
you really do feel like you'd never love another and you really are wrong. really. ask any of us cranky old gits. most of us felt that way and we were wrong.
he wants to die a virgin, so if you're just good friends then he'll get his wish without ever feeling pressured.

it all feels like earth shatteringly big stuff right now, but you look back in five years and realise it's not.

you're not trapped. you just think you are.
tell him you love him, you'll always love him but you need more.
if he loves you then he won't want you to be unhappy.

i'm not making light of your feelings here, doll. it's just that i've heard this a hundred times and it NEVER turned out to be true.

you've got a future waiting for you. go get it!
 

Chase1600

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2005
Posts
385
Media
0
Likes
18
Points
163
Age
34
Don’t confuse feeling trapped with being trapped.

We’ll take your word for it, it is true, you are feeling trapped. You are not. The feeling of being trapped is real; the condition of not being trapped is real. Learn to respect the difference.

I am interested in the use of the word “intimacy.” You raise the issue in your original post saying that you “… do want to be intimate.” Obviously, you are stating that you want to have an intimate sexual relationship with him.

Sex is my favorite way to express my feelings of intimacy for some people. Most members here will probably agree. However, we can have intimate relationships without being sexual.

I would encourage you to own the reality that you love this guy but also own the reality that you want an intimate relationship with someone that can be expressed sexually. What you want is quite normal. It’s odd for people to love one another in a sexual way but to not want to express their love sexually. I suppose if you felt identically, there’d be no harm.

But you do not feel identically. Be confident, what you feel is healthy and I think you should expect to have that kind of healthy relationship one day with someone. If this guy is not going to be that guy, maybe it’s unfortunate, you have been willing to give it a try, if he is not able to make that leap, start preparing yourself for finding someone else and loving another man as much as you love him.

It may take a while. But you have demonstrated an ability to love, an ability to want to be intimate with another, a desire to want to be sexually intimate. That ability isn’t going to disappear. Don’t reject the person that you love or deny that you have loved him, but do reject the notion that you are ever trapped by mere circumstances.

One final note, I think it’s peculiar that someone could think they are gay and simultaneously think they are asexual. I know that men can experience asexual love for one another, but that is not being gay.
 

Silvertip

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Aug 22, 2007
Posts
7,425
Media
473
Likes
15,260
Points
468
Location
Alamosa (Colorado, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
Unsure
Gender
Male
I agree with Fleur that sex is too important an aspect of a loving, sharing, caring relationship to just turn it off and pretend that it doesn't matter. If you do that the relationship will be doomed to failure. I'm sure there are some people who are simply not interested in sex at all but it's such a strong natural drive that I also believe those who shun it have a deep seated psychological reason for doing so. If there is any hope for your relationship with this guy I think it would to be a willingness on his part to seek psychological counseling.
 

helgaleena

Sexy Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2006
Posts
5,475
Media
7
Likes
43
Points
193
Location
Wisconsin USA
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Female
I am puzzled. You said you planned on kids together but how are you expected to make the babies without having any sex?

If your fiance wants to be a dad he's going to have to let you satisfy your bodily urges somewhere. This calls for upfront negotiations, and an open relationship.

And if he's gay he might not be so 'asexual' with the right male. Once again, your relationship needs to
open or else let you leave it.

WTF?? You are a gay man, not a young girl? Then it's even stranger that you want kids. Whose body are they going to come out of?
 
Last edited:

helgaleena

Sexy Member
Joined
Sep 8, 2006
Posts
5,475
Media
7
Likes
43
Points
193
Location
Wisconsin USA
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Female
I notice too that you are in India. Your families might have arranged this marriage. In that case I think you need to talk to your family about this. Ask older and wiser heads for advice. Believe me, much goes on behind the scenes in families that you may not suspect.

Oops, if you are gay you might not be able to do this one...
 
Last edited:

dolfette

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2006
Posts
11,303
Media
0
Likes
109
Points
193
Sexuality
No Response
I agree with Fleur that sex is too important an aspect of a loving, sharing, caring relationship to just turn it off and pretend that it doesn't matter. If you do that the relationship will be doomed to failure. I'm sure there are some people who are simply not interested in sex at all but it's such a strong natural drive that I also believe those who shun it have a deep seated psychological reason for doing so. If there is any hope for your relationship with this guy I think it would to be a willingness on his part to seek psychological counseling.
says you :rolleyes:

having no drive is no more unnatural than having homosexual drives.
they're both working against reproduction.
pisses me off that everyone who doesn't fit ''normal'' is deemed broken.
if someone is happy being asexual then they don't need convincing they're broken.

whether or not that's true in this case is something nobody on this site is qualified to judge from the scant information provided.

all the counseling i've had supports my stance.
 

Fleur

Sexy Member
Joined
Jul 14, 2009
Posts
1,390
Media
0
Likes
66
Points
193
Location
USA
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
says you :rolleyes:

having no drive is no more unnatural than having homosexual drives.
they're both working against reproduction.
pisses me off that everyone who doesn't fit ''normal'' is deemed broken.
if someone is happy being asexual then they don't need convincing they're broken.

whether or not that's true in this case is something nobody on this site is qualified to judge from the scant information provided.

all the counseling i've had supports my stance.

I agree.
 

Silvertip

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Aug 22, 2007
Posts
7,425
Media
473
Likes
15,260
Points
468
Location
Alamosa (Colorado, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
Unsure
Gender
Male
... having no drive is no more unnatural than having homosexual drives ... pisses me off that everyone who doesn't fit ''normal'' is deemed broken ...


And I agree with both of you. I have plenty of psychological idiosyncrasies of my own that I am quite happy to live with. I was just saying, in addition to the fact that their relationship is probably doomed, that if there WERE any chance for it to work out it would take a willingness to change on the part of his asexual friend.
 

dolfette

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2006
Posts
11,303
Media
0
Likes
109
Points
193
Sexuality
No Response
you can't 'talk therapy' someone into a new sexuality.

if the guy is genuinely asexual then it's no hope but a false hope.
 

migelhost

Sexy Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2007
Posts
51
Media
0
Likes
60
Points
238
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
@helgaleena

This isn't an arranged marriage. We are both Guys.
And as for having kids, that's either thru adoption or surrogacy.

@Joca

I don't think so. He is very healthy. Its just that he doesn't view sex as being important in a relationship and kinda thinks its "dirty". And that has made me feel sometimes as if I was a PERVERT to expect sex from my lover.

@Others

Well as for counseling I agree with dolfette, its not possible and nor is it something I would want.
And If counseling and stuff happens, maybe he will agree to have sex, but only out of PITY. And I do no want PITY. :|