I am very much polyamorous. So is my husband. At one point we had a quad going, but its kind of broken down naturally the past few weeks. The problem is, i fell for one of the other members in the quad. I dont know how to tell my husband this, and we agreed in contract on no separate boyfriends. Meaning we share everyone we find. Help!
integritymatters
Superior Member
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2020
- Posts
- 2,305
- Media
- 43
- Likes
- 5,158
- Points
- 533
- Location
- New Jersey, United States of America
- Sexuality
- 69% Gay, 31% Straight
- Gender
- Male
I think it would be easier to file for divorce from your husband first, and then (if you can) move from your home, and after you move, move your new boyfriend into the home.
integritymatters
Superior Member
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2020
- Posts
- 2,305
- Media
- 43
- Likes
- 5,158
- Points
- 533
- Location
- New Jersey, United States of America
- Sexuality
- 69% Gay, 31% Straight
- Gender
- Male
The only problem you'd have, is if one of you doesn't want to file for divorce, you will still have a romantic attraction to this other man - which will weigh on you (I've been there, as I'm poly myself).
if he was previously a member of your 'quad' then presumably your hubby knows him as well and as up for poly why not just make it tri thing??
Unless you're saying that all 4 have fallen out and now no-one wants to see anyone else in which case as with an extra marital affair you have to weigh up the pros and cons of going with a new person and the impacts if found out?
but you must have good communication if you were previously in a quad/poly situation, so why not just talk about your situation with your hubby and be honest if there are issues you both need to resolve?
Unless you're saying that all 4 have fallen out and now no-one wants to see anyone else in which case as with an extra marital affair you have to weigh up the pros and cons of going with a new person and the impacts if found out?
but you must have good communication if you were previously in a quad/poly situation, so why not just talk about your situation with your hubby and be honest if there are issues you both need to resolve?
This is my thought as well. You know that being poly takes a lot of communication and work, and you must have pulled it off if you had a successful quad for a while, so why not start by talking to your husband about how you feel? Be open about your feelings and maybe float changing the rules of your situation to allow for you to be a hinge or maybe you three can try a triad (unless the falling off left some bad feelings, though it doesn't sound that way).
Similar threads
