Pleasure/pain

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Ninja56, Jul 19, 2005.

  1. Ninja56

    Ninja56 New Member

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    Hi, ladies -- am new to posting and thought it was about time that I invaded your area :evilgrin: .

    As ever, I'm shamelessly on the prowl for snippets of information that will allow me to understand the workings of women's minds a little better. I'm hoping that you can shed some light on an aspect of female sexual behaviour that I've encountered a few times and which greatly intrigues me.

    I haven't been with very many women, but a surprising number of the ones that I have known sexually have, during phases of advanced intimacy and happiness in relationships, verbally expressed a desire for me to bring them very close to the threshold of pain during sex. A few, who (like me) were categorically not into bondage/S&M activities, have actually gone as far as to ask me explicitly to "hurt" them while having sex with them. They said things like this either during sex, foreplay or in the course of intensely sexual conversations. Naturally, context, intuition and mutual understanding in these situations have always made such requests seem much less blunt (and much more erotic) than they appear in my relation of them in cold script here. Most of the time I like the woman to be in charge during sex and, of course, find the idea of causing someone physical pain (in any situation) distressing and unpalatable. "Pain" and "hurt" are probably misnomers with regard to these kinds of experiences. I think that they are simply the best words we have to describe very intense sensations of spiritual and physical 'connectedness'.

    Anyway, I'm rambling. What I want to know is whether any of you have found yourselves expressing similar desires to partners you've had. Also, what's your general thinking on what I've described?
     
  2. wangchung

    wangchung New Member

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    I wouldn't say that I'm 'into' S&M myself either, but I definitely like the rougher side at times. I think one thing that I like about a 'big' guy (other than the fact that I just happened to fall for one w/o knowing he was big) is the sort of subconsciou potential for him to be too big or to hurt me just a little. Something just as basic as being big gives a guy power & even though I like to be the one in control usually during sex, I like the dangerous element of having a bit of a power struggle. One thing I really like is when I am getting it from behind & my bf grabs my ass & spanks me or holds me by putting his fingers in my hair--okay that sounds a little perverted when I type it, but it doesn't feel out of place at the time, in fact, it feels great. I also like little bites & nips during sex... just enough intensity to hint at pain, but not enough to actually break the trust that I need to feel.
     
  3. godiluvabig1

    godiluvabig1 New Member

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    All I can really tell ya is that sometimes women like it rough because it intensifies the orgasm...
     
  4. wangchung

    wangchung New Member

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    I love your sig, godIluvabig1! Also, it's always a nice surprise to wake up to it.
     
  5. ItsJustMe

    ItsJustMe New Member

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    I've never requested pain, nor have I considered it but hey, if that's what a woman likes then more power to her for asking for it.
     
  6. madame_zora

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    Wangchung nailed it pretty well. I like pain to be hinted at, but nothing that leaves bruises or breaks the skin- that's where it becomes no fun for me. Godiloveabigone hit it too, it intensifies the orgasm.

    Ninja56, welcome to the board. I hope you enjoy your stay here. Keep posting your thoughts, it will give us more opportunities to see your pretty face.
     
  7. Ninja56

    Ninja56 New Member

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    Thanks, MZ -- too kind, too kind.
     
  8. AmericanWoman

    AmericanWoman New Member

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    Articulate post. Generally speaking the sensation of pain - even mild forms as derived from spanking, nips, pinches, etc. -- does not enhance a sexual experience for me. I think the extent to which it does for a woman may depend as much on her unique physiology and neuroanatomy as on any deeper emotional issues that may exist, although both variables are likely operative in those who consistently prefer Bondage/S&M-style interaction (not me...).

    That said, for me "rough," or I guess "assertive" might be a better term, sex often does have it's place. Generally there's some emtional context for such instances, some dynamic in the relationship that redistributing the flow and intensity of attention during lovemaking helps re-equilibriate. I find myself occassionally craving rougher, more forceful sex following an argument, for example, or when it feels like my partner's adopted an excessively passive role in the relationship in general. In those cases, I suppose you could construe passion from the relative roughness, and by extension reestablish a sense of "connectedness" to a partner, as you put it. Case in point, I never go for "rough" in relationships in which there's no sense of emotional investment.

    Just my $.02. Good questions, though.
     
  9. Drifterwood

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    Wow, what a bump.

    We were touching upon pain thresholds in another thread and wished to discuss it. So here we are.

    I explored pain a few years ago. I had a problem dishing it out, because as a fairly big guy, I was always taught to be careful of my strength especially with women. So spanking them as if I meant it was quite difficult, though once I did get it right. I understand that this woman wanted to be thrashed realistically, and that other women would rather just explore boundaries. I am probably better suited to the latter.

    The problem I had in receiving pain was/is my apparently very high threshold for pain. I have done a couple of dumb things in the past such as betting on stubbing out cigarettes on my hand and pinching straight through the skin on my forearm. I was quite capable to do these things and not blink. So when a partner tried to spank me, even with an implement, I am afraid that I just ended up giggling.

    She ddn't want to go further, because to do so would likely have caused serious physical damage. I have no desire for CBT, so my pain career basically stopped. Though I am still attracted to the whole area of women who explore this experience.
     
  10. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    My doctor says I have a rather high pain tolerance.

    The high pain tolerance seems to apply even more during sex - it has to hurt quite a lot to break through the floaty feeling and let me really FEEL it, instead of just registering the existence of the pain with some distant part of my brain. And I DO want to feel it. Pain during sex makes my orgasms sooo much more intense. Biting and scratching pain is the best, but other kinds are great too if they're what's on offer.
     
  11. Drifterwood

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    I would consider this different to BDSM, SG. I have found what you like to be actually very common, even fairly rough pussy play. I am not sure that I would put this in the same place as BDSM, but then I know very little about these things. One is enhancing the orgasm/sexual experience, the other seems to me at least to be a wholly separate exploration.
     
  12. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    From what I've gathered (I could be wrong), the kind of pain most commonly enjoyed during sex is pleasure-pain. However, I still believe those people who enjoy pleasure-pain are masochists, even though it may be very low level masochism.

    As long as it is in a sexual context however, pain itself gives me orgasms. Not pleasure-pain, but straight pain. I've not yet found anyone who has given pain to the level I want/need it.


    I'm a little confused as to where your separation of 'one' and 'the other' lies in this instance. What are examples of what you see as 'enhancing the orgasm/sexual experience', and examples of 'a wholly separate exploration'.
     
  13. blutrane

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    Reading this, I can't help but feel that we'd be incredibly compatible lovers...

    I've recently discovered that I'm into a little pain. I have yet to explore this fully. As for women, it's always been a bit of a mystery to me as to why they enjoy pain, outside of its more obvious relationship to the desire to be dominated on some level. But there is something about that intensity. The strong juxtaposition of contrasts is compelling in any form of expression. As if pleasure itself is heightened by its close proximity to its opposite.

    Regardless, I think it's important to be able to distinguish between bad pain and (hurts so) good pain. Any advice on that front, ladies?
     
  14. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I assume you mean giving it, rather than taking it, considering your first sentence :tongue:


    Lack of opportunity, or because it's a new discovery?


    For me it just seems biologically hard wired. Pain during sex has always felt good.


    You mean, in recognising the differences in a partner?
     
  15. fire77

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    Pleasurable pain makes me orgasm a lot harder but like what some of the girls said, nothing that leaves bruises, cuts or bad marks.
     
  16. Drifterwood

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    The former happens as part of the sex. You're fucking me, going down on me (I'm talking as a woman :eek:), I want you to spank my arse, my pussy, bite my nipples, my lips, nip my labia etc etc to enhance the orgasm/experience.

    The latter is a specific planned exploration of the effects of pain, control, abuse even and submission.

    I see the latter as being on a different level to the former.
     
  17. blutrane

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    Both. I was actually referring to taking, but it's DEFINITELY both. I'm attracted to the potentially overwhelming intensity of it.

    It's a relatively new thing. My partner before last new how to do it right.

    Yes. I guess I'm afraid of misreading bad pain as good pain, and then just plowing away unawares. I can be spacy at inopportune moments and sometimes lose awareness of important things. :redface:
     
  18. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

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    For me as a Sadist I get off on inflicting pain because I get the reaction and I get to watch them process it.
    The session really doesn't even have to have a sexual context for me to get aroused from inflicting the pain.
    The rush, the mind fuck, the sounds they make and the way I mark up their skin, the tears running down their faces arouses me to nth degree.

    On the other side of the coin...the more aroused I am the greater my already high pain threshold rises.
    It no long registers as pain but as a sexual stimulant.
     
  19. blutrane

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    Wow. That's really out.

    To each their own, I suppose...
     
  20. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

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    Yes..I'm lucky that I also get off on straight vanilla sex as well and my range of sexual tastes and appetites are broad.
     
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