I'm interested in the nature vs nurture argument for your same sex attraction. Do you think you were born gay and that you would be gay regardless of what environment you were raised or do you think that something in your upbringing or early experiences tipped your attraction to the same sex?
Poll for Gay Men Only
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crescendo69
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Well, a very spoiled little girlfriend at 6 or 7, an unaffectionate father, an older brother who despised me, and a very emotional mother may have caused me to crave the attention of guys. But I was so shy I avoided most any sexual contact until my 20's, when my first relationship taught me to make love. My parents were very kind and providing, however. Both older brothers are straight as arrows, so this may be in part the "youngest brother craves attention of men" syndrome.
First of all... does it matter?
This argument always enrages me.... because I see both!
My mother was domineering, but I was a loyal subject. My father was a boxer, tough and a rager... but, he would cringe in emotional fear at the right moment and cry like a puppy dog.
I wanted to please... from an early age... I threw my bottle out of the crib... I remember... because my mother told me good boys don't need their bottle.
When I was 4, I went outside to play with a neighbor kid (normal then)... we found a mud puddle, stripped our clothes and were comparing dicks (normal for that age)... I was WHIPPED by my mother... ("You will not be like your FATHER!")
I learned that "fun" needed to be not seen... I learned that cocks were not to be seen... I learned that if I wanted to enjoy my cock, it was not allowed.....
So.... maybe society was against me...
I know I wanted to TRY TO BE HETEROsexual..... I WAS married for 3 years.
But, in the end... I played with dolls, I was a loner... I got lost in BEWITCHED and disappeared.
This argument always enrages me.... because I see both!
My mother was domineering, but I was a loyal subject. My father was a boxer, tough and a rager... but, he would cringe in emotional fear at the right moment and cry like a puppy dog.
I wanted to please... from an early age... I threw my bottle out of the crib... I remember... because my mother told me good boys don't need their bottle.
When I was 4, I went outside to play with a neighbor kid (normal then)... we found a mud puddle, stripped our clothes and were comparing dicks (normal for that age)... I was WHIPPED by my mother... ("You will not be like your FATHER!")
I learned that "fun" needed to be not seen... I learned that cocks were not to be seen... I learned that if I wanted to enjoy my cock, it was not allowed.....
So.... maybe society was against me...
I know I wanted to TRY TO BE HETEROsexual..... I WAS married for 3 years.
But, in the end... I played with dolls, I was a loner... I got lost in BEWITCHED and disappeared.
As far back as I can remember (to age 4 or so) I knew I was different from most everyone else, but I didn't understand how I was different until I started puberty at a rather early age (around age 11).
I never did like any of the typical "girl stuff", like playing with dolls or playing house or playing dress-up. But then again, I didn't like a lot of the typical "boy stuff" either, like playing with toy trucks or toy soldiers. All of that seemed a little silly and pointless to me, even at that young age. I was much happier going camping or exploring the woods near our house, or reading.
One of my brothers is 14 months different in age, and we were often treated somewhat like twins, so we received pretty much the same nurture and nature, but he's straight and I'm gay; so I'm leaning toward the "it's an innate part of a person" argument.
I never did like any of the typical "girl stuff", like playing with dolls or playing house or playing dress-up. But then again, I didn't like a lot of the typical "boy stuff" either, like playing with toy trucks or toy soldiers. All of that seemed a little silly and pointless to me, even at that young age. I was much happier going camping or exploring the woods near our house, or reading.
One of my brothers is 14 months different in age, and we were often treated somewhat like twins, so we received pretty much the same nurture and nature, but he's straight and I'm gay; so I'm leaning toward the "it's an innate part of a person" argument.
crescendo69
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From the wide variety of gay men I've seen, I'll bet there is a wide variety of causes, both genetic and environmental - each case having more of one than the other. Maybe my genetic/environmental ratio would be 40%/60%.
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I was born queer. It took several years to really figure it out and make sure it could not be attributed to any sexual abuse (of which there was some). Then I looked back and recalled wanting to marry the preacher at age 5 and the gym teacher and then another gym teacher and the service station attendant and the owner of the same place and the friendly police officer and--well, basically half the men I saw in person or on television or on the cover of a record album. That about clinched for me that I had always been queer and that the marriages were just a passing phase. And there too, in the marriages, I fantasized about men while doing the evil deed with Shriek and Scream (the Tweedle wives). If all that wasn't enough, the fact is that I married women because I was attracted to their fathers--I wonder what Freud would have said about this. Of course if I had been asked if I was a queer I would have pouted flounced around in protest and denied it all (yes, thrown a hissy fit).
*nose twitch* you are now cured.:smile: It really doesn't matter, it's not like we can change anything but it is interesting how we all got here. I loved my GI Joes and Andora too.
Lots of guys were close to their ma's, I don't think that influenced me.
I had crushes on both girls and boys during grade school. But I was always facinated by the male body. I think what tipped me towards guys was falling in love with a friend at the end of high school and losing my virginity with him.
Camping and exploring woods are still very popular activities for gay men. :tongue:
But now I would choose it if I could.
Wow, if we could all be as well adjusted. Man-sex is great though isn't it?
I guess you were born feet first and when they slapped you on the ass, out came an Ethel Merman tune. :biggrin1:
I thought there were some girl bullies that tipped you, Onslow. Maybe they just confirmed it for you. :tongue:
Wow,you are a therapist's dream! I had a distant father, overbearing older sister, and smothering mother but I had crushes on girls. Go figure. I'm leaning on that I was born bisexual and later moved to the dark side. :tongue: But I think it was set by the time I was about 17.
Heather LouAnna
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I'm a female and I voted. Your sexist thread hurts my vagina's soul.
What did you vote for?:smile: Other? I guess girls with strap-ons can be considered gay. Welcome to the club Heather.
dufus
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There were no early experiences with me. The first time I realized that I might be different was when I heard my father and some ladies in his office talking about the son of another lady in the office. I was too young to understand fully and they were careful not to say anything specific, but I somehow identified with him. He was older than I was and I don't think I ever saw him but once.
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I can remember as early as third grade thinking other boys asses were cute and thinking that girl's asses were not cute. Not knowing about the gay life style, I went through a time wishing I were female so I could marry some of those boys.
Of course when I found out about gay life, that changed. I have no desire to be a woman. But I am still turned on by men's asses.
Onslow made a point that I will agree with. I too fantasized about men when having sex with my wife. She is through with sex now and has no desire for it. So we are still married and I carry out my fantasies here.
And we do love each other and enjoy each other's company. There just isn't any sexual attraction on my part. Not sure about her though.
Of course when I found out about gay life, that changed. I have no desire to be a woman. But I am still turned on by men's asses.
Onslow made a point that I will agree with. I too fantasized about men when having sex with my wife. She is through with sex now and has no desire for it. So we are still married and I carry out my fantasies here.
And we do love each other and enjoy each other's company. There just isn't any sexual attraction on my part. Not sure about her though.
I said camping, not being campy. And by exploring the woods, I meant actually going out hiking, not hanging out in a patch of trees near the rest stop looking for tricks!
There are, of course, a few exceptions, but most of the gay men I have ever known respond by saying, "Camping? You mean like out in the wilderness? EEEWWWW, with all those bugs and no showers and no dance floor? NO WAY!!!"
Oh, yes. The question -- I answered it "both," because I've been gay as long as I can remember and had the classic domineering mother, absent father as long as I can remember.
NCbear (who's going to a family reunion tomorrow and introducing his boyfriend to his extended redneck family, so his stress levels are increasing with no end in sight.... :biggrin1: )
NCbear (who's going to a family reunion tomorrow and introducing his boyfriend to his extended redneck family, so his stress levels are increasing with no end in sight....
:biggrin1: )Similar threads
