Please help.

[D_Marina_DelRhey]

So I had a private encounter with a guy from my school, and I thought it was totally anonymous.
Turns out through mutual friends, he found out who I was. I didnt know it was him when I accepted him on Facebook, until he messaged me today and told me.
I explained to him I don't want to do anything with him anymore, since I no longer want relations with guys and I felt wrong about it. He got angry that I didnt want to do any more. He calmed down when i told him we can work on being just friends. but he still keeps egging me on.

he'll be in my dorm building next semester, and our mutual friend lives just doors down. I told him i'm not changing my mind. but now I'm afraid I'll see him often, or he'll keep messaging me on FB. After talking with him about it I got a phone call from a restricted number, and im thinking it was him. I answered but hung up because I didn't recognize the voice. It called back once before he messaged me again.


What do I do?

 

[davidjh7]

Tell him you are removing him from your facebook because he isn't repsecting your decision, and that if he wants to be your friend, then he has to respect you. Tell him you are sorry that your choice may have hurt him, and you had no desire to hurt anybody, but you have to live your life your way, and if he is a friend he will understand that. If he gets weird, there are stalking laws that are much stronger than they used to be. If he pushes, remind him of this fact, and if he continues, then get a court order. Hopefully it won't come to that level. Good Luck!

 

[D_Marina_DelRhey]

Thank you.

 

[bxtoni]

You're fucked. Now he's going to chase you down until you give him a baby! But seriously, tell him to quit acting like such a biatch. Tell him it was a one time thing and that you're just not that into it. Shrug and say, "You were a bad lay..." That should kill his ego PDQ.

 

[rbkwp]

, and our mutual friend lives just doors down. I told him i'm not changing my mind.

be aware of yr mutual friend siding with the guy...can be more of a problem for you
Suggest you have a hart to hart face to face talk with him, take another trusted friend with you, if yr not confident with yourself handling it
All the BEST.

 

[helgaleena]

Yes, definitely have a friend with you for any face to face. And get him off your Facebook. He's not acting friendly. He's acting obsessed. I would tell your ' mutual friend ' the truth, that he's pressuring you. That friend will have a chance to show true friendship by realizing you need that, not unwanted sex.

 

[D_Marina_DelRhey]

Thanks all.
I'm mulling over telling the mutual friend what happened. She's someone I can trust with the secret. Besides, I'm the one she calls her best friend, not the other guy lol.

But yeah I unfriended him almost instantly after he started pressuring me about it. He didn't like it but I said I would add him again if we started to be just friends (this was kind of a lie...to calm him down. I don't intend on adding him again if i can help it).

The thing that troubled me most was the last message from him, after I asked him if he would just drop it already, was asking why i wanted dropped so badly, and if I'm afraid someone would find out. Of course I'm worried; I don't want what happened to get out to the wrong people. But I said it's because it was in my past, and I want to forget it. I didn't show him I'm afraid. So now I just have to worry about if he'll tell anyone - and who - and if I'll see him around campus.

Also, I heavily edited my privacy settings on FB, specifically so he can't see any of my friends. I haven't blocked him completely only because if he notices that's what I did, he might go and tell someone..he said he was thinking about doing that when I unfriended him. But i convinced him not to.

 

[erratic]

I haven't blocked him completely only because if he notices that's what I did, he might go and tell someone..he said he was thinking about doing that when I unfriended him. But i convinced him not to.

He's threatening to blackmail you? He's behaving like an asshole, and you're well rid of him. Talk to your mutual friend about it, since you trust her. Tell her that he's threatening to blackmail you. Tell her that you want to stay the hell away from him. I'm not saying you should ask her to choose whom to be friends with, but lay out what happened for her before he can.

If this guy tries to contact you, tell him that you want to move on with your life, and that you hope he can respect that.

You will see him around campus, but console yourself with the fact that you'll probably be too busy with studies and new friends to spend much time together. If he gets really weird on campus (and he probably won't - he'll probably find some other guy to weird out on) tell your school what's going on and see if you can get moved to different dorms.

Whatever happens, good luck. And please remember that if this world wasn't so crazy homophobic it wouldn't be such a big deal that you guys fooled around. Homophobia fucks us all over in one way or another.

(Of course, you know the situation far better than I ever will, so please take my advice as just that - advice, not an answer.)

 

[B_625girth]

and you are "100% straight"???

 

[rbkwp]

So I had a private encounter with a guy from my school, and I thought it was totally anonymous.


read this as if his encounter was prior to the lpsg 100% Straight ,may be wrong but more than willing to give him that much credit.
THANKs for the feedback Jersian, not every OP is so generous
Sounds like you had it pretty well sussed anyway, glad the mutual friend is in yr favour
Keep on keeping on matey, you may look back on this as just a minor hiccup that we all go thru in life at some stage....

 

[D_Marina_DelRhey]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate everything said.
He still hasn't said anything since that night, so I'm hoping he's moved on/will move on.
If anything develops though, be sure I'll be here for additional advice.

And yes, the encounter was prior to changing to 100% straight. It's not like he scared me into changing, or anything, it's just I decided awhile ago going bi just wasn't for me, and I neglected to change it to 100%.

 

[D_Marina_DelRhey]

So if anyone from earlier is still around to help, that would be nice lol. Or anyone new, too.

Now that we're all back at school, this guy has messaged me again. He didn't really say anything, just "Hey what's up". I don't really wanna talk to him, because I don't wanna have him ask me to meet up to hang out or anything. But I'm afraid if I ignore him, he might get angry or something. WHat should I do here?

 

[helgaleena]

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real. So what if a person you do not actually want as a friend becomes angry? What is behind this fear of angering people you barely know?

The most conservative course is to maintain silence, even if he repeats the messaging. Eventually he will realize you don't intend to answer.

If OTOH you have this fear because his opinion actually matters to you, then arrange that face-to-face in a public area with a friend along, to explain your position and salvage a simple polite relationship.

 

[rbkwp]

tbh
thought you may have had the confidence to speak to him, with your mutual friend
If thats been ruled out, then i think you should still speak to the guy, face to face, and let him know where yr at, should be end of story.
Just being and want to remain friends, impress that on him.
Just gotta be strong and lay it on thick and heavy, you have found your sexual identity and will be living it as such, if hes mature he should accept that.

may be neccesary to suggest getting the school counsellor ( i believe USA Schools have such?) involved, as a parting shot, if you detect he is not interested in your welfare.
Happy to PM with you, if you think this approach is worthy.

 

[D_Sal_Manilla]

Thank you.

report him for sexual harassment... so many things you can do.

 

[southeastone]

you could try being yourself and just tell him to fuck off, if he tells people about you that is just the way it goes, I am sure you are not the only guy who has done something they later regretted but don't let him creep you out. surly other peoples opinion of you can't be as bad as this feeling of being trapped by him?

 

[D_Marina_DelRhey]

Thanks. I haven't responded all day, and I plan not to. If he messages asking why, I may tell him I've been extremely busy (which is very true) and can't talk.

Also for the record, I was planning on talking to him with the mutual friend if he gave me any grief. However, I came back to school to fin that the mutual friend actually transferred. So having her along is no longer an option. There isn't anyone else here I'd trust having along with me, because they're just the type of person that I know aren't right for the situation.

 

[latin_cock]

Honestly man up and talk to him face to face about how you just wanna put what happened on the past and pretend you want to be his friend. He could be just one of those acquaintances that you run into parties...I don't think ignoring him is the way to go

 

[chuck216]

I'd confront him. tell him the truth, you were curious, and wanted to try something once with a guy, but you don't want a relationship with a man, but still don't mind keeping a casual friendship. Which to me sounds like the case.