Platonic Relationship

[helgaleena]

He is not your lover if you are not having sex. He is only your beloved. And going without sex should not be an option for a young person. It's not healthy for you if you have the urge to supress it. These are the facts.

 

[Principessa]

Guys, I have been in a relationship since over a year now. I really love him and he loves me too. And we plan to get married and live together and probably have kids too.

But the thing is I realized that he is NOT sexual. He doesn't wanna do anything intimate EVER. Never ever in life. Not even sleeping naked together.

But I do want us to be intimate. And it kinda does hurt me that he would never get intimate with me.

I know most of you would suggest breaking up, but I genuinely love him and wouldn't wanna end the relationship.

How do I deal with this?

You don't, you walk away and tell him to have a nice life.

Hell, even Gandhi got married and had kids. :banghead2:

Y'all need to get down off the cross we need the wood for something important.
:crucified::kabong::crucified:

 

[B_crackoff]

Hell, even Gandhi got married and had kids. :banghead2:

:crucified::kabong::crucified:

Yeah, but he became celibate aged 36, & despite not being a Muslim, that meant no pork for the missus for the next 43 years!

 

[D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov]

@helgaleena

This isn't an arranged marriage. We are both Guys.
And as for having kids, that's either thru adoption or surrogacy.

@Joca

I don't think so. He is very healthy. Its just that he doesn't view sex as being important in a relationship and kinda thinks its "dirty". And that has made me feel sometimes as if I was a PERVERT to expect sex from my lover.

@Others

Well as for counseling I agree with dolfette, its not possible and nor is it something I would want.
And If counseling and stuff happens, maybe he will agree to have sex, but only out of PITY. And I do no want PITY. :|

But how can a person be healthy if they have no libido? Or is he purely afraid of sex? Definitively, he has psychological issues...

 

[dolfette]

But how can a person be healthy if they have no libido?

50 years ago people asked how a person could be healthy if they were gay.

there are people with perfectly healthy bodies, no mental illness, who just don't feel driven to have sex.

are they freaks just for not fitting your definition of normal?

 

[Chase1600]

Being asexual is odd. Look at it this way; we’re all descended from a long line of sexual predecessors. You’d think the guy’d have picked it up.

Maybe he didn’t. Of course, maybe there’s something more going on because – as I say – being asexual is odd.

If he wanted to change, it would certainly be appropriate for him to seek help. It’s a shame that we think that people who seek help with emotional or mental issues are so easily labeled.

To offer help to people so that they can understand themselves, understand how and why they are like they are, and possibly change if change is what they want is a good thing. After all, he might enjoy his life.

However, it is his life. If he doesn’t want to change, I don’t see how he has a responsibility to be sexual even though our friend and fellow LPSG member is a horn dog for him and wishes he would change.

Unless he changes, I guess it is our member and friend who needs to change by finding someone who will appreciate him and share some of that horniness. I certainly hope migelhost doesn’t try to change by becoming asexual himself.

Well, not unless he actually wanted to be that.

 

[sexplease]

expecting is rather unfair to both him and you. Would you expect a rose to smell like a carnation? no. or a dog to purr like a cat? no.. so why would you expect a behavior from someone when clearly that's not part of their being?
You behavior is on the edge of insanity. keep pounding your head against a brick wall and expecting the wall to change is not normal.
keep him as a friend, enjoy the times you spend together and have your needs and desires met by and with someone who shares - SHARES - similar interests and likes and desires. everyone will win and be happy.

 

[migelhost]

Thanks for the replies guys. I have gone through your replies, marriage forums, read lots of stories about people in sexless marriages and what they go through, thought about my relationship and this is the conclusion that I have come to.


First of all, I understand that deciding to be celibate when I don't actually want to, is going to harm me in the future.
I do not fancy doing it either, but I really have no CHOICE. I know you would say that yes I do have a choice, you can be friends with him and let him find someone who is asexual probably. But No, Its not that simple.

And more importantly in India, its next to impossible to even think of it. But anyways let me not go there.

The most important thing is that we love each other. And yes I would feel a couple of times that we are rather friends than lovers but then Ill just have to deal with it. I know the kind of person he is, he would be devastated if i decide to end this relationship, and say we would remain friends. Am I justified in shattering him emotionally from within just because I am not getting SEX? I atleast do think so.

I have to compromise on a lot of things in life until now, and when I got into this relationship I thought atleast with this relationship I wouldn't have to compromise on anything, but I was wrong. Anyways if that's how it's meant to be. I will try my best to live this way.

And MOST importantly I need to realize that at the end of the day, its me myself who has to keep myself happy and take care of myself. Nobody else will do it from me. I need to love myself more and then I believe I would surely be able to cope with it.

Thanks a lot for your posts guys.:smile:

 

[helgaleena]

You are welcome. And keep loving yourself more all the time! :smile:

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

The important thing isn't that you love each other, the important thing is that he isn't prepared to compromise, sex should be a part of a healthy relationship, so should compromise. What's slightly annoying now will, in five years time, be unbearable. Find yourself a relationship where you can enjoy everything a relationship should entail, don't get stuck in one where your partner wants it all his own way.

If I was with a guy who wanted more sex than me I'd expect him to compromise by not wanting quite so much, I'd compromise by putting a bit more effort into it so that we met in the middle. He won't budge from what you say - and he should want to please his partner.