please tell us how

D_yabbadabbadont

Experimental Member
Joined
Mar 21, 2008
Posts
622
Media
0
Likes
16
Points
103
Sexuality
No Response
I love this!


I don't see any reason not to answer the OP's question, he's just looking for hints to help. Personally I learn a lot from reading what works for others. I dont' use it as a step-by-step guide but someone may post something that I never thought of before that I might want to work into my sessions. I think we can all learn from each other and that's one reason why I like the forum so much. Granted there is a lot that is posted that is not of great value such as the ever present flirtations between members but there is also a lot of very good information to be found posted by members that have a desire to help others. I would rather see us take that attitude.

Yes, verbal hints are very acceptable. I appreciate receiving them as much as receiving feedback because I want to be the best that I can be for my lover. I truly want to give him the best experience he could ever hope for and the best way to do that is to have him tell me what he wants, what feels good to him and what doesn't - to express his fantasies, any suppressed desires, that sort of thing - how else would I ever know what he needs or wants without his input? I cannot read minds.
 

dolfette

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2006
Posts
11,303
Media
0
Likes
109
Points
193
Sexuality
No Response
imo i think i have told you how.
by reading me as you go along.
aside from anything else, what pleases me on monday may repulse me by tuesday. a list of dos and don'ts would be worthless.

i answered the OP's question. it just happens that a lot of people don't like my answer.
 

Intrigue

Experimental Member
Joined
Mar 30, 2011
Posts
1,423
Media
12
Likes
9
Points
73
Location
Florida
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
I think being intuitive mixed with open, honest communication is what works best for me and my lady. I didnt always know what got her off. I got lucky that a few of the things we enjoy are shared interests but I honestly ask. I sometimes ask in the heat of the moment, "right there? How about there?" and if I can't find the right spot she guides me. I'm not super intuitive but I am very enthusiastic and willing to please. My wife may say different. To her I may seem intuitive, but for me its all about taking into account all the things I've heard her say she likes, mixed with the time in bed where I have learned what works. Its never easy, and if a guy complains then apparently he doesn't want to work at it. Sometimes sex is easy, sometimes its hard but it should always be fun. Sex with my wife, is fun, easy, sometimes hard but always an adventure.
 

Intrigue

Experimental Member
Joined
Mar 30, 2011
Posts
1,423
Media
12
Likes
9
Points
73
Location
Florida
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
him: am i choking you right?
me: higher up my neck. a little harder. oh yes!

You may laugh but that happened. I asked if it was too rough because I was honestly anlittle scared! I'm not a powder puff, I got a helluva grip. I was really afraid I would damage my love. I
 

Intrigue

Experimental Member
Joined
Mar 30, 2011
Posts
1,423
Media
12
Likes
9
Points
73
Location
Florida
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
I always ask, and I've never "ruined" the mood. Its all in how ya ask and when. Sometimes I can totally understand how it can spoil the experience.
 

B_subgirrl

Sexy Member
Joined
May 15, 2010
Posts
5,547
Media
0
Likes
34
Points
73
Location
NSW, Australia
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Female
nope, i don't do words during sex.
it would kill the mood to be asked, regardless of how.

I'm with you. Mood killing, I won't be able to process the question, and I wouldn't be able to produce an answer.

Sex of the kind I like with someone who couldn't read my body language would be positively unsafe.


him: am i choking you right?
me: higher up my neck. a little harder. oh yes!

A FB (not the one I mentioned earlier in this thread) actually wanted to practice on me outside the bedroom to make sure he had the pressure level right. I let him. Gave him feedback. Sounded much like the way you wrote it. It was anything but sexy. And it didn't help him much later either.
 

Intrigue

Experimental Member
Joined
Mar 30, 2011
Posts
1,423
Media
12
Likes
9
Points
73
Location
Florida
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
Eh, diff strokes diff folks. I'm not having a dialogue during just that particular question cause it scared me limp. Literally. I don't get off on inflicting pain. (Well not real pain anyway) lol
 

dolfette

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2006
Posts
11,303
Media
0
Likes
109
Points
193
Sexuality
No Response
I'm with you. Mood killing, I won't be able to process the question, and I wouldn't be able to produce an answer.
weird that.
animal brain on, spoken language brain off.
words of any sort are a bit confusing until you snap back out of the sexual state.
 

B_Coconutz

Experimental Member
Joined
Nov 15, 2006
Posts
1,900
Media
0
Likes
3
Points
183
Location
Under a bridge
Sexuality
No Response
weird that.
animal brain on, spoken language brain off.
words of any sort are a bit confusing until you snap back out of the sexual state.

Just goes to show not everyone likes the same thing. I seem to rember a thread here a while ago about talking dirty while having sex and what people wanted to hear/say during sex. Like Intrigue said diff strokes.......:smile:
 

ManlyBanisters

Sexy Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2007
Posts
12,253
Media
0
Likes
58
Points
183
I sometimes ask in the heat of the moment, "right there? How about there?" and if I can't find the right spot she guides me.

See, I can't stand that. I fucking hate being asked for directions during sex - makes me feel like yelling - or stopping... or both.

Is that entirely fair? No. But it fucks up sex for me and why would I want to encourage something that kills it for me by answering and pretending I'm OK with it?

Luckily HB is not prone to that at all - spoken comms doesn't bother me during sex. It can't be asking for directions though. I get the occasional 'you like that?' from HB but that's fine because it is always right after I've gasped or moaned or given some other obvious sign of enjoyment and we both know it is a rhetorical question. He doesn't require an answer.
 

Intrigue

Experimental Member
Joined
Mar 30, 2011
Posts
1,423
Media
12
Likes
9
Points
73
Location
Florida
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
See, I can't stand that. I fucking hate being asked for directions during sex - makes me feel like yelling - or stopping... or both.

Is that entirely fair? No. But it fucks up sex for me and why would I want to encourage something that kills it for me by answering and pretending I'm OK with it?

Luckily HB is not prone to that at all - spoken comms doesn't bother me during sex. It can't be asking for directions though. I get the occasional 'you like that?' from HB but that's fine because it is always right after I've gasped or moaned or given some other obvious sign of enjoyment and we both know it is a rhetorical question. He doesn't require an answer.


I think I may have placed that instance out of context. That particular scenario was my wife teaching me how to please her with my fingers. Because what I had learned from previous women did not work on her at all. At that particular point I was attempting to help her orgasm with my fingers(which I hadn't done before). I occasionally ask " you like that" but as you stated that is obviously rhetorical and is just dirty talk, which we both like(but she doesn't like to do it as much as she likes to hear it from me).

For the most part sex with me and the mrs was and is easy but certain points I needed a little "hand holding" if you will. =P