please help...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by lovesabigcock, May 23, 2011.

  1. lovesabigcock

    lovesabigcock Member

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    My best friend came to me today and told me he was gay, he started crying and asked me what he should do, i felt really bad because i had no idea what to tell him. He's terrified that people will look at him differently and he's not sure if he should wait for a few months before he tells people. i told him not to keep putting it off... please can somebody help, what should i tell him? i feel awful :(
     
  2. monel

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    Tell him that he owes it to nobody to disclose his sexual orientation. It seems that, other than acknowledging that he is gay, he has not yet come to terms with it himself. If this is the case, I don't think he should tell anyone until he is first comfortable and confident in himself. When the time comes that he feels he needs to tell someone, he'll know it and he'll be ready.
     
  3. lvsxy808

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    Well, first of all, tell him you still love him and nothing has changed as far as you're concerned.

    After that, we're gonna need more specifics to be able to offer better advice.

    How old is he? Grown up or just a kid?
    Does he come from a homophobic religion or culture?
    What's his family situation like?

    All these things can change the circumstances. We'll definitely help if we can, but can you give us a bit more to go on?
     
  4. EllieP

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    Well, there's no question that some people will look at him differently as a gay man than if he were straight. That's just society. But true friends will not look at him differently, but treat him as the friend he is. Other people's sexual preference is not my concern or responsibility.

    There's no need for a grand announcement. Continue to be a good friend to him.
     
  5. LaFemme

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    There are several online support groups your friend could join before doing anything. He can talk to lots of other people who are struggling with the same issues or who have gone through it already. Google 'online support groups coming out gay' or start with these ones:

    Empty Closets - Welcome
    Coming Out Support Group - DailyStrength
     
  6. lovesabigcock

    lovesabigcock Member

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    he's 16, i know it sounds strange for me to have a 16 year old best friend but hey, i don't have many friends ;)

    annyway, he doesn't come from a homophobic culture but he said his stepdad said it's 'not right' and 'against nature', his mum wouldn't mind, his dad wouldn't mind either, he's mostly worried by the bullys he says there's only one gay kid at his school but he didn't get much bullying, but he can stand up for himself. my friend says he has admitted to himself he's gay he was just crying because he was afraid of the bullying.
     
  7. lvsxy808

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    Well, his step-dad's talking bollocks, obviously. These things happen all across nature, so clearly it's not "against nature." Ignore the blinkered old fool.

    Maybe he could befriend this one gay kid at school. They can be each other's support system. Knowing that there are others like you out there and that you can share your experiences with them takes a lot of the sting out of them.

    Is he in any particular rush to tell people? Not that I'm advocating lying, but if there's no compelling reason that it has to be now, then maybe he should wait until he's feeling a bit more secure and comfortable. If he has you and this other gay friend, then he already knows he's not alone.

    In a lot of cases (unfortunately not all), the fear is self-prophetic. When one finally comes out, one realises one's fears were unfounded.
     
  8. xperseusx

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    Love him, support him, but considering the family and potential bullies at school, it's probably best that you recommend to him that he wait until he's graduated and out of the house before coming out publicly. It sucks, but family can royally screw up a young gay kid, and there aren't really any guarantees that the school will do anything to prevent bullying.
     
    #8 xperseusx, May 23, 2011
    Last edited: May 23, 2011
  9. B_limbs

    B_limbs New Member

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    Listen. Ask him what he would like to choose to do, and share support with his choice.
     
  10. B_jdunhill

    B_jdunhill New Member

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    This, and I hate that it's a reality but you need to make an extra effort to be there for him through it. And he needs to make sure he is safe first, publicly gay second.

    He knows the scene...he probably has every reason to cry too. I keep this pic on my desktop to remind me of how lucky I was to make it through all that.
     

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  11. Water dragon

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    Tell him to go n youtube and watch 'DaveywaveyRaw' he is a gay youtuber who covers every issue about being gay, it really helped me when i was in a tight situations. He has hundreds of videos and he does live talk shows too on the internet so it is a very inspiring source which can help sooo much.

    YouTube - ‪wickydkewl's Channel‬‏
     
  12. askew

    askew New Member

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    Tell him he should be commended for having the guts to admit that to himself and to one other person, that is a first step towards true happiness for himself.

    Growing up my aunt (my mom's youngest sister) was always a free spirit hippie-type, she was the cool aunt that all the cousins liked hanging out with. She didn't have kids until pretty late in life and her and her oldest daughter (Chrissy) were more like friends mother-daughter until Chrissy realized at about the same age that she was gay. My aunt actually disowned her, claiming she didn't have a daughter. Shocked everyone because she is usually so open-minded and tolerant. Eventually she accepted it, and they are again like best friends.

    It just goes to show that you never know how people are going to react to certain things, even when you think you know the person.

    The best thing you can do for your friend is try to give him as much support as possible and be there for him. As far as advising him what to do, that is ultimately his decision.

    If he is really worried about his step-dad and the bullying, he could try to keep it to himself until he is of legal age and can get away from those type of people. It sucks that someone has to keep something as natural as their feelings to themselves.

    Or maybe it might be best for him to get away from the step-dad if possible, or at least minimize exposure. It's isn't right having to deny your true self in your own home. And maybe for the situation with the bullying at school. Maybe some self-defense courses or training might do the trick. Again narrow-minded people seem to get agitated when they have no tolerance for what they consider "different." And unfortunately that agitation can lead to people doing immature stupid things

    I wish him all the best of luck and it sounds like he has a good friend in you, probably something he really needs right now.
     
  13. lovesabigcock

    lovesabigcock Member

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    he says he thinks he might wait until after all the exams are out of the way so he has a fresh start when he goes to college... is this a good idea?
     
  14. Charles Finn

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    yes he is 16 i am now going on 44 I knew i likes guys better than girls when i was 14
    I was very lucky to have an older sister and very good friends he should do what feels right to him
    stand up for yourself
    in my younger days when someone asked if i was gay i would say yes very loudly problem?
    and they would say no.
    so he has to do what feels right for him
    being gay is a blessing in some ways find support learn to love yourself no matter what.
     
  15. lvsxy808

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    Yes, absolutely. I did the same thing.
     
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